Children at weddings (debate)

[disykat]

I think it is up to the bride and groom.

The only wedding I have ever been to without kids is that of one of my best friends. I was Matron of Honor. Because I had to be there all weekend, I had my parents booked to babysit almost a year in advance! They drove 400 miles each way to come so me and dh could be away for the weekend. We would not have gone to that effort for just anyone, but were willing to do it for her.

We were invited to an old high school friend of my dh's wedding. Since he didn't even know we had a child - our child's name was not on the invitation. It was about 5 hours away so we turned it into a weekend and went to the beach afterwards. Needless to say, we took our baby. I sat in the car with him during the wedding and made a brief appearance with him at the reception (it was not a sitdown dinner, but an outdoor buffet). I still don't know whether he was welcome, but I can't imagine anyone thinking he was disruptive.

I personally think a wedding is a family affair and it wouldn't have felt right to me at all to not have kids there. I think it is horribly sad that people have to worry about people not being polite enough to remove disruptive children. I was lucky at our wedding. We probably had about 20 children under age 4 there and not a single disruption.

 

[Disney Doll]

There are places children do not belong, and a wedding is one of them.

I have never been to a wedding where kids haven't caused havoc, bumping into the cake table, rolling on the floor, screaming and carrying-on.

Flame away!

 

[kadaten]

It's the Bride & Groom's day, so it is their decision!

If the kids are on the invitation, they're invited.
If they're not, they're not.

I would never let the fact that kids aren't invited keep me from going to a wedding unless I couldn't get a sitter. I LIKE doing things without them sometimes

My family has done both...mine had kids (niece and nephew) in the wedding party, but they were the only ones there since we were the first of our friends to get married No wait...there was one other neice...but that was it. I welcomed children of my mom's friends, but they got sitters...

Cousin who had a 6pm formal wedding stated no kids....so I left them with family in town. Lucky for us...it was an out-of-town wedding, but we happened to have family from the other side of the family in the same town

Other cousin had an afternoon wedding with kids invited.....they provided a nursery during the service if we wished (I did....my DS likes to listen to the echoes in church so he squeals/screams/giggles very loudly when inside the sactuary ) and kids were invited to the reception They had a movie room with pizza for the kids off the reception ball room, but they were free to come and go. The bride loves kids and danced with all of them during the reception

I see no problem with either choice, and remember it is up to the bride and groom how they want their day to be

 

[ptcruisermom]

About 9 years ago my niece got married (she is 8 years younger than I am) the invitation clearly stated adult only reception-so my dh and I decided we would not be going(oh yeah niece was pg) being my brothers and sister who have kids are 17,16,15 years older than I am,my kids were the only first cousins of the niece who were not invited. I was quite offended, after all I had her in my wedding. So of her 9 first cousins on her fathers side my 3 were the only ones not invited, when her brother got married several years later it was the same way-sop we did not attend. Oh yeah my ds daughter was 13 at the time and she was invited. If it would just be a friend of mine of dh then it would be okay-but to not include some close family members it is rude.

 

[lulugirl]

I think the bride and groom should do whatever they are comfortable with. If DD is invited we'll bring her, if not she stays home. I am never offended if DD is not invited, it's perfectly reasonable to NOT want a 4 1/2 year old at a formal affair.

 

[KimRaye]

Lots of good thoughts here.

My DS has rarely MISSED a wedding in his lifetime, due to being the ringbearer or an Usher for family weddings. He has attended and behaved extraordinarily good, but he's used to church as well. The mini-tux is a plus, too.

I think children, and any one for that matter, are welcome at a church, regardless of the bride & groom's wishes. It is an open ceremony, normally announced in printing in the church's bulletins, etc. So imo, kids are ok at the church.

The reception is definately where the B&G decide. The last wedding DS & I were in (my brother's), DS went to the reception and sat with my parents during dinner. DD was under 2yo tho and she was dropped off after church at my friend's for overnight. The flowergirl, 1 year older than DD at the time, was at the reception...she did fine, loved dancing.

Obviously, for other weddings, we do and have, hired a babysitter. My kids might attend the church only, if convenient, but never the reception when the invite says Mr & Mrs.

I think every wedding/situation/preference is different.

Good thread.

 

[janette]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
Well, my DD will turn 3 the week of my SIL's wedding. She is the flower girl and I am worried about her behavior. First, the wedding is right at her nap time 1:30. Second DH and I are both in the wedding so neither one of us can really take her out (although SIL said she totally understands if I would have to.) Third, she is NOT good at standing still/being quiet for a long period of time. I don't want her to be distracting.
So, I think DH's cousin, who is in 8th grade, will take DD out if she starts to act up. She is good with little kids and has a Brother who is 1 year older than DD. Hopefully she holds up for the reception.

My Friend is getting married in September. DD is invited, but no way am I taking her. She would rather stay with Grandma.

Several of the weddings I've been to with young flower girls have the girls just walk up the aisle and then sit down with someone at the front. It is very hard for them to stand the entire time.

It's up to the bride & groom. Most of our family weddings always have kids, I can't remember going to a wedding where kids weren't invited. There have been a few that provided child care during the ceremony and that works for the youngest ones.

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

I took my oldest to a wedding (my DH's sister's wedding- in which he was part of the wedding party also- so it's not like we could just not go...our whole family was invited btw. Good thing too- since there's no way we would have attended the wedding in another state without our baby and had no one who could have babysat her anyway!) when she was a baby right at 1yr old... but I left the wedding and went outside when she was being a little "loud" (not screaming- but not quiet either). I think that's the proper way to handle a child in that type of situation (wedding, movie theatre, any place where noise is not appreciated by others)- to step out when the baby isn't 'cooperating' with their noise level. LOL

I think that's rude that people had babies there during the wedding crying or screaming and just kept them in there? Totally ruining the wedding I imagine...

 

[EltonJohn]

It's the B&G's preference, but why would you want the focus on misbehaving children rather than on you? I don't have kids, so I can't answer your question about taking them, however; I can't imagine being offended if a future DS/DD was not invited. When my parents were married my mom didn't have children in her wedding party because she wanted the focus to be on her. When I get married someday I'll probably follow suit.

There has been one wedding that I attended that had a nusery for children under five during the ceremony. I don't remember if any kids were at that reception.

Jeff,

What is your obessison with Cotton Candy?

 

[poohandwendy]

I think children, and any one for that matter, are welcome at a church, regardless of the bride & groom's wishes. It is an open ceremony, normally announced in printing in the church's bulletins, etc. So imo, kids are ok at the church.

I disagree with that line of thinking. If the B&G have expressed a wish that they intend an 'adult only' weddding, I think it is rude to ignore their wishes and bring the children to the church service OR the reception.

Of course, most churches welcome ANYONE to walk through the doors at any time, that doesn't mean it isn't rude to intrude upon a private wedding service.

 

[EltonJohn]

Originally posted by poohandwendy Of course, most churches welcome ANYONE to walk through the doors at any time, that doesn't mean it isn't rude to intrude upon a private wedding service.

ITA. What if it were a private funeral service that the church was hosting? Would you walk into that? I certainly would not.

diane

 

[Kristi1357]

A little different take on this subject... We were *forced* to bring our 11mo. old to my SIL's wedding this past Saturday. She insisted that he be her ring bearer (huh? he's 11 mos. old!). When we tried to decline months ago, she would get upset and hang up on us - then have Mommy call DH to complain also. They are just lucky DH is too nice and gave in (I NEVER would have).

Although DS did do great throughout the day, it still was wrong for them to bully us for many reasons. DH & I actually wanted a fun day out without DS for once - like a date. DH had to carry DS for the ceremony, as well as the ring pillow (DS untied the rings on his first try) - after doing his usher thing. This meant I had to hold DS out of sight until DH could come back and get him, walking in with the flower girls. Then I had to sneak in a back way to be seated so as not to disrupt the ceremony in progress. I also had to leave the reception for 2 hours to sit alone in the bridal suite with DS sleeping in my arms. Even when SIL came in the suite to freshen up, she did not say one word to me! Nice day for us as a couple, huh?

I understand it was SIL's day and I bit my tongue so much it hurt! But I still think it was very rude to play these games with us. He's my son and DH & I should be the ones to decide what he does and does not particpate in. This type of thing will not happen again!

 

[ripleysmom]

I don't have a problem with children at weddings. Children are a fact of life and I think they should be welcomed. That being said I certainly think that the bride and groom have the right to specify.

FWIW my BIL is getting married this August and he will have about 30 children attending.

 

[stinkerbelle]

I think it's 100% up to the Bride and Groom.

We didn't have young children at our wedding...I think the youngest in attendence was a cousin of DH's that was 13. (one of my bridesmaids - DH's sister - was only 14 at the time.) We had a Friday night reception (don't even start on me with that) and we wanted our friends to come and have a good time without their children. The ceremony started at 4:30, the reception ended at midnight.

I don't think it's rude or inconsiderate at all...a wedding can be a very formal affair (if the bride and groom wish) and infants/young children do not belong at places like that.

 

[frustrated]

Bride's day, bride's dollar, bride's choice! (How much does the groom really care anyway?!

 

[gina2000]

It's usually not done around here. Weddings and receptions are adult affairs. My BIL and SIL did have children at their wedding and reception....and it was wonderful. It was the only affair I've ever attended in my life with children, though.

 

[ducklite]

When my son was very young we generally passed on weddings--too much stress! My sister got married when DS was two. I was the MOH. I had a close friend watch DS until after dinner was over, then had her bring him to the reception. Lots less stress for everyone, and he had a great day with my friend at the park eating ice cream. By the time he got to the reception it was a party, and he had fun dancing and being a kid without being disruptive.

Going to a wedding next month, no kids invited--even my 18yo DS! Doesn't hurt my feelings or his, he's a second cousin, and they cut the guest list at first cousins--my guess is so they wouldn't have to either invite the twenty some infant to ten year olds in the family, or risk hurting feelings. My DS isn't hurt by it--more relieved he doesn't have to go LOL!

I think it's up to the bride and groom, and IMHO it's perfectly acceptable to not invite kids, and quite unreasonable for parents to either be offended that the kids weren't invited, or worse yet bring them along anyhow.

Anne

 

[CEDmom]

While no one can be stopped from attending a wedding ceremony in a church I really think it should be up to the bride and groom as to whether children s/b invited. If they are included they should be accomodated with things to keep them happy and occupied.

DH and I invited children to our wedding. My 5 yo niece was our flowergirl and there were about 5 other children all between 3-5 there. The only really little one was my 1 yo niece. We had a goodie bag for each child with a coloring book, crayons and stickers to keep them entertained at the reception.

This is how we wanted it. I fully respect a couple's right not to want children and unless our DD was specifically invited I wouldn't think to bring her to a wedding. DH and I wouldn't have any problem attending a wedding w/o her.

I strongly believe that child do not need to be included in everything parents do.

BTW, we had a morning wedding (10:30) and a luncheon reception so that made a big difference in having kids there.

 

[buddy&wooz]

I agree that it should be up to the bride and groom. It's their day, their fantasy.

I missed two weddings of close family members when my oldest two were infants because I was nursing them and couldn't leave them all day. When I was invited to a wedding when my third child was nursing I was prepared to miss that, too, but the bride wouldn't hear of it and insisted I bring him along, fortunately he slept most of the party away!

As they've gotten older I enjoy a day with grownups while the kids are happily with other family or friends, but certain family members have specifically asked that our kids be there, so they go to those weddings. Luckily I have perfect kids so behavior wasn't an issue !

When I got married there were no little kids in the family, so I never had to think about it!

 

[pjlla]

The only children who were invited to my wedding were my DH's 12 or so nieces and nephews, ranging in age from almost 2 to about 18. And while I knew that they were important to him and there was NO WAY they wouldn't be invited, I certainly had my reservations. The almost two year old was allowed free roam most of the day (not during the ceremony of course) and she decided that she needed to be on the dance floor during our first dance as husband and wife.... and no one stopped her. So every photo of us during that dance has her in the background. Can you tell it still bugs me 12 years later!!?? But I believe the decision about children at the wedding is totally up to the bride and groom. And the decision should be respected and honored......JMHO of course............P