Your son has fathered a child/doesn't care???

[sam_gordon]

It depends. How does your Son feel about this?

Yep, bizarro world!!!!

But, I find this interesting, so I will post.

There are TWO sides to this.
1. The parents are the ones making these decisions. (Unless they are signing a way their parental rights, or are found to be unfit parents)

2. NOPE, genes do not equate with any 'rights'. I think many people (grandparents) are WAY to hung up on this. And, personally, I don't go with that at all.

So, whether one might want to know has no bearing on whether one WILL know, or whether they will be able to insist that they be involved with any child's life.

In other words, if you think you might want to know, be prepared to have information that you can really do absolutely nothing with.
Because if a young woman or man does NOT want their parents to know, I would suspect that there was some underlying reason.

Actually, I don't think the babies parents get a choice in this decision. Read the question again... do the (future) grandparents WANT to know?

The parents don't get to decide if the grandparents WANT to know. They can decide they're not going to tell them (and may be able to keep it a secret), but they can't keep someone from WANTING to know.

For the record, I would want to know.

 

[momto2girls]

I would consider it not my business unless the parents of the child wanted me to know.

I agree with this!

 

[carrie1626]

I'm confused. Are you the OP and posting under 2 screen names?

I need more coffee.

Well, I spit mine out

read, read again, again and reread: ohhhhhhhhhhh omg!

you all thought "my son" was myyyyyyyyyyy sonnnnnnnnn NO

Just pointing out the other poster didn't say "my son"

but it did come up at block neighbor has a grandchild they never met( son WAS a big screw-up. in his 30's now, but past drugs, jail etc and said she wishes she didn't know- most of us were surprised by that.


Me- I can't wait to hold a grandchild in my arms and blow kisses in their cheeks. I'd want to know!!!!!

 

[shortbun]

How old is my son? Will she be asking for child support? Is she asking that he waive his parental rights? I need a lot more information.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Well, I spit mine out

read, read again, again and reread: ohhhhhhhhhhh omg!

you all thought "my son" was myyyyyyyyyyy sonnnnnnnnn NO

Just pointing out the other poster didn't say "my son"

but it did come up at block neighbor has a grandchild they never met( son WAS a big screw-up. in his 30's now, but past drugs, jail etc and said she wishes she didn't know- most of us were surprised by that.


Me- I can't wait to hold a grandchild in my arms and blow kisses in their cheeks. I'd want to know!!!!!

How do you know those details if you are not the Op?

 

[cabanafrau]

As a potential paternal grandparent, of course I'd want to know. I'd genuinely want the opportunity to be a positive force in the child's life.

As a potential single mother or potential maternal grandparent, I'd proceed with caution & urge my DD to do the same.

 

[Deb in IA]

In the words of Alice, this is getting "curiouser and curiouser".

As for wanting to know, yes, I would want to know, if for nothing else than to know that there is someone out there who could, at some point in the future, show up and want something (money, support, inheritance, etc).


But in terms of being a part of that child's life, if there is animosity between the father and the mother, and the mother doesn't want any grandparent involvement, that is her prerogative. I would offer it, but I would not force it or insist on it.

 

[LiveYourLife]

I'm offering up Mimosa's and Bloody's.....who wants one?

For those that feel they need an extra push into lucidity on this fine CB Monday, I will also offer straight champagne or vodka with no judgements!!!

 

[luvsJack]

I think Carrie is saying that she came across the same discussion recently about different people.

Would I want to know? Yes.

Would I force my way into the young mother and child's life? No, but I would let her know that I am there for her and for the child no matter what the father was choosing to do.

But I think the level of which I would offer help or stay in touch may depend on the ages of the "kids". If she is a young teen mom that is facing this alone, I would continue to offer emotional, financial and parental support. She may want nothing to do with us at first but as she needs more and more support, that may change and I wouldn't want her to feel alone. If she is an adult who is already self supporting, then I would offer and then back off until she came to me.


Would I be giving my son mortal heck for what he was choosing? You betcha.

 

[carrie1626]

It depends. How does your Son feel about this?

to all the CB POLICE DETECTIVES
May I REPHRASE:

this poster OBVIOUSLY assumed the OP was talking about her own son

I replied never stated it was my son

I should have used CORRECT AMERICAN ENGLISH but it just wasn't in me at that moment but it is now:

THE original poster never stated a word that implied "my son"

now that I've reread it 25 times over
I know, I know what I meant

really, you all are killing me

 

[carrie1626]

back to the block party

after a few cocktails the neighbor talks about her own son/daughter blah blah and then next neighbor says they have a grandkid they never met.

simply sharing a moment in my life, people

 

[LiveYourLife]

Never mind.

 

[sunshinehighway]

to all the CB POLICE DETECTIVES
May I REPHRASE:

this poster OBVIOUSLY assumed the OP was talking about her own son

I replied never stated it was my son

I should have used CORRECT AMERICAN ENGLISH but it just wasn't in me at that moment but it is now:

THE original poster never stated a word that implied "my son"

now that I've reread it 25 times over
I know, I know what I meant

really, you all are killing me

The confusion comes from your posts. It reads like you are adding more details to the first post. When you mention the block party conversation it comes off like you are explaining the conversation which inspired the thread.
You then go on later to add more details of the block party conversation. It really makes it seem like you are the Op.
I guess I don't see the need for all the capitalization when your posts were unclear.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

This happened to a friend of ours. He has a grown granddaughter he's never met, and the dad didn't know she existed. First she told her mom she wanted to meet her dad (and step siblings), then all the grandkids took a vacation with the dad, stepmom, and grandpa. I think everything went well. I don't know that our friend felt anything but shock. He didn't know he was missing out, because he didn't know she existed.

 

[robinb]

Back to the real OP ...

Would you as a grandparent-to-be WANT TO KNOW?

Future baby to be born to a single mother who will be raising the child completely on her own. It's very clear "daddy" was there for conception only.

AS the future grandparent of this innocent child, would YOU want to know that another human being carrying your genes is coming into this world?

Currently, baby-mommy says NOPE, too bad so sad!

??????????????

Yes, I would want to know but I would hate to be the parent who raised a son who does not man-up and take responsibility for having unprotected sex with the "baby-mommy". I can understand where the mother wouldn't want folks like that to have any influence over her child. I agree with her "too bad so sad" assessment and the parents of "sperm donor" are out of luck when it comes to having a relationship with their son's biological child. If the son wanted to help raise the child and pay child support then I would have a different opinion.

 

[RitaE]

Of course I'd want to know. First I'd want to know, so I could go rip my son a new one and have our discussion about how he will be responsible for what he created or he's going to find out pretty quick what it is like to have a parent abandon you.

I've always told my kids that there are very few things I could imagine that I would never be able to forgive them for doing… the first is murder and the second is not caring for whatever children they choose to create.

Then I'd want to know so I could be involved in my grandchild's life to whatever extent possible.