2nd baby dilema

beautybelle

DIS Veteran
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
942
Ok friends. Im going to tell you all something that I havent told anybody else and I want all your opinions, good or bad. I live in a very small, old fashioned town and for a woman in this town I make good money on my job better so than anywhere else I can get a job. Ok heres my problem. When I started this job 11 years ago I was told that if I got pregnant I may as well just quit and go home. After 4 years I got pregnant and had a boy, I kept my job ( I was the only woman to ever do this and stay to tell about it ) but I was told once again that I was to have no more kids or I was gone no questions asked. My husband and I make decent money (together) but I dont think we could make it on his pay alone and continue to live the way we do. Im 32 and the doctors told me that I was Pre-menopausal so now Im hearing my biological clock screaming at me. My hubby and I have decided that we do want another baby, but Im so afraid that if I do I will ruin our financial situation. I have NO maternity insurance, just regular med ins. I sit and wonder, how do people do it. Will someone out there please tell me.
 
I have to wonder if what that company is telling you is even legal. Sounds like grounds for a discrimination suit, if you ask me.
 
I do not know what you do and I'm not a lawyer, but I heave never heard of any legal way a company can fire a woman who gets pregnant. :confused: :confused:
 
That's called DISCRIMINATION & is illegal!! I'd go ahead & have that second child if that's what you want & if they give you a problem you can tell them to talk to your lawyer...
 

I think you should have a baby if that is what you want to do. A job is just a job. You can find another if you need to. Its not as hard as it seems to go to one salary. When I quit my job to be a sahm mom 4 yrs back I made pretty decent money. We bought what we wanted and did what we wanted. Now we do that but in moderation.
Since your not pg yet just start putting some money back for maternity charges. I would definetly not let a job decide my family life. Good luck!!
 
I'm not sure what you mean by maternity insurance. Your medical insurance doesn't cover childbirth? Or do you mean sick leave? If they allow sick leave for any other medical conditions, they have to allow it for maternity leave while your doctor says you are unable to work (for the same maximum number of days as any other condition). It is totally illegal for them to fire you just because you are pregnant.
 
How big is this place you work?

If they have more then 50 employees they are covered under the Family Leave Act which means they pretty much have to find you a job on your return.

It sounds to me like your next call should either be to your state labor office or a lawyer!

Now, you need to look around BEFORE you get pregant for some insurance that covers your pregancy. Does your husbands company have a policy you could add on to at the next enrollment? I hate to tell you what babies cost now, but its gone up a lot since Baby #1.

If you can't find insurance call your local hosptial and try to negoiate. A lot of them will give you a big discount if you pay up front.
 
Does your employer fall under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA)?

>>>An employer covered by FMLA is any person engaged in commerce or in any industry or activity affecting commerce, who employs 50 or more employees for each working day during each of 20 or more calendar workweeks in the current or preceding calendar year. Employers covered by FMLA also include any person acting, directly or indirectly, in the interest of a covered employer to any of the employees of the employer, any successor in interest of a covered employer, and any public agency. Public agencies are covered employers without regard to the number of
employees employed. Public as well as private elementary and secondary schools are also covered employerswithout regard to the number of employees employed.<<<<<<

If they do then they cannot stop you for taking 12 weeks of time off for the birth of a new child. They do not have to pay you and they can force you to use your accrued paid leave first, but they cannot deny you this leave if it is approved by a doctor.

Next, they cannot fire you simply for getting pregnant. That's discrimination and the ACLU website states:
>>>YOUR RIGHTS AS A WORKING WOMAN:
You have the right to not be treated differently at
work based on your gender, race, national origin,
color, or religion.
• Unlawful gender discrimination includes:
being treated differently than other employees
because you are a woman, pregnancy
discrimination, and sexual harassment.<<<

and...
>>>PREGNANT WOMEN HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS.
Employers must treat pregnant women the same
as non-pregnant employees with similar abilities:
• When an employer is hiring.
- Employers who refuse to hire women if
they are pregnant discriminate on the
basis of gender. AND.... • When an employer is firing.
- If an employer fires a woman because
she is pregnant, the employer unlawfully
discriminates.<<<<<

This simply cannot be done. I would go ahead with your plans, but I would keep detailed careful records because technically, you would use FMLA any time you are absent for anything related to the pregnancy and I would get the FMLA paperwork from the beginning of the pregnancy if your employer falls under those rules. That way if they fire you and say that it's because you missed work you can provide proof that it was covered under FMLA and your doctor can corroborate that.

I've been where you are, happened with my first pregnancy and I worked at a hospital of all places. Good Luck, even if they don't qualify for FMLA, you have legal ground to stand on, talk to a good lawyer!
 
Sounds like this employer is small and has no legal requirements to honor FMLA or any other.

My advice is this:
if you are a good enough employee and they did it once, they'll probably do it again.

HOWEVER, for them to tell you that they won't is TERRIBLE!!!!! I wouldn't want to work for this place with their ME ME ME attitude. You are entitled to your own life and if that includes a family and children, don't let them stop you. You will regret it if you do.

Now, get to <a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_2_101.gif' border=0></a> and get busy!!!! (if that's what you want) ;)
 
I can't believe the medical plan doesn't cover maternity charges. I work for an insurance company and all of the plans state that maternity is covered as any other illness - which means they have to pay for maternity expenses. I believe this may be a federal law these days. If you're talking about sick time -that's another issue, but even then, I believe if they have sick time - maternity must fall under the provisions. I agree with the other posters that this may be something you'd want your lawyer to check into for you.
 
Originally posted by Snoozan
I can't believe the medical plan doesn't cover maternity charges. I work for an insurance company and all of the plans state that maternity is covered as any other illness - which means they have to pay for maternity expenses. I believe this may be a federal law these days. If you're talking about sick time -that's another issue, but even then, I believe if they have sick time - maternity must fall under the provisions. I agree with the other posters that this may be something you'd want your lawyer to check into for you.
Many plans do not cover births, it's a seperate rider. In fact, if the company she is working for has insurance at all (assuming they are under 50 employees) she should consider herself lucky. They don't have to.
 
Regardless of FMLA, this is gender discrimination, pure and simple. Does the same policy hold for men? If a man at your place of work has more than one child, are they out of a job? I bet not!!!!!

If I were you, I would document everything that has been said to you on this topic, including dates, times, and names of individuals. Then I'd ask myself if I really want to work for such moronic bozos and then start looking elsewhere.

If you want to have another baby, I say good luck and go for it!
 
Originally posted by izzy
Regardless of FMLA, this is gender discrimination, pure and simple. Does the same policy hold for men? If a man at your place of work has more than one child, are they out of a job? I bet not!!!!!

If I were you, I would document everything that has been said to you on this topic, including dates, times, and names of individuals. Then I'd ask myself if I really want to work for such moronic bozos and then start looking elsewhere.
No, it's not. The fine line is that she would need time off for recovery. That's what the company is not willing to give.

First, the man doesn't HAVE the baby, so it's not the same. Second, even if he took a day it would probably be a vacation day.

It sucks, I know. The company I work for is very family oriented. They allow me, as a mom, extra days if my kids are sick. I am a valued employee, that's the reason. At the same time though, I am not promoted because of it. Double standards. Can I do anything? ::yes:: I can leave.
 
Originally posted by ElizK
I have to wonder if what that company is telling you is even legal. Sounds like grounds for a discrimination suit, if you ask me.
::yes::
 
I'd get pregnant and then give your employer the FINGER!;)
 
Originally posted by hydster
I'd get pregnant and then give your employer the FINGER!;)
:rotfl:

Nice!!!! What I would like to do now is just the latter, but it's never a good idea to burn bridges, IMO.
 
LOL Well I did just that...but now I'm a stay at home mom...so it worked for me (kind of like hooked on phonics! LOL)

Heidi
 
Well at our shop there are only 4 of us. Two women and 2 men. By the way one of our men is a new dad, which Im tickled for him but it makes me sick to my stomach because it is so much more difficult for me. Oh and too, I pay for my sons and my medical insurance independantly. My husband has his med ins through his company but to add me and Dylan on is just as expensive and getting in on our own and the maternity is extra. We're already paying 400.00 a month for reg ins and it would be an extra 100.00 to add on maternity. I once mentioned to my boss about the FMLA and he reminded me that it doesnt apply to him. I feel like crying. At first I thought that one child would be enough and I love him with all my heart but I would like for him to have a little brother or sister and I feel like Im the only person in the world that is having this problem. People all around me have kids and I dont see how they do it so seemlessly. Why cant I?
 
Originally posted by Lewski709
No, it's not. The fine line is that she would need time off for recovery. That's what the company is not willing to give.

First, the man doesn't HAVE the baby, so it's not the same. Second, even if he took a day it would probably be a vacation day.

It sucks, I know. The company I work for is very family oriented. They allow me, as a mom, extra days if my kids are sick. I am a valued employee, that's the reason. At the same time though, I am not promoted because of it. Double standards. Can I do anything? ::yes:: I can leave.

I probably didn't explain enough - I'm not talking about them not giving her time to recover from the birth, I'm talking about her saying "I was told once again that I was to have no more kids or I was gone no questions asked." That is discrimination since only women can get pregnant. (Too bad men can't carry a baby - LOL!!!)

I agree that is sucks that they won't give her paid time off after the birth of a baby, but that's what sometimes happens if you work for a small company.
 
You know what...I had to quit my job when my 2nd was born because we couldn't afford me to work anymore. The cost of working outweighed the cost of me staying home! It was SO scary as we just moved into our house and my dh was self employed at the time but somehow we just did it! I think you would be surprised at how you can do it. We never thought it was possible but now we have 3 kids and I haven't worked since I delivered my 2nd. It hasn't been easy and we have had to sacrifice but it was SO worth it!

Somehow it always seems to work out! Good luck in your decision!

Heidi
 












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