Another WWYD situation

[Uncle Remus]

OMG, how did I miss this!!!!
I was thinking that the OP was kind of surprised and confused, and that this was the first time the subject had really been mentioned.

NOW it involves the OP and her child.
NOW this person is questioning the OP's parenting, AND the child's possible sexuality.

At this time, it is all about appropriate boundaries, NOT which side of the issue one happens to be on...
And, my problem would be based on the fact that this 'friend' did not choose to respect boundaries.


If the OP felt 'compelled' to say something... then HE!! yes, speak up... only ONCE. As I posted before. This other person has a right to their feelings and beliefs. PERIOD.

Either the OP decides to continue the friendship, with an agreement to disagree - IN SILENCE, or she chooses to let this friendship go based on some very real personal and moral differences.

But, guess what people...
Sometimes, SILENCE IS GOLDEN.
It is not the OP's (nor mine, nor anybody else's) obligation and responsibility to go out and 'save the world'.

I would say that there is ZERO chance that 'discussing' this with this person would any chance, at all, of changing this person's feelings / viewpoints.

Sometimes it just isn't worth the drama.

Now, somebody questioning my parenting, and thinking that it was their place to question my child's sexuality... THAT's where the line really is getting crossed. That is when I would feel compelled to let them know that I just do not feel that is appropriate.... and that is why we won't be that close as friends.

When it comes to personally involve you... THAT is when there is some basis and obligation to protect your personal boundaries.

NO MATTER WHICH SIDE OF THE ISSUE ONE HAPPENS TO BE ON.
BOTH sides... EITHER side...

There is a great chance that this other person's feelings beliefs are based in their religious beliefs.

It would be JUST as wrong for the the OP to question her and disagree with her, and try to change her feelings/beliefs, as it is for this person to question and try to change the OP's beliefs/feelings.

I do not choose to live my life fighting battles, living on a soap-box.
You know the old saying, Choose Your Battles....
Trying to change an individual's feelings and or beliefs on issues like this, ON EITHER SIDE, is just not a battle I, personally, would choose.

Speaking of old sayings:

 

[Squidgyness]

Speaking of old sayings:

That came to my mind too.

On the first instance, I'd have politely told her that I find that belief to be wholly mistaken, and possibly tried to enter a reasonable and civil debate in the hopes of convincing her to change her mind, or moderate her views, despite my pessimism of people. Holding such views. However, since it is highly, highly unlikely she would have done so I'd have told her that I didn't think I could associate with someone in favour of homophobic policies and behaviours, and we'd most probably have parted ways. Once something of that scale concerning personality and beliefs is out there, I'd find it very hard to ignore.

If by some sequence of events she had remained my friend, at the second instance with your child I'd have told her to leave and not to contact me again unless she matures, since I find that not only repulsive in belief, but ignorant and crossing the line completely, even without the homophobic slant she is judging your child to your face, unjustly I might add. If she had said something similarly rude I'd have had the same reaction btw.

I don't really have a confrontational spirit so I'd have just cut her out politely and with as little fuss as possible, I'm not really cut out for long drawn out feuds and conflicts so I'd have looked to get it over with ASAP. That's my opinion.

 

[Goofyluver]

OMG, how did I miss this!!!!
I was thinking that the OP was kind of surprised and confused, and that this was the first time the subject had really been mentioned.

NOW it involves the OP and her child.
NOW this person is questioning the OP's parenting, AND the child's possible sexuality.

At this time, it is all about appropriate boundaries, NOT which side of the issue one happens to be on...
And, my problem would be based on the fact that this 'friend' did not choose to respect boundaries.


If the OP felt 'compelled' to say something... then HE!! yes, speak up... only ONCE. As I posted before. This other person has a right to their feelings and beliefs. PERIOD.

Either the OP decides to continue the friendship, with an agreement to disagree - IN SILENCE, or she chooses to let this friendship go based on some very real personal and moral differences.

But, guess what people...
Sometimes, SILENCE IS GOLDEN.
It is not the OP's (nor mine, nor anybody else's) obligation and responsibility to go out and 'save the world'.

I would say that there is ZERO chance that 'discussing' this with this person would any chance, at all, of changing this person's feelings / viewpoints.

Sometimes it just isn't worth the drama.

Now, somebody questioning my parenting, and thinking that it was their place to question my child's sexuality... THAT's where the line really is getting crossed. That is when I would feel compelled to let them know that I just do not feel that is appropriate.... and that is why we won't be that close as friends.

When it comes to personally involve you... THAT is when there is some basis and obligation to protect your personal boundaries.

NO MATTER WHICH SIDE OF THE ISSUE ONE HAPPENS TO BE ON.
BOTH sides... EITHER side...

There is a great chance that this other person's feelings beliefs are based in their religious beliefs.

It would be JUST as wrong for the the OP to question her and disagree with her, and try to change her feelings/beliefs, as it is for this person to question and try to change the OP's beliefs/feelings.

I do not choose to live my life fighting battles, living on a soap-box.
You know the old saying, Choose Your Battles....
Trying to change an individual's feelings and or beliefs on issues like this, ON EITHER SIDE, is just not a battle I, personally, would choose.

It's not wrong to question or confront bigotry, prejudice, or injustice. It's the right thing to do.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

If someone's religious belief is that it is wrong to have sex with people of the same gender, fine. Don't do it. But saying that seeing a same-sex couple together is "gross" is not a religious belief. That's judging and condemning them, something that many religions warn against.

TP

 

[smkiya]

It's not wrong to question or confront bigotry, prejudice, or injustice. It's the right thing to do.

Absolutely!

If everyone lived by the saying, "silence is golden", where would we be today? What kind of world would we live in? I shudder at the thought...

Injustice doesn't decline through natural progression. It happens when people speak up.

 

[ashley0139]

OMG, how did I miss this!!!!
I was thinking that the OP was kind of surprised and confused, and that this was the first time the subject had really been mentioned.

NOW it involves the OP and her child.
NOW this person is questioning the OP's parenting, AND the child's possible sexuality.

At this time, it is all about appropriate boundaries, NOT which side of the issue one happens to be on...
And, my problem would be based on the fact that this 'friend' did not choose to respect boundaries.


If the OP felt 'compelled' to say something... then HE!! yes, speak up... only ONCE. As I posted before. This other person has a right to their feelings and beliefs. PERIOD.

Either the OP decides to continue the friendship, with an agreement to disagree - IN SILENCE, or she chooses to let this friendship go based on some very real personal and moral differences.

But, guess what people...
Sometimes, SILENCE IS GOLDEN.
It is not the OP's (nor mine, nor anybody else's) obligation and responsibility to go out and 'save the world'.

I would say that there is ZERO chance that 'discussing' this with this person would any chance, at all, of changing this person's feelings / viewpoints.

Sometimes it just isn't worth the drama.

Now, somebody questioning my parenting, and thinking that it was their place to question my child's sexuality... THAT's where the line really is getting crossed. That is when I would feel compelled to let them know that I just do not feel that is appropriate.... and that is why we won't be that close as friends.

When it comes to personally involve you... THAT is when there is some basis and obligation to protect your personal boundaries.

NO MATTER WHICH SIDE OF THE ISSUE ONE HAPPENS TO BE ON.
BOTH sides... EITHER side...

There is a great chance that this other person's feelings beliefs are based in their religious beliefs.

It would be JUST as wrong for the the OP to question her and disagree with her, and try to change her feelings/beliefs, as it is for this person to question and try to change the OP's beliefs/feelings.

I do not choose to live my life fighting battles, living on a soap-box.
You know the old saying, Choose Your Battles....
Trying to change an individual's feelings and or beliefs on issues like this, ON EITHER SIDE, is just not a battle I, personally, would choose.

Yikes.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

A bit of back story....we are very good friends and I wouldn't let our disagreement about this one issue ruin our friendship, but I was just VERY surprised she felt this way.

I would have told her that her words were extremely hurtful and prejudiced, and that there's nothing wrong with anyone loving another consenting adult human being, and if she honestly believed there was, that she would have to find a new friend.

 

[Silly Little Pixie]

OP, I had a similar situation happen. I had a good friend/coworker comment on a different friend, and perhaps not wanting to be friends anymore since she found out Friend B's sister was a lesbian. My friend said how she didn't see how anyone could support "the gay lifestyle" and she worried about her son being exposed. I was SHOCKED. I quietly said how MY brother was gay, and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Now she was surprised- she thought she "knew" my brother. Then I changed the subject and we continued with our day. I am not confrontational either but I didn't know what else to say in the moment.

That was our last time socializing. We have been friendly at occasional functions where we have run into each other, but that's it. It IS a big deal- I guess to us both. That's okay.

 

[ShesAPirate]

I couldn't have let the comment slide. I'd be even more inspired to say something if it was someone I thought I was very close to. I don't think I could put up with homophobia from a close friend. Thank God I've never been faced with that situation.

 

[Liberty Belle]

There was a time I would have just ignored what she said or maybe said, "Oh, it doesn't bother me" or something, but I don't feel like I can do that any longer.

My church is inclusive and affirming and about half (if not more) of the congregation is gay and it's just become too big of an issue for me to ignore. I definitely would have said something to her. Nothing mean or rude, but more of a "Why do you feel that way" and then tried to help her see how I feel.