Does anyone actually do the Ferber method with their babies?

[wvjules]

WTH is unschooling?????? Sounds like something my DD would love.

 

[meandtheguys2]

WTH is unschooling?????? Sounds like something my DD would love.

LOL, if she pursues her interests after school (and weekends! ), she is unschooling...according to the OP.

Of course, the unschoolers I know would disagree with that definition...

 

[barrett7890]

WTH is unschooling?????? Sounds like something my DD would love.

http://www.unschooling.com/library/faq/index.shtml

cami
x

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean you know more than the FDA? Wow that is impressive. And you know I could tell you some things about car accidents that would curl your hair. I can't believe that anyone drives these car things anyway. Death machines, that's what they should be called.

Damn straight about cars being death machines!

And with that, I'd like to add my two cents to this discussion.

We are not the same society that we were 300 years ago. We're a culture full of dangers! Driving, using heavy equipment at work, cooking on gas stoves, and many, many other modern day situations that just weren't around until recent years. We're not in a world that makes it safe for adults to be sleep-deprived. I don't want mommies and daddies driving when they are exhausted from lack of sleep. I want parents to live to take care of those babies. And I want them to let me live and not plow into me because they fell asleep at the wheel of their car! Sleeping is a good thing. The more sleep a parent gets at night, the more effective they will be at parenting by day. People are more patient when they are well rested, they are more effective at their jobs, and they have far fewer accidents. They are better parents. So no matter how bad you may think the cry it out method may be, I do believe that it makes society AND the baby safer if mom and dad get their rest. It just annoys the hell out of me when it is implied that parents wanting to sleep is a selfish thing. You cannot deny the health and well-being that comes from sleeping. When people get their sleep, they are more productive and they are better parents. Nothing selfish there!

 

[mjkacmom]

Everyone wakes up numerous times during the night, with different sleep cycles, but then go right back to sleep. With babies, if the fall asleep being rocked, nursed, with a pacifier, etc., they will not be able to fall back to sleep during the night without being soothed again. Ferber says to always put the baby in the crib awake, and let him fall asleep on his own, so that when he wakes, he's in the same conditions he was when he fell asleep, and then he will just go right back to sleep. I continued with the binkie, and had a couple of month when I had to re-bink, but babies eventually learn how to re-bink themselves.

I didn't CIO just for me - I did it so that my children would get a solid nights sleep, and take long, regular naps. Healthy sleep habits are just as important and healthy nutrition. I take my children for vaccinations because I believe they help prevent diseases. Do I enjoy having a nurse stick needles into their legs? Of course not. Did I enjoy listening to my children cry? Of course not - but IMHO, I think it's the right thing for me to do.

I had 5 children in 6 years - co-sleeping was NOT an option

 

[jax677]

I am all for whatever works for you

What I don't understand is the assumption that your child won't have "good' sleep habits if they don't get taught them as a baby.

 

[missypie]

I am all for whatever works for you

What I don't understand is the assumption that your child won't have "good' sleep habits if they don't get taught them as a baby.

I wonder if anyone has researched that...whether people who need to eat before bed, or watch TV or listen to music, or are insomniacs, had any common method of being put to bed as in infant. I assume there is no correlation between adult sleep habits and how you were put to bed as an infant, but it would be fascinating to find out.

When BIL/SIL's kids were little, they had no set bed time...they went to bed when the parents went to bed and co-slept. My MIL thought they were doing it wrong and WE were doing it right because our kids went down at 8:30 pm and we didn't co-sleep. So fast forward 10-15 years later...they are all happy, well adjusted teens/preteens who have no sleep problems. Don't think anyone was right or wrong.

 

[Aisling]

I would never use the Ferber method. I never let my children cry themselves to sleep. They slept in my bed until they were 2 years old (they are 6 years apart) because I nursed them until that age. I definitely have a different parenting policy than many of you here!

My mother gave me a hard time about holding the kids when they cried, since she raised 5 kids and was an "expert", but I didn't budge. I didn't believe that letting my children cry was the right thing to do, especially as infants, and my sons are 15 and 22 today, both sleeping in their own rooms , both perfectly normal, and both being taught by me that when babies cry, you hold them. WTG me!

 

[sunlver]

I could never really let any of my kids cry it out.. it never worked. But, I am a sap. With my son, he was 15 months old before he slept all night every night. He liked to be rocked to sleep, no big deal. I didnt work, so if he needed a little extra cuddling at 3am, so be it... my 2nd child well she was a wonderful sleeper from the get go.. never really had to rock her or get up during the night with her.
My youngest, is now 3 yrs old. She was my most difficult sleeper...She didnt started sleeping through the night, all night until last January so she was 27 months old. That baby would get up many times during the night. We "try"to let her cry it out. I couldnt last more then 5-10 minutes. I would be in such a panic/anxiety state I couldnt deal with it. At 3 yrs old, I still hold her until she falls asleep..My oh my... I know I break so many parenting.sleeping rules with her. But the truth is, I love to cuddle her still, and she enjoys it as well. My husband puts her to bed awake, and she goes to sleep. She knows mommy always has time for cuddles and snuggles before bed..I love that she still wants me to hold her until she falls asleep..My point, we didnt really do the CIO/Ferber method with her and eventually she slept all night, granted it wasnt until 27 months,but so what..I wasnt asking anybody else to put my child to bed.
I believe you do whatever works best for your family..for me.. it broke my heart to hear my babies crying at night when all they wanted was a little snuggle or a little rocking...

 

[mickeyboat]

I rocked DD#1 to sleep until well after she was 3. DH laid down with DD#2 until after she was 2. No, they were not good sleepers as babies, and I paid dearly for the lack of sleep when they were younger. But they sleep great now, in their own rooms, and never give me trouble going to bed.

I think whatever method you use will probably work eventually, and whatever works for you, as long as it is not abusive, is fine with me.

Denae

 

[wvjules]

Everyone I know hasseled me about our cosleeping. Parents, inlaws, siblings, friends. I just smiled and did my own thing. A coworker even had the nerve to ask me how my husband and I had to put it nicely "personal time" . Well, we have 2 kids and they BOTH were with us until they were in school and they are 5 years appart.

That tells me that your husband was/is neglected for 5 years. IMO, there's time to be a parent and also time to be a spouse.

 

[va32h]

That tells me that your husband was/is neglected for 5 years. IMO, there's time to be a parent and also time to be a spouse.

Well he must have gotten some attention, or there wouldn't be two kids!

The family bed was never for me (although I don't turn away small children who have had nightmares or aren't feeling well), but I certainly don't begrudge other families their choices.

I think it's only an issue when one of the parties involved doesn't want to do it/isn't benefiting from it. If the wife wants to cosleep but the husband doesn't or vice-versa, then it's an issue. If the child is ready for his or her own bed but the parents refuse to let him go - that's an issue.

My brother and his wife had a family bed until their oldest started kindergarten. She asked for her own room and my SIL threw a fit about it and was quite sulky for some time. That's a case, IMO, where it's not to the child's benefit.

 

[harleyquinn]

I wonder too, how much research has been done about this whole issue.

I know I have a TERRIBLE time falling to sleep, but I sleep soundly once I do. My mom has told me the only way she could get me to sleep for a long time was in my swing. I'm pretty sure they never used a set method with me at all.

My cousin (18) STILL rocks himself to sleep every night!!! He's completely normal otherwise but man he was a trip at sleep overs!

DH is the best sleeper I've ever met. He falls asleep within seconds and sleeps through the night. His mom told me her biggest thing was that she told guests not to be quiet and carried on the household as normal when he was asleep. We never got into co-sleeping or CIO or anything.

So I have no idea. Wish they would do some studies though! I know I want my kids to be like DH and not me!

 

[wvjules]

Well he must have gotten some attention, or there wouldn't be two kids!

The family bed was never for me (although I don't turn away small children who have had nightmares or aren't feeling well), but I certainly don't begrudge other families their choices.

I think it's only an issue when one of the parties involved doesn't want to do it/isn't benefiting from it. If the wife wants to cosleep but the husband doesn't or vice-versa, then it's an issue. If the child is ready for his or her own bed but the parents refuse to let him go - that's an issue.

My brother and his wife had a family bed until their oldest started kindergarten. She asked for her own room and my SIL threw a fit about it and was quite sulky for some time. That's a case, IMO, where it's not to the child's benefit.

She said they have two kids that are 5 years apart and they co-slept until the kids were in school. K starts at age 5 here. Baby #1, co-sleep until 5 and kid starts school, then comes baby#2 5 years later. Maybe you and I read that differently.

 

[va32h]

She said they have two kids that are 5 years apart and they co-slept until the kids were in school. K starts at age 5 here. Baby #1, co-sleep until 5 and kid starts school, then comes baby#2 5 years later. Maybe you and I read that differently.

I thought she meant until both kids were in school. Or maybe I was thinking of 6 as being the age to start kindergarten.

Although - for the babies to be five years apart, the second one would have to have been conceived nine months earlier so....oh I'm spending way too much time thinking about this.

 

[3jsmommy]

That tells me that your husband was/is neglected for 5 years. IMO, there's time to be a parent and also time to be a spouse.

THAT IS SUCH A RIDICULOUS STATEMENT!
For someone who gets offended by so easily when someone says anything that you disagree w/ you sure are judgemental!

 

[AllyandJack]

It's not judgmental. It's just an opinion similar to the Ferber/CIO methods being sick and those who use it being uninformed and part-time mothers.

 

[becka]

Just because some of us found the OP judgmental, mean spirited and designed to stir the pot does not mean that we feel personally attacked. If someone had posted the same thing about co-sleeping I would have found that just as obnoxious. Co-sleeping didn't work for me but I can see where it works for some people. I don't have any problem with different child rearing techniques as long as the child is not being harmed and co-sleeping does not fall into that category.

I don't feel the need to defend CIO but I do have a problem with it being equated to some kind of torture technique and being used as a way to say "ha I am better than you", "you must not care about your kids" and "you are just an uneducated, unenlighted part-time parent". Regardless of the topic those words do make people get defensive.

The OP can try to defend their posts as just an innocent question but I think most of us are educated and enlightened enough to see the real reasons behind the post.

JMHO as always...

 

[3jsmommy]

Disagreeing w/ a sleep method & telling a poster that their husband was "neglected" are not comparable. That is very personal & just mean, what I never said anyone was a part time mother, if you want to take exaggerations on peoples statements to prove your point I wonder how strong your argument can be?

 

[sha_lyn]

That tells me that your husband was/is neglected for 5 years. IMO, there's time to be a parent and also time to be a spouse.

Where in the heck did she say that, or what did she say that makes you believe her DH was neglected for 5 yrs?
I've know plenty of couples/families who have a family bed, and let's just say that none were celebate.

She said they have two kids that are 5 years apart and they co-slept until the kids were in school. K starts at age 5 here. Baby #1, co-sleep until 5 and kid starts school, then comes baby#2 5 years later. Maybe you and I read that differently

And so what... their kids are 5 yrs apart. Do you think that married couples conceive every time they had "relations"
DS and DD are 8 yrs apart, that doesn't mean we went 8 yrs without "relations". DD is now 10, and no kids after her. I guess you think we haven't had relations in 10 yrs.