Am I being unreasonable?

[RachelEllen]

Just wanted some opinions on our family drama. (Perhaps it is a bit of a vent as well.)

We are planning a family vacation with my brother's family and my mom. The plan is rent a beach house for a week. My husband is a vegetarian, and we keep a vegetarian household. The last two days of the vacation fall during Passover.

Now, we are not that religious and don't keep Passover. However, my sister-in-law has said that her family keeps Passover and that she wants us to keep the house bread free during the last two days. I don't feel like this is reasonable, as we are not insisting that the meals and house be meat free! Plus, it makes it hard for us to eat meals that do not include meat or bread items. (For those who don't know, pasta would not be allowed either.)

I don't want to spoil the vacation of this, but my husband is rather annoyed and thinking of just nixing the whole thing.

 

[loco4dis]

No, you are not being unreasonable. Sounds like this is going to be one fun family vacation…

 

[MushyMushy]

Just wanted some opinions on our family drama. (Perhaps it is a bit of a vent as well.)

We are planning a family vacation with my brother's family and my mom. The plan is rent a beach house for a week. My husband is a vegetarian, and we keep a vegetarian household. The last two days of the vacation fall during Passover.

Now, we are not that religious and don't keep Passover. However, my sister-in-law has said that her family keeps Passover and that she wants us to keep the house bread free during the last two days. I don't feel like this is reasonable, as we are not insisting that the meals and house be meat free! Plus, it makes it hard for us to eat meals that do not include meat or bread items. (For those who don't know, pasta would not be allowed either.)

I don't want to spoil the vacation of this, but my husband is rather annoyed and thinking of just nixing the whole thing.

I would politely respond that being bread free would be fine with you. And since fair is fair, they surely wouldn't mind being meat free the rest of the time. Maybe the tune would change.

 

[Disneyadore]

I would very polity tell her that we would rent our own beach house.

 

[SydneyBristow]

I would very polity tell her that we would rent our own beach house.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would very polity tell her that we would rent our own beach house.

That would be my reaction.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

if you are veggies, and you are not requesting that the house be meat free it is VERY VERY unreasonalbe for them that the house be bread free.

Why can't you have bread? They don't have to eat it. ???

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, I'm a meat-eating Catholic, but if she has strong religious beliefs and follows Passover traditions, I'd either accept or get my own house. I've know a few religious Orthodox Jews, and I respect their faith. The same way I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to eat meat, just because I do. I don't want to mess with anyone's soul!

 

[SplshMtn99]

If you go out to eat at her expense for the last 2 days, then everyone would be happy.

 

[Tink888]

How well do you get along with your SIL? Does she know your family is vegetarian? I would try to talk to her about it and explain your point of view. I'm sure you both could come up with compromise that would work for both families.

Maybe a food challenge where everyone gives up bread AND meat for those two days. Or eating out for two days.

I don't know, group vacations always present their own set of challenges anyway. Everyone has to be willing to compromise. I wouldn't let two days or any food group spoil a perfectly good trip to the beach though.

 

[DVCLiz]

I don't have an opinion on whether you are being unreasonable.

What I do have an opinion on is the way grownups treat each other. You have been asked to accomodate someone's religious observance. Whether you also have other dietary restrictions has nothing to do with the request. You can either say, "Oh, sure - that won't be a problem. We can make up a couple of days worth of menus that are vegetarian AND bread and pasta free" or you can say, "I'm sorry. If you can have meat in the house we can have bread".

One of those ways is the grownup way and one of them is childish. One will get you a certain result in the long run and the other will get you another. You can decide for yourself which you want it to be.

 

[mumom95]

Does Passover require that there not be bread (yeast products) in the home, or just that a person not eat it?

If it is just that a person not eat it, then I think you SIL is being unreasonable. Does she just not want to deal with hearing her kids complain that the cousins are having bread and they aren't?

If the rule says that there can't be anything in the home, then since everyone chose these dates knowing they would be over Passover and that was the rule, I think the out of respect for them, the rule should be followed.

 

[MissMinnie]

I do not know a lot about kosher rules, but if there is not one about bread and pasta being near their food, she is being unreasonable. If there is not a religious reason for it, why can't the bread be kept separate and apart from their food. Eat separate meals if need be so the bread is not on the table with their food. If it is a temptation thing for them, in that they are not supposed to eat the the bread, then they will just have to stay away from it. If they have a rule about bread being in the house at all, then you have a larger issue for your meals. If she expects you to respect her rules, she needs to respect yours also. Is moving the vacation to a different week an option?

 

[mjkacmom]

Does Passover require that there not be bread (yeast products) in the home, or just that a person not eat it?

If it is just that a person not eat it, then I think you SIL is being unreasonable. Does she just not want to deal with hearing her kids complain that the cousins are having bread and they aren't?

If the rule says that there can't be anything in the home, then since everyone chose these dates knowing they would be over Passover and that was the rule, I think the out of respect for them, the rule should be followed.

I believe it has to be out of the house. I've known families who scrub like crazy, and have a whole other set of dishes and silverware, because there can be no trace of bread.

 

[3jsmommy]

I don't have an opinion on whether you are being unreasonable.

What I do have an opinion on is the way grownups treat each other. You have been asked to accomodate someone's religious observance. Whether you also have other dietary restrictions has nothing to do with the request. You can either say, "Oh, sure - that won't be a problem. We can make up a couple of days worth of menus that are vegetarian AND bread and pasta free" or you can say, "I'm sorry. If you can have meat in the house we can have bread".

One of those ways is the grownup way and one of them is childish. One will get you a certain result in the long run and the other will get you another. You can decide for yourself which you want it to be.

The rare & endangered, voice of reason makes an unexpected appearance on the CB!
I agree 100%!

 

[DVCLiz]

The rare & endangered, voice of reason makes an unexpected appearance on the CB!
I agree 100%!

Thank you, 3jsmommy. Sometimes I think, "Aren't the answers to questions like this obvious to everyone in the world?" and then I remember I get tangled up in this kind of stuff in my real life, too. I wish I could take my own advice more frequently!!

 

[wdhinn89]

Just wanted some opinions on our family drama. (Perhaps it is a bit of a vent as well.)

We are planning a family vacation with my brother's family and my mom. The plan is rent a beach house for a week. My husband is a vegetarian, and we keep a vegetarian household. The last two days of the vacation fall during Passover.

Now, we are not that religious and don't keep Passover. However, my sister-in-law has said that her family keeps Passover and that she wants us to keep the house bread free during the last two days. I don't feel like this is reasonable, as we are not insisting that the meals and house be meat free! Plus, it makes it hard for us to eat meals that do not include meat or bread items. (For those who don't know, pasta would not be allowed either.)

I don't want to spoil the vacation of this, but my husband is rather annoyed and thinking of just nixing the whole thing.

Sorry, but I feel this is a religious issue and if you feel that you cannot handle the 2 days of no bread than I would not plan a vacation with them during a religious time of year. I feel it is wrong to expect someone to toss away there religious traditions/beliefs because you don't want to be inconvenienced. You are probably better off taking separate vacations. This could get ugly!

 

[clgwli]

Keeping kosher is no where near the same thing as requesting no meat in the house. I am actually shocked that people suggested that as a good response. Asking you to eat something like tofu that was cooked in beef stock is about the same as asking someone to not keep kosher.

Find out what is kosher and keep it. I am sure you can find something to eat for that short amount of time. If not, go out to eat and don't worry about it.

 

[Pamlur]

If they observe Passover rather strictly, I'm surprised they would even stay for those two days; if I'm reading right, the last two days of the vacation are the first two days of Passover. We have friends who are strict Orthodox Jews and they completely scrub their kitchens, get rid of anything with a "rising additive" in it, and use different dishes. To them, it's not just a case of no bread or pasta; there are special meals for the first two nights, and ceremonies to go along with the specific dishes.

Out of consideration, I'd manage to do without bread for a couple of days if they are going to forego their other traditions for a family vacation. If your SIL wants to cook the ceremonial meals, I'd let her; some of that stuff is really, really good and hard to make.

 

[mumom95]

I don't have an opinion on whether you are being unreasonable.

What I do have an opinion on is the way grownups treat each other. You have been asked to accomodate someone's religious observance. Whether you also have other dietary restrictions has nothing to do with the request. You can either say, "Oh, sure - that won't be a problem. We can make up a couple of days worth of menus that are vegetarian AND bread and pasta free" or you can say, "I'm sorry. If you can have meat in the house we can have bread".

One of those ways is the grownup way and one of them is childish. One will get you a certain result in the long run and the other will get you another. You can decide for yourself which you want it to be.

I agree that to say "if I can't have bread, you can't have meat" is childish.

But I have to disagree that the only grownup way to handle this is to accomodate the SIL. We are not a vegetarians, but I cannot think of a single meatless plus yeastless full meal, actually 3 full meals for 2 whole days, my kids would eat. So in order to accomodate the SIL, you would be asking my two kids to not eat for two days. Now, maybe the OP's family is different, since they are vegetarians. But obviously the OP is having a hard time coming up with things, or else she wouldn't have started this thread.

I just don't see where the adult thing to do is to accomodate one person, at the complete non-accomodation (I don't think that is a word, but hopefully you get my point) of the other person.