Does anyone actually do the Ferber method with their babies?

[missypie]

There is one thing that this thread does make clear: There are many different view points on this subject. SO, if you have any kind of child care for your baby, make sure you are on the same page! Babies probably do well on CIO or snuggle-till-they-sleep...but if you have mom doing one thing and nanny doing the opposite, I bet that would lead to problems.

 

[AllyandJack]

It crosses the line to offensive when you go from giving advice based on experience and your preferences to outright criticizing other people as bad mothers and uninformed.

I appreciate that everyone has a different view of things. And, I appreciate advice based on your experience and what you found to work best for your family. I shared my experiences and how I do things. However, I didn't cross the line and criticize your choices (not that I'm saying I was singled out....I'm speaking in general terms), even though I disagree.

Maybe I should....but, it would be offensive. Plus, how is that helpful to anyone? It's not.

Why can't we just give advice and share experiences? Why does it have to turn into "you're not as good a mother and you're not as educated"? IMO, anyone who has to punctuate a point with a criticism shouldn't be taken seriously and, perhaps, has doubts about that advice.

 

[va32h]

Woooaa'.....
Actually I never said those words & the Op was referring to a video, not you!!!
I never said I didn't approve of your parenting, maybe of your reading skills though! When people get nasty & rude it is usually because they are defensive....or "hacked off" as you put it!
I didn't imply anything about how much people love their child, I was talking about sleep conditioning......you need to chill!!!
And I guess its OK to imply bad things about the OP & make snide comments just because you don't agree!!

Oh bull. You said in your original post that parents who let their child CIO made you sick. What is that supposed to mean exactly?

Oh wait, that's right - you don't think we are bad people, just sadly misinformed.

 

[Bob Slydell]

When people get nasty & rude it is usually because they are defensive....or "hacked off" as you put it!

A classic bulletin board response -- because people were insulted by the tone of the OP's post, they must have taken it personally.

 

[bamajill]

If this wasn't so sad, it would be funny.
I tried to us CIO but I caved. It took me six years to get a good nights sleep . I don't think it hurt my kids that I tried it...and I don't think it hurt them that I caved. I might have been happier if I had been able to stick with it but for whatever reason...I could never stick with it.

I would like to ask all those who feel children are literally scarred for life by this CIO method....when these children grow into teens & adults...do you think you can pick them from a crowd? Are they the ones who are abusing drugs & alcohol? What exactly, is the result of the isolation that their parents have inflicted upon them? I'm serious...not trying to be a smart-***.

I would bet ya a bazillion dollars just as many children who grow up in AP type homes end up with 'issues' as those who have parents who don't follow that style.

And to say that those who use CIO are so busy defending their point of view that they can't stop long enough to be 'enlightened'....give me a break.

Parenting is tough sometimes. And the getting the kids to sleep part is just the teeny-tiny tip of the iceburg. I hope that everyone who thinks they have all the answers are prepared for the teen years.

Good luck.

 

[Maleficent13]

And I guess its OK to imply bad things about the OP & make snide comments just because you don't agree!!

This is called the "she started it" philosophy.

Without getting involved in the CIO/Ferber debate at all, and not stating on which side I am personally, let me say this.

I would never say boo to anyone about their childrearing philosophy. It would never occur to me to do so. However, if my childrearing philosophy was questioned using words such as "cruel" and "uninformed", well, that's fine. Just be prepared to hear what I think of your childrearing philosophy in return.

It ain't the topic, it's the delivery.

 

[3jsmommy]

A classic bulletin board response -- because people were insulted by the tone of the OP's post, they must have taken it personally.

You read all of the responses & you mean to tell me nonone took it personally?!

 

[3jsmommy]

Oh bull. You said in your original post that parents who let their child CIO made you sick. What is that supposed to mean exactly?

Oh wait, that's right - you don't think we are bad people, just sadly misinformed.

I am not the OP, but I think she said the method made her sick
Take a breath & get you posters right!

 

[lulugirl]

Yes, some people "actually" use the Ferber method, but you obviously already knew that when you started this mean-spirited, ignorant thread.

 

[3jsmommy]

This is called the "she started it" philosophy.

Without getting involved in the CIO/Ferber debate at all, and not stating on which side I am personally, let me say this.

I would never say boo to anyone about their childrearing philosophy. It would never occur to me to do so. However, if my childrearing philosophy was questioned using words such as "cruel" and "uninformed", well, that's fine. Just be prepared to hear what I think of your childrearing philosophy in return.

It ain't the topic, it's the delivery.

I don't think the OP started off trying to offend anyone personally, it wasn't until the pack attacked that her tone changed!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Momof3~ you are touching a nerve that has probably bothered them before, some times when the defenses are up so high there is no way of taking advice, because you are to busy defending yourself to youself KWM?

Some on this thread are crunchier than the OP has ever been. Snarkiness is just that, however. Regardless of the topic.

ps...OP...still wondering how your baby is surviving for so long in the dark?

 

[eeyoremum]

No, but some young, uninformed moms might take that kind of advice as fact without knowing there are other ways to comfort your baby. For example, I knew someone that was actually guilty that they cuddled their baby to sleep because her MIL was telling her that was not the right way to do it.

I was the person that posted earlier, we sleeped with our babies, we sleep they sleep, life was good. (just to say who I was).

Anyway, I was a young mother, 23 (I know not really young but younger than all my friends now having babies, 36). So here I was in hospital for over a week due to complications at birth. The nurse and I had this nonverbal "fight" over my baby every night. She would come in and talk the baby from my arms and put him in the crib beside me then leave the room. I would get up, no easy task, take my son and go back to bed. Fast forward 5 years DS#2. Again, complications at birth, in hospital a week. This time however being older I decided I was just going to tell whoever to MYOB and leave me alone. Didn't need to. As soon as the nurse saw that I was a cosleeper she brought me this thing to go over the bars of the hospital bed so he would not fall through.

Why share this story, #1 to say that young mothers know there minds, CIO or cosleep and #2 to show you how ideas have changed. The hospital was willing to allow me to cosleep, they may not have agreed but they did not stop me either.

Everyone I know hasseled me about our cosleeping. Parents, inlaws, siblings, friends. I just smiled and did my own thing. A coworker even had the nerve to ask me how my husband and I had to put it nicely "personal time" . Well, we have 2 kids and they BOTH were with us until they were in school and they are 5 years appart.

 

[lulugirl]

I don't think the OP started off trying to offend anyone personally, it wasn't until the pack attacked that her tone changed!

Seriously?
I found the thread title and the Op incredibly obnoxious.
.....for the record I don't have a strong opinion either way regarding CIO.

 

[kerrynic78]

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

This article is really interesting, I've been tempted to email it to my CIO friends
I don't see anything wrong w/ discussing different philosophies as long as you don't try to push yours on other people!

If one of my friends ever sent me an article about the evils of CIO or forcing my baby to sleep in her own room, knowing those were methods I used, you can be sure they would no longer be my friend. I would NEVER, ever be tempted to do such a thing, I would consider it to be quite pathetic.

 

[CrazyFool]

I don't think the OP started off trying to offend anyone personally, it wasn't until the pack attacked that her tone changed!

Sure, if you don't count Post #1 in the thread when she basically states that people who use CIO/Ferber are horrible parents and that the method makes her physically sick.

That's not judgemental, offensive, or mean-spirited, right? Do you really think the OP created the thread because she was honestly interested to learn more about the method?

 

[poohandwendy]

Didn't follow any particular method, but did allow my kids to CIO. (I used a similar method as what beth mentions on the first page, regarding 5 minutes, then check on the baby, back in the crib, etc)

In my experience, it's best for babies to learn to fall asleep on their own. One of my biggest mistakes was forming the pattern of nursing my firstborn to sleep the same way, each and every time. It made it much harder for her when she was older to fall asleep without the perfect conditions.

I couldn't care less what other people think of my methods. To each their own.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Ignore. I decided it wasn't very nice.

 

[3jsmommy]

I guess I was just happy to see someone else say what I am always tempted to say to my pro CIO friends when THEY bring up this method & question my son nursing still.
I admit that IRL I do not want to say these things to them because I don't want to offend them...I didn't realize someone on a message board could click on a thread & think that the OP is attacking them personally!
I do agree w/ the OP's view on CIO & have been frustrated personally by people trying to push it on me, but honestly not as offended as some people have been on this thread, which I find strange & was my frame of thought when I referred to the "touching a nerve".
Did that make any sense?
About the article I said TEMPTED, after listening to them rant about how I should do CIO!
I'm done, OP good luck!!

 

[missypie]

I will say that I would be offended if anyone (that I knew personally) tried to "Push" any particular method of child rearing on me. Discussing....fine. Sharing what works....fine. But pushing...no way.

Actually, we should all pat ourselves on our collective backs for CARING and THINKING about these types of issues. Unfortunately, there are lots of unwanted children out there whose parents don't think a second about these issues.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Yes, some people "actually" use the Ferber method, but you obviously already knew that when you started this mean-spirited, ignorant thread.

There you go, the OP got an "answer" to her "question". Is that all she wanted to know? Or was there some other reason for this thread?