Children at weddings (debate)

[minniepumpernickel]

Any wedding that I've ever been to had kids there. I personally don't mind. It gives me something to do, I can watch the kids until they throw a tantrum, then I can give them back to the parent!

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by southernclass
Very good point!! One more reason why we did not include children, because of the alcohol.

it's a good learning point, to teach children to either avoid alcohol or use it responsibly...

 

[stinkerbelle]

Could we please not turn this into an "alcohol at weddings? (debate)" post please?

thanks

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
Could we please not turn this into an "alcohol at weddings? (debate)" post please?

thanks

perhaps yu should direct that at the person who said that's why they don't take their children....

I was simply stating why I wouldn't keep my kids away because of alcohol being served..

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by MICKEY88
perhaps yu should direct that at the person who said that's why they don't take their children....

I'm sorry MICKEY88 - I really didn't mean for you to feel like I was pointing you out...like you were starting the debate or something...I was just to quick to post my reply I guess and quoted the wrong post.

I still don't want it to turn into an alcohol debate...

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
I'm sorry MICKEY88 - I really didn't mean for you to feel like I was pointing you out...like you were starting the debate or something...

apology accepted..didn't want to get off topic either, was just pointing out that more adults than children...ruin weddings..

 

[DVC-Don]

We were recently invited to a nephews wedding but the invitation said no kids. Ours are 12 & 13 so we did not go.

 

[Winka]

Couple's preference.

And if children are allowed and the parents are concerned about alcohol or the behavior of their very young or teen children or what have you...ball is then in the parents' courts.

I, myself, enjoy children at weddings...makes it all feel very familial and warm. I have never seen teens drinking themselves into oblivion or found a bridal couple ever embarrassed by honest and ingenuous behavior by preschoolers. Screaming babies...well, I think they're ok in moderation.

 

[JVL1018]

Originally posted by Figaro
[B

And I have actually been at a wedding where the ushers were told to refuse entrance to any parents who brought children with them. I guess that there was a sister-in-law on the brides side who believed that wedding ceremonies in church were public (they aren't, that's why there are ushers)(smile),
[/B]

Oh almost every wedding I have been to here, there are people who were not invited to the wedding that came to the church.
My neighbors aunt and her daughter came to my church becuase while I had lost touch with them, I babysat for the daughter when she was a baby, my girlfiriends dad and his wife also came to the church, as did coworkers of my moms that wanted to see the wedding. I thought it was very sweet and I enjoyed having them there.
I was just at a wedding for a girl who teaches, and while it was not possible for her to invite every teacher in the school, a few who were not invited came to see the wedding at the church.
It's very common and not at all frowned upon by any one I know.

As for another point mentioned-asking if I can bring my kids to the reception, first of all I wouldn't want to, second of all I would NEVER ask if my children were invited because if I were the bride, I'd say it was fine even if I didn't want children there, I would just feel too bad to say no.
If the invitation says Mr & Mrs L____, I assume it is only for my husband and I. If it says the L___ Family then I know the kids are invited too.

 

[mom2boys]

If the invitation says Mr & Mrs L____, I assume it is only for my husband and I. If it says the L___ Family then I know the kids are invited too.

Exactly! Actually, DH & I no longer mind if the kids aren't invited to weddings. It gives us an excuse to go out without them - we rarely partake in an adults only evening/outing. Adults only invites also give you a "polite excuse" if you really don't care to attend.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by MICKEY88
so Although I must agree that it's the bride and grooms choice..I think they are missing out on something special by not including all family members.

Yeah, "special" is exactly the right word IMO.

I don't envision having a wedding any time soon, but if I have one, small children will not be invited or welcome. Parents who don't like that rule will not be missed.

I do know a few parents with toddlers who I believe 100% would be absolutely fine at my theoretical wedding, but they're outweighed about fifty to one by the others. Sorry.


Hey, KK - I stirred your pot for you. You're welcome!

 

[LindaG4458]

An old family friend had a "no children" policy for her wedding with the exception of the ring bearer, aged 3. The kid was bored during the reception, climbed on a chair, and pulled the fire alarm! Really livened things up.

 

[Figaro]

My Mom worked as a church secretary for many, many years and while church services are generally public events, weddings and funerals are not unless the people involved choose to have them announced publicly prior to the funeral or wedding in the newspaper or church bulletin. If the bride and groom have not invited the general public, then anyone who shows up without an invitation is in my opinion, not behaving appropriately. And even churches have had to have the police come out to remove disruptive people, as a church is not public property where anyone can show up and behave in anyway that they feel like. Unlike at an open church service, ushers seat people prior to a wedding ceremony...it isn't just open seating for whoever wants to show up.

I have never been to a wedding where a person who was not invited has shown up except for the one I mentioned previously. Weddings around here are almost never publicly announced in the church bulletins or in the paper prior to the wedding, and so someone who is not invited would have to work to figure out where and when any one individual wedding would be.

Funerals are announced in the paper if the family wants it open to anyone who wishes to come. If they prefer a private funeral, then all that is in the paper is a death notice and/or obituary and then something like: private family service/memorial.

I would assume that it would never cross most brides or grooms minds that people who weren't invited would show up at their wedding ceremony. I know that until I read posts here, I had never heard of that being an accepted practice. Which is why I would never, ever bring children to a wedding unless they had been invited specifically. Just because a person can show up uninvited to a wedding ceremony doesn't mean that they should!

 

[froglady]

I guess I'm rude and behave inappropriately, because I just attended a wedding uninvited!

My eldery mother, who needs assistance walking(even with a walker), WAS invited, so I brought her to the church, and sat with her. (She has a tendency to become confused as the sun sets.) She did not attend the reception, as I would have had to stay with her, and felt THAT would be inappropriate.

However, I know the bride and her parents, and did explain the situation prior to the wedding. I also felt it would be unfair to expect someone else to take care of her for the evening.

I grew up in an area (or during an earlier time) where weddings/funerals were considered more or less public, unless your presence would offend anyone involved.

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I disagree with that line of thinking. If the B&G have expressed a wish that they intend an 'adult only' weddding, I think it is rude to ignore their wishes and bring the children to the church service OR the reception.

Of course, most churches welcome ANYONE to walk through the doors at any time, that doesn't mean it isn't rude to intrude upon a private wedding service.

Well consider this....most 'announcements' in a church bulletin do not include the B&G's personal wishes, therefore it's open to the Congregation, and any member could walk in with all the kids they wanted. That was just my point on the wedding service. I totally agree that the PRIVATE reception is the B&G's choice. I just don't think that any church ceremony (which is posted publicly) is still considered a private ceremony. If it were, it wouldn't be posted. just my experience

As for my personal post, my then-2yo DD was invited to BOTH the wedding and the reception (this was my brother after all), but I chose to drop her off at a friend's for the night after church, while my DS was an usher and also invited to both, he attended both.

 

[poohandwendy]

Well consider this....most 'announcements' in a church bulletin do not include the B&G's personal wishes, therefore it's open to the Congregation, and any member could walk in with all the kids they wanted. That was just my point on the wedding service. I totally agree that the PRIVATE reception is the B&G's choice. I just don't think that any church ceremony (which is posted publicly) is still considered a private ceremony. If it were, it wouldn't be posted. just my experience

I understand what you are saying. I am not talking about whether or not people 'could' walk right in (heck, anyone off the street could), I am talking about whether I think it would be rude or not to attend a wedding service you are not expressly invited to. I say yes. (posted in the bulletin or not)

IMO, a church bulletin is not an open invitation, it is an announcement that someone is getting married, just like a newspaper announcement. We disagree on the issue, no big deal.

 

[Bojangles]

Originally posted by poohandwendy


IMO, a church bulletin is not an open invitation, it is an announcement that someone is getting married, just like a newspaper announcement.

Our wedding was announced in the bulletin. However, it was not an open invitation to the hundreds of people in the congregation to attend.

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I am talking about whether I think it would be rude or not to attend a wedding service you are not expressly invited to. I say yes. (posted in the bulletin or not)

IMO, a church bulletin is not an open invitation, it is an announcement that someone is getting married, just like a newspaper announcement. We disagree on the issue, no big deal.

I agree, it isn't a big deal. I just feel that the congregation (with a posted announcement) ARE invited. It is a church after all. The congregation, like I said, wouldn't know the B&G's personal wishes. That's all.

Originally posted by Bojangles
Our wedding was announced in the bulletin. However, it was not an open invitation to the hundreds of people in the congregation to attend.

I disagree, and think you should check with your church's understanding of this.

Again, just my experience, but several members of the church attended my wedding service, without any 'invitation' whatsoever on my part. They knew my mom, and wanted to come.

 

[shortbun]

I went to a wedding where the minister said a special prayer
over all the children. Invited them up front and everything.
It was wonderful. It's definitely up to the B&G though and I think
their wishes should be honored. At my B&SIL's wedding, their
2 yo nephew talked and talked-small family wedding. They invited
him to join them. DSIL held him through the ceremony. Unless
DS is specifically requested, he stays at home or has a play date.
He would hate a wedding ceremony and probably be very restless. IMHO, teaching a child manners at someone else's wedding isn't the best place to practice.

 

[ducklite]

We had four people not invited to our wedding that came to the church (not the reception). They were co-workers. As our wedding was very small (50 guests), I hadn't invited any of the girls from work. One asked if it was OK for the four to come to the church to see the ceremony, which of course it was! However if perfect strangers had shown up, or even people I know who hadn't asked first, I might have been a tad put off by it. Of course anyone who came to the reception without having been invited would have been asked to leave--we wouldn't have had a seat for them.

Anne