FWIW, I don't think it's unreasonable to want or need time off (unpaid or paid) for bereavement for the deaths of family members (which I would define as immediate family, sister/brother/parents/grandparents). I wouldn't expect time off for a cousin/aunt/uncle.
Aside from acting like a decent human being, I think it's pretty
stupid of an employer to refuse to give time off under those circumstances bec not only is the employee not going to be up to speed immediately following a death, the resentment such a policy will generate is counterproductive. I have worked in a place like that and overall the turnover was higher than the industry and the employees found little creative ways to 'get back' at the employer that total a far greater loss than if the employer had just given them a day or two off without pay.
Do I think an obit should be required? Probably. I too have seen unbelievable examples of people lying about deaths.
Do I think that some leeway should be given in the case of an employee not being mentioned in an obit? Absolutely. Experience with obits will inform you that not everyone who needs to attend a funeral is listed in an obit (esp as i the case where my family lives, the paper charges by the word for an obit. Her obit cost us nearly $200.) As an another example, when my dh's grandmother died, we were not yet married, so naturally I was not mentioned in the obit (nor actually, were the spouses of any married child or grandchildren). Was it appropriate for me to be at the funeral? IMO, absolutely. My employer at the time did not see it that way bec my name was not in the obit. All I needed were 2 hours off and I had someone who would cover that portion of my shift for me. Employer refused. I quit. It was a minimum wage food service job -- I'm not going to deal with this for minimum wage. HIS boss called me up and begged me to return bec according to him, I was one of their best employees. I told him the supervisor should have treated me like I was instead of giving me crap over a
funeral. The big boss called me several times a week for a month begging me to return. Nope. One lesson I have learned in life is this one -- if someone treats you like crap once, they are just warming up to really screw you over later.
A coworker of his. ~ his wife just lost a baby 7 months into the pregnancy. His managers response when he gave him the write up: You didn't lose the baby, no reason you couldn't be at work.
Back in the day, I know a woman who was a lawyer. Her firm gave them a 2 day maternity leave. She was pressured into having a C-section so that the baby could arrive at the firm's convenience. When she refused, they bascially told her she wasn't a team player.(Which means they were going to find ways to get rid of her, no matter what.) She ended up giving birth Friday night at 9pm after a short labor (it actually started as she was walking to her car after work). At 9:01pm on
Sunday night, her boss called her up and started dictating work to her. After all, it was now 48 hours past the birth, so her time was up.
The next week DH's grandfather died and when I called in to work my manager actually said to me "Yeah right, I highly doubt that" and continued to go on harassing me. Now come on, this is a $5/hour part time job and it's not like I'm getting paid time off- I just needed the time off. I went in the next day with copies of all the obituaries, funeral cards, etc.... and handed them to the jerk and said "F you, I quit" Only time I've ever outright QUIT a job, but do not take a horrible time in my life and rub it in my face.
