Boys and Public Restrooms

[graygables]

I've never seen another woman's lady business in the bathroom, I've never seen another woman getting changed out in the open and I've never heard a graphic conversation about periods or anything else. Maybe I'm not going to the "right" places

Heck, you won't even hear women pass gas in a restroom! (sorry, couldn't resist). I think co-ed restrooms with DECENT (see: European) stalls are the way to go. It would be no different than going to the Old Navy changing room, for instance. Walk in, lock your door, do your thing, leave. No one has to worry about what anyone else is doing there.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Wow, that was a big leap. Are you saying a 7 year old going into the bathroom with his mother is the same as a grown man going into that same bathroom. Really? How about a 2 year old - they would be messing up the "single sex bathroom" situation? What about a newborn baby boy?

Hey if taking a 10 year old boy (and yes, people are saying it's their right to do that) into a ladies room is "nobody else's business" and a parents right to choose then yes, a grown man deciding that his daughter should use the ladies room under his supervision is also a personal choice. If nobody else gets to complain about other people's choices impinging on their comfort then it goes both ways.

The leap is the, "I can do whatever I want and to heck with who I make uncomfortable because it's a parenting choice so I have no obligation to think of anyone else" attitude that some folks are displaying. Rule one of being a responsible parent is that MY kid doesn't get to be a pain in YOUR rear. It's just good manners.

 

[kelma]

Hey if taking a 10 year old boy (and yes, people are saying it's their right to do that) into a ladies room is "nobody else's business" and a parents right to choose then yes, a grown man deciding that his daughter should use the ladies room under his supervision is also a personal choice. If nobody else gets to complain about other people's choices impinging on their comfort then it goes both ways.

The only place I've ever heard a 10 year old being referred to as an adult is by Disney Ticketing

 

[kelma]

Heck, you won't even hear women pass gas in a restroom! (sorry, couldn't resist). I think co-ed restrooms with DECENT (see: European) stalls are the way to go. It would be no different than going to the Old Navy changing room, for instance. Walk in, lock your door, do your thing, leave. No one has to worry about what anyone else is doing there.

ITA

 

[lunabkat]

"lady business" OMG that is sooooo funny, thank you for that!

If a man needs to take his little girl to the ladies room and is truly uncomfortable with them going alone, just ask. I would be happy to clear the room if need be, or he could just hold the entry door wide open, the stalls have doors. I hope most people would be considerate enough with that to let it go...poop happens. I have occassionally seen older boys in womens rooms, and I have to admit that by the age of 8 or so it seems they should go to the mens room, but then, I am in the bathroom with my children most of the time when they have to go, so no one messes with them. If not immediately, than shortly after, I follow them in unless its like a Friendly's with just one dedicated bathroom per sex, with a lock on the door. Then I just watch the door for them to come out.

My girls no longer go to the mens' room with my husband, if they are out, they go together to the girls room with him outside waiting.

Its nice to hear that "my kid shouldn't be a pain in your butt" but more usual to hear "your kid shouldn't be a pain in my butt, but my kid can do what he pleases"...

 

[fakereadhed]

No big deal, I walk into the ladies bathroom with him and proceed to let him go when a woman stops me and states that he is too old to be going into the ladies bathroom. I looked at her with shock and then replied, "Thank you for your concern but he is only 6 and I feel that it is in his best interest that he come with me. He is too young to recognize danger and act accordingly so until then he will go into to ladies bathroom with me. He is not allowed to wonder in the store alone, so why would I allow him out of my sight in the men's bathroom." She just stared at me blankly and turned to walk out but as she was leaving she stated that he had to grow up sometimes.

I absolutely hate it when strangers comment on parenting. That's what she was doing. Basically reprimanding you for your parenting skills.

I would have plugged my child's ears and told her to buzz off. It's none of her business.

If you were bringing him in and letting him run around by himself that would be really wrong. But taking a small child supervised into the bathroom is nobody's business but yours. If she is bothered by having him in the ladies room I would suggest she seek counseling.

 

[livndisney]

Hey if taking a 10 year old boy (and yes, people are saying it's their right to do that) into a ladies room is "nobody else's business" and a parents right to choose then yes, a grown man deciding that his daughter should use the ladies room under his supervision is also a personal choice. If nobody else gets to complain about other people's choices impinging on their comfort then it goes both ways.

The leap is the, "I can do whatever I want and to heck with who I make uncomfortable because it's a parenting choice so I have no obligation to think of anyone else" attitude that some folks are displaying. Rule one of being a responsible parent is that MY kid doesn't get to be a pain in YOUR rear. It's just good manners.

I think Disney should sell a tee that says this

 

[jamieT]

Don't feel like you have to defend your good parenting. That woman was in the wrong, not you. I am STILL not comfortable with my DS8 going into a public men's room, alone!

My son is 7 and he goes in the mens room unless I have to go and can't stand outside and wait for him or unless it's crazy busy like a sporting event or such. I am not taking any chances with the loves of my life.

And why do people always feel they have the right to correct other peoples parenting? She was wrong and was just looking for someone to judge.

I am a firm believer that besides God the only one protecting my kids is ME and by goodness I am going to do my job!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Call me weird, but what are you all doing in the bathroom areas that is so personal? I mean you are in a locked stall! Do whatever you want in there. I am a woman and I do not want to see you changing clothes etc. in the common area. I don't care if you brought your husband in the ladies room to use a stall. I am in a locked private area doing my business and then washing my hands. No scandal there. Seriously- as long as the kid is not rolling on the floor and peeking in doors who cares? How long are you even in there? I don't even look at anyone else. I do my business and leave. Are there bathroom connesiours? (sp?) Those that linger inhaling the scent of cheap air freshener trying to decipher it's origin? I just don't get it. I also have never seen anyone parading around naked in a public restroom. I guess I also go to the wrong places.

 

[tzolkin]

my DH and i both lived in dorms in two different colleges that had co-ed bathrooms. (toilets and showers) no one ever had an issue with it. i'm sure some would say that college students are indecent or something and therefore don't mind having the opposite sex in the bathrooms, but parents often visited their kids and used the bathrooms as well. they didnt seem uncomfortable either.

i'm sure most people would like to keep the same-sex bathrooms for when they might like some extra privacy (#2 ), but having co-ed bathrooms in public places would eliminate this issue for parents who don't feel comfortable letting their child go to the bathroom alone.

btw: i understand the concerns about allowing your child to go into the bathroom alone and certainly waiting outside the door for them would keep them relatively more safe (you could see no one was taking them from the store). personally, i think i would feel more uncomfortable leaving the child in the store alone while i had to go to the bathroom. i have girls and my son is under 2, but i know the day will come... eventually

Call me weird, but what are you all doing in the bathroom areas that is so personal? I mean you are in a locked stall! Do whatever you want in there. I am a woman and I do not want to see you changing clothes etc. in the common area. I don't care if you brought your husband in the ladies room to use a stall. I am in a locked private area doing my business and then washing my hands. No scandal there. Seriously- as long as the kid is not rolling on the floor and peeking in doors who cares? How long are you even in there? I don't even look at anyone else. I do my business and leave. Are there bathroom connesiours? (sp?) Those that linger inhaling the scent of cheap air freshener trying to decipher it's origin? I just don't get it. I also have never seen anyone parading around naked in a public restroom. I guess I also go to the wrong places.

 

[jeanigor]

I don't have any children, but as a child I would spend every Thursday with my GM. She would take me with her into the ladies room if either of us needed to go. We would each take a stall and take care of business, wash our hands, and continue with our day. It did start to feel awkward around 9, so she started to let me use the mens room solo, if it was somewhere she felt was safe, (i.e. the corner restaurant) but not someplace like the mall or zoo. When I did use the restroom alone, she would always wait outside. And now (~20 years later) I find I am waiting for her outside (in case she falls).
Maybe I am an exception, but we talked about stranger danger and understood why she expected me to accompany her. I was also taught respect for other people's privacy, so I minded my manners and saw nothing except the stalls, walls and sinks.
I am concerned about the young girls that need to accompany their fathers into the bathroom. The 'freeness' some men take in the restroom make me uncomfortable at times. There should be more family friendly restrooms, for everyone's safety/comfort.

 

[grlpwrd]

Call me weird, but what are you all doing in the bathroom areas that is so personal? I mean you are in a locked stall! Do whatever you want in there. I am a woman and I do not want to see you changing clothes etc. in the common area. I don't care if you brought your husband in the ladies room to use a stall. I am in a locked private area doing my business and then washing my hands. No scandal there. Seriously- as long as the kid is not rolling on the floor and peeking in doors who cares? How long are you even in there? I don't even look at anyone else. I do my business and leave. Are there bathroom connesiours? (sp?) Those that linger inhaling the scent of cheap air freshener trying to decipher it's origin? I just don't get it. I also have never seen anyone parading around naked in a public restroom. I guess I also go to the wrong places.

You bring up a good point.

I also wonder about the posts that make it seem like having boys in the restroom is like inviting danger to the girls.... as if they are perverts and will obstruct the girl's freedom, rights, etc. In this sense, I feel some overtones of sexualizing the boys. I can understand not wanting teens in the women's bathroom, but below that I don't see a problem and to assume that boys (young boys!) are thinking sexual or pervert thoughts is odd to me. Of course, I understand there is a possibility that a boy is a sexual predator, but come one now.... the children are being supervised in the bathroom.

We are basically pee-ing and poo-ing in there. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[sajilunni]

I'm certainly the kind of parent that never wants to impose upon anyone else. I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable. And I do panic when I have all 3 of my children with me and two of them announce they have to go "really bad!". Starting at age 6 I would stand outside the mens room when he went by himself (usually with my foot propping open the door). But if my younger daughters need to go, and they have less control over their bladders, I make DS7 come into the ladies room and stand by the front door turned away. I told him "Women don't like you in here, so don't bother anyone and look away from the bathroom. We'll finish in a hurry." If he needs to go too, I shuffle him into a stall and tell him to stay in there until the coast is clear, while I go into another stall to help my girls.

I am absolutely torn about the situation. I personally don't care if there are boys in the bathroom, because like many posters have pointed out, there is nothing scandalous going on within view. But I understand that it makes some women uncomfortable, and I truly don't want that. But if I had to make a choice between a woman's fleeting resentment of me, and some potential absolute emotional devastation to our family, I will pick the fleeting resentment.

I agree that pedophilia is not the rampant epidemic that the media would have us believe. On the other hand, if there are small, easy steps that can be done to prevent it, then wouldn't you want to do that?

I think I would not be anxious about mens rooms had my husband not told me about a childhood friend of his. He was 10 years old and on the beach with his family and went to the mens room at the clubhouse. There was a man there who dragged him into a stall and anally raped him and left. The boy went back out in shock, and didn't tell his family for another 8 years. This story affected me deeply because until then I had thought that it would be relatively easy to protect my children from molestation. We never use babysitters or day care, or leave them with untrustworthy adults. But I could see myself not even thinking about letting my 10 yo son go into a mens room by himself as a concern, just like those boys parents innocently did. I would think about this topic very differently if I didn't know someone who was a victim of stranger pedophilia.

The YMCA that my children swim at has a permanent sign on the ladies room door that says "No boys able to walk are permitted in the ladies room". How hardcore is that? The YMCA has a significant older population and apparently they don't even like the idea of toddler boys looking at them! But I see moms breaking that rule all the time. I don't blame them, but I don't like to defiantly break a rule like that. Luckily it has a family changing room, but only one, and there is always a wait for it.

 

[livndisney]

You bring up a good point.

I also wonder about the posts that make it seem like having boys in the restroom is like inviting danger to the girls.... as if they are perverts and will obstruct the girl's freedom, rights, etc. In this sense, I feel some overtones of sexualizing the boys. I can understand not wanting teens in the women's bathroom, but below that I don't see a problem and to assume that boys (young boys!) are thinking sexual or pervert thoughts is odd to me. Of course, I understand there is a possibility that a boy is a sexual predator, but come one now.... the children are being supervised in the bathroom.

We are basically pee-ing and poo-ing in there. Nothing more, nothing less.

I didn't think anyone was commenting about young boys being "perverts". In my opinion, if you want your young son in the restroom with you, he should be with you. He should not be roaming free in the bathroom. (If he is with you then he is supervised and not doing the things people complain about when having boys inthe girls restroom).

What about this situation? DD and I go into a woman's restroom. There is one woman (with a young son) in line in front of us. Just as two stalls open up she calls to 2 other older boys (who have been standing near the door) to come stand in her place in line so they could be next. She then goes in one stall and sends her young son in the other. When 2 more stalls open up the boys each go into a stall. So basically we go from being "next" to 4th in line. When the young son is "done" he goes and bangs on each and every stall door and peeking under it for "Mommy". "Mommy" thinks it is "cute". (Until he pokes his head under my DD's stall and she kicks him-then "Mommy" yells at ME for being a "Bad parent" and not teaching my child better than that. )

 

[aubriee]

Call me weird, but what are you all doing in the bathroom areas that is so personal? I mean you are in a locked stall! Do whatever you want in there. I am a woman and I do not want to see you changing clothes etc. in the common area. I don't care if you brought your husband in the ladies room to use a stall. I am in a locked private area doing my business and then washing my hands. I just don't get it. I also have never seen anyone parading around naked in a public restroom. I guess I also go to the wrong places.

This just reminded me of an incident a couple of years ago at WDW. My GD and I were getting off Splash Mountain and she had to go to the restroom. You guys know that restroom right there on the left as you exit? Anyway, we innocently walked in laughing, just to have our laughter abruptly halted as we saw three females there in front of the mirror totally nude. It was a mom in her late 30's, teenage daughter, about 16 y/o and a girl, about 10 y/o. They had apparently just exited Splash Mountain too and were in there changing clothes. They were laughing and not the least self conscious or in any hurry to get their clothes on, just standing there talking and laughing while their bodies air dried.. Now they were Brazilian, so their culture may have had something to do with it. I didn't particularly appreciate my GD having to see them, but I would have appreciated it even less if my GD had been a nine or ten year little boy.

 

[Melissa2480]

I have an 8 yr old DS who looks like he is 10/11 but acts like he is 5/6. He is ADHD and is very impulsive and immature. He also doesn't understand his social boundaries and has to be reminded to wash his hands, etc. I am just now sometimes letting him go the the restroom alone. Its more of a problem when I have to go potty since I wouldn't leave him unattended while I go in. Recently we have had to endure strange looks from other women in the restrooms. My son would not feel uncomfortable going into the restrooms with me if it wasn't for the looks and shaking of the heads. I think its wrong for someone to judge another w/o knowing the reason. Even if my DS didn't have special needs he would still be going into the restroom with me if I had to go.

I wouldn't leave my 11 yr old DD out in the mall while I used the restroom just cause she didn't have to go...so why would I leave my son.

BTW....2 months ago we were at Walmart on a very empty morning...I think it was good friday that day and the kids had no school. My mom was here on vacation and my DS8 had to use the restroom. Well I let him go alone while we waited outside the door. Next think you know a man comes out and tells me how I shouldn't let my son go into the restroom by himself as there are too many bad people who could take advantage. Go figure!

Everyone has different opinions and ways of seeing things. You will never be able to please everyone. Trust your instincts and you will know when its the time for your child.

 

[Tinka_Belle]

I don't have a son, but I have seen little boys in the ladies room plenty of times. I never think anything of it. I understand the concern that a mom would have. My DD is 6 and I wouldn't even begin to allow her in the restroom by herself. People need to wake up and realize that bad things happen to little boys also. I think that the only time I would consider it a problem would be if an older child was looking under the doors or something.

 

[gracefor5]

My son is 8 and I have just recently, with much hesitation, started to let him go to the mens room alone. I stand outside and wait for him though. And, I have to admit recently we went to a play and there happen to be a ton of junior high classes there for a field trip. They were relatively well behaved, but I saw the ladies was empty and just snuck him in there instead. (He seemed a little relieved. Something about urinals and 20 or so much bigger kids. )

Kim

 

[Tinka_Belle]

i'm sure most people would like to keep the same-sex bathrooms for when they might like some extra privacy (#2 ), but having co-ed bathrooms in public places would eliminate this issue for parents who don't feel comfortable letting their child go to the bathroom alone.

This would be the main reason that I would want a co-ed bathroom, than you can blame it on the men.

 

[surfergirl602]

This morning my children and I went into Kohls to return a few things and to shop for my Grandmother's birthday this weekend. While shopping, my youngest DS6 had to go to the bathroom. No big deal, I walk into the ladies bathroom with him and proceed to let him go when a woman stops me and states that he is too old to be going into the ladies bathroom. I looked at her with shock and then replied, "Thank you for your concern but he is only 6 and I feel that it is in his best interest that he come with me. He is too young to recognize danger and act accordingly so until then he will go into to ladies bathroom with me. He is not allowed to wonder in the store alone, so why would I allow him out of my sight in the men's bathroom." She just stared at me blankly and turned to walk out but as she was leaving she stated that he had to grow up sometimes.

I was just wandering at age do you let your sons begin going into the men's bathroom alone or leave them outside the door alone while you go into the ladies bathroom. I have an older son too who just turned 12, and I think I started letting him go into the men's bathroom alone in public places when he turned 8. Even then though, I still stand near the door and give him a certain amount of time to go. I know I tend to be very cautious, but of all the places I want my sons to be alone with strangers, the men's bathroom is by far the last place on my list. I guess I never thought of someone else not agreeing. I was never approached or reprimanded with my oldest son on the issue. I guess because he is my son, I still see him as vunerable while others see him as an older kid capable of going into the men's bathroom on his own. Just wondering what the rest of you moms of Disney boys think.

What the heck was HER problem? Some people....... Geesh.. She probably didn't have enough business of her own and had to go minding yours. You are perfectly correct on WHY is is going in with you.