NOTE--I've only read the OP. Sorry if this is repeative.
So far we have DS5, DS2, DS1. Each has a college fund that should pay for their first year (tution & living expenses) in full, so far. We are now working on year two, which will be put on hold if baby#4 comes along until he/she gets his/her first year done. We just get one year paid for and then move on to the next. It's just part of our budget factor, as is retirement, mortgage, travel, etc. I don't foresee a problem having 80-100% of college paid for by the time they start high school. And I'm sure my parents have also put away something for them, so maybe a graduate degree can be paid for also. It's called advanced planning. But since you are too late for that...
DH paid for his college education himself. Where he grew up, you where highly educated if you had a high school diploma. He covered his first year with a college football scholarship. But he decided the body abuse wasn't worth it and he wouldn't want to go pro anyhow--he was tired of aching. And that required a college transfer since his coach was so P****ed. He was harrassed by the new college's football coach for two years to play there in exchange for a scholarship, but he was done.
So, instead he went after finicial aid. He researched every possible grant (especially pell grants) and scholarship he might even slightly qualify for. He joined organizations just to get qualified for more money. Of course, he was active in everything too, so he didn't overload himself on anything. He then also, had a job. And one job he had also offered tution assistance. Something to look into. He got reembursed 50% on top of his pay as long as he applied at the beginning of the semester, received a B or better in the class and was still employed when report cards came out. He didn't do it, but many college's offer work study programs. I had friends that were RA's in order to get free dorm rooms.
After that, then comes the loans. DH only had two, so it was easy & quick to pay off. His parents paid for nothing. Couldn't even if they wanted to.
Parents shouldn't feel obligated to pay for college. It's nice, but not a requirement. Don't rule out community college--best education that money can buy while working on the basics.
check out
http://www.finaid.org/ for different ways to fun college.
Also look to
http://www.fastweb.com/fastweb/register/start?ref=google_grants_exact-1f--http%3a%2f%2fwww%2egoogle%2ecom%2fsearch%3fsourceid%3dnavclient%2dff%26ie%3dUTF%2d8%26rls%3dGGGL%2cGGGL%3a2006%2d32%2cGGGL%3aen%26q%3dcollege%2bfunding to find grants
Lastly, to help you understand college costs to to
http://www.foxcollegefunding.com/; it might help