College Sororities - Sad and Confused......kinda of long sorry

[mykidsand_i]

It isn't about a few bad people in the group. Are you not reading the stories being told? It is about the systematic practice of exclusion. And I will not apologize for having a less than favorable opinion of those who support that.

You can sugarcoat it all you want with all the "good" sororities do. But it doesn't change the fact that they also HURT people by their archaic 'selection' process. There have been several examples on this thread alone. It is ironic that a system supposedly in place to build women up also tears them down so cruelly. But I guess once you (in general, not YOU) are "in" you don't care enough to make changes so that this no longer happens to other women.

So if you want to call me a Greek "racist". Go ahead. I can live with that.

Saying that the sorority organization is built to bring certain women down is like saying that everyone should get into everything they apply for...should everyone get the job they apply for (no)? Should everyone get to be an actor/actress in a movie role just because they want to (I mean, it's my life long dream to be an actress in a film , but I'm not up to par, so I guess I should feel like the organization of the film industry has crushed me- along with many other women?) Should EVERYONE be let into the college/university they apply to? Should everyone who asks be given a loan (even if they don't qualify)???

Sure, it tears people apart when they are told they were not "accepted." But we live in a society where people are interviewed for things, we live in a society where not everyone is even able to get into college, so does that mean? So, When colleges reject people who have not "fit the rules" are they also bad then? Gosh, Purdue, Stanford, Notre Dame, U of MN and every other good college in the world must just be horrible too- if you go by the standard that no one should get rejected because their life long dreams will be shattered.

It's a lot of work to be in a sorority, for those of us that have had great experianes, of course we're going to stick up for the life! What do people expect...I understand where people come from when they don't like certain ones- not every house does "rush" in a bad way. mine was an informal interview...it was based on 4 things.

-I could handle my full load of classes AND still keep up with the organization
-I was out-going and friendly with others
-I had the "mind of a leader" who was willing to organize events for the community AND the entire university
-I had the "heart of a helper."

Yes, this all was actually written on my docket. There were many different types of girls in my sorority...my sorority was looking for girls with great personalities who were willing to serve...and I believe that others look for that as well

 

[jezebella]

You know what's funny....I was in a sorority in college, joined my sophomore year (and we had a lot of greeks, my pledge class was 46) and when you go into it, you think that they are selecting you even though it's a mutual match. The first rush you are on the "other side" you realize that the sorority is actually just as nervous as the rushees. We were trying to get the girls to pick us!

OP -- if your daughter is up for it, I would encourage her to rush again. We had several years where girls didn't get picked for any sorority because they didn't show enough interest so the sorority didn't know if they wanted to be in it, which sometimes results in a mismatch. We found out after rush about a devastated girl (through a roomate, friend, etc.) that really wanted to pledge us, but we thought she wasn't interested. We reached out to her, got her to go through rush again, and she was in. It's really a communication thing.

As for the grades --- that is a HUGE deal...but find me any high school or college that doesn't have a grade requirement for atheltics...you won't. It's the same concept.

 

[mykidsand_i]

here's a brief paragraph about what some of the sisters in sororities do for the entire community (and COUNTRY). For those of us sisters that have had great experiances, it really hurts us to see that some of you are againsed them ALL, even though you know nothing about them ALL..."pledging" in a good house is just like a job interview- and not everyone gets the job they apply for.
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Community Service Initiatives
Kappa Delta makes great things happen not only in its members’ lives, but also in the lives of women and children around the world. We take great pride in our efforts to build and strengthen community service initiatives that reach out to those around us.

Kappa Delta supports four national philanthropies* – Prevent Child Abuse America, Girl Scouts of the USA, the Orthopaedic Research Awards, and Children’s Hospital of Richmond, Virginia. Through its partnership with Girl Scouts, in 2006 Kappa Delta joined the groundbreaking Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, promoting self-esteem among girls and women nationwide. *

The sorority has developed several other community service initiatives, including: the KiDs Need to Be KiDs campaign to provide toys and books to young victims of natural disasters; KiDs Grants which fund programs for children and families through local non-profit agencies; Collegiate Community Service Awards that honor collegians who demonstrate outstanding involvement in their communities, and many others.

Whether helping to raise self-esteem in girls and women or addressing the difficult issues facing women on college campuses, Kappa Delta continues to partner with community leaders to truly make a difference.

 

[Deb & Bill]

>>> Through its partnership with Girl Scouts, in 2006 Kappa Delta joined the groundbreaking Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, promoting self-esteem among girls and women nationwide. * ...Whether helping to raise self-esteem in girls and women or addressing the difficult issues facing women on college campuses, Kappa Delta continues to partner with community leaders to truly make a difference.

Too bad they don't see the esteem problems in rushing.

 

[jezebella]

Too bad they don't see the esteem problems in rushing.

Umm....so you're referring to the esteem problems from not being selected, right? Well on that note, I think we need to ban all atheltics from schools as well, because last I checked, you have to "try out" or rush for those as well---what exactly is different? If you don't make the basketball team, it hurts your self esteem, if you don't get a job you want, it hurts your self esteem, I don't understand this line of thinking.... ...

 

[mykidsand_i]

not all of us 'rush' in a bad way! I am truely understanding of the ones that 'rush' based upon looks, $$$ and material things...but what I'm tring to say is that is not true in every sorority.
Here's an example.

The XXX company has 24 openings for a certain job. XXX company gets 30 applicants...not every applicant can get the job. There are rules set by the colleges as to "how many people can be in the house" this is set by the college...just like the college sets the rules about what orginizations are allowed on campus and how many people can get into the college.

I am truely saying from the bottom of my heart that ALL SORORITIES DO NOT 'PLEDGE' based on bad things!!! Mine was all about personality, willingness to work together to provide good helps and services to OTHERS. There is no way everyone can get in who applies and this fact applies to almost EVERY organization. I'm sorry for the people who don't get in to good sororities. I really am...but it's not based upon who has the looks and the money all the time...it has to do with who's the most outgoing and who would get along with the organization the best...who has a 'heart of a helper' and the most willingness to help others. Yes, it has to also look at grades- but a lot of organizations need good grades in order to join.

 

[rie'smom]

here's a brief paragraph about what some of the sisters in sororities do for the entire community (and COUNTRY). For those of us sisters that have had great experiances, it really hurts us to see that some of you are againsed them ALL, even though you know nothing about them ALL..."pledging" in a good house is just like a job interview- and not everyone gets the job they apply for.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Community Service Initiatives
Kappa Delta makes great things happen not only in its members’ lives, but also in the lives of women and children around the world. We take great pride in our efforts to build and strengthen community service initiatives that reach out to those around us.

Kappa Delta supports four national philanthropies* – Prevent Child Abuse America, Girl Scouts of the USA, the Orthopaedic Research Awards, and Children’s Hospital of Richmond, Virginia. Through its partnership with Girl Scouts, in 2006 Kappa Delta joined the groundbreaking Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, promoting self-esteem among girls and women nationwide. *

The sorority has developed several other community service initiatives, including: the KiDs Need to Be KiDs campaign to provide toys and books to young victims of natural disasters; KiDs Grants which fund programs for children and families through local non-profit agencies; Collegiate Community Service Awards that honor collegians who demonstrate outstanding involvement in their communities, and many others.

Whether helping to raise self-esteem in girls and women or addressing the difficult issues facing women on college campuses, Kappa Delta continues to partner with community leaders to truly make a difference.

The very nature of culling (rush) makes for low self esteem. If it makes you feel better to think that leaving girls out is helpful, good.

 

[jezebella]

not all of us 'rush' in a bad way! I am truely understanding of the ones that 'rush' based upon looks, $$$ and material things...but what I'm tring to say is that is not true in every sorority.
Here's an example.

The XXX company has 24 openings for a certain job. XXX company gets 30 applicants...not every applicant can get the job. There are rules set by the colleges as to "how many people can be in the house" this is set by the college...just like the college sets the rules about what orginizations are allowed on campus and how many people can get into the college.

I am truely saying from the bottom of my heart that ALL SORORITIES DO NOT 'PLEDGE' based on bad things!!! Mine was all about personality, willingness to work together to provide good helps and services to OTHERS. There is no way everyone can get in who applies and this fact applies to almost EVERY organization. I'm sorry for the people who don't get in to good sororities. I really am...but it's not based upon who has the looks and the money all the time...it has to do with who's the most outgoing and who would get along with the organization the best...who has a 'heart of a helper' and the most willingness to help others. Yes, it has to also look at grades- but a lot of organizations need good grades in order to join.

I concur....but then again, we get along---maybe this is why we are sisters?

 

[Geoff_M]

Umm....so you're referring to the esteem problems from not being selected, right? Well on that note, I think we need to ban all atheltics from schools as well, because last I checked, you have to "try out" or rush for those as well---what exactly is different? If you don't make the basketball team, it hurts your self esteem, if you don't get a job you want, it hurts your self esteem, I don't understand this line of thinking.... ...

You're missing one key difference.... The reason for the rejection. I think most players can at least understand the reason why they didn't make the team. Not fast enough, not skilled enough, etc. Even if they don't agree with the coaches' assessment, at least they have a handle on the criteria and understands what they need to work on for "next time". Not so much with "rushing".

 

[onelilspark]

Too bad they don't see the esteem problems in rushing.

In other words, instead of working to solve those problems by joining a national campaign, sororities should just continue to perpetuate the problem? It's obvious you don't know anything about the campaign. The idea is to teach girls to build each other up instead of tearing each other down. Starting a young age so that by the time they are at the college level, it is no longer an issue. And if you look back upon the pages of this thread, it's clear to me that this isn't an issue present with just females in sororities. It's present when there are people who make snarky remarks about paying for your friends and judging those who joined sororities.

The Dove campaign was something that was started corporately (uh duh, because Dove is a corporation) that the sororities then attached their names to. Kappa Delta was the first, but then other sororities joined as well. This is a team effort by Greeks and non-Greeks to build young girls up. It's a shame that you're missing the message.

 

[MariDisney]

I feel for your DD. I'm sure that in a little while the hurt will fade a bit....later she may realize that this was a GOOD thing for her. But right now.... I've never seen the appeal of sororities much. Either way there are many other activites that she can get involved in. Maybe she can join one of the service oriented clubs on campus. Since she enjoys dancing maybe she could put together a dance club or team. Just encourage her to get involved in some way. Life is sooo short to dwell on those negative things. And there are way too many activities and clubs on campus to NOT do something. I'm sure she'll find something she'll love more than a sorority in the end.

Let her wallow and feel bad for a couple of day. Eat chocolate, lie around in sweats and feel sorry for herself. Be symapthetic and be "Mom". ANd then before she gets in too deep, pull her out of it. Try to nudge her on to bigger and better things.

If it makes her feel ANY better...I'm a 31 year old Mom of 2 DD's (10 and 5) who still works in a fast food restaurant (part time) and I just started college last Tuesday. And it's hard. I'm an adult and felt soo selfconsious and lonely that first day of class. I didn't know anyone and I felt ages older than everyone else. I felt like everyone was staring and snickering at the chubby older lady sitting by herself. I haven't been that uncomfortable since high school. But I took a deep breath and made it trough the day. At one point, I felt so out of my element (during a break between classes) that I went in the bathroom, sat in a stall and cried. I felt that out of my element, that I was in waaay over my head and that I had made a HUGE mistake.

Then I got up, dried my eyes and just got on with it. If I can do it, I know your DD can do it. She has so much potential at this point to let this get her down. Tell her to have faith and the confidence that it will be OK. I hope she feels better soon.

I know nothing about the Greek system, as my college didn't have one. I just wanted to say that this is one of the best posts I've ever read on the DIS. Fantastic advice. And good for you for getting your degree now!!

OP, I know your DD is hurting now. Even though my DD is only 9, I am tearing up thinking about you feeling this pain for your DD. But, she will be OK. She just needs to give it some time, pull herself up by the bootstraps, and find the perfect place for her on campus. Send her some hugs for me.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Umm....so you're referring to the esteem problems from not being selected, right? Well on that note, I think we need to ban all atheltics from schools as well, because last I checked, you have to "try out" or rush for those as well---what exactly is different? If you don't make the basketball team, it hurts your self esteem, if you don't get a job you want, it hurts your self esteem, I don't understand this line of thinking.... ...

But the basketball team doesn't make a points of promoting self esteem. They just want to win. Plus everyone knows exactly what they have to do to make the team. They don't know what they have to do to make the sorority.

 

[jezebella]

You're missing one key difference.... The reason for the rejection. I think most players can at least understand the reason why they didn't make the team. Not fast enough, not skilled enough, etc. Even if they don't agree with the coaches' assessment, at least they have a handle on the criteria and understand what they need to work on for "next time". Not so much with "rushing".

The OP said that her daughter's grades weren't that great -- how more finite can you be? Low GPA -- get your grades up...something to work on for "next time".

 

[castleview]

You're missing one key difference.... The reason for the rejection. I think most players can at least understand the reason why they didn't make the team. Not fast enough, not skilled enough, etc. Even if they don't agree with the coaches' assessment, at least they have a handle on the criteria and understand what they need to work on for "next time". Not so much with "rushing".

Agreed! The difference is when you're trying out for an athletic team, you're displaying a skill. When rushing you trying to impress people based on what?

 

[Deb & Bill]

The OP said that her daughter's grades weren't that great -- how more finite can you be? Low GPA -- get your grades up...something to work on for "next time".

It appears she has already rushed twice. How much of a glutton for punishment does she have to be?

 

[castleview]

The OP said that her daughter's grades weren't that great -- how more finite can you be? Low GPA -- get your grades up...something to work on for "next time".

I'm still having trouble believing this grades requirement given the grades of the people I knew in the Greek system. And please let me know what fundraiser you did for these organizations. I never saw one at all on my campus...unless you count the guys giving out credit card applications - and that was more of a rush activity.

 

[onelilspark]

not all of us 'rush' in a bad way! I am truely understanding of the ones that 'rush' based upon looks, $$$ and material things...but what I'm tring to say is that is not true in every sorority.
Here's an example.

The XXX company has 24 openings for a certain job. XXX company gets 30 applicants...not every applicant can get the job. There are rules set by the colleges as to "how many people can be in the house" this is set by the college...just like the college sets the rules about what orginizations are allowed on campus and how many people can get into the college.

I am truely saying from the bottom of my heart that ALL SORORITIES DO NOT 'PLEDGE' based on bad things!!! Mine was all about personality, willingness to work together to provide good helps and services to OTHERS. There is no way everyone can get in who applies and this fact applies to almost EVERY organization. I'm sorry for the people who don't get in to good sororities. I really am...but it's not based upon who has the looks and the money all the time...it has to do with who's the most outgoing and who would get along with the organization the best...who has a 'heart of a helper' and the most willingness to help others. Yes, it has to also look at grades- but a lot of organizations need good grades in order to join.

Agreed. In my years, we never once mentioned a girl's looks OR money. It was personality and grades.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

This is one of the reasons why I chose not to rush when I was in college. That and the fees.

To some extent, I'm happy that I didn't. But in others, I wish I had. Being in a sorority would have gone a long ways in helping me to finish college.

I do think that the sororities on my campus was run quite a bit differently than many other schools. Unlike the frats, the girls didn't have houses and instead had suites within the dorms. I know that they also based a lot on grades. But, in the end I know it was still more of a popularity and beauty contest. Something I would never win.

 

[jezebella]

It appears she has already rushed twice. How much of a glutton for punishment does she have to be?

I'm not about arguing facts...but I think she didn't rush her freshman year due to grades and has only rushed once as a sophomore.

And re: skill for sports--isn't that subjective? Who qualifies more? The girl with the great layup, or the one who makes the 3 pointers? I know a lot of ppl that have been devastated by sports because where I grew up, it was mostly poliltical and who's parents did what or were boosters, or paid more money in for the team....it's life...life is not fair. We can try as hard as we can to make it that way, but it's just a fact.

I'm done with this now. I've had to stand up for my decision I made in college for years and I know that some sit on one side of the fence, some sit on the other, and nobody wants to meet in the midddle. C'est la vie!

 

[onelilspark]

I'm still having trouble believing this grades requirement given the grades of the people I knew in the Greek system. And please let me know what fundraiser you did for these organizations. I never saw one at all on my campus...unless you count the guys giving out credit card applications - and that was more of a rush activity.

At my school our sorority hosted "WINGO" which was a combination wings eating contest and bingo. We had local companies donate the prizes and wings (or if they couldn't donate, buy them at cost.) We "rented" a room at the school. We would charge a few bucks for a bingo card and a little more to enter the wings eating contest...at three temps, mild, medium, and hot. We also had a collection can out. Any profit we made went directly to the charity.

We also teamed up with one of the frats and did a haunted house. We charged a buck or two for admission. That went to their charity.

We volunteered to help a local women's shelter when they had their annual fundraiser. We worked the ticket booth, entertained the kids, etc.

We entered teams in the other sororities/frats tournaments that they held for their charities (i.e. Chi Omega's Make a Swish for Make a Wish basketball tournament)

We showed up to help clean up the campus on the clean up day

Need more??