Children at weddings (debate)

[goofygirl]

The bride and groom have right to invite or not invite anyone they want to.


If feelings get hurt, so be it. They will have to get over it.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by janette
Several of the weddings I've been to with young flower girls have the girls just walk up the aisle and then sit down with someone at the front. It is very hard for them to stand the entire time.

It's up to the bride & groom. Most of our family weddings always have kids, I can't remember going to a wedding where kids weren't invited. There have been a few that provided child care during the ceremony and that works for the youngest ones.

Well, she doesn't sit still long either. I will probably have her sit by me at the front of the church. And if that doesn't work DH's cousin will take her out. I don't want MIL or someone who really wants to watch the ceremony to have to worry about her.

SIL is totally cool about it. She is not Bridezilla at all.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
Well, she doesn't sit still long either. I will probably have her sit by me at the front of the church. And if that doesn't work DH's cousin will take her out. I don't want MIL or someone who really wants to watch the ceremony to have to worry about her.

SIL is totally cool about it. She is not Bridezilla at all.

You might think about getting her a little purse and packing a few new quiet toys and neat snacks (fruit snacks come to mind). I do this for DD whenever we go somewhere that she needs to be quiet and it works great. Hope it all works out well.

 

[mom2boys]

Was just at a wedding last weekend that my kids weren't invited to. Frankly, they didn't belong at this wedding. The reception started with cocktail "hour" while we waited for the bride & groom to arrive - much better than sitting around looking at everyone. There was an open bar during the dinner/reception & then the party moved to an onsite bar. It was an adult oriented wedding. The flowergirls & ringbears (2 of each) left the reception after the meal. Their parents stayed & enjoyed the evening. It was not an appropriate atmosphere for children. BTW - my boys were back at our hotel with their 14 yr old cousin. They had room service for dinner, played GameCube, watched TV & were much happier than if they had been with us.

I would have appreciated my children being invited to my brothers wedding 4 years ago. They did not understand being excluded as they are close to my brother. But that marriage ended 2 years ago so...

 

[Beth]

We offered a nursery/nursery-workers for those (small) children who came with their parents.

We had just seen too many ceremonies ruined by screaming children and parents who didn't have the sense to take them out of the sanctuary.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I do not believe small children belong at a wedding. The reception, fine, but NOT the wedding if it's in a church.

Our DD was married 4 years ago and I distinctly remember a baby on the groom's side screaming and fussing throughout most of the ceremony. I looked over at the parents of the child a couple of times (second time I know I glared rather than just looked!) and other people were turning to look at them as well as if to silently say "take that screaming baby out of here!!!" The parents just sat there and ignored the screaming. I was livid!!
Now, every time we replay the wedding video, we have the screaming baby to listen to all over again. SO annoying!!!

It was a beautiful day. The mother could have taken the baby outside, or even downstairs to one of the rooms the bridal party used to get dressed, but nope...she just sat there....stupid mother!!

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

bride and grooms decision. When I got married it was in the evening. The only child was my neice (age 6 at the time.) She was the flower girl. She stayed for the ceremony, the cocktail hour and a bit of the reception and then her parents had someone pick her up and bring her home. It was late by then andshe was tired.

If an invitation comes to my whole family then the kids will go, but it if just says me and DH than that's who you are getting.

My sister's wedding was last month. My girls (5 and 9) were in the wedding party. She had a few other kids at the reception too -- ranging from age 3 to 9. They had their own table where they sat happily. My mom put together goodie bags to keep the kids happy.

There were a couple of babies there, but they were very quiet.

 

[100%Disney]

I don't see the problem with children being at a wedding as long as it's what the bride and groom want, but children should be taken out if they start crying. Problem is, you just can't predict which parents will have enough manners to exit with a crying child. My BIL's son was at a nephew's wedding, my DS ,(5) at the time, was the ring bearer. My DS surprised us, he was perfectly well behaved, but BIL's son was LOUD and they didn't even bother to leave with him.

 

[Christine]

Definitely the Bride & Groom's choice. I have two children (9 and 12) and wouldn't be offended a bit if children were not invited. As others have said, there are too many parents who just won't get up and take the crying/fussy child out. That fussiness is VERY annoying in a church. Usually it is so quiet and just about every church I've been in lately has a horrible echo to the child's screaming!

About 3 years ago, when my son was six, my cousin had a beach wedding and all the children in the family were invited. I figured it would be fine since it was outdoors. The kids did enjoy it, but during the ceremony it got really quiet. The pastor said "You may now kiss the bride." When my cousin kissed her (and it was VERY quiet), my son said quite loudly "Ewwwwwwwwwww." Oh, I was embarrassed. And for all eternity, my son's "Ewwwwwwwww" will be on their videotape.

 

[Figaro]

It should be the bride and groom's choice as to whether or not children are invited. And no parent should bring along a child that hasn't been invited to either the church or the reception.

I think that one of the main reasons children aren't invited is because so many parents don't deal with their children appropriately. After you've been to a number of weddings where children yell, scream and run around the church during the ceremony, it is easier to decide not to invite any kids since there is no way to know which parents will deal with their children and which ones won't.

And I have actually been at a wedding where the ushers were told to refuse entrance to any parents who brought children with them. I guess that there was a sister-in-law on the brides side who believed that wedding ceremonies in church were public (they aren't, that's why there are ushers)(smile), and that she would bring her three children even though she had been told not to. She did and the ushers refused to let her and the children into the sanctuary.

I have to admit, I really don't understand why anyone would bring children to any event when the children haven't been invited!

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

Originally posted by 100%Disney
I don't see the problem with children being at a wedding as long as it's what the bride and groom want, but children should be taken out if they start crying. Problem is, you just can't predict which parents will have enough manners to exit with a crying child. My BIL's son was at a nephew's wedding, my DS ,(5) at the time, was the ring bearer. My DS surprised us, he was perfectly well behaved, but BIL's son was LOUD and they didn't even bother to leave with him.

MTE. My son has been invited to 2 weddings thus far. We had to travel and stay overnight for the one and would have no access to a babysitter. The bride and groom were very understanding and we assured them there would be NO disturbances. The wedding was at a quaint bed and breakfast and my DH stayed outside w/ my DS until the ceremony was over and the festivities began and the volume level increased. The bride held him and danced w/ him and got some nice photos w/ him. We all had a delightful time.

The 2nd time we were invited to a coworker's daughter's wedding. Our babysitter was invited to that one as well and so we had no one to watch the kiddies. We confirmed what the invitation had said.... that the whole family was invited. And they were.....a 2.5 yo and a newborn. We assured them that if either child made a peep, he/she would be wisked off faster than you could say, "See ya." We promised that we would not in any way detract from their daughter's wedding. Our coworker said he had been to other gatherings w/ us and our son and always felt that he was very well behaved (or maybe it was just that we were well behaved as parents by scooping him up and leaving w/ him) and he was very welcome at his DD's wedding. It was a full Catholic ceremony, but both children sat there quietly and made no sounds. At the reception, the children were well behaved and quiet until after dinner. Then we allowed my DS to get up and dance a bit w/ the wedding party as we passed around the baby. I think my DS got anxious once, and my DH took him for a walk around the hallways of the reception bldg to relieve his energy. It was very stressful for us because we were watching him like hawks, but we really wanted to attend, and it was the only way for us to be there.

Last weekend, my DH attended a wedding in which the children were not invited. Again, my babysitters are out of town, so I declined so I could stay at home w/ the children. We did not feel snubbed at all, and respected the B&G's wishes.

I just wanted to let those of you who think that children do not belong at weddings know that sometimes, a child can add to the celebration. If the child has trouble sitting quietly for periods of time (like the poor mother mentioned happened to her DD's wedding and is now on the video for eternity) then no. But if the child sits nicely, and is quiet, and the parents behave themselves by taking the child out if he/she is crying or making loud noises, and the B&G honestly don't mind having them attend, then I don't see a problem w/ having children. But it is a difficult situation as you don't know which parents will behave and which ones won't. That is why I make a point to tell the B&G that they do not have to worry about our family. We would sooner have one of us sit in the car w/ the children than ruin someone's big day.

 

[aprincessmom]

Up to the bride and groom. I couldn't imagine having a wedding celebration without children so I had them at mine.

 

[Talking Hands]

It is entirely up to the bride and groom. I went to my cousin's wedding when my daughter was less than 2 years old. WE were going to hire a sitter for the ceremony and reception but were told to bring her, that the bride's mother had wished it. (The bride
s mother had died a month before but everything went as planned according to her wishes) It was an Italian wedding and she was the youngest there.

 

[KristiKelly]

I took my kids to my cousins wedding 2 years ago, at the time they were 2 & almost 5, the wedding was small & I know my kids. 1st of all, I took a coloring book for each & each had their own crayons (no sharing/fighting) also, I sat on the back row so I could walk out if I needed to. Much to my surprise, my kids sat the entire time without making a peep & actually watched the service. Like I said, I know my kids and they have been taught from early on that there is a time & place for everything & church is no time for play, fighting, whining, etc.

They were both in a wedding June 5, DS just turned 7 & DD 4, they did great!! They stood through the entire ceremony & never made a sound & did not need to be the center of attention. DD did wave to me once during, but that was all.

So, I guess to answer the question as to whether or not kids should be, is up to the bride & groom. Some couples now have someone in the nursery to keep kids, I did this for DD when she was 8 mo. old (my kids were invited to the wedding, which was out of town), I don't think I would take an infant otherwise to a wedding. If the kids are not invited, however, I don't think you should take them.

 

[southernclass]

I did not have any children except for two at my first wedding and no I would not bring young children unless they were actually in the wedding party.

 

[MICKEY88]

coming from a close family...family weddings have always been looked at as a joyous occasion to share with ALL family members..

babysitters have been provided for those with small children that did not want to bring them... sitters have been provided at the church and at the reception..tha way family can bring the small children to the wedding and if they start to fuss, remove them to the side room with the sitters.., the same at the reception..

Although since we all look forward to spending the time with Aunts Uncles Cousins and such that we don't get to see on a regular basis.. the kids are usually kept busy visiting with family..where little ones are concerned, Mom & Dad can always find plenty of time to dance as children are being passed around to doting relatives...

so Although I must agree that it's the bride and grooms choice..I think they are missing out on something special by not including all family members.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by Disney Doll
There are places children do not belong, and a wedding is one of them.

I have never been to a wedding where kids haven't caused havoc, bumping into the cake table, rolling on the floor, screaming and carrying-on.

Flame away!

that's sad..my experience has been quite different...any problems at any wedding I've ever been to, have been caused by Adults with too much alcohol...

 

[southernclass]

Originally posted by MICKEY88
that's sad..my experience has been quite different...any problems at any wedding I've ever been to, have been caused by Adults with too much alcohol...

Very good point!! One more reason why we did not include children, because of the alcohol.

 

[Bojangles]

Originally posted by southernclass
Very good point!! One more reason why we did not include children, because of the alcohol.

Then why did you provide it to your guests?

 

[Bojangles]

deleted duplicate post.