Does anyone actually do the Ferber method with their babies?

[momof3disneyholics]

Does anyone actual do this to their babies? It would physically make me sick if I left my baby in a cold dark room by himself and let him cry.
The parents in this video say something about not wanting him to get addicted to all that affection. That is horrible! Of course a baby is going to want to be held and cuddled!
What do others think about this video?
http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-sleep-the-ferber-method_1487482.bc

 

[Mickeyluver37]

OH boy, I hope you are wearing a flame suit, LOL.

I am 100% against CIO, and I've seen threads about this before, and I KNOW we're in the minority here. (Sorry, can't watch the video at work right now. )

 

[missypie]

I didn't watch the video, but we always had a 5 minute rule. Feed and change baby, then put happy baby in crib. Leave the room. If the baby cries more than 5 minutes, go back to comfort. With three babies, we had to go back a total of TWICE. The rest of the time they stopped crying within the 5 minutes.

 

[KirstenB]

Is the Ferber method otherwise known as crying it out? If so, then yes, I let both children cry it out as a way of teaching them to fall to sleep in their own cribs. If they cried for more than 5 minutes, I went to soothe them, and put them back in their crib. I repeat this as needed. Both children are terrific sleepers now (youngest is 2).

By the way, I missed the part where they made the room "cold".

 

[momof3disneyholics]

OH boy, I hope you are wearing a flame suit, LOL.

I am 100% against CIO, and I've seen threads about this before, and I KNOW we're in the minority here. (Sorry, can't watch the video at work right now. )

No words can bother me! This video just seemed so horrible. I can't imagine anyone not wanting to give their child love and attention when they need it. It got even worse when the baby in the video was teething! Then he was in pain and they still wouldn't give him the attention he needed!
The worst was when they said the baby was just stubborn!

 

[MichelleVW]

I had one child that I don't think that would have worked for. She is very stubborn (even as a small baby). When she hit 12 months she would fall asleep in her bed then 2 hours later wake up crying....we tried letting her "cry it out" but she would scream for hours on end and then throw up in her bed. Well, I had to be at work the next day, so forget ferber!! She slept in the bed with me from 12 months to 16 months, then she decided that her bed was fine and that was the end of the night time screaming.

I tried the "go in every 5 minutes and comfort her" crap..but forget it...it didn't work for her and it didn't bother me those few months she slept in our bed.

 

[sha_lyn]

Is the Ferber method otherwise known as crying it out? If so, then yes, I let both children cry it out as a way of teaching them to fall to sleep in their own cribs. If they cried for more than 5 minutes, I went to soothe them, and put them back in their crib. I repeat this as needed. Both children are terrific sleepers now (youngest is 2).

If you were going in every 5 min (instead of increasing the incriments by 5 min each time) and picking up your child, you were not using the Ferber method.

 

[Beth76]

Didn't watch the video you posted. I didn't follow the Ferber method per se. But yes I let my kids "cry it out". It's my firm belief that if you rock your kids to sleep or some other hands on method, you are doing your child a disservice. Children need to learn to fall asleep on their own--from birth. Believe me, my kids got plenty of love and attention when they were awake. But when it came to sleeping, they needed to do it on their own. You know what our sleep time routine is? Brushing teeth, putting on pjs, read a story, kiss goodnight, turn off light, close the door, child falls asleep. They may have fussed a little at first (when they were very little), but I would swaddle them and leave them. After a few minutes they were fine. And after a few weeks, they stopped crying altogether. Both of my kids were like this every night until maybe around age 3 when they wanted a night light.

I always feel bad for the parents who ask for advice when their kids won't sleep. I truly believe it's something that you need to work on from birth. So I am one of those people who say that yes you can hold a baby too much. You can call me a bad parent if you want. But my kids go to sleep on their own every night.

 

[mjkacmom]

I Ferberized most of my children - increasing the time 5 minutes, until 15 minutes, and then I'd go in every 15 minutes. It was a Godsend. My oldest ds was waking up several times during the night when he was 6 months old, and never napped. After 2 days/nights with the Ferber method, he was a different baby - a happy baby, finally! He slept 12 hours at night, napped 2 hours every morning, 3 every afternoon, and was no longer miserable. Two of my kids never needed it - they were sleeping through at 4 months, and took 2 naps a day. The other three needed to CIO, and then ended up to be wonderful sleepers!

 

[eh24fan]

I kind of did my own thing. With Carson, we have recently let him cry at bedtime. He is 11 months old and was just stubborn. After only 2 nights of crying for about 30 minutes, he has given up and realized bedtime is bedtime. Not "mommy hold me while I sleep all the time" time. He still fusses sometimes but it's more of a protest than a freak out. He has always been a really good sleeper unless he was sick. We had been just putting him to bed with no issues, then in November he had 2 ear infections and just SCREAMED when we laid him down flat. So, we held him. Well, 2 weeks after he finished antibiotics, he was used to it and wouldn't sleep. It wasn't fun listening to him scream, but he was fine and just mad. I didn't go in every few minutes either. All that did was upset him all over again and make it last longer.

 

[Acklander]

I couldn't do it - actually, I couldn't even look at the video, I'm too much of a softie and your description sounds heartbreaking.

I know from previous experience your going to get a LOT of people posting on this thread who will tell you that they used the ferber or CIO method and their kids survived just fine, and that's great for them.

But for those who are uncomfortable with it, and are warned by well meaning friends about the horrors of "spoiling" your babies; I just wanted to let you know that we did the attachment parenting method (co-sleeping, wearing our babies, responding to their cries etc...) and my kids survived just fine, as well. They're not spoiled, they're not clingly, and they have grown into wonderful, independent people without any ill effects; so don't worry about following your heart and doing what works for you and your family.

 

[Beth76]

It would physically make me sick if I left my baby in a cold dark room by himself and let him cry.

OH and a baby would have no reason to be afraid in a dark room. Actually bright lights can be overstimulating to a newborn baby. And my children's rooms were never cold.

 

[dcgrumpy]

OH and a baby would have no reason to be afraid in a dark room. Actually bright lights can be overstimulating to a newborn baby. And my children's rooms were never cold.

ITA. What's wrong with sleeping in a dark room? I don't understand what the OP means by "cold"?

 

[flipflop]

Didn't watch the video you posted. I didn't follow the Ferber method per se. But yes I let my kids "cry it out". It's my firm belief that if you rock your kids to sleep or some other hands on method, you are doing your child a disservice. Children need to learn to fall asleep on their own--from birth. Believe me, my kids got plenty of love and attention when they were awake. But when it came to sleeping, they needed to do it on their own. You know what our sleep time routine is? Brushing teeth, putting on pjs, read a story, kiss goodnight, turn off light, close the door, child falls asleep. They may have fussed a little at first (when they were very little), but I would swaddle them and leave them. After a few minutes they were fine. And after a few weeks, they stopped crying altogether. Both of my kids were like this every night until maybe around age 3 when they wanted a night light.

I always feel bad for the parents who ask for advice when their kids won't sleep. I truly believe it's something that you need to work on from birth. So I am one of those people who say that yes you can hold a baby too much. You can call me a bad parent if you want. But my kids go to sleep on their own every night.

I couldn't have explained our philosophy better. We handled sleeping the same way as you and my triplets are fantastic sleepers. Anyone can put them to bed and they go happily and without fussing. The same with naps.

 

[eeyoremum]

No ferber here. We were family bed people so our kids just slept with us. It was great they sleep we sleep everyone is happy.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

But for those who are uncomfortable with it, and are warned by well meaning friends about the horrors of "spoiling" your babies; I just wanted to let you know that we did the attachment parenting method (co-sleeping, wearing our babies, responding to their cries etc...) and my kids survived just fine, as well. They're not spoiled, they're not clingly, and they have grown into wonderful, independent people without any ill effects; so don't worry about following your heart and doing what works for you and your family.

ITA. I don't understand where the idea comes from that babies "need" to learn to sleep on their own. They eventually figure it out. We also co-sleep. I can't imagine using NON-CIO methods and not co-sleeping. I would have been in and out of the baby's room every hour and no one would have gotten any sleep. With people I know IRL that have the same methods, and there are VERY few, anti-CIO and co-sleeping go hand in hand.

 

[Chloe'sMom]

***WARNING: SNARKY POST IN PROCESS***

OH THE DRAMA!!!
These parents are abusing their children - letting them cry it out - those heartless SOB's they must not love their child as much as I do because I never let my baby cry. They even turned the heat off in the room to make it "cold" and the poor baby is in the DARK. Obviously they should crank up the heat and leave 100watt lightbulbs on as that would be the ideal sleeping environment. Someone call Child Protective Services!

I mean seriously - you choose what is best for you and let others choose what is best for them. Why judge? Why make the assumption that they aren't torn up about their baby crying but after months and months of sleepless nights have decided this may help.

For the record - we let our baby CIO - it took one night. We went in there at 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, and she was asleep. Never had a problem since then unless she was teething. In which case we went in every 5 minutes, gave her tylenol, but let her still figure out how to fall asleep on her own. My baby is a great sleeper - never gives us an issue. Plus she knows she is well loved - shocking I'm sure.

***Snarky post complete***

~Amanda

 

[sha_lyn]

When DD was born we only had 2 bedrooms (DS was in the other room) so DD was in a portacrib right by our bed.
We moved when she was 3 months old but was in the process of fising up our new home, so she was right by our bed for another 3-4 months.

When we tried to move her to her own room I knew it would be a hard adjustment for her. I talked to the ped and she was against Ferber or any of the more "drastic" CIO methods.
1 thing she brought up was that even if we thought our BR room was quiet, it probably wasn't. I realized she was right. The livingroom TV could be heard from our BR, as could normal every day daytime noise as it adjoined the LV and kitchen. So nap time and bed time she could hear us in the rest of the house. Then once both DH and I were in bed she knew we were there.
However her BR was in a quiet corner of the house. Therefore the first thing the Ped sai was go buy her a CD player and CD's that were calming/soothing.

She suggested I start with naps, nurse DD in the rocker, put her in the crib then either sit in the rocker or nap in the floor next to the crib. DD was used to falling alseep while I nursed her and I would usually take a short nap with her in the bed with me, before moving her to the portacrib and leaving the room. Once she was used to naps in the crib, then move onto nightime, doing the same thing. It worked well and wihtin a couple of weeks, she slept all night in her own room.

DS OTOH started out in his own room right away, started sleeping through most of the night (would wake 1x for a bottle) by 3-4 weeks, but developed horrible colic and couldn't sleep unless he was almost upright (swing or in arms) from 3-6 months. For 3 months my sleep consisted of many25 min naps between winding the swing. After that he was good until around 2 and all of a sudden had to sleep with us. We finally put him in a cot in our room just so we could all sleep. However around 3 1/2 he finally wanted to sleep in his own room again

 

[dcgrumpy]

ITA. I don't understand where the idea comes from that babies "need" to learn to sleep on their own. They eventually figure it out. We also co-sleep. I can't imagine using NON-CIO methods and not co-sleeping. I would have been in and out of the baby's room every hour and no one would have gotten any sleep. With people I know IRL that have the same methods, and there are VERY few, anti-CIO and co-sleeping go hand in hand.

I'm not understanding what you mean, why would you be in and out of their room every hour?


Do you all go to bed at the same time or do you put the kids into bed first?

 

[Deb in IA]

This should be a good one.

I just wanted to say that the Ferber method is NOT the same as "crying it out".

I know this, because I've met and talked to Dr. Ferber. I invited him to be our Grand Rounds speaker several years ago.

Dr. Ferber does not say to leave the child in a room to cry and cry and cry. Instead, he recommends returning at intervals to check on them and comfort them, but to leave the room. The key is to teach the children to learn to fall asleep on their own.