College Sororities - Sad and Confused......kinda of long sorry

[missypie]

For the OP, mom to mom: I know your heart breaks for her, but it really is a character building experience. That's the last thing she wants to hear right now, but as a hurting mother, know that it really will make her a stronger, more compassionate adult.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

The OP came on here looking for support. She even said that she was going to show this thread to her daughter. It seems almost cruel to have several people continuing to argue about how great and wonderful sororities are. How is that going to help the OP or her daughter? I can understand wanting to defend your organization, but why not do it on another thread and keep the debate out of this one out of respect to the OP and her daughter?

 

[mykidsand_i]

I'd love to see what the percentages are...what % of frat and sorority houses graduate in the top percentage of their graduating class...or at least with a high GPA...I'm sure it would be high. If I had to do it all again, I'd do it the same way I did it the first time! People say that we "pay to join a cub/group/what ever"...well, I have to agree with a previous poster and say "It was worth every penny! I gained wonderful, genuine, life long friends, a great college experiance and was able to reach out to many abused children and women and show them that there was still hope in the world."

 

[rie'smom]

It's very understandable to be upset when you don't get into an organization...I've not been accepted into a few different things...I know how it feels. But if people have such a fragile self-esteem, then chances are that may be part of the reason why they don't get into a sorority. People who are not comfortable with themselves lack the most important key to being in an organization that focuses on community out-reach and community help. You must be comfortable with who you are BEFORE you can reach out to help others.

As far as the term "hazing" goes...that was almost a swear word in our house. We hated to watch all those movies that had frats ad sororities in them, because they are so far from what really actually happens. YES, some frats and sororities have what is called "hazing" but it's mostly the frat houses that do that...and I've never been accepting of that practice- I'm sure the large majority of sororities are againsed doing anything of the sort. In fact, in our "code of conduct" that was given to us by the university- it was againsed a sorority or frat ON CAMPUS to do any such thing! Now, there were one or two of campus that may have done it, but ours was 100% againsed even the thought of it. Any sorority that does so should not get away with it (even if it is a traditional thing)...

Sororities are not for everyone...some people (obviously) hate them and they think they hate everything that a sorority stands for...fine. Be pig headed about it- but the fact is this...there are sororities left in this country that stand for nothing but HELPING OTHER PEOPLE. I have been on the "vote in or out process" side of things and believe me grades and personality had 100% to do with who was in or out!

And this is why people are anti - Greek.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Sororities are wonderful! But they are not all college is about. I went to a school with only FIVE sororities so I did not rush, but my school had a lot of fraternities.

I aligned myself with one of them and had the time of my life! Participated in formal balls, spring break trips, parties.

At a big Greek school she may want to go the little sister route.

 

[mykidsand_i]

The OP came on here looking for support. She even said that she was going to show this thread to her daughter. It seems almost cruel to have several people continuing to argue about how great and wonderful sororities are. How is that going to help the OP or her daughter? I can understand wanting to defend your organization, but why not do it on another thread and keep the debate out of this one out of respect to the OP and her daughter?

I am happy that this is her daughters dream (to get into a sorority)...there are many people on this thread that want to Bash this girls dream by saying that a sorority is not a good place to be. My only wish is that this girl can still have hope. I only wish that she'd try again after she got her grades up and kept them up for a semester or two. A sorority is a wonderful place (if it's the right sorority for her)...maybe she applied to the wrong one. If all they care about is $$ or looks, then maybe she should apply to a true, genuine one that really benifits the entire community and not just themselves...I do not know where she applied- but having one bad experiance should not allow her to feel negative about them all. There are many great sororities, just because you get turned down by one, does not mean that she should stop trying...

I truely hope she tries again. Hold your head up, go in there and be filled with confidence. There is no room for self-doubt in a sorority interview. Know that when you walk in that room, they want you to be there and they want to see what YOU have to offer. If you are nervous, it's easy to see it. They think "nerves durring this interview will mean that you are nervous when you are out doing our projects and fundraisers, and that's not good."

Also, if this girl does interview again have all the self confidence in the world. Don't let the people on this board who dislike sororities take your dreams away. Sure, it hurts to be rejected! I know, I've been there!!! But, you must learn from the first process and work your way through it. If this is truely your life dream, then you should not stop with the first try! If I did, I would have missed out on a lot of great opportunities.

I don't know what grades this girl had, nor do I know if she is out going or full of personality and a willingness to help...but those are great qualities and things to have when you're looking to join any organization on campus...

Try, try again...but make sure you're doing your research as to WHICH sorority (or any organization for that matter) you are joining...if they go off of just looks and money, then they aren't fit to be an organization for you!

 

[SomedayI'llBe]

And this is why people are anti - Greek.

She said "pig-headed" because no one seems to be listening to our statements. And I know I'm getting tired of defending what's been a wonderful help to me. The reason I'm still trying to make my point? So people don't perpetuate the stereotype. So that many can see that all Greeks are NOT bad. There are many of us who are good people. We don't analyze you solely on the way you dress or your clothing or your money. Some of us are truly wonderful caring people. There are bad apples in every bunch, and they seem to be the ones who get the press.

Please, stop painting us all and our entire system as bad for everyone. Because it is not.

 

[moon]

As someone who knows nothing about Greek life other than what I've seen on the media (and what I'm reading here) I find this thread quite interesting.

I'm also one who have always thought that only the rich and beautiful were deemed "worthy" of joining, but I'm reading that acceptance was based on grades and personality.

Then you had sisters in your houses who came from poor backgrounds, or were overwheight, or had physical disabilities?

I'm asking because the image I have of soriorities is that they have to "look" and dress a certain way.

 

[onelilspark]

The OP came on here looking for support. She even said that she was going to show this thread to her daughter. It seems almost cruel to have several people continuing to argue about how great and wonderful sororities are. How is that going to help the OP or her daughter? I can understand wanting to defend your organization, but why not do it on another thread and keep the debate out of this one out of respect to the OP and her daughter?

I wasn't going to comment at all on this thread, but felt compelled to because it was pretty much a sorority bashing thread. If you read something that bashed an organization that was important to you, would you just sit idly by?

As I stated when I started, I feel badly for the OP's daughter, but that does not excuse people to be nasty and judgmental, the exact thing "we" are accused of doing. Again, if someone is basically saying that you (by association) are a bad person, wouldn't you say something? If the OP's daughter is friends with girls that are in sororities, it wasn't necessarily the group sitting around discussing why she wasn't "good enough." Doesn't it help to know that? And in addition, when people ask questions or make false assumptions, shouldn't I respond?

 

[TwinsinCA]

I aligned myself with one of them and had the time of my life! Participated in formal balls, spring break trips, parties.
.

But I thought sororities were all about giving back to the community.

 

[jezebella]

But I thought sororities were all about giving back to the community.

She wasn't in a sorority...she was a fraternity little sister...

 

[mykidsand_i]

Then you had sisters in your houses who came from poor backgrounds, or were overwheight, or had physical disabilities?

I'm asking because the image I have of soriorities is that they have to "look" and dress a certain way.

Our house had girls come from all different back grounds. My family was not rich, by any means. I got to attend college, because I did well in school and had really good grants and financial aide help. My hubby and I just finished paying off our college loans last year! Our house had some girls who came from money, but they didn't act like it. They weren't snobs, nor did they treat anyone as if they were "lower in the ranks"...
Yes, there were a few overweight girls, but they never had a problem getting accepted in our house, because what mattered to us was good grades and a great desire to help others and reach out to the community. (and have some fun on the side!)
Not every sorority is about looks and $$ (as I've said many times before)...if they are, they shouldn't be using the "sorority" name, because that is not what we're all about...
Oh, and ONE of our ideas of fun was to go "second hand store" shopping once a month!

 

[onelilspark]

As someone who knows nothing about Greek life other than what I've seen on the media (and what I'm reading here) I find this thread quite interesting.

I'm also one who have always thought that only the rich and beautiful were deemed "worthy" of joining, but I'm reading that acceptance was based on grades and personality.

Then you had sisters in your houses who came from poor backgrounds, or were overwheight, or had physical disabilities?

I'm asking because the image I have of soriorities is that they have to "look" and dress a certain way.

To answer your question: we had sisters who were overweight (I'm no size 2, but I wouldn't put myself into the overweight category either) and those who were putting themselves through school or had minimal help from their families. We didn't have anyone with a physical disability, well anything over an illness. We had one sister who was a cancer survivor, I'm not sure if you would include that because I know you're asking about "image" and on the outside she "looked" fine. To be honest, we didn't have many students on campus with disabilities, our campus wasn't very handicapped assessable. I think that if someone came through our door with a physical disability we'd probably look at her as any other potential new member...which is part of the reason I loved the group of sisters I had.

We did have "pin" days where we'd all wear our pins on campus and look nice (dress up a bit, no jeans or sneakers.) But they were optional to participate in.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Oh, so it's controlling for a sorority to want it's members to be able to handle the commitment?

It goes beyond wanting. It is demanding.

And yes, in my opinion that is controlling. I fail to see a direct correlation between low grades and the amount of free time someone has. Maybe the ones that are getting high grades are consumed with school to get those high grades and THEY are the ones who will not have the time. And those with lower grades are slacking off and will have all the time in the world. But it shouldn't be up to the sorority to decide FOR them. As long as you remain in good academic standing with the University at which the house is located, what difference does it make? Aren't people with a 2.0 grade point average capable of helping the community as well?

So once you're "in", how do your "sisters" keep tabs on your grades determine if you are still up to their standards? Do they demand to see your transcript every semester or what?

 

[jezebella]

As someone who knows nothing about Greek life other than what I've seen on the media (and what I'm reading here) I find this thread quite interesting.

I'm also one who have always thought that only the rich and beautiful were deemed "worthy" of joining, but I'm reading that acceptance was based on grades and personality.

Then you had sisters in your houses who came from poor backgrounds, or were overwheight, or had physical disabilities?

I'm asking because the image I have of soriorities is that they have to "look" and dress a certain way.

Well...most of my sisters were working all the time to pay for the sorority dues....with the exception of one girl (and we were around 150 girls) I don't recall any of us being considered "rich" and a lot of us were going to school on scholarships (back to the gpa thing). Also, I can say that when I joined --- I surely had put on the freshman 15 and then some. I was no skinny minnie and I didn't feel judged at all. We lived just like every other college kid, in a dorm with roommates, broke and eating ramen noodles...

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

But I thought sororities were all about giving back to the community.

That was a very uneducated statement. Obviously you were never part of the Greek system.

I was trying to make the OP's daughter feel like school can still be fun even without a sorority.

But as far as the fraternity goes - we would roadblock (stand at stop lights) and collect change for leukemia, over the course of a year would donate $20,000 plus. Would conduct blood drives - with more than 100 pints donated every quarter. Tutored at the housing project next to campus on a weekly basis. Volunteered to do work at senior citizens homes - painting, lawn care etc.

Giving back to the community was a huge part of Greek life!! So were grades. So was partying.

 

[onelilspark]

It goes beyond wanting. It is demanding.

And yes, in my opinion that is controlling.

So once you're "in", how do your "sisters" keep tabs on your grades determine if you are still up to their standards? Do they demand to see your transcript every semester or what?

It was watched by the school. If someone fell below a line, our president was told. If they were below eligibility, the president knew. If we were above the line, our grades weren't released to the president. Basically, it was need to know only. And it was because of eligibility purposes.

That was a very uneducated statement. Obviously you were never part of the Greek system.

I was trying to make the OP's daughter feel like school can still be fun even without a sorority.

But as far as the fraternity goes - we would roadblock (stand at stop lights) and collect change for leukemia, over the course of a year would donate $20,000 plus. Would conduct blood drives - with more than 100 pints donated every quarter. Tutored at the housing project next to campus on a weekly basis. Volunteered to do work at senior citizens homes - painting, lawn care etc.

Giving back to the community was a huge part of Greek life!! So were grades. So was partying.

You brought a great suggestion for the OP's daughter. Of course, the trick is to find the right fraternity and hope they have room. Might be even harder than "rush." Then again, no dues

 

[TwinsinCA]

She wasn't in a sorority...she was a fraternity little sister...

I guess I don't see that that makes much of a difference. Greek is Greek.

 

[onelilspark]

I guess I don't see that that makes much of a difference. Greek is Greek.

A little sister isn't actually a member of that organization on a national level. You're not comparing apples to apples.

 

[disykat]

I am flabergasted. I've never in my life heard of people who though sororities and fraternaties MAIN purpose was doing good in their communities.