Am I being unreasonable?

[disneymyway]

You know, if everyone really wants to cooperate, it can be done and it could be fun. Vegan and kosher are very compatible. It might be a fun project to make menus and plan things that work for everyone. (and a good lesson in cooperation for the kids if there are any! )

I mean, we're talking about 2 days here; right?

 

[brockash]

I would very polity tell her that we would rent our own beach house.

ITA- or possibly go 2 days ealier???

 

[GothTink]

I'll probably be flamed for this, but honestly...I think you are being unreasonable. Bread and pasta don't normally make up the majority of a vegetarian's diet. Give a little.

 

[mumom95]

never mind, not worth it

 

[mumom95]

Not respecting someone's religious belief is rude and insensitive. Again, it's a choice the OP has to make - and yes, there IS only one grownup way to make it.

Asking someone to pay to stay in a home, and then limiting what they can fix their own family to eat is what is rude and insensitive.

 

[dispor]

However, my sister-in-law has said that her family keeps Passover and that she wants us to keep the house bread free during the last two days.

Are you referring to your DB, SIL and their kids, or are you referring to the SIL and her parents/siblings?

 

[Prose]

So, RachelEllen, is your SIL going to clean the chametz (items not allowed during Passover) from the beach house, thoroughly inspect for hidden chametz and all that? If she is going to all that trouble herself (hopefully she wouldn't ask you to help clean), then I would say honor her wishes and eat out for those two days.

If she's not going to clean, then it seems silly to insist that everyone go bread-free -- the house isn't really ok for Passover, anyway, is it? They can go bread-free and you can prepare separate meals, maybe store bread products in sealed containers.

JMHO......

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would just go out to eat those last two days. Who wants to cook on vacation, anyway?

That's what I was thinking! Besides, it sounds like you guys will need a little break by then, if you know what I mean.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Just wanted some opinions on our family drama. (Perhaps it is a bit of a vent as well.)

However, my sister-in-law has said that her family keeps Passover and that she wants us to keep the house bread free during the last two days.

Ummm... yeah right... It is not HER house...
Tell her if her family wants to pay the rental in whole, then she can make the call!!! Let her rent her own beach house, and the others can rent another!!!

I don't want to spoil the vacation of this, but my husband is rather annoyed and thinking of just nixing the whole thing.

If it is his family, then your husband should make the call!!!
He, personally, (not you) should let them know that he has changed his mind about the trip.

PS: If there are no other options nearby for meals, and it would seriously impact my ability to feed my kids as I felt appropriate... Then I, personally, would not make the trip... Or you could simply leave a couple days early...

That would either be a bummer... Or possibly a huge blessing in disguise!!!!

 

[Pigeon]

I'd tell her that as long as you are splitting the cost of the house, that doesn't fit in well with your family's plans. I would go as far as to keep the bread products in sealed containers, but that's about it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I wanted to mention to others who have suggested eating out...

1. Many times these beach houses are in areas that are true retreat getaways... There may not be any real options nearby..

2. Secondly, many families treat these types of trips like retreats or freakin' lock-ins... It could possibly raise many eyebrows and many noses if the OP's family decides to eat out because, obviously, "Eating what we eat, here with us, is just not good enough.. Hrummmpphhhh!!!!'.

My sister went on a similar beach trip with her husbands family... After these kind of control-issues, let me just say that her husband and her whole family are now estranged from her inlaws....

My MIL and FIL also have my-way-or-the-highway control issues...
After a couple of trips with them... we decided to never travel like that with them ever again.

I know these issues all to well!!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would politely respond that being bread free would be fine with you. And since fair is fair, they surely wouldn't mind being meat free the rest of the time. Maybe the tune would change.

Mushy, I have to say that cracked me up! Thanks for the laugh.

If SIL is running the show on all food consumption, what do you think the rest of the vacation will be like? OP, is your SIL a control freak on a lot of things or just observing the holiday? If it's just the religious holiday, I'd probably go out to eat (alot). If it's all (or nearly all) things, I'd run for the hills!!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

And force your belief and the rules upon some one else is not rude?

Imposing your religious beliefs on others is equally rude.
OP... I would seriously consider renting your own beach house.

No and no. Whether or not the OP's SIL is strictly observing makes no difference. If it is a religious belief and that is the way she is choosing to celebrate it, the OP is being childish if her response is to ignore her SIL and make the no meat/no bread conection. Sorry, but it just is.

You know, if everyone really wants to cooperate, it can be done and it could be fun. Vegan and kosher are very compatible. It might be a fun project to make menus and plan things that work for everyone. (and a good lesson in cooperation for the kids if there are any! )

I mean, we're talking about 2 days here; right?

Exactly - thank you for saying it this way. Grownups could absolutely figure out a way to make this work without any of the drama the OP seems to want to stir up.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, now I see that it is the OP's side of the family... not her husband's.

OP, it is your extended family. It is your children who are also affected by this.

I say it is YOUR call...

Do you want to go???

You ask if you are being unreasonable... However, I still do not know for sure what position that you are taking, so that can make that judgement call.

IMHO.. either way... whether you go, or decide not to go... Either decision is your personal decision, and either would be reasonable.

As I said, personally, for me... under no circumstances does anybody dictate what or how my kid(s) eat...

The other posters are talking about everyone being adults...
To that, I have to say... yeah right!!!!

Something tells me that the OP is not foreseeing a reasonable adult conversation.

Personally, I would tell them that as long as I am paying my portion of the rental, and feeding my own children, then I simply can not agree to such restrictions.

IMHO, the person who has the requirements/restrictions etc.. is the one responsible for meeting their own needs... It is NOT appropriate to ask others to meet 'your' wishes...

I would totally and fully RESPECT this familiys desire to observe these religious observances... (Give them their own separate kitchen cabinets, do not expect them to eat things that they do not believe that they should eat, etc....) But it is never okay to force ones own religious practices on others...

If this SIL thinks that a full and thorough observation of LENT is that important, then she should either stay at home in her own home, or rent her own beach house or condo...

Really, expecting anyone else to follow these kinds of restrictions is not right... not right at all.

 

[Wishing on a star]

edited to add to my post above...

Simply put, if the SIL wants her and her family to fully and thoroughly observe Lent in this way, then SHE should be the one to leave a couple of days early... Not anyone else.

 

[bellebud]

Okay,* now I see that it is the OP's side of the family...* not her husband's.* OP, it is your extended family.* It is your children who are also affected by this.I say it is YOUR call...Do you want to go???You ask if you are being unreasonable... However, I still do not know for sure what position that you are taking, so that can make that judgement call.IMHO..* either way... whether you go, or decide not to go...* Either decision is your personal decision, and either would be reasonable.As I said, personally, for me... under no circumstances does anybody dictate what or how my kid(s) eat...*** The other posters are talking about everyone being adults...To that,* I have to say...** yeah right!!!!* Something tells me that the OP is not foreseeing a reasonable adult conversation.Personally, I would tell them that as long as I am paying my portion of the rental, and feeding my own children,* then I simply can not agree to such restrictions.**** IMHO, the person who has the requirements/restrictions etc.. is the one responsible for meeting their own needs...* It is NOT appropriate to ask others to meet 'your' wishes...* I would totally and fully RESPECT this familiys desire to observe these religious observances...* (Give them their own separate kitchen cabinets,* do not expect them to eat things that they do not believe that they should eat, etc....)* But it is never okay to force ones own religious practices on others...If this SIL thinks that a full and thorough observation of LENT is that important, then she should either stay at home in her own home, or rent her own beach house or condo...Really, expecting anyone else to follow these kinds of restrictions is not right... not right at all.

I totally agree w/ this post.

 

[RitaE]

If it were me, it's two days and you have plenty of notice.
I'd just work out a menu of two days worth of food that is acceptable to both families and look at it as an adventure.

And if you really need a muffin or a Pop Tart that bad, keep a stash in your suitcase where she won't see it. Is there a deli or grocery store nearby that will pack a Picnic lunch for you? Have a couple of non-Passover picnics on the beach and put on your big girl panties do dinners with the in-Laws.

No, it isn't exactly fair but when it comes to family, there is always suckiness involved. I'd deal.

 

[DVCLiz]

Okay, now I see that it is the OP's side of the family... not her husband's.

OP, it is your extended family. It is your children who are also affected by this.

I say it is YOUR call...

Do you want to go???

You ask if you are being unreasonable... However, I still do not know for sure what position that you are taking, so that can make that judgement call.

IMHO.. either way... whether you go, or decide not to go... Either decision is your personal decision, and either would be reasonable.

As I said, personally, for me... under no circumstances does anybody dictate what or how my kid(s) eat...

The other posters are talking about everyone being adults...
To that, I have to say... yeah right!!!!

Something tells me that the OP is not foreseeing a reasonable adult conversation.

Personally, I would tell them that as long as I am paying my portion of the rental, and feeding my own children, then I simply can not agree to such restrictions.

IMHO, the person who has the requirements/restrictions etc.. is the one responsible for meeting their own needs... It is NOT appropriate to ask others to meet 'your' wishes...

I would totally and fully RESPECT this familiys desire to observe these religious observances... (Give them their own separate kitchen cabinets, do not expect them to eat things that they do not believe that they should eat, etc....) But it is never okay to force ones own religious practices on others...

If this SIL thinks that a full and thorough observation of LENT is that important, then she should either stay at home in her own home, or rent her own beach house or condo...

Really, expecting anyone else to follow these kinds of restrictions is not right... not right at all.

I don't see this issue as forcing one's religious beliefs on others at all. No one is asking the OP to practice a different religion or keep her from practicing her own. THAT'S what it means to force your religious beliefs on to someone else.

The OP is just looking for a passive agressive way to deal with her feelings of being put out by being a little bit inconvenienced. If these were people towrd whom she really had warm family feelings she would find a way to make this be less of a big deal.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It's 2 days! I would just suck it up to keep peace. Is it really that big of a deal in the overall scheme of things? Do you want these 2 days to always be a sore spot? There are plenty of kosher vegetarian foods you can eat. It's not like she asked you to fast or only eat carrots. I think that 2 days without bread or pasta is not the end of the world. If being right is important to you than I guess you can make an issue of it. Personally I don't think it is a big deal. They're family.

 

[lulugirl]

No and no. Whether or not the OP's SIL is strictly observing makes no difference. If it is a religious belief and that is the way she is choosing to celebrate it, the OP is being childish if her response is to ignore her SIL and make the no meat/no bread conection. Sorry, but it just is.

You seem to be implying that there is just ONE way of looking at this situation, YOUR WAY....everyone else is simply wrong.... I find that very childish.