Am I being unreasonable?

[disykat]

I don't know enough about the observation of Passover to have much say, but I can't imagine expecting someone to compromise their religious beliefs on my behalf.

Understandably, you don't practice the same beliefs and it would be difficult for you to stay with them at that time. Stay elsewhere!

I don't think dietary needs and religious dietary restrictions can be compared. They are totally different issues. Both need to be honored, but for different reasons. Eating together/living together on those days just doesn't make sense.

 

[claudia]

I would very polity tell her that we would rent our own beach house.

defnitely!!!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Maybe for the last 2 days one of you could rent the beach house next door so that the food issue would no longer be an issue.

Maybe you could make a big pot of vegetarian chili for the last 2 days for your family.

If rice pasta is OK in a kosher household, maybe you could use that? We use that because of DH's Weight Watchers and I can't tell the difference between it and "regular" pasta.

Maybe you could do a search of "vegetarian recipes" and see what comes up that doesn't contain wheat?

 

[mefordis]

It's unreasonable. I think that you should be able to keep your own stash of bread somewhere.

Just wanted some opinions on our family drama. (Perhaps it is a bit of a vent as well.)

We are planning a family vacation with my brother's family and my mom. The plan is rent a beach house for a week. My husband is a vegetarian, and we keep a vegetarian household. The last two days of the vacation fall during Passover.

Now, we are not that religious and don't keep Passover. However, my sister-in-law has said that her family keeps Passover and that she wants us to keep the house bread free during the last two days. I don't feel like this is reasonable, as we are not insisting that the meals and house be meat free! Plus, it makes it hard for us to eat meals that do not include meat or bread items. (For those who don't know, pasta would not be allowed either.)

I don't want to spoil the vacation of this, but my husband is rather annoyed and thinking of just nixing the whole thing.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I would just go out to eat those last two days. Who wants to cook on vacation, anyway?

 

[DVCLiz]

I agree that to say "if I can't have bread, you can't have meat" is childish.

But I have to disagree that the only grownup way to handle this is to accomodate the SIL. We are not a vegetarians, but I cannot think of a single meatless plus yeastless full meal, actually 3 full meals for 2 whole days, my kids would eat. So in order to accomodate the SIL, you would be asking my two kids to not eat for two days. Now, maybe the OP's family is different, since they are vegetarians. But obviously the OP is having a hard time coming up with things, or else she wouldn't have started this thread.

I just don't see where the adult thing to do is to accomodate one person, at the complete non-accomodation (I don't think that is a word, but hopefully you get my point) of the other person.

This is on a par with my friend who said if her child's school went peanut-free he would starve to death because a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was the ONLY thing he would eat.

Sorry, but there are literally hundreds of choices that meet both requirements. Anyone with the tineist bit of interest could easily come up with 6 meals that children would eat - unless they were like my other friend who only fed her child hot dog buns for 3 years because it was the only thing he would eat. If you were a vegetarian family, as the OP says hers is, you would already know of a multitude of protein sources that were neither meat nor bread, and you could easily serve fresh fruit and vegetables for 2 days. It's a no brainer.

Not respecting someone's religious belief is rude and insensitive. Again, it's a choice the OP has to make - and yes, there IS only one grownup way to make it.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

And to be a little more helpful, there are breakfast cereals made from ground corn, would those be OK? Or granola? Does your hubby eat dairy products? I love yogurt with a little granola and some fruit for breakfast.

Rice with veggies and (maybe) melted cheese for lunch or dinner?

If you can come up with a couple of meals, then eat out for the rest, it should be fine.

Good luck. We rented a beach house with family a few years ago. It was a blast, but by the last couple of days we were ready to have a few meals without the rest of the gang, anyway.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I think your sil is being unreasonable. I am Jewish, I am no longer kosher or follow passover strictly. Now, if your sil was Orthodox and very religious, she wouldn't be away for the first 2 days of the holiday or sharing a kitchen that wasn't kosher at all for a vacation at all!!

Now with that being the assumption (and based on my knowledge of the religion) she can do passover for her family and not eat the bread that is there.

I have so many friends that "their" idea of passover is eating a bacon cheeseburger without the bread . No..that isn't not doing the holiday. Just not eating bread products on passover is not doing passover.

Tell your sil, that you guys will have bread and pasta those 2 days..and that is it. Enjoy your vacation!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

And to be a little more helpful, there are breakfast cereals made from ground corn, would those be OK? Or granola? Does your hubby eat dairy products? I love yogurt with a little granola and some fruit for breakfast.

Rice with veggies and (maybe) melted cheese for lunch or dinner?

If you can come up with a couple of meals, then eat out for the rest, it should be fine.

Good luck. We rented a beach house with family a few years ago. It was a blast, but by the last couple of days we were ready to have a few meals without the rest of the gang, anyway.

Just an FYI, corn and rice are not kosher for Passover.

 

[Disneyadore]

Not respecting someone's religious belief is rude and insensitive. Again, it's a choice the OP has to make - and yes, there IS only one grownup way to make it.

And force your belief and the rules upon some one else is not rude?

 

[lulugirl]

Not respecting someone's religious belief is rude and insensitive. Again, it's a choice the OP has to make - and yes, there IS only one grownup way to make it.

Imposing your religious beliefs on others is equally rude.
OP... I would seriously consider renting your own beach house.

 

[Disneyadore]

Just an FYI, corn and rice are not kosher for Passover.

Items which seem acceptable for Passover but may not be:

* Soda: Most sodas contain corn syrup. Since eating corn is a no-no, soda containing corn syrup is also out. Even if corn syrup is not used, sodas generally have "additional flavorings" which are not divulged and could be derived from grains. Only sodas produced under supervision of a rabbi or other official certified agencies are acceptable.
* Frozen vegetables: Many bags of frozen vegetables are produced on the same machinery that also produces pasta or pasta/vegetable blends. Since pasta is made from grain and not allowed, neither are most frozen vegetables, unless made under supervision.
* Raw vegetables: Some fruits and vegetables (cucumbers for example) have wax coatings that may be made from soy proteins and oils derived from grain. Sorry, no dice.
* Dried fruits: These are often dried in ovens where bread is sometimes baked. Some also have waxes, oils, and even traces of flour to prevent sticking.
* Marshmallows: Not allowed unless made under supervision. They contain gelatin, which is made from the bones of potentially non-kosher animals.
* Milk: Unsuitable additives are often used. Chocolate milk is usually unacceptable because it could contain corn syrup or malt, which is made from grain.

 

[ticktock]

And force your belief and the rules upon some one else is not rude?

A religious observance, for the people observing it, is a necessary thing, like a food allergy. Choosing to be vegetarian is not.

Personally I wouldn't want to share the house with the OP if she doesn't understand that.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Items which seem acceptable for Passover but may not be:

* Soda: Most sodas contain corn syrup. Since eating corn is a no-no, soda containing corn syrup is also out. Even if corn syrup is not used, sodas generally have "additional flavorings" which are not divulged and could be derived from grains. Only sodas produced under supervision of a rabbi or other official certified agencies are acceptable.
* Frozen vegetables: Many bags of frozen vegetables are produced on the same machinery that also produces pasta or pasta/vegetable blends. Since pasta is made from grain and not allowed, neither are most frozen vegetables, unless made under supervision.
* Raw vegetables: Some fruits and vegetables (cucumbers for example) have wax coatings that may be made from soy proteins and oils derived from grain. Sorry, no dice.
* Dried fruits: These are often dried in ovens where bread is sometimes baked. Some also have waxes, oils, and even traces of flour to prevent sticking.
* Marshmallows: Not allowed unless made under supervision. They contain gelatin, which is made from the bones of potentially non-kosher animals.
* Milk: Unsuitable additives are often used. Chocolate milk is usually unacceptable because it could contain corn syrup or malt, which is made from grain.

All items that are kosher and kosher for passover say so. Coke (reg) is made kosher for passover..and is wonderful since it has to be made with sugar .

 

[JoiseyMom]

A religious observance, for the people observing it, is a necessary thing, like a food allergy. Choosing to be vegetarian is not.

Personally I wouldn't want to share the house with the OP if she doesn't understand that.

It seems to me her SIL only gives up bread for Passover. That isn't a religious observance...it's a well this is how I am going to do the holiday. I have a feeling if the SIL really did the holiday the way it is supposed to be done the OP would be more agreeable. As it stands..the OP isn't doing anything wrong for wanting bread products there. The sil can just not eat them! Not a big deal.

 

[lulugirl]

A religious observance, for the people observing it, is a necessary thing, like a food allergy. Choosing to be vegetarian is not.

You are correct and certainly the SIL should expect guests to observe in HER own home but this is a rental home that other adults are paying for.

 

[disneymyway]

A religious observance, for the people observing it, is a necessary thing, like a food allergy. Choosing to be vegetarian is not.

Personally I wouldn't want to share the house with the OP if she doesn't understand that.

Oh if I had a nickle for everytime someone said something like this to me! People are just not very respectful of a vegetarian lifestyle, unfortunately. For many of us, it is like a religion because it is that important.

But I don't expect other people to change their lives because it, and the OP said the same thing (she said, "we are not insisting that the meals and house be meat free").

My opinion? This is not about food or religion or anything like this. I think it is about people who are not comfortable enough with each other to share a beach house. I think other things will crop up during the vacation and this is one of those trips that you will wish you didn't take.

I would use this incident as a warning sign and as others have said, rent your own house! That way everyone can do their own thing and you will have your own space and their will be no hard feelings.

 

[bellebud]

from reading the other posts about what passover would be if strictly followed, SIL seems to be picking and choosing what she observes. While it's certainly her right, it's not her right to impose just what SHE thinks is important on the other family members who are also paying for the house. If it were that important to SIL, I'd think a group vacation like this would be out of the question during an important time for her like passover.

 

[bumbershoot]

If they observe Passover rather strictly, I'm surprised they would even stay for those two days; if I'm reading right, the last two days of the vacation are the first two days of Passover. We have friends who are strict Orthodox Jews and they completely scrub their kitchens, get rid of anything with a "rising additive" in it, and use different dishes. To them, it's not just a case of no bread or pasta; there are special meals for the first two nights, and ceremonies to go along with the specific dishes.

Out of consideration, I'd manage to do without bread for a couple of days if they are going to forego their other traditions for a family vacation. If your SIL wants to cook the ceremonial meals, I'd let her; some of that stuff is really, really good and hard to make.

But meals for this are very likely to NOT be vegetarian.

And I agree that if the SIL is really doing this right, it's going to be more than just not eating bread or pasta. She would be bringing her own set of pots and pans and dishes, silverware, etc, it's going to be a BIG deal.

And IMO if she's not doing all that, then this isn't that important to her.

Maybe you could make a big pot of vegetarian chili for the last 2 days for your family.

If rice pasta is OK in a kosher household, maybe you could use that? We use that because of DH's Weight Watchers and I can't tell the difference between it and "regular" pasta.

Just an FYI, corn and rice are not kosher for Passover.

Good to know! I had a feeling there was going to be a long list of things that are vegetarian but NOT kosher for Passover.

Items which seem acceptable for Passover but may not be:

* Soda: Most sodas contain corn syrup. Since eating corn is a no-no, soda containing corn syrup is also out. Even if corn syrup is not used, sodas generally have "additional flavorings" which are not divulged and could be derived from grains. Only sodas produced under supervision of a rabbi or other official certified agencies are acceptable.


* Marshmallows: Not allowed unless made under supervision. They contain gelatin, which is made from the bones of potentially non-kosher animals.

And marshmallows absolutely always contain corn syrup. So if corn is not kosher for Passover, marshmallows will never be.

And of course they aren't vegetarian for the others in the house.

All items that are kosher and kosher for passover say so. Coke (reg) is made kosher for passover..and is wonderful since it has to be made with sugar .

Hard to find, though!

Oh if I had a nickle for everytime someone said something like this to me! People are just not very respectful of a vegetarian lifestyle, unfortunately. For many of us, it is like a religion because it is that important.

My opinion? This is not about food or religion or anything like this. I think it is about people who are not comfortable enough with each other to share a beach house. I think other things will crop up during the vacation and this is one of those trips that you will wish you didn't take.

I agree (especially b/c for hubby it IS partially for religion, in that he is Buddhist and doesn't want to kill any being...I'm not Buddhist but don't want to kill things and there is a whole long list of reasons I've been veggie since I was 20).

And I agree!



This is not childish response vs unchildish response. If the SIL is ONLY keeping bread/pasta out of the house, that's not really honoring Passover. So she's just putting some little part of it onto a family who chooses to eat in a certain way for, I'm sure, very good reasons. Any long-time vegetarian who accidentally eats meat can tell you, it HURTS to eat meat when you haven't for a long time!

You guys need to really talk some more. But ultimately I think you're going to have to change the dates so this time of year doesn't come between you, or rent more houses.

To find things that are vegetarian and kosher for passover isn't going to be something that's necessarily easy to do, and for SIL to ask this of your family is a big deal.

 

[mjkacmom]

To find things that are vegetarian and kosher for passover isn't going to be something that's necessarily easy to do, and for SIL to ask this of your family is a big deal.

I guess it depends upon where you live - our local shoprite has a whole aisle dedicated to kosher foods (a very catholic town, which borders on a town with a huge orthodox jewish population - they flock there on Sundays!).