Another WWYD situation

[LongLiveDisney]

I agree with your friend but in your case I would have just let it go. It's just something that I don't care to see.

Same here.

 

[gemini2727]

Clearly your friend is homophobic. I would flat out tell her i don't agree and that type of gay bashing/talk really bothers you. Id ask her to keep her opinions to herself. So rude. Esp the thing with your sons choice of toys. She seriously needs to get out more. She honestly thinks you can become gay by playing with princess dolls at the age of 2? I feel sorry for her! (ok not really). Totally clueless woman!

Totally agree.

 

[ilovefh]

Thanks for your input everyone. It was truly a situation I had never been in before. I was at a loss as to what to say. I couldn't discuss it with my friends because they are her friends as well and I don't want it be a guess who is homophobic type of thing.

As for our son picking princess things (HUGE Princess Sofia fan!) in my mind logic tells me watching a cartoon won't "make" him gay and I think she knows this as well. I think she does.

 

[Jedana]

She now knows I don't agree. My son occasionally picks princess things over more "boy" themed things (he only 22 months). When she saw this one day she said "why do you let him have that? You're not afraid he's going to be gay?" To which I replied that I don't care as long as he's happy in life and whoever he chooses to spend his life with treats him well.

Is she friends with my MIL?
The woman told DH that letting DD#2 play with matchbox cars would make her "funny". Her southern way of saying lesbian, I suppose.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My former co-leader in girl scouts was on opposite sides of that issue as I was. After a couple of rants from her, I interrupted to tell her that we seemed to have totally opposing view points and would appreciate it if she did not rant about her beliefs in front of me and I would not rant about mine in front of her.

I wasn't comfortable just listening to it all the time-so keeping quiet was not an option.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I think I would have handled it the same way you did. If she feels that strongly, you will not be able to change her mind. And that type of argument can be ugly in a friendship-ending sort of way.

She's entitled to her opinion, as are you.

But if the OP is also entitled to her opinion, why is she not entitled to share her opinion that there is nothing wrong with two people of the same gender holding hands? Your post seems to indicate that she should subrogate her personal values to her friend's, which isn't how any friendship I have operates. Does only the opinion of the first person to share it count? If OP had said first "well, look at that, how nice to see a couple in love," should her friend have had to remain quiet?

OP, I would have disagreed, respectfully but firmly. On the other hand, my friends all know where I stand and how I operate, so they would have been more surprised had I not responded to a comment like that.

 

[Ceila]

I would have had a hard time ignoring such ignorance, although in all honesty I probably would have been too stunned to say anything immediately. What the OP's friend said is no worse than saying that two people of different races shouldn't hold hands.

 

[Pigeon]

I would have expressed that I disagree completely and told her why.

 

[Iris82]

I think I'd have been a bit shocked, maybe even too shocked to respond properly at first. My dad can be a bit narrow minded but we just don't let him get away with it. We use humor though, like saying 'Hey, you can't say things like that, nobody thinks that anymore, do they??' and sort of shame him.
Hard situation to be in though.

 

[mimmi]

But if the OP is also entitled to her opinion, why is she not entitled to share her opinion that there is nothing wrong with two people of the same gender holding hands? Your post seems to indicate that she should subrogate her personal values to her friend's, which isn't how any friendship I have operates. Does only the opinion of the first person to share it count? If OP had said first "well, look at that, how nice to see a couple in love," should her friend have had to remain quiet?

OP, I would have disagreed, respectfully but firmly. On the other hand, my friends all know where I stand and how I operate, so they would have been more surprised had I not responded to a comment like that.

This .

The OP is just as entitled to express her opinion as her friend is.

I would have said something.
While I can tolerate other opinions and also be friends with people who have different values than me, there are some people I personally couldn't be friends with as some things, like gay rights are just too important to me and homophobia would be a constant source of irritation for me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, both are entitled to their opinion.

But, that doesn't mean that the OP had to jump right in, or be 'floored', etc...

I would not feel that I had to be a big pro-gay advocate or poster child.
Not at all.
I would definitely not feel that I had to be the big 'defender of the world'.

There are topics, like religion, politics, etc... that are sometimes better if not so openly discussed.

If that conversation does happen between friends... in a simple "Well, I don't let it bother me" kind of way. Then good!

But, jumping in right there would have been an immediate judgement of the friends comments/feelings. Which she is entitled to.

Now, if that friend was a continual, negative, anti-gay soapbox.
That might be different.
But, obviously, that does not seem to be the case.

 

[englishteacha]

I wouldn't have been able to listen. I would, at minimum, have said that I didn't agree and she needed to keep her opinion to herself.

 

[dawnhaze]

I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from being quite rude to that person. It's a personal issue for me and a topic I've parted ways with friends over before.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Thanks for your input everyone. It was truly a situation I had never been in before. I was at a loss as to what to say. I couldn't discuss it with my friends because they are her friends as well and I don't want it be a guess who is homophobic type of thing.

As for our son picking princess things (HUGE Princess Sofia fan!) in my mind logic tells me watching a cartoon won't "make" him gay and I think she knows this as well. I think she does.

I honestly think that boys playing with "girl" toys is a very common phase. DS loved barbie dolls when he was 4 or so. He also absolutely LOVED the Powerpuff Girls cartoons. It's a shame that DS's dad shared the OP's friend's opinion - my ex ranted at me saying I was going to "make" DS gay by letting him play with barbies.

I probably would have no idea what to say right away either if a friend suddenly spewed such heated bile when I had no idea he/she even felt that way in the first place.

 

[Randi]

Oddly, my first reaction to the first sentence was I agree it's gross. But I thought she was referring to holding hands in public! I am always uncomfortable with any displays of affection in public between any couple, gay or straight. I don't approve or disapprove, just uncomfortable. Oh well.

By the way, I have no negative feelings about gay people. They're just people, some you like, some you don't.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Really? You think holding hands in public is gross? I think I am as shocked by that as anything else that has been said. Wow.

TP

 

[sunshinehighway]

I would have told her I didn't agree and left it at that. If I didn't say anything, I'd feel like I was letting her think I agree or its OK if she says things like that in front of me. I wouldn't get into a debate or try to change her mind.

 

[Ginny Favers]

She's allowed to feel that way. The OP is allowed to have her own feelings. And because her friend expressed her opinion, I would then express mine. No reason to get angry over it.

I don't see holding hands as gross, no matter who does it, but I agree that anyone making out in public needs to get a room.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

It depends on whether you are close enough that you feel like you can share your opinion on same sex relationships.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would have told her I didn't agree and left it at that. If I didn't say anything, I'd feel like I was letting her think I agree or its OK

Not to disagree with you or question you... Just using your post to bring up what I see as a very important point....

What does it matter what SHE thinks the OP/whoever thinks is okay or not?
She has her opinion...
She is entitled to her opinion.
And, the OP as well.
Obviously, in this friendship, this person has not always been making negative comments, bringing up gay issues, etc...

My thoughts are the same on this... No matter which sided of the gay-issue one happens to be on. Either promoting gay issues, or denigrating them...
Either way, on either side, to continually push one's viewpoint is the issue.
People have a right to their thoughts and feelings.
People have a right to have differing viewpoints.
{ GASP!!!!!!!! }

I see NO reason to jump in say anything.
IMHO, to do so would be JUST as bad of a faux-pas as the negative comment that the 'friend' let slip.

I really can't see why or how that it would be a good thing to jump in...
Not unless it continued to be a real and ongoing issue.

If, for example, the OP, or the OP's loved one(s) were gay....
Yes, that comment would have warranted a response.
But, even so, would saying anything really make a difference???
Seriously, this person is going to feel the way they feel.
People have a right to their feelings.
If she had a big problem with the comments... The OP should just then reiterate and clarify the 'friends' viewpoints.. ( ex: really... why is that???) And then make her own decisions whether this is a friendship that she wants to continue.

Everything doesn't have to be argument/disagreement/drama/my-way-or-else.... tell the other person what-for and put them in their place.

I have a huge problem with that, no matter which side of an issue one happens to be on.

Why can't people realize when to let things go????