Does anyone actually do the Ferber method with their babies?

[puffkin]

My son is a FANTASTIC sleeper and eater. Those things he has mastered, but he has plenty of other issues.

I am a BIG believer in routine. When we stray from our routine (like on vacation, holidays, etc) we seem to have problems but still nothing bad. I used a modified Ferber method.

Our routine is brush teeth, bath, get PJ's on, turn music on, dim lights, mommy holds for a few minutes while he drinks some water (just a few ounces), mommy rocks him for a minute or two and cuddles and says I Love you, tucks him in, say Mommy Loves You, Go to sleep and leave. Some nights we skip the bath, but everything else is the same. He goes right to sleep even now that we had to put him in a toddler bed and could get up.

I know the one or two minutes I spend holding/rocking him go against a lot of the Ferber beliefs, but it is a time I treasure. I work FT so this is the only time I really ever get to hold him anymore. Most nights though as soon as he finishes his drink he points at the bed and wants to go in there.

Unless he is sick, the few times he does wake up at night crying we just go in, give him a hug/kiss, tuck him back in and tell him to go to sleep. Except for one or two nights (in hindsight I think they were both teething related) he has gone to sleep just fine.

 

[AllyandJack]

I didn't use Ferber, exactly, but we did and do let her cry.

First of all, co-sleeping is not for us. It's great if it's for you, but it's not for us. When DD was an infant, she was in a co-sleeper attached to the bed. But, she grew and now she's in her crib. We knew from the starting point that her sleeping in our bed wasn't an option.

When we put her in her crib at 5 months, she slept great. In fact, she slep better than when she was in our room. Then, she got a cold.

And, we let her sleep in her bouncy chair. Well, she's in the 98th percentile for height and the bouncy chair is a thing of the past. Tell that to her! She refused to sleep laying down at all.

So, last week, we put her in her crib and she cried. And she cried. And we rubbed her back and talked to her. And, she fell asleep. The next night, she cried less and we stood there and just talked to her - didn't touch her - and she went to sleep.

After that, she goes to sleep with no problems.

She does wake up in the night now and then. We listen for a bit while she whines and, most of the time, she goes back to sleep. If she cries for more than 10 minutes, we go in and tell her we're here and it's OK and she goes back to sleep.

That's what works for me. I have my own opinions about co-sleeping in a family bed, but if it works for you, go for it. As long as you're not in MY bed, I don't care.

DD's room isn't dark. She's has an adorable Classic Pooh nightlight.

 

[va32h]

Does anyone actual do this to their babies? It would physically make me sick if I left my baby in a cold dark room by himself and let him cry.
The parents in this video say something about not wanting him to get addicted to all that affection. That is horrible! Of course a baby is going to want to be held and cuddled!
What do others think about this video?
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-ferber-method_1487482.bc

Well I'm not going to watch the video, as I am at work, but I don't equate crying it out with "alone in a cold dark room".

I never left my babies in the cold! Nor in the dark, for that matter. If they were fed, dry, well, warm and cozy, in their crib with plenty of toys and a soft nightlight that played music...sorry, I just can't call that torture.

I have three children, ages 12, 7, and 4. Once they were past the age of needed to be fed during the night, all of them cried it out once or twice (it's been awhile, so I'm fuzzy on the details!)

None of them hates me or needs therapy or is unable to form attachments to other people or anything like that. They receive lots of affection from me during the day, I don't feel the need to continue to hug and hold them while they are asleep as well.

When they were babies - well it's hard to resist a snuggly little baby! I'm sure I carried and cuddled and rocked them as much as I could. But I had a spouse and a house and other children to attend to and it just wasn't practical to devote all 24 hours to holding one child. Example: Child A 3 years old, awakes in the night vomiting. Child B (a baby) wakes up as well and starts fussing. What's a mom to do? Dad is away on business. So the baby gets to cry while Child A gets a bath and his sheets changed. Baby fusses for a bit and goes back to sleep. Was baby deprived? Did baby suffer? Would it have been better to let Child A sit there coated in his own vomit while mommy raced to the crib to comfort crying baby?

(And that's a true life example btw!)

 

[momof3disneyholics]

You are so right, Briarmom. The wonderful thing about parenting is that there's no one right way to do it, but instead many wonderful ways. It's fine to explain what did and didn't work for us, but everyone finds their own way.

I agree completely, but I do think that people really need to see all sides of it and do the research on no matter what choice they are making. Don't always just think your baby is stubborn because they won't go to sleep on their own like the baby's parents in the video thought.
Also, doing what "feels" right is usually the right choice for them. If that means holding and cuddling their baby, then do it.

 

[3jsmommy]

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

This article is really interesting, I've been tempted to email it to my CIO friends
I think CIO is so unnatural, I know why some parents resort to it but I can't stand it!
What is the Dad in that video afraid of his son being "addicted" to knowing his parents are always there to comfort him, that they don't ignore him?
I have a best friend & a cousin who use this sleep conditioning method & they feel the need to tell me to do it w/ my 14 month old all the time!!
BTW he is my third so why would I suddenly change my philosophy? I should mention to them that if he needs to nurse at 2am I let him, that would give them something to talk about! I love Dr. Sears' philosophy, which is basically the opposite of Ferbers. I don't think its a Mommy wars issue either, I think its just a totally different way of thinking, some people can take off the "mommy hat" at night, mines on permanently which works great for us!
I do agree that Moms should support one another, I wish my friends would stop pushing their philosophy on me. I would feel bad telling them how I really feel, saying it here is not personally offending anyone. I don't see anything wrong w/ discussing different philosophies as long as you don't try to push yours on other people!

 

[becka]

No, I just always thought the parents should put the comfort of the child before their own comfort.
And yes, I think it is cruel to leave a child in a dark room by themselves. The dark can be very disorienting and frightening, even for adults sometimes.
I don't think I love my children anymore than other parents that choose to let their children cry it out, I just think I'm a little better informed on some things because I choose to be.

Yes because those of us who let our babies cry for 5-10 minutes were so comforted by it.

This whole debate really is a strange one for me. I don't care where and how you or your children sleep. I do care where I and my children sleep. I let mine cry a little bit now and then and I don't think they have been traumatized in anyway. I don't think that those who co-sleep/AP, etc.. are all crazy nut jobs who can't let go. I also don't think that those who choose to CIO are all evil baby haters either. I don't understand where this perception of letting a baby cry is practically equivalent to torture or something (a dark cold sterile room where they have nothing to comfort them).

When your kids are toddlers and cry and pitch a fit do you still feel the same way? That letting them cry when they obviously want attention is a terrible thing to do and that those of us who try to ignore the fit are making terrible uninformed decisions?

 

[Chloe'sMom]

No, I just always thought the parents should put the comfort of the child before their own comfort.
And yes, I think it is cruel to leave a child in a dark room by themselves. The dark can be very disorienting and frightening, even for adults sometimes.
I don't think I love my children anymore than other parents that choose to let their children cry it out, I just think I'm a little better informed on some things because I choose to be.

Ah - so anyone who chooses to let their babies CIO or use the Ferber method are stupid and uninformed? You are of obviously higher intelligence.

~Amanda

 

[meandtheguys2]

LOL, dang...how did you get that womb of yours illumimated?

You are projecting your feelings onto a baby.

 

[sha_lyn]

A couple of things really bother me about the video...

I'm a bit confussed about what they were saying about the music. It sounds as if they took away soothing music in addtion to the pacifier when starting the Ferber method. IMHO they took away took much at once that their baby was used to.
I find it really sad they admit the method failed for them, but the mother said she would try it again later.

I much prefer Dr Sears Method, which is right along with what our Ped recomended
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-sears-method_1487508.bc

I do think the Ferber video (as does the Sears )does raise a good point. Talk to the Dr first and rule out any medical/pain issues.
On the very rare case where we heard of Ferber or other CIO methods being "to blame" for harm it is because the parents didn't really follow the book(ie there has been babies who were severly dehydrated because the parents tried to get them to CIO when they were too young to go all night without a feeding) and/or didn't rule out anything medical.

 

[wvjules]

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

I don't think its a Mommy wars issue either, I think its just a totally different way of thinking, some people can take off the "mommy hat" at night, mines on permanently which works great for us!

Honestly, waht does that mean? Are you saying that those that don't follow "your" method are only mom's between the hours of 6am and 9pm?

 

[Beth76]

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

This article is really interesting, I've been tempted to email it to my CIO friends
I think CIO is so unnatural, I know why some parents resort to it but I can't stand it!

I'm sorry, but CIO is "unnatural" because none of the other lesser species do it? I'd like to think we've evolved better than that.

 

[va32h]

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

This article is really interesting, I've been tempted to email it to my CIO friends
I think CIO is so unnatural, I know why some parents resort to it but I can't stand it!
What is the Dad in that video afraid of his son being "addicted" to knowing his parents are always there to comfort him, that they don't ignore him?
I have a best friend & a cousin who use this sleep conditioning method & they feel the need to tell me to do it w/ my 14 month old all the time!!
BTW he is my third so why would I suddenly change my philosophy? I should mention to them that if he needs to nurse at 2am I let him, that would give them something to talk about! I love Dr. Sears' philosophy, which is basically the opposite of Ferbers. I don't think its a Mommy wars issue either, I think its just a totally different way of thinking, some people can take off the "mommy hat" at night, mines on permanently which works great for us!
I do agree that Moms should support one another, I wish my friends would stop pushing their philosophy on me. I would feel bad telling them how I really feel, saying it here is not personally offending anyone. I don't see anything wrong w/ discussing different philosophies as long as you don't try to push yours on other people!

Wow. I just think that's a really, really mean thing to say. Moms who use CIO just don't want to be moms at night?

I take issue with that and I'm insulted by that. How dare you, really? You don't know any of the women on this thread, how dare you imply that they are selfishly refusing to mother at night?

There is more than one way to wear the mother hat.

And calling people "unnatural" as well. I mean really. Who died and made you the arbiter of what is natural and normal?

 

[momof3disneyholics]

When your kids are toddlers and cry and pitch a fit do you still feel the same way? That letting them cry when they obviously want attention is a terrible thing to do and that those of us who try to ignore the fit are making terrible uninformed decisions?

Letting them cry when they want a cookie or a toy in a store is much different than letting them cry when they want to be comforted and loved.

 

[Beth76]

Honestly, waht does that mean? Are you saying that those that don't follow "your" method are only mom's between the hours of 6am and 9pm?

Well I guess I can take off "mommy hat" because my kids are asleep at night.

 

[nuke]

I agree completely, but I do think that people really need to see all sides of it and do the research on no matter what choice they are making. Don't always just think your baby is stubborn because they won't go to sleep on their own like the baby's parents in the video thought.
Also, doing what "feels" right is usually the right choice for them. If that means holding and cuddling their baby, then do it.

Do you personally know the family in the video? Because how would you know that the child isn't stubborn?

Yes babies can be stubborn. Just like toddlers, children, and some adults who only think their way is the right way.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Ah - so anyone who chooses to let their babies CIO or use the Ferber method are stupid and uninformed? You are of obviously higher intelligence.

~Amanda

No, but some young, uninformed moms might take that kind of advice as fact without knowing there are other ways to comfort your baby. For example, I knew someone that was actually guilty that they cuddled their baby to sleep because her MIL was telling her that was not the right way to do it.

Now, continue with the snarkiness...

 

[dcgrumpy]

Honestly, waht does that mean? Are you saying that those that don't follow "your" method are only mom's between the hours of 6am and 9pm?

All 3 of mine were sleeping through the night buy the time they were 5 weeks old. I guess I should have been waking them up so I could keep "mothering" all night.

 

[Chloe'sMom]

The OP is being judegmental of the people in the video. Is it your video?
Have you watched it?

No it is not my video, no I haven't watched it as I am at work.

But yes she is judging anyone who uses the method. Look at the titled - "Does anyone actually do the Ferber method?" Already there is judgement.

 

[Beth76]

Letting them cry when they want a cookie or a toy in a store is much different than letting them cry when they want to be comforted and loved.

But there are appropriate times to be comforted and loved. The middle of the night is not the time for that. The middle of the night is not social time, it's sleep time.

And just because a baby is crying doesn't mean they're upset or scared. That's the only way babies can vocally communicate. They could very well be saying "mom, get your butt in here and play with me NOW!!"

 

[Chloe'sMom]

No, but some young, uninformed moms might take that kind of advice as fact without knowing there are other ways to comfort your baby. For example, I knew someone that was actually guilty that they cuddled their baby to sleep because her MIL was telling her that was not the right way to do it.

Now, continue with the snarkiness...

Then that person was an idiot. You automatically assume anyone who does use the method is uninformed.

Would it be okay with you if I said "People who do not vacinate their children and home school are uninfomred?"

~Amanda