Calling someone "Dr." outside of medical setting

[FlightlessDuck]

A doctor has earned his/her title and it should be used. Of course, you have to know the person is a doctor.

Also, remember there are other doctorate degrees than medical.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't address perfect strangers by their first name until they tell me it's ok.
I don't let perfect strangers address me by my first name.

If you call me and simply ask for Eliza and I don't know you, I will correct you. when I use to get solicitations over the phone and they used my first name I politely told them that Eliza was not available but Mrs X or Dr.X (if the call came through at work) was.

You mean to tell me you guys routinely call strangers by their first names? IMO it's not about "impressing" anyone it's about manners. You are a stranger, you don't know me, using my first name implies a familarity that does not exsist.

True but if you encounter a stranger and address them as Mr. Smith or Mrs. Smith and it is not germane to your association with them that you know what they do for a living, then why would you have to be corrected?

For example, a host in a restaurant has someone approach and say "I have a reservation for Jones". The host says "welcome Mr. Jones. Come right this way". Why would mr. Jones feel the need in that instance to make sure that the host knew he was DR. Jones by announcing "that's DOCTOR Jones." Not necessary. He's not going to be performing surgery at the restaurant.
Yet I've seen it happen numerous times.

In a work/professional setting, absolutely. I have several doctor friends who I call by first name outside of work but in work I call them dr. Last name. In a social setting, not so much.

 

[eliza61]

True but if you encounter a stranger and address them as Mr. Smith or Mrs. Smith and it is not germane to your association with them that you know what they do for a living, then why would you have to be corrected?

For example, a host in a restaurant has someone approach and say "I have a reservation for Jones". The host says "welcome Mr. Jones. Come right this way". Why would mr. Jones feel the need in that instance to make sure that the host knew he was DR. Jones by announcing "that's DOCTOR Jones." Not necessary. He's not going to be performing surgery at the restaurant.
Yet I've seen it happen numerous times.

In a work/professional setting, absolutely. I have several doctor friends who I call by first name outside of work but in work I call them dr. Last name. In a social setting, not so much.

I guess it's the same thing as if some one in a restaurant called for Ms X. I would definitely correct them and say it's not Ms. it's Mrs.

For me it's not the setting, it's the relationship. A hostess doesn't know me so yeah, I want her to address me correctly. I'm married, well widowed but I want to me address as a married women not as some ubiquiteous Ms. just me. So I have said, 'Mrs" if some one says Ms. at work it's Dr.

 

[DisneyDreamer2504]

I don't address perfect strangers by their first name until they tell me it's ok. I don't let perfect strangers address me by my first name. If you call me and simply ask for Eliza and I don't know you, I will correct you. when I use to get solicitations over the phone and they used my first name I politely told them that Eliza was not available but Mrs X or Dr.X (if the call came through at work) was. You mean to tell me you guys routinely call strangers by their first names? IMO it's not about "impressing" anyone it's about manners. You are a stranger, you don't know me, using my first name implies a familarity that does not exsist.

I understand what you're saying, but when it comes to perfect strangers I often prefer they not know my last name. This is very different from the rest of the discussion, but personally I don't like to share my last name too much, for privacy reasons I guess. Not that I would be offended or anything if it is used, it's just how I feel.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I guess it's the same thing as if some one in a restaurant called for Ms X. I would definitely correct them and say it's not Ms. it's Mrs.

For me it's not the setting, it's the relationship. A hostess doesn't know me so yeah, I want her to address me correctly. I'm married, well widowed but I want to me address as a married women not as some ubiquiteous Ms. just me. So I have said, 'Mrs" if some one says Ms. at work it's Dr.

So you need a stranger, a hostess who you will probably never see again, to respect your position in life? Who cares? Why do you care if the hostess addresses you as a married woman? I'll just never understand these kinds of things.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I don't address perfect strangers by their first name until they tell me it's ok.
I don't let perfect strangers address me by my first name.

If you call me and simply ask for Eliza and I don't know you, I will correct you. when I use to get solicitations over the phone and they used my first name I politely told them that Eliza was not available but Mrs X or Dr.X (if the call came through at work) was.

You mean to tell me you guys routinely call strangers by their first names? IMO it's not about "impressing" anyone it's about manners. You are a stranger, you don't know me, using my first name implies a familarity that does not exsist.

I don't see it as an all or nothing deal. There are times when a title is appropriate and times when it is not. Treating everyone in every situation casually is disrespectful, but I also find it disrespectful to insist others use your title in instances where it's completely ridiculous. The instances you cite are all appropriate, and most folks should know that.

 

[CPT Tripss]

Some folks want to make it tough on others, not only must we correctly guess gender, but also marital status and educational achievement. Correct me if I guess wrong on the first guess . . . But let me slide on the others.

 

[Philagoofy]

Here in Philly, we just say "Hey, Yo".

Works for any gender, relationship status, title, etc.

 

[Jaime4004]

I have to wonder if this is a generational thing? As an older adult, I appreciate the rules of manners which gives good direction in how to behave. I cringe when an 18 yr old receptionist (or young nurse, etc) calls me "Katherine". Call me Mrs.xxxx, if I prefer to be called by my first name, I'll let you know. I think it's the same for those who have earned ANY type of title! Whether it be General, Father, Pastor, or Doctor. Use the title to show respect, if they care one way or another, they'll let you know. To refuse to acknowledge a person's accomplishment and plead "I'm just an informal person" just doesn't wash.

I definitely think it's generational and how you grew up. It doesn't wash for you to use first names, that's fine (unless that's what someone prefers, it works both ways). I prefer not to be called Mrs. I don't want to be defined by a marriage, and, personally, I don't think using titles is a sign of respect. Seems more of a way of distancing yourself. Respect is how you treat the other person overall. I don't think it's "safer" just to use a title on everyone because not everyone wants one. Just use what you prefer until the other person makes it clear what they want. I'm sure quite a lot of people couldn't care less what they are called.

 

[badcramps]

I also find the use of professional titles outside of a professional context comes off as elitist, snobby, or just weird.

I have trouble even imagining a context in which I would ever consider using a title not in a professional context. Even using Mr./Ms./Sir/Ma'am, etc. I can only imagine using if I were to be talking to a complete stranger--i.e. stranger at the store drops their wallet and I'm trying to get their attention and they are 10 feet away or something like that. But in reality I can't remember the last time I used one of those formal titles. Usually just "Excuse me..." said in the person's direction is enough to get their attention. But in those cases I would have no way of knowing what professional titles they might have. And if I knew them enough to know their professional title (like they were a neighbor, acquaintance, etc.) how could we not be on a first name basis? I can't remember ever not being on a first name basis with anyone except in professional contexts, or familial contexts, or as a child referring to parents of my friends (even then, often we did first names). And I can't remember the last time someone referred to me as Ms. LastName. Phone calls, being called back at the doctor/dentist, etc. it's always FirstName LastName.

I have a Ph.D. and am a professor. I either go by first name with undergrad students or Professor X. In every department I've experienced in my field, it is only undergrads who are expected to use "Professor" or "Dr."--grad students, other professors, other instructors without Ph.D.s, administrators, secretarial staff, they all are on first name bases. I think the idea is just that it's good for undergrads to maintain a certain kind of distance (social, emotional, intellectual) from their professors which doesn't hold true in exactly the same way for colleagues, grad students and professors, professors and staff, etc.

The whole "I earned it" thing doesn't make any sense to me. Why should any random person in life care that I have a Ph.D. unless they are interested in my research, a student in one of my courses, a grad student I am advising, or someone else in the university to whom my teaching/research/advising/etc. matters?

So yeah I'd think you were kind of an *** if you insisted on being called by a title outside of a professional context. I'd think it pretty darn odd if you took offense to being called by your actual name--FirstName LastName--too! Maybe it's regional or generational in part. But I'll admit right after I got my doctorate I happened to be applying for a credit card and the application asked if there was a title or suffix to be used. I put in FirstName LastName Ph.D. It was just fun to see it in writing just weeks after I got the degree when it was still hard to believe I was finally done with grad school! Of course that excitement wore off in a few weeks. Now I still get mail from that credit card company--though I never use it--addressed that way and think it's so odd looking. I guess someone who insists on the title in non-professional contexts would remind me of the credit card thing--like they are way overly excited to have some letters before or after their name.

 

[ashley0139]

I guess it's the same thing as if some one in a restaurant called for Ms X. I would definitely correct them and say it's not Ms. it's Mrs.

For me it's not the setting, it's the relationship. A hostess doesn't know me so yeah, I want her to address me correctly. I'm married, well widowed but I want to me address as a married women not as some ubiquiteous Ms. just me. So I have said, 'Mrs" if some one says Ms. at work it's Dr.

Why would you correct a hostess who you have never met and has absolutely no way of knowing your marital status? What's the point? She'll never be addressing you again, and she wasn't doing it intentionally. She doesn't know you! She still used the formal way of addressing you. That makes no sense to me.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Here in Philly, we just say "Hey, Yo".

Works for any gender, relationship status, title, etc.

You are onto something! Sometimes a simple, "Hello", will do.

It's amazing how often you can come in contact with someone and not have to use a name or title. It's been a running joke w/ some friends of mine that noticed it with some people we see from time to time.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Why would you correct a hostess who you have never met and has absolutely no way of knowing your marital status? What's the point? She'll never be addressing you again, and she wasn't doing it intentionally. She doesn't know you! She still used the formal way of addressing you. That makes no sense to me.

I know this isn't addressed to me, and if I'm wrong E sorry in advance.

It's important to E. She lost her husband. It matters to her.

 

[marius97]

This one has always bothered me. I respect doctors because they are (generally) good people and all people are worthy of respect (at least until they do something to lose it.) The amount of schooling you go through doesn't create some higher plane of respect. They worked very hard for their degree and I use the term doctor in referring to people just to conform to the social norms, but I don't like it. I feel that if that is how it is, lawyers should have something before their name; after all, they have a juris doctorate (SP). Many people work hard and go to school for years, they are not less worthy of respect than a doctor is. I feel the same way for military officers too.

 

[DisneyDreamer2504]

This one has always bothered me. I respect doctors because they are (generally) good people and all people are worthy of respect (at least until they do something to lose it.) The amount of schooling you go through doesn't create some higher plane of respect. They worked very hard for their degree and I use the term doctor in referring to people just to conform to the social norms, but I don't like it. I feel that if that is how it is, lawyers should have something before their name; after all, they have a juris doctorate (SP). Many people work hard and go to school for years, they are not less worthy of respect than a doctor is. I feel the same way for military officers too.

Exactly. If we're discussing something of their expertise then I respect their option and perspective more, but I do not respect them more as a person.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I know this isn't addressed to me, and if I'm wrong E sorry in advance.

It's important to E. She lost her husband. It matters to her.

But important enough that she needs to be abrupt with a hostess in a restaurant? And yes, I would consider it abrupt to correct a hostess who is trying to seat you.

 

[OceanAnnie]

But important enough that she needs to be abrupt with a hostess in a restaurant? And yes, I would consider it abrupt to correct a hostess who is trying to seat you.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a spouse. Can't imagine.

Being corrected over a title isn't the worst thing a hostess can encounter. I'd give E a pass on it.

 

[bcla]

This conversation reminds me of Big Bang Theory:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdi3FIrsHgo

FWIW, I work for lawyers. No one EVER calls each other "Attorney" so and so, except attorneys who call from Connecticut and one or two other places. They will call and say this is Attorney So and So, is Attorney So and So available? It always smacks of "I'm very important you should put me through". And FTR, probably 80-90% of the people who call here on a daily basis are attorneys, so I'm unimpressed.

A few attorneys attach "Esquire" to their names. It sounds a bit odd though, and the ones who do often aren't very good at lawyering.

My cousin is married to a medical doctor. The only time I've ever heard him referred to as "Doctor" is at their wedding.

 

[WDWJDS]

For example, a host in a restaurant has someone approach and say "I have a reservation for Jones". The host says "welcome Mr. Jones. Come right this way". Why would mr. Jones feel the need in that instance to make sure that the host knew he was DR. Jones by announcing "that's DOCTOR Jones." Not necessary. He's not going to be performing surgery at the restaurant. Yet I've seen it happen numerous times. In a work/professional setting, absolutely.

Well said.

 

[Burnedout]

I can't imagine the pain of losing a spouse. Can't imagine.

Being corrected over a title isn't the worst thing a hostess can encounter. I'd give E a pass on it.

And who says it is abrupt. It is perfectly simple to correct someone with a smile. It happens all the time with other situations this is no different. If you call me Carrie, I will nicely say that c is my twin, I'm k.