Another WWYD situation

[Planogirl]

I would have just said that I didn't see anything wrong with it and moved on from there. Everything doesn't have to turn into an argument.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I think you should've spoken up (kindly of course) if you disagreed with her, because when you stay silent people will generally assume you agree with them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think you should've spoken up (kindly of course) if you disagreed with her, because when you stay silent people will generally assume you agree with them.

Just to say, again, what I had just posted as you were typing...

So what... why try to control what other people assume or feel.

Who cares....

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I would have smiled at her, grabbed her hand, started swinging it, and encouraged her, by my own actions, to start skipping with me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Just to say, again, what I had just posted as you were typing...

So what... why try to control what other people assume or feel.

Who cares....

Yes, people are entitled to their opinions and feelings. But opinions and feelings sometimes change. I think this is an important issue: a matter of human rights. If the friend had said "oh, I hate cats, I only like dogs" I would have not bothered commenting even if I disagreed. Nobody is hurt by that.

However, often people who see same-sex relationships as "gross" also will try to restrict the rights of same-sex people through their votes, etc. So I believe it is worthwhile talking about this in the hopes of changing this person's opinion.

Maybe I won't succeed. But people do change their minds and sometimes it starts with a simple discussion with a friend.

TP

 

[Trish.Glenn]

So I have a gay daughter and this situation just happened to me and I do not think I handled the situation any better than the OP.

A woman I do business with, someone with whom I make quite a bit of money with, said something anti-gay. She does not know anything about my life or my daughter but I liked this woman and I was shocked! We live in Massachusetts and the state is usually very liberal. I didn't know what to say and while I did say I didn't agree with her I let it drop.

OP I feel bad because I understand being stunned and not knowing what to do. I am not even friends with this woman and I was shocked and hurt.

I know allot of you are going to think I should have read her the riot act but I was shocked and it is in a business setting. Life can be hard and complicated....

 

[sunshinehighway]

Not to disagree with you or question you... Just using your post to bring up what I see as a very important point....

What does it matter what SHE thinks the OP/whoever thinks is okay or not?
She has her opinion...
She is entitled to her opinion.
And, the OP as well.
Obviously, in this friendship, this person has not always been making negative comments, bringing up gay issues, etc...

My thoughts are the same on this... No matter which sided of the gay-issue one happens to be on. Either promoting gay issues, or denigrating them...
Either way, on either side, to continually push one's viewpoint is the issue.
People have a right to their thoughts and feelings.
People have a right to have differing viewpoints.
{ GASP!!!!!!!! }

I see NO reason to jump in say anything.
IMHO, to do so would be JUST as bad of a faux-pas as the negative comment that the 'friend' let slip.

I really can't see why or how that it would be a good thing to jump in...
Not unless it continued to be a real and ongoing issue.

If, for example, the OP, or the OP's loved one(s) were gay....
Yes, that comment would have warranted a response.
But, even so, would saying anything really make a difference???
Seriously, this person is going to feel the way they feel.
People have a right to their feelings.
If she had a big problem with the comments... The OP should just then reiterate and clarify the 'friends' viewpoints.. ( ex: really... why is that???) And then make her own decisions whether this is a friendship that she wants to continue.

Everything doesn't have to be argument/disagreement/drama/my-way-or-else.... tell the other person what-for and put them in their place.

I have a huge problem with that, no matter which side of an issue one happens to be on.

Why can't people realize when to let things go????

I would want to make my friend realize I do not share her views. There's no argument/disagreement/drama. My feeling is, its better to be honest and let her know I don't agree so she will not think its OK to make those comments to me, instead of being silent and her viewing it as OK to continue to say things I find offensive.

I believe the original question is WWYD. That's what I would do. You might have a different answer but its no more right or wrong than anyone else's answer.

 

[scrapquitler]

I would have said something like "Really? I don't think it's gross, I'm surprised that you think that" and then I would have let it drop.

But I would have already said something to her in the past when she made the comment about the princess toys 'making' your son gay. So I guess you already knew her opinion and shouldn't be surprised.

 

[Ceila]

To those who keep saying that her friend has a right to her opinion so the OP shouldn't say anything:

similar things were said about African Americans using the same drinking fountains as whites, and people spoke up;

similar things were said about bi-racial couples, and people spoke up;

and the general consensus was that the waiter who refused to serve someone who said something similar about a disabled child should be applauded for his actions.

Why is this situation different?

 

[elgerber]

To those who keep saying that her friend has a right to her opinion so the OP shouldn't say anything:

similar things were said about African Americans using the same drinking fountains as whites, and people spoke up;

similar things were said about bi-racial couples, and people spoke up;

and the general consensus was that the waiter who refused to serve someone who said something similar about a disabled child should be applauded for his actions.

Why is this situation different?

very well put!

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Yes, people are entitled to their opinions and feelings. But opinions and feelings sometimes change. I think this is an important issue: a matter of human rights. If the friend had said "oh, I hate cats, I only like dogs" I would have not bothered commenting even if I disagreed. Nobody is hurt by that.

However, often people who see same-sex relationships as "gross" also will try to restrict the rights of same-sex people through their votes, etc. So I believe it is worthwhile talking about this in the hopes of changing this person's opinion.

Maybe I won't succeed. But people do change their minds and sometimes it starts with a simple discussion with a friend.

TP

Responding to a friend's statement that is antithetical to my beliefs does not mean I intend to lecture them, but I will share my beliefs the same way they felt free to share theirs with me.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think I would have laughed and said, "You're kidding, right?" and then let it drop.

FWIW, there are plenty of cultures where walking along hand-holding or arm-in-arm between heterosexual same-sex friends is perfectly normal. If she didn't know these people she had no way of knowing that the gesture meant that they were a gay couple. (If she ever visits Turkey or India she'll be in for quite a shock.)

 

[ols386]

Would have been an opportunity to have some dialogue about the subject. Not that the friend was going to change her mind necessarily, but I think it's good to communicate about things, especially with folks who you are friends with.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

To those who keep saying that her friend has a right to her opinion so the OP shouldn't say anything:

similar things were said about African Americans using the same drinking fountains as whites, and people spoke up;

similar things were said about bi-racial couples, and people spoke up;

and the general consensus was that the waiter who refused to serve someone who said something similar about a disabled child should be applauded for his actions.

Why is this situation different?

Thank you

 

[ChattaAlley]

Just as it is ok for those 2 men to hold hands it is ok for your friend to have and to express her opinion

 

[ChattaAlley]

Not to disagree with you or question you... Just using your post to bring up what I see as a very important point....

What does it matter what SHE thinks the OP/whoever thinks is okay or not?
She has her opinion...
She is entitled to her opinion.
And, the OP as well.
Obviously, in this friendship, this person has not always been making negative comments, bringing up gay issues, etc...

My thoughts are the same on this... No matter which sided of the gay-issue one happens to be on. Either promoting gay issues, or denigrating them...
Either way, on either side, to continually push one's viewpoint is the issue.
People have a right to their thoughts and feelings.
People have a right to have differing viewpoints.
{ GASP!!!!!!!! }

I see NO reason to jump in say anything.
IMHO, to do so would be JUST as bad of a faux-pas as the negative comment that the 'friend' let slip.

I really can't see why or how that it would be a good thing to jump in...
Not unless it continued to be a real and ongoing issue.

If, for example, the OP, or the OP's loved one(s) were gay....
Yes, that comment would have warranted a response.
But, even so, would saying anything really make a difference???
Seriously, this person is going to feel the way they feel.
People have a right to their feelings.
If she had a big problem with the comments... The OP should just then reiterate and clarify the 'friends' viewpoints.. ( ex: really... why is that???) And then make her own decisions whether this is a friendship that she wants to continue.

Everything doesn't have to be argument/disagreement/drama/my-way-or-else.... tell the other person what-for and put them in their place.

I have a huge problem with that, no matter which side of an issue one happens to be on.

Why can't people realize when to let things go????

Yes THIS

 

[Ceila]

Yes THIS

It's sad when people believe that silence is best when someone thinks that it is acceptable to suppress others' human rights.

 

[Goofyluver]

Yes, both are entitled to their opinion.

But, that doesn't mean that the OP had to jump right in, or be 'floored', etc...

I would not feel that I had to be a big pro-gay advocate or poster child.
Not at all.
I would definitely not feel that I had to be the big 'defender of the world'.

There are topics, like religion, politics, etc... that are sometimes better if not so openly discussed.

If that conversation does happen between friends... in a simple "Well, I don't let it bother me" kind of way. Then good!

But, jumping in right there would have been an immediate judgement of the friends comments/feelings. Which she is entitled to.

Now, if that friend was a continual, negative, anti-gay soapbox.
That might be different.
But, obviously, that does not seem to be the case.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JibZ2U3o-M

I like the guy about 5 minutes into the clip.

 

[hellow]

Yes, both are entitled to their opinion.

But, that doesn't mean that the OP had to jump right in, or be 'floored', etc...

I would not feel that I had to be a big pro-gay advocate or poster child.
Not at all.
I would definitely not feel that I had to be the big 'defender of the world'.

There are topics, like religion, politics, etc... that are sometimes better if not so openly discussed.

If that conversation does happen between friends... in a simple "Well, I don't let it bother me" kind of way. Then good!

But, jumping in right there would have been an immediate judgement of the friends comments/feelings. Which she is entitled to.

Now, if that friend was a continual, negative, anti-gay soapbox.
That might be different.
But, obviously, that does not seem to be the case.

Totally agree on this one. I happen to live in a town that strongly leans one direction, usually the opposite of how I think, and I many times have to listen to people criticize those who think differently (in lunch rooms, dinner parties, pretty much any gathering). I have learned that there are so many subjects that just should not be brought up because it can affect you personally through friendships, professionally through work contacts, etc.. I have gotten really good at just keeping my mouth shut. Most of those volatile subjects are pretty entrenched in someone's thinking. I won't convince someone to change their views any more than they will change my views.

It sounds like a copout, but sometimes it is just best to avoid talking abut those subjects in general.