Boys and Public Restrooms

[TheRatPack]

I have a 14 year old son and a 4 yo and a 3 yo son as well. The 14 year old probably started going in the mens at around age 7 or 8? But I was a door hover mom too LOL My 4 and 3 year old go with me. They of course still need help wiping if they do #2, need help finding the 'clean' stall, help reaching the sink...etc. I'm so glad that many stores have family bathrooms now...it makes things much easier.

 

[delmar411]

I agree, and I am usually pretty laid back about things. But the last place I want my small child to be alone with strangers is a place where everyone is taking their clothes off. So, my boy will be going to the bathroom with me until I think he is mature enough to handle the men's room. It has never bothered me to see little boys in the women's room.

When we were at WDW, DH asked me "Why is the line for the women's room always so long?" I replied, "The men's room only has men using it. The women's room has women, little girls and little boys."

Um, WTH kind of bathrooms are you frequenting? The mens room isn't the get naked room! It's the unzip your pants and pee room. They don't even have to take down their pants to pee. This is the absurdity that I rally against.

I doubt this woman was offering parenting advice. She was stating that she was not comfortable with a male that size and age in the ladies room she was using. While I disagree with her boundary, her having one is not in and of itself wrong. If you bring a 12 year old into the ladies room I am darn well going to speak up and it isn't about your parenting, it's about my desire to not be co-ed in the ladies room. My line is probably around 10. Clearly this lady had a lower threshold. I'm not saying the OP should accomodate it, but it wasn't about anyone telling her how to raise her child.

You did right MOM!!

IMO, 6 years old is too young to be going into the Men's bathroom on their own. My DS10 did not start going alone until he was 9yo.

Nine? Not even in 'safe' areas? Do you know that many girls start their periods at nine? Do you have any idea how traumatizing it would be to a girl who just got her period to see her MALE classmate in the GIRLS room? Do you all even consider any other person's feelings? The odds of running into a classmate in the bathroom are extremely high in comparison to these phantom men who are just lurking around every public toilet just waiting to attack a boy.

Why on earth would that woman think it was any of her business? My son was 8 when he started going in the men's room on his own.

It's her business because there is a FEMALE on the door. Not a female and her school aged son. The fact that certain businesses have to post notices that children of the opposite sex are not to be in there just speaks to how our societies self centered paranoia has grown to epic proportions.

Look inside the mens room first or go in with your son. Those are normal things to do. Dragging your pre-teen into the women's room is not normal or acceptable.

And yes these are my opinions. They are shared by MANY though. Most are afraid to speak up but I'm not. Someone has to stop and tell ppl when they are being paranoid and out of line.

And no I don't think 6yrs old is unreasonable to be in the ladies room but that's the age when they need to start using the mens room when it is a familiar, pretty 'safe' environment. While you all may react as if I said drop your 3yr old DS off at the local truck stop and come back in an hour, that's not what I'm saying at all. Just remember I have boundaries, you have boundaries, the person next to you has boundaries and when you cross them you have to be able to handle the consequences esp if you are the one crossing the line and wanting ppl to look the other way.


Sorry it came to this but I cannot stand to watch the ridiculous fuel the more ridiculous. The OP I'm sure had no idea the fire she started, so I apologize to her since none of this is directed to her in the least.

 

[Planogirl]

The biggest problem I have is the longer lines that have been created by all of the uptight parents out there. Six is fine but 11? These restrooms weren't built for so many people and women are slow enough on their own!

I started letting DS go into public restrooms alone when he was about 8 or so. I either made sure he went into a crowded restroom or if it was quiet I asked him to check it out and tell me who if anyone was in there. If no one was there fine, if someone was then he could wait until they left. I just hung around outside and asked him to be speedy.

Of course YMMV but they have to go on their own sometime IMO.

 

[graygables]

Nine? Not even in 'safe' areas? Do you know that many girls start their periods at nine? Do you have any idea how traumatizing it would be to a girl who just got her period to see her MALE classmate in the GIRLS room? Do you all even consider any other person's feelings? The odds of running into a classmate in the bathroom are extremely high in comparison to these phantom men who are just lurking around every public toilet just waiting to attack a boy.

Again, mother of girls here, BUT my ex is a pedophile (long story), so it isn't just someone waiting to attack a boy, there is also just watching which is something that parents of both genders need to be aware of in restrooms, at the swimming pool, on the beach, at the mall...you get the idea.

As far as "traumatizing", why? Why do we shame girls into thinking there is something horrible about having a period? Don't boys need to know about these things, too, so they don't come into relationships COMPLETELY clueless about the female body and its functions? Again, raised in Europe (and with brothers), but doing one's business in a stall away from the next person (whatever the gender) is not that big a deal. I've never seen anything in a women's restroom that a boy couldn't see (it's not like women are waddling out with their drawers around their knees).

This nation needs a paradigm shift when it comes to protecting children.

 

[Kcross3625]

I know that my 3rd grade DD would be embarrassed to see her male classmates in the girls' bathroom.

This did actually happen to us. We were at AK for DD's 4th grade class trip and we all took a bathroom break. While the boys trooped off to the men's room, "Johnny's" mom made him go into the ladies room with her. While it didn't bother me much, DD was uncomfortable with her 10yo boy classmate in the ladies room. In defense of the mom, they had not lived in the US very long, so maybe it wasn't a big deal in their home country.

IMHO 6 is too young to go into a men's room alone. When I had to take my nephews that age into a ladies room, I would go into a stall and shut the door, they would have to stand facing the stall door with their feet sticking under the door so I could see them. And I peed very, very fast.

Kim

 

[Mkrop]

My oldest DS started btw 8 and 9. It was on a case by case basis. More times than not he went into the men's room but I told him that mom had the final say, if I thought the situation was not a good one, like the time we had to stop on I95 and I did not have a good feeling, he went in with me, he wasnt happy but too bad, mom makes the call. Now at 10 he goes in all bathrooms by himself but I hover and he has been talked to about stranger safety many times.

I respect any mothers decision to decide this for their own child. In the couple minutes I encounter someone in a public restroom, I do not know the circumstances as to why this boy is in there, there could be very legitimate reasons, autitistic, some other disability, who am I to judge, there are stalls.

Now parents do need to teach their children proper manners like not peeking etc.

I have been called some nasty names for my opinion but I am ok with that.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I admit I do not like boys in the womens bathroom - nor do I like them in the locker room at my gym while I am naked.

I think there are two solutions:
1) go into the mens room with him. There is nothing in there that has not been seen before (and there really is not anything showing anyway)
2) have son go INTO YOUR STALL with you. If you say ick and that he is too old to be in the stall with you... than I think he is too old to be in the bathroom.

Will I say anything to you? Nope.

But I might shake my head in disbelief.

 

[Mkrop]

My sons always went into the stalls with me or into the stall right next to me if I had both boys and we all couldnt fit, the older one would go into the stall by himself right next to me, they arent just hanging out.

 

[livndisney]

My oldest DS started btw 8 and 9. It was on a case by case basis. More times than not he went into the men's room but I told him that mom had the final say, if I thought the situation was not a good one, like the time we had to stop on I95 and I did not have a good feeling, he went in with me, he wasnt happy but too bad, mom makes the call. Now at 10 he goes in all bathrooms by himself but I hover and he has been talked to about stranger safety many times.

I respect any mothers decision to decide this for their own child. In the couple minutes I encounter someone in a public restroom, I do not know the circumstances as to why this boy is in there, there could be very legitimate reasons, autitistic, some other disability, who am I to judge, there are stalls.

Now parents do need to teach their children proper manners like not peeking etc.
I have been called some nasty names for my opinion but I am ok with that.

Well said!!!! My DD has the right to use the women's restroom and not have a boy (or anyone) "peeking". One boy actually stuck his head under the stall door .

 

[PatricenPete]

Heck, it's my kid, I'll do whatever I want! If I'm not comfortable, I'll take him into the women's bathroom when he's 16!!!!

I remember going to a concert once and there was a woman there with her son, who had to have been about 14. She asked every woman on line if they would mind if her son went into the bathroom with her as she was uncomfortable leaving him alone in such a crowded arena. We all said there was no problem. I mean it's not like she was bringing him into the women's changing room at the gym or something. I think that each situation needs to be handled case by case.

My son is 3 and at the rate that the world is going, he'll be coming into the women's bathroom with me until he is 37.

 

[disykat]

Two people have said it so I have to comment. Why on earth would it be better for a full grown woman to march her little boy past men using urinals rather than have a six year old go into a room of stalls where they can't see anything?

I have no problem with a supervised six year old boy in a women's rest room, but HUGE issues with a woman who has so little respect for men's privacy that she chooses to walk in on them using the urinal.

 

[Kimmie5870]

As long as I felt it was safe I allowed my son to go to the bathroom by himself when he was 5. I believe he was 9 the last time he went in a bathroom with me and that was at a rest stop. Hell, I don't even like going into those bathrooms .

I've seen older boys in the womens bathroom and it never fails that the poor kid looks miserable. I really don't care that an older kid is in the bathroom but I do feel sorry for them and have to shake my head (to myself) at the parent.

I'm sorry but if your child is old enough to be in middle school he should be able to go potty without his mother.

And before I get jumped on about Special Needs kids.... I'm talking about normal healthy boys who look like they want to crawl through the floor because mom won't trust them to go to the bathroom alone.

 

[moxiecola]

".... I'm talking about normal healthy boys who look like they want to crawl through the floor because mom won't trust them to go to the bathroom alone."

TRUST THEM??? That is NOT the problem here. I don't have my kids come with me, and I'm sure this goes for most of us, because we don't trust THEM. I have them come with me because I don't trust anyone else on the other side of the men's room door.

 

[KelleyD]

I'm sorry but if your child is old enough to be in middle school he should be able to go potty without his mother.

OK...but not for my kid. He is young now and when he is in middle school he no doubt will be able to go without me, but how many stories do you need?

Click on the link if you want...9 year old in Walmart...
http://www.10news.com/news/15611926/detail.html
He was able to run out and tell his mother but not before the man put his hands on him...The guy was 28. I could look into the mens room - but then what? Is there a certain type I am looking for??

No thanks, not for me...thats just one story out of many. I will take you shaking your head at me all day long, its about the welfare of my son, not the opinion of the masses

 

[robinb]

I have no problem with a supervised six year old boy in a women's rest room, but HUGE issues with a woman who has so little respect for men's privacy that she chooses to walk in on them using the urinal.

Of course having a person of the opposite gender in a bathroom is unacceptable and disrespectful to the people in that bathroom... my guess would be that was the whole point of the posts you are commenting on. It's not the 6-year olds that I have a problem with. It's the pre-teens and older that are the problem, IMO. Bringing those young men/boys into the ladies room is just as disrespectful as a grown women entering a men's room.

 

[DisneyKT]

OK...but not for my kid. He is young now and when he is in middle school he no doubt will be able to go without me, but how many stories do you need?

Click on the link if you want...9 year old in Walmart...
http://www.10news.com/news/15611926/detail.html
He was able to run out and tell his mother but not before the man put his hands on him...The guy was 28. I could look into the mens room - but then what? Is there a certain type I am looking for??

No thanks, not for me...thats just one story out of many. I will take you shaking your head at me all day long, its about the welfare of my son, not the opinion of the masses

ITA I have a daughter and a young son. And they will both go to the bathroom with me. Until Im ok with it. Not anybody else. Because if something does happen to your child you have to live with it. Not a total stranger giving you a dirty look.

To OP good for you. You handled it well.

 

[Kimmie5870]

OK...but not for my kid. He is young now and when he is in middle school he no doubt will be able to go without me, but how many stories do you need?

Click on the link if you want...9 year old in Walmart...
http://www.10news.com/news/15611926/detail.html
He was able to run out and tell his mother but not before the man put his hands on him...The guy was 28. I could look into the mens room - but then what? Is there a certain type I am looking for??

No thanks, not for me...thats just one story out of many. I will take you shaking your head at me all day long, its about the welfare of my son, not the opinion of the masses

What? You just said that your middle school child will probably be going to the bathroom by himself, so your obviously not the type of mother I'm talking about. Again, I have no problem with older kids in the bathroom, heck bring the whole family. As long as they aren't peeping in my stall I could care less.

But, when I see a older boy in a womans bathroom who looks like he wants to crawl through the floor I can't help but feel sorry for him.

Seriously, for those of you who take 11,12,14 yr olds in the bathroom with you.... Are you with your children 24/7, do they go on field trips, outings with friends/family? Who takes your kid to the bathroom then?

 

[Momvic5]

No, I did not realize that this was such a hot topic, but I find all of the opinions very interesting. Honestly though, the one thing I am surprised about is all the mentioning of peeking into the men's room before allowing your sons to enter. I just can not bring myself to peek into the men's room unless I have a reason to think something has gone wrong. If the lady who approached me was concerned about a 6 yr old boy invading her privacy how would a man who is standing exposed at a urinal feel about a peeking mother.

I have to admit, I was shocked by the woman. If she thought he was old enough to use the men's room on his own, did she think he was old enough to leave alone at a shopping cart while I visited the ladies' room? If he is too young to stand in the store for 5 minutes alone then there is a second reason why he may be in the ladies' room. I was just curious as to what other mothers thought. Thanks for all of your opinions.

 

[pepperderr]

I take my son's into the bathroom with me (8yo & 4yo). I never thought of it being an issue either. I never thought about a DD having to go into a men's bathroom either but when you gotta go, you gotta go. I don't have any DD but like others have posted, womens rooms have private stalls. It is not like the boys are going in just to look at other women or something. My son is now 8 and I let him go to the bathroom himself sometimes but it does depend where we are. I have no problems still taking him into the women's bathroom too.

We tend to use the family bathroom at walmart a lot. We all go in one bathroom together and close the door. Then I don't have to worry about the older one going by himself or someone else being upset if he is in the woman's room. I am fine letting him go alone when it is just 1 toilet in the bathroom so I know he is the only one in there of course. Then I worry about him locking himself in by accident LOL.

 

[westernmom]

When I taught kindergarten years ago, if I was on a field trip without a father helper, I would pound on the men's room door, open it an inch and yell, "Zip 'em up guys, kindergarten teacher coming in." I would wait a few moments, and then open the door and let one of my kindie boys check to make sure it was clear. If not, I had that child tell the men in the room that their teacher was bringing them in. Then I'd stand in the doorway so no one was getting in or out while my boys were in there.

When my oldest ds was too mortified at about 7 yo to go into the ladies room with me, I gave him 2 minutes in the rest room while I stood at the door. If he took any longer, I'd pound on the door and yell in, "You okay?" Only had to do that once as he was pretty embarrassed. After that he was pretty quick.

Not really comfortable doing that, but more comfortable than sending young boys in alone.