Boys and Public Restrooms

[npmommie]

I'm not looking forward to visiting a bunch of mens rooms but I'll do what I have to to teach my sons how to behave /be aware/etc in a public mens room,

I am confused as to why you think a 6 yo boy should not be in the ladies room with his mom but its ok for you to enter the mens room with your son??

So unfortunately for women who do not want to see older kids (or any kids) in the ladies room, they will be, and I will make no appologies for it!

I agree with this too! btw what was the resort where that incident happened? I don't recall seeing that on the news up here........or maybe I did and just don't remember.

 

[jaycns]

I think there are two solutions:
1) go into the mens room with him. There is nothing in there that has not been seen before (and there really is not anything showing anyway)

Seriously, I would have WAY more problem with a GROWN WOMAN entering a bathroom that my sons were in (heck, I don't even want her peeping my dh's peeper ) than I would have that same woman bringing her son into a bathroom that I was using. In a men's room, body parts are "pulled out" without the privacy of stalls 95% of the time. If you are saying nothing enough is showing in that case to make a grown man (or a boy) feel uncomfortable that a woman is entering (or even just peering from the door) then by your own logic, is it no big deal for a man to enter a woman's room which is way more private by way of stalls with locks 99% of the time? How is a boy with his mother somehow less appropriate? Would it be appropriate for a grown man to bring his daughter into the women's room? I am not trying to be snarky, but I don't understand this logic?

Two people have said it so I have to comment. Why on earth would it be better for a full grown woman to march her little boy past men using urinals rather than have a six year old go into a room of stalls where they can't see anything?

I have no problem with a supervised six year old boy in a women's rest room, but HUGE issues with a woman who has so little respect for men's privacy that she chooses to walk in on them using the urinal.

ITA. Again, if my sons were using the restroom and I saw a GROWN WOMAN entering that restroom with her grade school child, I would have huge issues with her. She has no right to be in there.

Nine? Not even in 'safe' areas? Do you know that many girls start their periods at nine? Do you have any idea how traumatizing it would be to a girl who just got her period to see her MALE classmate in the GIRLS room? Do you all even consider any other person's feelings?

Do you have any idea how traumatizing it would be for an adolescent boy to have a woman walk in while he was making use of the open facilities? How about grown men who don't want to show off their "hardware" to just any woman who has a son who needs to go to the bathroom? What about consideration for their feelings? I am actually in disbelief that people are suggesting that a man's right to privacy is somehow less worthy then a woman's. A PRE-TEEN boy in a bathroom where there are stalls and locks is way less of a privacy intrusion then a FULL GROWN WOMAN in a restroom where communal urinals are located. In a woman's restroom, "accidental" exposures are FAR less likely to happen. I would be thinking something pretty strange was up if I did see another woman coming out exposed from a stall in a ladies room. I can honestly say, that in a normal restroom (not a changing area or locker room) I have NEVER seen another woman exposed in any way, period.

Look inside the mens room first or go in with your son. Those are normal things to do. Dragging your pre-teen into the women's room is not normal or acceptable.

Again, I think it is highly unacceptable for a grown woman to enter a men's room. If my boys are in there and I see a grown woman entering, I am going to have a huge problem with it. I find it completely abnormal that this is even suggested as a proper alternative!

 

[aubriee]

I doubt this woman was offering parenting advice. She was stating that she was not comfortable with a male that size and age in the ladies room she was using. While I disagree with her boundary, her having one is not in and of itself wrong. If you bring a 12 year old into the ladies room I am darn well going to speak up and it isn't about your parenting, it's about my desire to not be co-ed in the ladies room. My line is probably around 10. Clearly this lady had a lower threshold. I'm not saying the OP should accomodate it, but it wasn't about anyone telling her how to raise her child.

I agree! I posted this story the last time this subject came up. I was at WDW a few years ago when I took my then 8 y/o GD into the restroom in the UK (across from Rose & Crown). She went into a stall and I went into one, two stalls down from her. I suddenly heard her scream and immediately heard another child screaming. I frantically lunged out of that stall with my pants still down to find a little boy about 10 y/o on the floor in front of her stall holding his bloody nose and screaming blood murder. Apparently he decided to take a peek under my GD's stall while his mom was in the next stall doing her business. My GD is a feisty little thing and kicked him as hard as she could in the nose, when his face appeared under the door. That kid's mom started screaming at my GD for being a brat. Excuse me! That 10 y/o kid had no business being in that restroom and definitely had no business peeking under a little girl's stall. There was quite a few people in there and thankfully everyone of them took up for my GD and started telling that mother to let her kid go to the men's room where he belonged. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with kids say 6 y/o and under being in the ladies room, but much older than that they belong in the men's room and if someone brings their son into the ladies room then they sure as heck need to make sure they can behave.

By the way, I am the mom of two boys and they started going to the men's room alone around 7 y/o. I also have a GS, who is 3 y/o. He'll be coming into the ladies room with me until he is about seven, but before then you better believe he will either be in the stall with me or standing right outside my stall where I can see his feet. Boys will be boys and all have a natural curiosity.

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

I'm in the uk, my eldest son is 5 and he's recently started asking to go to "Not the girls one" so we tend to head to the stores with family or individual bathrooms. When he's a bit older he'll start being allowed in mens rooms in smaller more familiar place.

I think my dh has more problem than me though when out alone with our girls because we've become such a paranoid nation he noticably gets odd looks taking his daughters into even family/co-ed bathrooms.

 

[Mkrop]

I would like to ask some of the people who suggested certain age cutoffs, how do you know by looking at a child if that child is your cutoff age or not, how do you know if that child has a hidden disability that mandates he not be left alone.

My boys have always appeared older than their true ages. Always one of the tallest in thier classes. My DS5, turned 5 in Dec who is still in preschool, is the tallest in his class and looks more likea 7 year old. He is taller than the next door neighbor who is in 2nd grade. Are you going to judge me in that 10 minutes and deem my child is too old when he really isnt, according to most of your 6 and under rule.

This same child has a hidden disability, he has hypotonia and has balance issues and fine motor skill issues. He recieves therapy for this but currently cant use the bathrrom by himself to get his pants up or down or refastened. Are you going to understand this in the 10 minutes I am taking my child into the stall? Or should I hand out cards so that you can understand why I need to have him in there with me?

I will say it again I dont know why children are in with their parents and I refuse to judge anyone for making that decision and I certainly cant or dont care why each family has made this decision. I get in and I get out.

 

[tinkerbell/pixie]

My ds is 4 ft.9 and wears a size 8 mens shoe.He is 9 and he has autism. At home and in school he can use the bathroom by himself. When we are out at malls, zoos etc. and dh is not there he uses the bathroom with me. I do always look for a family restroom because he feels he shouldn't be in there also. He is in the cub scouts and has taken socilization classes but, he still does not understand danger in this way.This is the reason he does not go to scout camp. So I say it is up to the parent to decide when to let a child go to the restroom alone. I am so glad that you spoke up. Part of growing up is not running the risk of being molested in a restroom.If a woman is changing she should be behind closed doors because I don't want to see it either.

I did try to let him go alone once because the line for the women's restroom was outside and around the corner. I found a restroom at the zoo where I could see inside the front area as the door opened and closed. I told him to go to the first urinal and he went to the 2nd. There was a man ther finishing up but ds would have tried to share it with him because he doesn't understand space. So he will use the restroom with me until we feel he is ready to go on his own.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

This morning my children and I went into Kohls to return a few things and to shop for my Grandmother's birthday this weekend. While shopping, my youngest DS6 had to go to the bathroom. No big deal, I walk into the ladies bathroom with him and proceed to let him go when a woman stops me and states that he is too old to be going into the ladies bathroom. I looked at her with shock and then replied, "Thank you for your concern but he is only 6 and I feel that it is in his best interest that he come with me. He is too young to recognize danger and act accordingly so until then he will go into to ladies bathroom with me. He is not allowed to wonder in the store alone, so why would I allow him out of my sight in the men's bathroom." She just stared at me blankly and turned to walk out but as she was leaving she stated that he had to grow up sometimes.

I was just wandering at age do you let your sons begin going into the men's bathroom alone or leave them outside the door alone while you go into the ladies bathroom. I have an older son too who just turned 12, and I think I started letting him go into the men's bathroom alone in public places when he turned 8. Even then though, I still stand near the door and give him a certain amount of time to go. I know I tend to be very cautious, but of all the places I want my sons to be alone with strangers, the men's bathroom is by far the last place on my list. I guess I never thought of someone else not agreeing. I was never approached or reprimanded with my oldest son on the issue. I guess because he is my son, I still see him as vunerable while others see him as an older kid capable of going into the men's bathroom on his own. Just wondering what the rest of you moms of Disney boys think.

That woman is an idiot! I wouldn't worry about what she said for one minute. You did the right thing. A six year old is too young to go in a public men's restroom alone.

 

[dzorn]

to recognize danger and act accordingly so until then he will go into to ladies bathroom with me.

You've answered your own question. When he is old enough to do the above. I cannot believe someone would say that about a 6 year old.

Denise in MI

 

[Wendy5055]

It is such a difficult issue when you have a different gender child. I have a DD6 so for me, she stays in the same stall (I would do that w/a boy too). She has begun asking to wait outside the stall in the bathroom, but I refuse...I just cannot be certain who is out there with her. Besides, there is too much opportunity for mischief!!!

I on occasion allow her to use the potty by herself, but insist of papering the seat beforehand . When I go on vacation I pack the disposable toilet seat covers and they have proven handy on many occasions. I also pack a little tissue pack...one never knows if the stalls will be out of paper (this has happened to me before!!!).

I believe that is is not necessarily our CHILDREN who cannot be trusted...but those AROUND our children that cannot always be trusted. Stick to your guns and know that others opinions are just that.

 

[christianne]

Hi! I also began letting my son go in to the men's room alone at 8...that woman's judgement has no basis in reality...we have a friend who is an undecover police detective & he tells me frequently at malls/stadiums, etc men will hang around & wait for boys to go in alone...scary stuff.

We are also folllowing his advice when we go to Disney this summer..if any of my kids get lost (esp DD 5) & they cannot find a Disney employee, go to the nearest woman [/B][/I][/B](even better -mom w/ kids) for help.

 

[DevilDuckie]

My GD is a feisty little thing and kicked him as hard as she could in the nose, when his face appeared under the door.

Awesome! Teach her to shriek, "Pervert!" at the top of her lungs too, just in case it happens again.

 

[DevilDuckie]

if any of my kids get lost (esp DD 5) & they cannot find a Disney employee, go to the nearest woman [/B][/I][/B](even better -mom w/ kids) for help.

This sort of concerns me because I see it a lot. People do realize that molestation (and kidnapping) is NOT "a thing men do," right? A woman is just as dangerous as a man.

 

[tazdev3225]

I raised one DS and now have 5 DGS's. The oldest is 9 and I started letting him go into the men's room alone when he was around 6. We were shopping and he had to go and threw a fit when I tried to take him in the ladies room. I stood outside the door the first few times and he was fine so it was solo from then on. I live in philly and my husband is in law enforcement so I am well aware of the dangers but I feel that he has to grow up and we need to teach him how which includes being aware of his surroundings and what to do.

 

[luvmy3]

This is why my 7 year old Ds will still come into the woman's restroom with me.

http://www.cnn.com/US/9811/16/boy.killed/index.html

 

[robinb]

This sort of concerns me because I see it a lot. People do realize that molestation (and kidnapping) is NOT "a thing men do," right? A woman is just as dangerous as a man.

What concerns me is that somehow people have the misconception that children are usually molested by strangers. They are far more liable to be molested by someone they already know and trust (family, friends, neighbors, coaches etc) than some random man (or woman ) in a bathroom.

I highly recommend the book "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" by Gavin De Becker for a sane look at how to protect your kids. It's available at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009

 

[abcboys]

People always bring up the killing of the 9 year old at the beach where is aunt took him. It still doesn't scared me into thinking I must take my 9 year old in with me. Yes, I suppose there is a chance somthing could happen to him but its so slight its not worth worrying about. That same boy could have been 12 or 13 years old. I'm sure there's stories of grown women being killed/attacked in bathroom stalls, too where a stalker was hiding. I can't believe a mom made their 14 year old go into the women's bathroom with her. That kid is going to have some problems!! If I waited till my son could fully protect himself and fight off a grown man I would not let him go into the men's room till he was at least 16 and that's just not gonna happen. I just try to make him aware and also be aware myself.

 

[Mkrop]

What concerns me is that somehow people have the misconception that children are usually molested by strangers. They are far more liable to be molested by someone they already know and trust (family, friends, neighbors, coaches etc) than some random man (or woman ) in a bathroom.

I highly recommend the book "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" by Gavin De Becker for a sane look at how to protect your kids. It's available at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009

Well I was hestitant about posting this bc it was not "bathroom" related by I got a call this morning that a child in the next neighborhood over was approached by a man in a white pickup truck who tried to get him in the truck yesterday. The little boy (2nd grade) was walking home from the bus stop and the guy tried to reach out and grab him. The boy was able to get away, and his brother who had left school early for an ortho appt, was coming out of the house to get his brother off the bus and screamed "hey' this too frightented the creep off. The police were called and a description was provided by both boys. They are also looking at one neighbors security camera to see if they picked anything up.

The child was just walking along the edge of people's property, no sidewalks, when the guy tried to grab him he did try to jerk away, but I really think it was his brother coming out at the right moment that made it so this boy was not a victim. This boy had been told not to approach strange cars, he didnt the guy pulled up behind him, they even just had a Saftery and Touching talk on school on Monday, so the kid knew but these creeps know ways to try and still get tot he kdis.

This happened yesterday in a nice upscale suburban neighborhood, so please dont tell me that it doesnt happen by strangers. It does. We need to learn to protect our kids from strangers and the people (coaches, teachers etc) and we need to do what we can to protect them.

 

[meandtheguys2]

What concerns me is that somehow people have the misconception that children are usually molested by strangers. They are far more liable to be molested by someone they already know and trust (family, friends, neighbors, coaches etc) than some random man (or woman ) in a bathroom.

I highly recommend the book "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" by Gavin De Becker for a sane look at how to protect your kids. It's available at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf

Page 10.

Except for victims under age 6, most sexual assault
offenders were not family members but were otherwise
known to the victim. Sixty percent of all sexual assault
offenders were classified by law enforcement as
acquaintances of the victim. Just 14% of offenders were
strangers to their victims. Strangers were a greater
proportion of the offenders of adult victims (27%) than
juvenile victims (7%). The youngest juveniles were least
likely to have an offender who was a stranger. Just 3% of
the offenders in the sexual assaults of children under age 6
were strangers, compared with 5% of the offenders of youth
ages 6 through 12, and 10% of offenders of juveniles ages
12 through 17.

Children are more likely to assaulted by family and acquaintances than a stranger. They are more likely to be physically assaulted in the bathroom at school by the local bully than they are to be assaulted by a stranger in a public are. The likelihood of an assault by stranger further drops when in areas with people about, good lighting, etc.

 

[Mkrop]

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf

Page 10.

Except for victims under age 6, most sexual assault
offenders were not family members but were otherwise
known to the victim. Sixty percent of all sexual assault
offenders were classified by law enforcement as
acquaintances of the victim. Just 14% of offenders were
strangers to their victims. Strangers were a greater
proportion of the offenders of adult victims (27%) than
juvenile victims (7%). The youngest juveniles were least
likely to have an offender who was a stranger. Just 3% of
the offenders in the sexual assaults of children under age 6
were strangers, compared with 5% of the offenders of youth
ages 6 through 12, and 10% of offenders of juveniles ages
12 through 17.

Children are more likely to assaulted by family and acquaintances than a stranger. They are more likely to be physically assaulted in the bathroom at school by the local bully than they are to be assaulted by a stranger in a public are. The likelihood of an assault by stranger further drops when in areas with people about, good lighting, etc.

Read my above post. Maybe this child is in a small percentage but I dont want my child to part of ANY percentage, I dont care how small, that he is a victim of a crime.

 

[tnmomof4]

Even sending in your older boys by themselves into men's bathrooms can be dangerous. We know from experience.

I have four boys. My oldest two are now 11 and 9. My youngest two are both 4. I let my oldest two start going into the men's room by themselves when they were 7-8. I always stay outside the bathroom door and wait for them and never thought about their safety in the men' bathroom.

Then two years ago when they were 9 and 7, they had a terrible experience in the men's bathroom at Target. They had a man approach them in the bathroom. They were both in their own stalls, and he started talking to them while they were going the bathroom. He asked them their names and how old they were. He asked them what they like to do. He said he was fun to play with and liked video games. He said other stuff to them too. He was also looking through the cracks of the stalls at them, with his eye pressed right up against the stall. My boys said they got in the very back corner of the stall.

When they wouldn't answer him, he starting scaring them. He was banging on the stall doors. He acted like he was washing his hands and leaving. My boys said they would hear the water run, the paper towel rip, and the door open and shut. He would do all this, but not leave. My boys said he did this a few times. My boys knew he was still in the bathroom because they looked under the stall door. Since they still wouldn't come out he tried scaring them some more. He said he would wait as long as it took for them to come out. He told them he would be waiting for them.

This all took place for about 7-8 minutes. I was getting worried or thought maybe they were messing around. I did knock on the door and yell their names. I didn't look in, I just knocked and yelled their names. They came running out very hysterical. It was awful. The sad thing is, is that this creep must have walked out right in front of me, and I had no idea that he had been preying on my boys.

We did call the police and fill out a report. The only description my boys could give was the color and type of his tennis shoes because they had looked under the stall so many times to see if he was gone. The police looked through the whole store and stood at the doors to look for these tennis shoes. They also looked on the security camera footage. They never could find him, and the police assumed he just left after not being successful getting my boys.

Anyway.... One really bad experience like that will make you see that safety is really important. Even older boys are at risk. My boys were traumatized for weeks after that. I was too. I felt like the worst mom in the world to send my boys into the bathroom by themselves. For a while after that I made them come into the women's bathroom with me because I was just so freaked out.

We are extra careful now. They still go to the bathroom by themselves, but they know now that if they need me, all they have to do is yell and I am right outside and I will hear them.

I wish more places would have family bathrooms. We always look for these first.