Diane's Journal to a Happier/Healthier me...encouragement welcome!

[DisDee]

Diane, Good for you to do just what you wanted to today! Everyone needs a relaxing day which they can call their own. I recently started cross-stitching again. It's so nice for relaxation and creativity.

Have a wonderful week and stay committed!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks Denise. I can't remember what a lazy day is like.

I'm enjoying the routine I'm in. Work is going good and calming down some, workouts are going well and I'm really working on food becoming less of an issue. I'm measuring progress in small steps. I am learning that if I keep fresh fruit or a vegetable near me at all times, then I'm less likely to go and make a bad choice. I went the whole weekend without chocolate! Major success for me - I tend to need chocolate on the weekends. No Nestle Crisp bar for me and I didn't miss it.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. Good food choices - I tend to find at least one small bad choice when I go grocery shopping. Not today.
2. Had a good workout with Tim. We are pushing the heart rate higher than it is used to and I'm not gasping for breath.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, good for you for taking some down time on Sunday! You need that given your busy life. It sounds like you are in such a good place right now, I am so happy for that. I like your method of keeping something healthy nearby to resist tempation for not so healthy choices. Well done resisting the chocolate, that is no easy task!

 

[Goofydiane]

I'm starting to wonder why I am doing a journal - I seem to say the same thing over and over and I'm starting to wonder if my life is as boring as it seems. I go to work, put in my 9 hours, go work out, come home and eat and then work for a few more hours. Is my life really that boring? I'm working so hard to make me a healthier person and it seems like the healthier I work to become, the more isolated I become. I know I think of this and talk about it, but I'm not sure what to do about it. These thoughts make me wonder how much of this is related to my issues with food. I do so well during the week when I'm at work, and with people I consider my friends and I struggle on the weekends when it is just me and is much easier to hang out by myself. I'm not as busy as my friends all have families. I need to find interests that involve other people! I'm struggling to see me as I am today and not as I was when I started this journey. I don't see the healthy person I am becoming, I still see the grossly overweight person I was two years ago. How do you change how you see yourself?

I made goals for May today:

3000 minutes of cardio
300 minutes with my trainer
Honestly journal my food daily
Weigh in weekly

How did I do today?
115 minutes of cardio for 1,300 calories
Food: Lemonade, carrots, tomato's, grapes, peanut butter special K bar, turkey burger with cheese, dorito's.
Not the best choices across the board, but I am writing it all down.

The peanut butter special K bar was probably enough calories for a month, but it tastes so good and I haven't had one in almost 3 months, so I had it and enjoyed it.

I'm fighting a shin splint that doesn't seem to want to go away...arghhhh, it is bothersome when I walk normally, but working out doesn't hurt as much.

I'm not looking forward to the weekend, I'm more comfortable at work and dread weekends, especially since it is supposed to rain again this weekend. They said on the news today that 6 of the last 7 weekends either had snow or rain....where the heck is springtime???

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I am pushing through the pain of a shin splint for my cardio
2. I made a bad choice with a special K bar, but rebounded with a good choice at dinner.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I think our journey has its peaks and valleys. I feel that way about journaling too. I'll look back at my entries and think, well, nothing ever changes. And yet the friends I have made (and what I learn from all of your journals) and the support I get are what keeps me going. I think about my WISH sisters and then suddenly its okay that my journal isn't always inspiring to me. Its an accurate account of my life. Does that make sense?

I don't know what to suggest for your weekends. What about something like a class at your rec center? I know its hard to find things to do that don't revolve around food! Maybe a recrerational activity like hiking or something? I know it can be hard to think outside the box. I get in ruts too, my family really wanted to see a movie, and I had to say no, I knew the smell of popcorn would do me in.

Don't give up on your journal! You have come so far and yet after a lifetime of living a certain way, it takes time to have all areas of your life catch up with each other. It will happen. Just keep believing in yourself, I believe in you and I am a hard sell! So if I am sold on Diane, you need to be too!

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy - thanks for the encouragement, I have made a true friend through this process and that is important to me. thank you.

I've really been stuggling mentally and emotionally the last week and I'm not sure why. I feel me falling back into some old habits and not wanting to fall backwards but struggling with going forward. Work has really gotten crazier and I seem to have to give that 15 hours a day to meet the ridiculous deadlines that people think I can get things done in. I try and talk to my boss and he just ends up adding more to my plate. My food choices have suffered and so have the workouts. After 12 hours at the office, I don't have it in me to go to the claim and then come home and work 3-4 more hours.

I did get out of my house on Saturday and helped my neighbors paint their house all day. We've been trading favors, they help me move/install stuff in my basement and I'm helping them paint their house. Hopefully the basement will have all video equipment installed on Friday and Friday night will be the first movie in my home theatre. That is something else that has been adding to my stress level. I haven't had a chance to put my basement back together in the storage areas and all that stuff is still upstairs in my dining room. I want my house back and it is frustrating that I don't have any time to take my house back.

Adding to the frustration is the weather. The news said it has either rained or snowed 7 of the last 8 weekends....how annoying is that - you can't even get outside and get your garden ready when the weather is terrible.

And the worst of the bad news....my trainers father had a massive heart attack and died today. I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet, he took off for his hometown immediately. I am at a loss for words at what he is going through right now. I know from talking to other trainers that he was at the club around 2:00pm doing his workout and got the news after that.

This tragic news makes me look at my life and am I doing what I want to be doing. I need to take a break and work to making me #1 again and not my job. I'm going to talk to my boss in my next status about taking time off. I'm going on vacation May 27-June 2, and I want to take May 19-23 off as well. If I can get him to approve it, I'll be on vacation from May 17 -June 3, 17 glorious days or get my head back on straight and get my life back in order. Since I don't have a back-up, I'm not sure if he will go for it or not, but I'm going to ask. I'm going with a plan of offering up 1/2 day each week where I do work and do things that no one else knows how to do and needs to get done each week.

I'm really not proud of a lot lately - I haven't had time to do a lot of workouts, so I have to double up some days to get to my 3,000 minutes I committed to.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Diane,

I am so sorry you have been stuggling lately. I think its normal and part of the process but that doesn't make it any easier. I know it must be scary to feel some of those old habits creeping back up, even by a tiny bit. But you are strong, you have learned so much! You aren't the same person, so those old habits aren't so easy to fall back into. You can do this.


I really, really, REALLY hope your boss lets you take that time off. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you! Your work days sound like my husband's, and I really get mad at companies that expect their employees to put work as #1 above all else. Its so counterproductive in the end. I guess one way or the other, you will have some time off coming up, and I think that will be very good for you.


I think you need to be proud of the fact you are working thorugh this, trying to evaluate and come up with solutions to get you back on track. You should be proud that you aren't off the wagon, not even close. You are taking steps to keep on track and put your total well being in the foreground. That is a lot to be proud of!


I am so sorry about your trainer's father. What a shock for him. I know you'll be a good friend to him when he gets back to work. What a shame.

I value your friendship as well, we are in this together. I hope your weather improves, I think that will really help you body and mind! Hang in there!!

 

[Goofydiane]

I think I might have given my boss a slight heart attack today....I set up time to talk to him and usually we just talk at his desk and I told him I had a room reserved. I think he was scared that I was going to resign or something. He didn't really have a choice on agreeing to my vacation, I've got 7 weeks built up and from May 17th - June 3rd, I'll be using 2 weeks of them! Yeah, the only thing I have to do before then is put together a list of contacts for questions that may come up while I'm off. I'll also be working a 1/2 day each week to do some data loads that need to get done and there isn't time to train anyone to do them.

I'm so glad I'm doing this, I know in the past I would have just stopped working out and started going back to my old ways and I'm determined not to let that happen this time. I am going to do whatever is necessary to stay on this path for a healthy life even with the ups and downs along the way. I've got a plan for the time off. I've got 10 days off before my trip to Disneyland and I'm cleaning 1 room of my house each of those days. This is a deep clean where I steam clean carpets, and go through stuff for donation or trash. 1 room a day gives me an activity to do, but it won't take the whole day either.

I'm going to have to kick up the cardio workouts to meet my challenge for the month. Due to work, I haven't gotten to the gym that often either. I miss the workouts so I need to get those back into the daily plan.

This journey is 3 steps forward and 2 steps back - I think I'm in the step backwards right now and I need to turn around and start facing forward.

Things I'm proud of today -
1. I stuck to the plan and told my boss I wanted to take 2 weeks off.

Amy - Thanks for hanging in here, your words of wisdom and support encourage me each and every day and keep me going more than you know.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I am so glad you got that time off! I had to chuckle at your boss in heart attack mode. That is a good thing, sometimes you have to scare the crap out of somebody to make them realize they need to do the right thing! I am glad to see you are proud of you again, you deserve to be.

I am excited to hear all about Disneyland when you get back! I love Disneyland, we went there last summer as opposed to WDW and in some ways I really wish we were going back. You are going to have such an awesome time. Aren't you going to Club 33?

You have come so far, by taking care of yourself and doing what it takes to make your vacation happen you are showing how far you have come. I am glad you value my comments, sometimes I feel like I never make any sense!

 

[Goofydiane]

I've stepped away from my journal and healthy workouts the past week and I feel gross and terrible about it. I took the time to allow some physical pains to heal and now the shin splints are gone and the sore muscles are gone. Unfortunately, some pounds are back due to my eating choices. I don't like how I feel and I spent 2 hours on a treadmill yesterday and felt great the whole time.

Getting ready to take 2+ weeks off from work starting this weekend has meant that I have been working a bit more now to get things done in preparation, and I'm ok with that. I also bagged up all my clothes that don't fit anymore for ARC. They are going to my neighbors tomorrow and I'm adding to the donation. I'm starting the clean the house room by room a weekend early and it feels great!

I'm behind in my pace for my exercise this month, and I'm going to have to work extra hard to make up the time. I had planned 100 minutes/day for my goal and with the 3 days off that I took it is going to take 120 minutes/day to come in on plan. With the vacation time from work in a week, the 120 shouldn't be a problem. I'm also going out today and buying a replacement treadmill for my house. Mine hasn't worked for about a year and I know it needs a new motor, tread and instead of replacing these items, I'm just going to invest in another treadmill.

Had the first movie in the basement on Friday and one of my neighbor's kids said...this is freaky weird, but in a good way. The BluRay DVD quality really makes it feel like you are watching a movie in 3-d, or as I put it, watching it through a really big, clean window. This quality has also made me excited to get the treadmill to the basement - I can walk forever while watching a movie. The sound is amazing as well!

I think I need to change the title to comments and encouragement welcome. I know I am writing this for me, but it is nice to hear from others who are going through the same thing, and know that I'm not alone. I've also got to start commenting more on other journals, I just haven't had time for anything lately and I need to start putting me first on the list again.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there!

 

[Goofydiane]

Did another 120 minutes on the treadmill at the club today and I bought a new treadmill. It amazes me that I paid $2,000 for my Pace Master treadmill 8 years ago and today for an even better treadmill I paid the same amount. Wow, with everything getting more expensive, it was nice to know that something stayed close to the same. I almost bought an Octane Eliptical machine at the same time, until my sanity reeled me back in and I only bought 1 piece of equipment. The nice part about having the treadmill in the house is for quick pick me up workouts and to get used to using exercise when I start feeling the need for food and for extra workouts during the week. I could see me on the treadmill right now during the Survivor final, but I just don't want to drive back to the club and workout again.

I cleaned out all the clothes that are too big for me today...that felt great! I no longer have an excuse for going back to how it used to be - I'm not going to go shopping again for clothes that are bigger than the size I'm in today. Those clothes filled 8 large trashbags and my neighbor has a charity coming tomorrow to pick stuff up and I'm donating those 8 bags. When I was folding the clothes up I kept looking at how big they were and it started feeling much more real about all the changes I've made the past 2 years. This is what I need the next 3 weeks to be about as well. Taking each room 1 room at a time and cleaning out any old stuff and really making the room exactly what I want it to be and have it reflect who I am now, not who I was when moved in 5 years ago. While these past 3-4 weeks have been a struggle, I really feel like I'm getting a plan in place to move me to the next level and that my emotional self is finally catching up with my physical self. It is amazing what is involved in this journey, and I kept thinking it was all about the physical...imagine my surprise when I realized I have to start working on the emotional now. That is so much harder.

I wish I was taking this week off too! I've got such energy to start cleaning room by room and just purging who I used to be and work on who I want to be.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. Learning to understand the journey and all aspects that it entails.
2. Getting rid of all my clothes that I no longer want to have in my life.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, that is so great you got to clean out those too big clothes! That must feel so great, those concrete reminders really hit home about how far you have come.

Glad you got to have a movie at long last in your new basement. I envy you, my husband would be even more envious! Congratulations on the new treadmill, that will really help you get caught up with your walking minutes and movies!

It takes awhile on WISH to get used to journaling your own journal and getting into other people's. Its a wonderful way to meet friends and be supported and inspired. I can vouch for all the gals that come to my journal, check some of those out!

I am always so amazed at how your work. You really inspire me and make me realize that I am not alone. I am so excited for you to have some time off and head to Disneyland. Not much longer to go!

 

[Goofydiane]

I'm unofficially on vacation!! I'm 'telecommuting' tomorrow, but I'm going to be honest and say there isn't going to be a lot of work getting done after about 9:00am. I can't wait, usually right before vacation I'm rushing around getting everything caught up and done and while I've probably already worked about 60 hours since Sunday, I don't feel rushed. If it gets done, it gets done, if it doesn't oh well. It isn't like the company is going to go out of business when I'm gone.

I have been struggling the past two weeks and I think I just needed to get myself to where I am today - knowing I'm taking a work break. I haven't been able to get to the club much and today I went in and did 70 minutes - 35 of which was running. I'm sure I'm going to pay for that tomorrow. Tim is back and he seems to be doing ok. His parents were grade school sweethearts and his mom is still really struggling, but I think him getting back into his routine is doing good things for him. We are going to crank it up a notch next week and do 4 sessions, plus what ever boot camps I want to go to. I told him I really don't like the boot camps because I like the 1 on 1 time, but told him I'd make it to at least one. It's going to be my own biggest loser week. I can work out and clean my house all day long!

My food choices have been terrible, I've dropped back into almost all my old habits, the one thing I haven't gone back to is caffeine. I'm beating myself up over those choices because I don't even enjoy the food, I'm just eating junk. I went to Super Target today and bought all fruits and vegetables for the next couple days. I think the hard part with fresh fruits and vege's is that you need to go to the store so often and finding time for a grocery store run is really tough for me.

Yeah! The treadmill comes tomorrow. and I'm so going back on my word and putting cable tv in the basement. I committed myself to running a mile every morning to get the blood flowing and I need something to watch while I'm doing that. I know I don't have time for a full workout in the morning, but a 12 minute mile I can do.

I feel like I'm coming out of the dungeon that I fell into a few weeks ago. I know it isn't going to happen overnight, but I do feel so much better today than I have in a long while.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I worked out and ran 50% of the time.

 

[Amy&Dan]

HAPPY VACATION DIANE!!!!! That is so wonderful you have this time off, you truly deserve it.

I so agree about the fruits and veggies thing, the amount of time it takes to shop, clean and shop for them is sometimes hard to fit in. Good job staying away from caffeine. If that is a trigger for you than its great to avoid it at all costs!

I think its really easy to fall back on old habits when you are about to go on vacation and you know you will be out of your comfort zone and easily tempted by food. I have been the same way. Like you I haven't fallen off completely, but the last two weeks have not been easy or without some bumps.

Lets enjoy our vacations and then come back and know our new habits are right where we left them. I am betting we do just fine. I will if you will!

Enjoy that new treadmill!

Amy

 

[Goofydiane]

LOVE the new treadmill! I get up in the morning and go down and run for a mile. Now I'm ready to start the day.

It's been a busy, crazy weekend. I think I need more than a week off to work on my house! I painted the guest room on Saturday and then Sunday I help my neighbor surprise her husband and painted the rest of her house. There wasn't that much to paint, but everything that was left was the stuff that was 14' or more in their air. I spent most of the day on an extension ladder and I was freaked out most of the time. They made me dinner as a thank you and I hung out there all day. Today, I started working on my bedroom, master bath and master closet. Giving myself 2 days to get these 3 rooms done. If I finish them by tomorrow, I'll be right on schedule with 4 rooms in 4 days. I've gotten 4 big bags of trash together just from my rooms and then I've got piles started for donation.

Tim and I are going 4 times this week. Today was all upper body/arms and wow, they are sore but a good sore. Tomorrow will be legs.

I'm still struggling with food, but the exercise is back on track. I'm just going to get through my trip to Disneyland as I have some good places set up there for food. I can't believe I leave in 8 days!

Today was the first official day of vacation and it felt great. I kept busy all day long so that helped and I am really glad I did this extra week. I leave the cell phone in the car, so even if someone trys to find me, they won't.

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I didn't log into work, call work and do any work related to my job today.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Good job leaving that work behind! I tell my husband all the time his company will not fall apart without him, and I am betting yours won't either! If it does, than maybe they will give you a raise!

I hope you get your rooms done, I know when you are working its hard to fit that sort of stuff in. Hopefully it will get done before your trip. If not, well, those rooms won't be going anywhere I suppose!

You must be so excited! That is great you are working with Tim so much before you leave. You just leave me in the dust, I didn't even get my walk in today. I need your motivation and determination Diane!

Keep up the good work, I am proud of you!

 

[Goofydiane]

Right mind set this week - check
Running in the morning - check
Working out with Tim - check
Painting/Cleaning - check
Eating the best food - minus

It isn't that I'm eating bad food, I'm just finding out that I'm not hungry at all so I'm not eating much. Saturday I had a banana, grapes and carrots. Sunday was a banana, carrots and a taco with ground turkey. I'm so busy during the day with the cleaning/painting that I forget to eat. I know that isn't good, I've got to get the calories in - between the exercise, the painting and Tim I am definately working off the calories. Today I've had scrambled eggs and a protein bar. I've never struggled with not being hungry or not wanting to eat so I'm not sure what to do other than eat more calories. I'm also not drinking a lot of water eithe, I'm not thirsty either. Maybe this is my body telling me it is just rejuvinating on it's own.

Ugh - the painting isn't bad, it is the taping that is driving me nuts! The only room that is left is my room, I've got the first coat on all 4 walls with the exception of the vaulted area. My neighbor is going to help me tomorrow. The bathroom and guest room are done and that is it with the painting this week.

I could get used to this vacation routine! Tim and I did lower body today, I'm not sure what was worse, the lower body or the upper body. Thursday and Friday we are going to do a day of pushes and a day of pulls. I wish I could afford to work with him 3 days a week. He provides great motivation and pushes me to do more than I ever think I can do. He called me a Jedi Knight the other day so now I refer to him as Yoda.

I really like the 1 mile run I'm doing right now in the morning, kinda jump starts your system. The run takes 12 minutes and with a warm up and cool down it is 17 minutes total and I can keep that going once I return to work, I could never go and do a full workout in the morning, I already get up and an awful hour and to move it even earlier is not an option for me. I enjoy my sleep too much!

Things I'm proud of today:
1. I'm still sticking to the vacation plan. Got a call on my cell phone today and referred them off to someone else to help them.


Amy - thanks for the comments. You always know exactly what to say to make someone feel good about themself

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I am glad I can say a few things to make you feel good! You do the same for me which is what is so great about this board.

I hear you on the taping thing. I can paint all day, but after fifteen minutes of taping, I am ready to scream. I do have to say, there is nothing better than that feeling you get from freshly painted rooms however.

I am impressed you get up and do this run each day then work out at the gym with Tim later on. You amaze me. I need to take a page from your book! I am so glad you have this trainer. He sounds like a gem of a guy.

I can't wait for you to walk through Disneyland in such great shape. I am betting that will be some major pixie dust for you!

 

[DisDee]

Hi Diane, I'm back from vaca, and if I remember correctly, you have a trip to Disneyland sometime soon. Have a great time!!!!!

 

[Goofydiane]

Wow, another day of home improvement and it gets me wondering....just what do you need to do to get on one of those shows and have them do it for you??? This home improvement is a lot of work. Today I finished my master bedroom and master bath and guest bedroom. That's 3 rooms totally completed, and 4 rooms in progress. I hope to get all of those finished tomorrow. The plan for Thursday - clean the loft, move my sewing/quilting stuff from the dining room to the loft and then clean the kitchen, dining and great rooms. That will just leave my office for Friday.

I'm not sure that I'm really on vacation, or just doing a different type of work for a week.

Tim and I did leg's for an hour yesterday and they are still sore! he is a gem and if I could clone him for anyone who wanted to have him as a trainer, I would. Tommorrow we are doing either pushes or pulls and Friday is the other one.

I'm within a week to Disneyland! I will definately take pictures of the trip and maybe do a trip report, although my trips tend to be a little boring. I will definately take pictures of Club 33 though!

Things I'm proud of today -
1. I'm still working my plan. I usually make these big plans and then quit them after a day or two from boredom. This one is energizing me.
2. I focused on water today and definately got at least 12 if not more glasses in.