Buffet or Sit down at a wedding

[TheIncredibles!]

I wish I could find it (or remember the name of the comedian), but I heard a stand up bit a while ago joking about opening the wedding presents during the reception line and directing guests to different lines based on what they gave.

We don't give presents at a wedding reception, only at showers. I don't cover my plate but I do have a very good idea of what it costs to throw a wedding even though I had a 9 year span where I didn't have any weddings to go to. It's a guideline that is very old school, something that our grandmother's generation stuck to. Now most people pretty much do between $100 and $200 per person depending on what they can afford and how they know the bride and groom. If my niece had a cake and punch reception she'd get the same gift or probably more just because I'd be so happy not to have to put on "real" shoes - lol

 

[powellrj]

I am so glad that cake and punch weddings at a church were still acceptable when I got married! They had been the norm in my area when I was growing up. (My mom was an organist so I saw lots of weddings!) Personally I miss those weddings. You went to the wedding, you socialized a little bit and congratulated the bride and groom, then you went home. There was never a "pay for your plate" expectation, nor was there the expectation that the bride/groom and their families spend a wad of money on the wedding. It was all about he wedding not the reception. Sometimes there was a family and close friends party later that went well into the night at someone's home after with more food, but the weddings were pretty simple. I miss the 60's and 70's! Even in the 80's here things stayed pretty simple. I really had never attended a sit down meal (or even a full buffet) at a wedding until well into the 90's.

I remember going out to eat with friends before or after weddings and not thinking a thing about it. Meals just weren't part of weddings in my area.

I also miss cake and punch weddings. Growing up our church had ladies that helped serve at the weddings in the basement, now our church rarely even has weddings there. Everyone seem to use out of town places.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Around here we have so many catering halls that do weddings bar/bat mitzvahs sweet 16. Etc and they all run around the same price give or take. That is where the average $150pp comes in

Much like the countless kid party places that run around $20 to $25 bowling. Bouncy places. Laser tag etc. therefore the gift of around that is standard for a kid to give another kid.

No one ever prices out someone else’s party to determine the gift.

For me, I often go several years without attending any of the above, much less booking one for myself.

 

[mjkacmom]

We don't give presents at a wedding reception, only at showers. I don't cover my plate but I do have a very good idea of what it costs to throw a wedding even though I had a 9 year span where I didn't have any weddings to go to. It's a guideline that is very old school, something that our grandmother's generation stuck to. Now most people pretty much do between $100 and $200 per person depending on what they can afford and how they know the bride and groom. If my niece had a cake and punch reception she'd get the same gift or probably more just because I'd be so happy not to have to put on "real" shoes - lol

Yes, this tradition is very old school, folks also kept track of what they were given so they wouldn’t give less when others got married. I have my grandparents wedding invitation from the 1930’s, formal reception with cocktail hour.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Yes, this tradition is very old school, folks also kept track of what they were given so they wouldn’t give less when others got married. I have my grandparents wedding invitation from the 1930’s, formal reception with cocktail hour.

I remember my one grandmother was horrified that I did not keep track of the amount each person gave me. “How will you know what to give when you go to a wedding in their family?!!?! If they gave you $200 you will have to make sure you give more than that.” Yeah ok let me get right on making a list I need to reference every time I go to a wedding for the rest of my life....not.

 

[gillep]

I remember my one grandmother was horrified that I did not keep track of the amount each person gave me. “How will you know what to give when you go to a wedding in their family?!!?! If they gave you $200 you will have to make sure you give more than that.” Yeah ok let me get right on making a list I need to reference every time I go to a wedding for the rest of my life....not.

My MIL was like that too. One of DH's cousins was getting married and she wanted to know how much their parent's had given us so that she would know how much to give them. I had no idea what pretty much anyone had give me for our wedding 5 years earlier, and she was quite annoyed that I hadn't kept a list for her reference.

 

[mjkacmom]

I remember my one grandmother was horrified that I did not keep track of the amount each person gave me. “How will you know what to give when you go to a wedding in their family?!!?! If they gave you $200 you will have to make sure you give more than that.” Yeah ok let me get right on making a list I need to reference every time I go to a wedding for the rest of my life....not.

Lol my mom wrote mine down so she could give the same to my cousins!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I wish I could find it (or remember the name of the comedian), but I heard a stand up bit a while ago joking about opening the wedding presents during the reception line and directing guests to different lines based on what they gave.

HAHAHA. You sir, are a friend of the bride. Filet mignon!!! Dilly Dilly.

You madam are a great friend of the groom. Lobster, crab, and scallops for you. Dilly Dilly.

Oh ok. Hamburgers for you. Dilly Dilly.

Uh, Follow Sir Brad. He's going to give you a tour of the pit of misery we're building in our new house.

 

[SaintsManiac]

Oh yeah I’ve never been to a cash bar wedding! In NOLA ppl would die!

I've been to a couple and it was tragic!!!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

For me, I often go several years without attending any of the above, much less booking one for myself.

Bingo. And There are a lot of people like you that haven't been to one in awhile. And pretty much they won't know what these things cost because they won't know current trends or whatever. And manners wise when it comes to the gift, you don't have to they should know because there is no requirement to cover your plate. Foreign weddings may differ, however.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I've never been to a wedding that wasn't a buffet.

 

[LSUmiss]

I've been to a couple and it was tragic!!!

Lol!

 

[design_mom]

My MIL was like that too. One of DH's cousins was getting married and she wanted to know how much their parent's had given us so that she would know how much to give them. I had no idea what pretty much anyone had give me for our wedding 5 years earlier, and she was quite annoyed that I hadn't kept a list for her reference.

I feel your pain. My sister got married 4 years after I did. I had several of my guests call me and say "how much did I give you for your wedding? I need to know so I can give your sister the same."

 

[gillep]

I feel your pain. My sister got married 4 years after I did. I had several of my guests call me and say "how much did I give you for your wedding? I need to know so I can give your sister the same."

Yep, that smiley face is pretty much exactly what I looked like, you captured it perfectly, such and odd request!!!!!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I feel your pain. My sister got married 4 years after I did. I had several of my guests call me and say "how much did I give you for your wedding? I need to know so I can give your sister the same."

I would have given them random numbers just to mess with them.

$137.55

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I would have given them random numbers just to mess with them.

$137.55

Don't you remember mom? You gave me a chia pet alfalfa garden.

 

[Kitty 34]

I had a sit down and so did all three of my sons. If I remember correctly my various nephews and nieces all had sit down meals. I did go to a buffet (one of my son's friends). It was fine and kind of fun because it was split up into 4 different ethnic tables.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Some people feel the need to be so fair on everything. Who cares if you gave the First sister $200 and the second sister $150. Do people think you’ll actually discuss that with your sister?

SO has cousins like this. If we do a girls night in they try to make sure everyone spends exactly the same if we are bringing food and drinks. They’ll get down to the $1. I’m such the opposite.

And i don’t give a wedding gift per head. It’s not my fault you paid $100++ per head. Just because you invited us doesn’t mean I’m forking over $300-600 if you invite just us two or all 4 of us. Ppsshhhhh. If that’s the case I’ll take half that, pregame at home, uber to a club and dance the night away with my SO.

Some of these “rules” are ridiculous.

 

[ronandannette]

But you know what, the reception is supposed to be what is fun and enjoyable for the bride and groom and their friends. Whatever dd's wedding turns out to be, I am so glad to know that their friends and family are not the kind to gossip about what was or wasn't served. THAT is tacky. (not meaning you LSUmiss but just in general). They will enjoy dancing the night away with the couple and just enjoy the moment not worry about what was spent or not.

Amen! I totally agree. Of course we all have preferences and might mentally tally up a list of what we would do differently if it were up to us, but for guests to gossip and complain to one another? Incredibly boorish.

Uh, how else are guests expected to "cover their plates" unless the hosts informs them of the cost?

Snorted coffee out my nose! You win the DIS today!!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]