Calling someone "Dr." outside of medical setting

[princesspumpkin]

My pastor does not get called by his first name. It's either Bishop David, Rev. David or Dr. Evans. No matter where we are, at the church picnic we are not equals. Sorry I totally disagree. I don't want any tom, dick or harry being that familar with me.

Ok Eliza, I can't believe we also go to the same church. Even smaller world!

 

[Disney Doll]

Whoaa, why would you think I'm abrupt? LOL. I've got the southern manners combine with 12 years of catholic school beat into me.

usually most hostesses at a restaurant will just say "X" party.
At a spa, the hostess might say "hello Ms. X" right this way and I simply say Mrs. X.

Never had one, not one remotely seem to phase them.

In fact if they work with John Q. public for any length of time I'm sure they are corrected all the time.

stating a prefernce does not equal being rude or abrupt.

I just went to closing on my new house, the administrative assistant at the title company was showing me to the conference room. She said right this way ms X and I simply said, "Mrs. X" and then she smiled and said, "oh thank you...can I get you some thing to drink, coffee, tea water?". Now that's professional, and courteous. wonderful business interaction with a stranger.

I guess different things are important to different people.

 

[luvsJack]

I find it pretentious so I won't do it. If I'm corrected, "It isn't Mr, it's Dr." it gets a laugh and a "You aren't my doctor so no, it isn't".

Titles stay at work. Always.

Going back to a previous conversation I also don't correct people if they get my last name wrong, and it is more often pronounced wrong then right. I know they are talking to me and just respond. If they ask if it was right, and it wasn't, I reply with "close enough". Correcting mispronunciations is just as asinine as correcting the honorific. I could also not possibly care less if a total stranger whom I never met and will never meet again calls my by my first name.



Exactly.

YOU are the one being pretentious, not the person with the title. They didn't get the title through work, they earned it through education so what on earth does "leaving it at work" have to do with anything?

There are a lot of "dr.s" that are not, can not and will not be your doctor. But the title should still be their's.

And I still don't quite understand how Dr is different than Mr.

 

[Disney Doll]

I hope you don't have a heart attack out at a dinner party with a doctor in attendance. Maybe you will find they left their skills at work with their title.

Nah. Any decent MD will step in and help and if they don't, they deserve to be called "doctor" even less.

 

[mom2rtk]

Nah. Any decent MD will step in and help and if they don't, they deserve to be called "doctor" even less.

Maybe you missed the tongue firmly implanted in my cheek.

I know they would help. And that's why they deserve the title "doctor", both in and out of the office.

 

[FireDancer]

And I still don't quite understand how Dr is different than Mr.

By asking to be called what is widely viewed as a superior title in social settings you are coming across as though you think you are superior to those without the title which of course you are not. I don't care if you are a janitor, Chief of Staff at a world renowned hospital, or spend the greater part of a decade getting some advanced degree in your field of study. When in a social setting everyone is equal so they get an equal honorific from me.

You, of course, can do as you choose just as I can.

 

[luvsJack]

By asking to be called what is widely viewed as a superior title in social settings you are coming across as though you think you are superior to those without the title which of course you are not. I don't care if you are a janitor, Chief of Staff at a world renowned hospital, or spend the greater part of a decade getting some advanced degree in your field of study. When in a social setting everyone is equal so they get an equal honorific from me.

You, of course, can do as you choose just as I can.

If everyone is going by first names, I would agree with you. If there is a mix of titles and first names and you don't know the person well enough to call him John, and you are going to use his last name AND you know that he is a Dr., you should use the title.

It has nothing to do with being superior. The title of Dr. has nothing to do with someone's job.

 

[Gracie09]

By asking to be called what is widely viewed as a superior title in social settings you are coming across as though you think you are superior to those without the title which of course you are not. I don't care if you are a janitor, Chief of Staff at a world renowned hospital, or spend the greater part of a decade getting some advanced degree in your field of study. When in a social setting everyone is equal so they get an equal honorific from me. You, of course, can do as you choose just as I can.

So if you were at a party with the Obamas you would call them Barry and Michelle?

 

[FireDancer]

So if you were at a party with the Obamas you would call them Barry and Michelle?

No. I'd call them Mr. and Mrs. Obama even if one or both of them had a PhD.

 

[DVCJones]

I definitely think that people who point it out can be seen as obnoxious, but I also think that refusing to use someone's correct title is rude and smacks of reverse-elitism.

I find the police to be the worst about this. God forbid you address a Lieutenant or Sergeant as Officer....

 

[disykat]

No. I'd call them Mr. and Mrs. Obama even if one or both of them had a PhD.

I can't imagine walking up to the POTUS and calling him Mr.

IMO, that would smack of "I refuse to acknowledge you as my president."

 

[luvsJack]

No. I'd call them Mr. and Mrs. Obama even if one or both of them had a PhD.

And again, YOU are the one being pretentious not the title holder

 

[FireDancer]

I can't imagine walking up to the POTUS and calling him Mr.

IMO, that would smack of "I refuse to acknowledge you as my president."

I don't foresee ever meeting a president, sitting or former, but have met representatives, senators, mayors, and a few ambassadors. All were Mr. or Mrs/Miss/Ms lastname. None were representative, senator, mayor, or ambassador lastname.

And again, YOU are the one being pretentious not the title holder

I'm not sure how that meets the definition of pretentious but we can agree to disagree.

 

[Jennasis]

I can't imagine walking up to the POTUS and calling him Mr.

IMO, that would smack of "I refuse to acknowledge you as my president."

He is referred to as Mr. Obama often, particularly in the news.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't foresee ever meeting a president, sitting or former, but have met representatives, senators, and mayors, and a few ambassadors. All were Mr. or Mrs/Miss/Ms lastname. None were representative, senator, mayor, or ambassador lastname.

Why? Why would you not address someone by the correct title? If you are willing to call them Mr. or Mrs. why not Dr. or Senator?

 

[luvsJack]

I don't foresee ever meeting a president, sitting or former, but have met representatives, senators, mayors, and a few ambassadors. All were Mr. or Mrs/Miss/Ms lastname. None were representative, senator, mayor, or ambassador lastname.



I'm not sure how that meets the definition of pretentious but we can agree to disagree.

You seem to think you are too important to lower yourself to calling someone by their correct title. Seems to fit.

 

[badcramps]

Okay well if the question is really in a social setting in which titles WILL be used regardless of whether people prefer to be called by their names only, should Dr. be used for an MD/Phd, then I guess I would say yes. I doubt I would correct anyone who didn't use Dr. for me in that setting. Whether I would side eye another person for correcting someone would depend on the context/how it was said. I.e. if the said "Well if you insist on not referring to me as Sue, but using a title, then I guess I should tell you it is Dr., not Ms" I guess I'd probably not find that pretentious. (Rather I'd probably take them as hinting that they really want to be called by their name and why are you making it so complicated.)

On the issue of insisting on being called Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss rather than one's first name, I find it puzzling. Especially the idea that being called "Mrs." is somehow less intimate than being called by one's full legal name. I mean, when one calls you Mrs or Miss one is assuming (rightly or wrongly) something about your marital status AND (if they are following old school etiquette about when to use Mrs.) possibly whether or not you are married to a man and whether or not you changed your last name to his when you married. (This is why so many women prefer Ms.--because it seems clearly sexist that women should have titles that reveal their marital status, what they did with their last name upon marriage, and possibly their sexual orientation, but men have the same title always.) How is assuming all of that--or effectively being told that information by one insisting on being called Mrs.--less intimate than just being called by your legal name, as it is on every piece of identification, legal document, bill, lease, bank account, etc.? I don't get it.

But if that's how you introduced yourself, I'd call you that. I'd just either think there was some generational/cultural divide going on or leave asap and roll my eyes at you.

Actually the "Mrs." thing might be the only time I really would want to correct someone because of the sexist aspects (that is, I am not a "Mrs."--not married to a man, didn't change my last name, and don't see why my marital status should be announced in my title). But even then, in most situations I can't imagine saying anything.

 

[Skywalker]

I always will use "Dr. So and So" if I know they are a doctor. It hadn't dawned on me not to! We are not talking close friends or family I assume, but more acquaintances? If you are willing to call someone "Mr." there should be no problem in simply substituting the prefix to "Dr." if that is what they have earned. Dr. replaces Mr. that's all. Just like traditionally Mrs. replaces Miss. Not better or worse, just a different honorific. If you think that means they are better than you, then that's on you.

 

[TinkerBelled]

I don't foresee ever meeting a president, sitting or former, but have met representatives, senators, mayors, and a few ambassadors. All were Mr. or Mrs/Miss/Ms lastname. None were representative, senator, mayor, or ambassador lastname.

There is no way this isn't going to come off as pretentious, but: having met two presidents, you absolutely refer to them as Mr. President or President X. Also, having met or worked with a number of the titles you mentioned, I've always used titles: Congressman Smith, Madame Ambassador, etc.

I'd argue that it's fine to refer to them in the third person by plain titles (e.g. Mr. Obama, Mr. Barzun, Ms. Pelosi), but when addressing an officeholder directly, you refer to them with proper titles.

I would also argue that, with few exceptions, correcting people as to your title is generally quite rude. This, however, is predicated on the idea that people won't make a giant fuss about basic rules of politeness and addresses you by the proper title to begin with.

Let's put it this way: if someone calls you Mr. Dancer, it's gracious to say "No, call me Jim." If someone calls you Jim, in most situations it's tricky to say, "Please call me Mr. Dancer." Manners are about making things easy for those around you. You don't want to put someone in the situation of having to choose between being persnickety or being called the right thing. So the default is to be more formal, at which point the person with whom you're speaking can insist on informality if they so choose. It's not hard--it's about thinking of others.

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

This is neither here nor there. But, I remember seeing back in the olden days, that "Mr" was actually considered a great sign of respect which is why quite often, Presidents and other titled people, were referred to as "Mr." If you look at JFK's official obituary, both he and LBJ were referred to as Mr. Kennedy and Mr. Johnson. Jackie was not referred to as the First Lady or even by her first name. Simply, Mrs. John F. Kennedy or Mrs. Kennedy.

Again, this was a different time and era, and obviously things aren't like that anymore. But, I just wanted to point out that no, it hasn't always been that you HAVE to address a high-ranking person, even President as their title. It's only been within the last half a century that the trends have changed.