"You can tell them no..."

[mjkacmom]

Then perhaps you don't know Minecraft!! Some kids are OBSESSED with this stuff!!

lol I have 5 kids, and 2 obsessed nephews. I can see the boys wanting to see it, but not play with it. Ds14 will play mindcraft for hours with his cousins!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Why did the mother feel the need for photo documentation and feel the need to post on Facebook. Stuff like this clogging up my feed reminds me why I got off Facebook. Waste of time. People's need to document the minutiae of their lives is egocentric to the extreme. Nobody cares what you do in a day!

Well I do understand where you are coming from. FB is full of that type of updating. Heck I cringe myself everytime FB shows me memories from 2006-2007; it's like what was I thinking posting that. Of course FB was still very very new to the mass public (prior to fall 2006 you had to be a college student/have a college e-mail address to get access to it) so I'll just use that as my defense .

But I also do get where the mother was coming from posting it. My thoughts on social media have always been it's a powerful tool that can be used in awesome ways. And perhaps the way she worded things, and to some even her actual crux of her matter rubs people the wrong way..but at the same time it is bringing to many people's attention all at once. I doubt she's trying to change the world really but her thoughts are def. being heard by more than just the few moms at the playground where the problem originated. Now if she was calling for every playground out there to stop sharing toys well that's a different matter. From what I can tell she's just saying "it's ok for my child to not share". It might make another parent out there sigh in relief that someone else feels the way they do.

Now I do think she should probably have a one on one discussion with the other moms if she sees them often; I'm honestly not so certain I would go up and explain my parenting to a stranger who I may never see again. That would clear the air in that she can say she doesn't expect her child to share, he can if he wants to but he doesn't have to and ask that the other moms/parents respect this.

 

[tzolkin]

Yeah she does. It's hard for me to imagine that actually happening, especially over a transformer. Yeah there's always that one kid who tends to be pushy and lacks boundaries but 6? I doubt the kids ran to her to tattle also. It just doesn't seem like something most kids would do. Kids don't go to a stranger when they have a problem, they go to the adult they are with.

I think it depends on the kids and the parenting style. I have seen this behavior countless times. Both kids being pushy/demanding/entitled and kids talking to a stranger about issues before going to their own parents. This was the norm where we lived previously (and a big reason we preferred to go hiking or other places than the playground).

I have had kids (strangers) come up to me to "tattle" on my kids for not playing with them several times. In the context of "I want her/him to do XYZ with me, but s/he won't do what I want" and I've had my child look at me pleadingly because they just wanted to be left alone. I have even had children argue with me after I politely explained that "s/he doesn't have to play with you right now if s/he doesn't want to".

This is a very good point but a somewhat difficult issue to grapple with. Even those of us who have a super-high value for giving and really want to install selflessness into our kids still also want them to know how to assert their own interests when necessary and protect their dignity and personal safety. Not that toys are that big a deal by any means but kids that age aren't abstract thinkers. I can totally see why the Mother had to step in.

I agree wth PP's who have said the way the incident is being related makes it sound harsh (and a little unbelievable). In general though it seems like it absolutely was a teachable moment and I disagree with those who said the kids should have been left to fend for themselves.

I agree. I'm not a huge fan of the post, but I do agree with teaching your child that's it's okay to say no.

Some kids (and adults) are pushy and some kids (and adults) are givers who want to make everyone happy. There is a line between being generous and being taken advantage of. I think it's important to teach our children that they do not have to give in to whatever request someone else makes of them.

My son is like this. He is very friendly and cares about others. Ex. About a week after we moved here, they had field day at his school and they were selling shaved ice. He brought extra money and offered to his whole class that if anyone didn't have money, he would buy them one because he didn't want anyone to be left out. That was a very sweet and generous act, but I can see where his personality may lend itself to him being taken advantage of by other people (later in life, not in this scenario). My girls have absolutely no issue telling someone "no" so I've never really worried about them, but my son needs approval from others and always wants to make sure everyone else is happy. This lesson is something we discuss often. When kids come to the door he feels like he "has" to play with them even if he's tired or not in the mood. When he's playing with others, he's always going along with what the other kid wants to do even when it's obvious that's not what he wants to do.

 

[Magpie]

How unfortunate would it be for the young lad, if when his lady friend shows up she's not impressed by his toy, and ends up running off to play with the bad boys instead.

Playground drama!

This discussion is actually bringing back memories of watching my two children interact with strangers on the playground. I remember one incident in particular...

My 5yo daughter and 4yo son were turning rotten logs over and looking to see what they could find, when a strange boy arrived at the playground holding a toy truck.

My daughter stood up and held out two handfuls of slugs and said, "We're collecting slugs! Do you want one?"

My son, seeing the other boy step back, surreptitiously dropped his slugs behind him, wiped his hands on his pants, and said, "I hate slugs. But I like trucks. Do you like trucks, too?"

And the two boys walked off together to play with the newcomer's truck, while my daughter stood there in confusion, her hands full of slugs, saying, "We don't hate slugs. Slugs are cool!" It was obvious she had no idea what had just happened, or why she was suddenly without a playmate. When I stopped giggling under my breath, I reassured her that yes, she was correct, slugs are inherently awesome, and I told her I'd love to meet her slimy new friends.

Playground social dynamics can be tricky. "Sharing" is wonderful, but for most kids it takes time to learn both generosity and tact. They have to figure out how to play with another child, versus just with his toy. They have to figure out how to introduce themselves as a new playmate, and insert themselves into a new social dynamic. Every action has a reaction, and every choice has consequences. It is SO much more complicated than just, "You can tell them no!" Well, yes, of course you can tell them no. Sometimes you should tell them no. No one wants to teach their child that they can never stand up for themselves. But, what choices led up to this conflict? Was it unavoidable? What will the social consequences be? (ie, Now I'm alone with my toy, and no one's playing with me.)

If the kids bring me into it, then I'll give them my opinion. "You can't make someone want to play with you." "That toy belongs to him, and it's his choice whether he wants to share it or not." "Go find someone else to play with, if you're not getting along." But, otherwise, I let them work it out for themselves.

And while they do, I happily entertain myself by observing their little dramas.

 

[tcufrog]

I hear what you are saying, but we are only discussing it because she felt a need to post something so self centred that it brought it to our attention. Sharing of toys and social norms is an interesting conversation, but how we got here is a direct result of this woman thinking we need to hear about what happened to her at the park. Documenting every little think with words and photos for all the world to see is absurd.

I'm perfectly fine with going against social norms but when you allow or expect your children to do so you need to prepare them for the fall out. Here's an example. When DS6 was a toddler/preschooler he had really long hair that grew to halfway down his waist. It started when he absolutely refused to get his hair cut. It turned out that he liked having long hair so we didn't cut it. Awhile after he moved up to the preschool classroom he told us quite adamantly that he wanted to get his hair cut so he looked like a boy and he wouldn't tell us why he changed his mind. We cut his hair and set it aside to donate. The hair we cut off was the length of a regular sheet of notebook paper.

He finally told us this year that he decided to cut it because the kids in preschool told him he looked like a girl. If I had known at the time I would have gone to bat for him at school. He now wants to grow his hair out again and his K-8 school is fine with it as long as it's tidy. We've discussed it with the teachers and they're supportive but we know they aren't within ear shot the entire school day so we've been having a very frank discussion with him about the fact that he might get teased again and how he can handle it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it depends on the kids and the parenting style. I have seen this behavior countless times. Both kids being pushy/demanding/entitled and kids talking to a stranger about issues before going to their own parents. This was the norm where we lived previously (and a big reason we preferred to go hiking or other places than the playground).

I have had kids (strangers) come up to me to "tattle" on my kids for not playing with them several times. In the context of "I want her/him to do XYZ with me, but s/he won't do what I want" and I've had my child look at me pleadingly because they just wanted to be left alone. I have even had children argue with me after I politely explained that "s/he doesn't have to play with you right now if s/he doesn't want to".



I agree. I'm not a huge fan of the post, but I do agree with teaching your child that's it's okay to say no.

Some kids (and adults) are pushy and some kids (and adults) are givers who want to make everyone happy. There is a line between being generous and being taken advantage of. I think it's important to teach our children that they do not have to give in to whatever request someone else makes of them.

My son is like this. He is very friendly and cares about others. Ex. About a week after we moved here, they had field day at his school and they were selling shaved ice. He brought extra money and offered to his whole class that if anyone didn't have money, he would buy them one because he didn't want anyone to be left out. That was a very sweet and generous act, but I can see where his personality may lend itself to him being taken advantage of by other people (later in life, not in this scenario). My girls have absolutely no issue telling someone "no" so I've never really worried about them, but my son needs approval from others and always wants to make sure everyone else is happy. This lesson is something we discuss often. When kids come to the door he feels like he "has" to play with them even if he's tired or not in the mood. When he's playing with others, he's always going along with what the other kid wants to do even when it's obvious that's not what he wants to do.

Yeah see that's why I brought up the societal norm is sharing. There is an immense pressure to share because you are perceived to a be a kind person and it's become an expectation. The fact that it even has to be said that if you don't share you won't have friends is extremely telling and to me just reflects the pressure one gets to share.

 

[Magpie]

I'm perfectly fine with going against social norms but when you allow or expect your children to do so you need to prepare them for the fall out. Here's an example. When DS6 was a toddler/preschooler he had really long hair that grew to halfway down his waist. It started when he absolutely refused to get his hair cut. It turned out that he liked having long hair so we didn't cut it. Awhile after he moved up to the preschool classroom he told us quite adamantly that he wanted to get his hair cut so he looked like a boy and he wouldn't tell us why he changed his mind. We cut his hair and set it aside to donate. The hair we cut off was the length of a regular sheet of notebook paper.

He finally told us this year that he decided to cut it because the kids in preschool told him he looked like a girl. If I had known at the time I would have gone to bat for him at school. He now wants to grow his hair out again and his K-8 school is fine with it as long as it's tidy. We've discussed it with the teachers and they're supportive but we know they aren't within ear shot the entire school day so we've been having a very frank discussion with him about the fact that he might get teased again and how he can handle it.

Oh, that brings back memories! Boys and their hair...

By the time my son was thirteen, he'd grown his hair out into a wild 'fro. We called it a "Franco-fro", and it was spectacular. One day he comes home from middle school in a foul mood and announces that he's getting it all cut off.

It was obvious he was reacting to something that had happened at school that day, and in fact he soon admitted that it was a particular frenemy who'd been teasing him.

My reaction? "Nuh-uh! No way are you cutting your hair, just because one of the boys - a boy you don't even really like! - was mean to you!"

"It's MY hair! I can cut it if I want!"

"Yes, it's your hair, and yes of course you can cut it off, but I'll be damned if you're cutting it off just to please that one little jerk!"

We butted heads all weekend, and then on Monday - fortunately! - he had an appointment with his therapist. We all three talked it over, sanity returned, and that afternoon the boy got his hair cut. Because in the end, it IS his hair, and it's really not my job to try to force him to resist peer pressure (especially as then he'd just be giving in to another kind of pressure).

Speaking of "sanity", this is the lad - and his hair! - at the 2010 Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, in Washington:

 

[cabanafrau]

I really don't believe her story. It sounds like a total exaggeration from someone who is self-righteous and dramatic.
I can't imagine a bunch of random kids surrounding her son over a transformer and grabbing at it. . It just doesn't sound like anything I've ever seen on a playground.
She says she told her son he could tell the other kids no so it sounds like she was with him but then she says the other kids ran over to her to *******
If the other mothers gave her dirty looks my guess would be it was her attitude in responding to the kids and maybe she made some snippy comments. I doubt it was only because she said her son didn't have to share.
Maybe I'm just nitpicking because she sounds like a *******. The all caps title turned me off from the start. It's very aggressive so it makes me question her behavior

Agreed, that's what turned me off -- coupled with the convenient staged photo to go along with her "snowflake's" reasoning. No, make that mom's reasoning, which is the perfect set up for a viral posting.

 

[ahutton]

I hope she remembers her attitude when other kids don't want to play with him.

That would be a natural consequence learned by the interaction. That, as a result, someone won't want to play with you in the future. If you are ok with that consequence, then you can play that way. That's what I've tried to teach my kids - you can make a choice, and so can the other person. And you both get to make one, and live with the result. However, if you want to play with that person, you may wish to consider what would encourage them to want to play with you.

 

[rigs32]

This is a very good point but a somewhat difficult issue to grapple with. Even those of us who have a super-high value for giving and really want to install selflessness into our kids still also want them to know how to assert their own interests when necessary and protect their dignity and personal safety. Not that toys are that big a deal by any means but kids that age aren't abstract thinkers. I can totally see why the Mother had to step in.

Your point is exactly why I was very careful in my wording of my post. There can be a fine line between being caring and generous and being a doormat. Especially for women who are more typically socialized that way.

Parents teach body autonomy, but if you can say no to someone else touching you, why can't you say no to others touching your possessions? If you don't have autonomy over your possessions, do you actually have body autonomy?

 

[pryncess527]

This is about the fifth or sixth parenting blog post I've seen in the last year with a click-bait title about Sharing is Bad and a mostly harmless article about how it's not appropriate in every situation.

Mommy blogs must be hurting for traffic these days. This one was the most hostilely-written of any of the ones I've seen though.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

That would be a natural consequence learned by the interaction. That, as a result, someone won't want to play with you in the future. If you are ok with that consequence, then you can play that way. That's what I've tried to teach my kids - you can make a choice, and so can the other person. And you both get to make one, and live with the result. However, if you want to play with that person, you may wish to consider what would encourage them to want to play with you.

In general, I absolutely agree with the spirit of what you're saying -- making it clear to kids that yes, THEY have a choice, but so do others, and their actions today might affect their potential interactions with someone in the future. Good to teach/learn.

But... I wouldn't want to give my child the impression that they should automatically surrender their stuff to anyone who wants it just to stay in that person's good graces. I could imagine this setting them up to be used by anybody and everybody, and being reluctant to draw reasonable boundaries for themselves.

 

[Magpie]

Your point is exactly why I was very careful in my wording of my post. There can be a fine line between being caring and generous and being a doormat. Especially for women who are more typically socialized that way.

Parents teach body autonomy, but if you can say no to someone else touching you, why can't you say no to others touching your possessions? If you don't have autonomy over your possessions, do you actually have body autonomy?

Here's the thing, though...

A child walks into a playground with his arms full of toys (a Transformer, a Minecraft figure, and a truck). Is it reasonable for the child to expect the other children to "politely" ignore him and his toys? Or is it reasonable for the other kids to think that he brought the toys to the park expecting to use them to play in a social way with other people? Possibly even them?

If the other children see him and come running up to find out what he's clutching in his arms, are they really intending to greedily steal his toys and leave him with nothing? Or are they just interested in the newcomer (and his toys)? When they ask his mother why he won't play with them, is that really "tattling"? Despite the name calling in the post, these don't actually seem like bad children. They didn't lay hands on the little boy, push him, or try to yank the toys out of his hands. In fact, it appears everyone agrees that it'd be wrong to touch his toys without permission (whether from the child himself, or from his parent). His toy autonomy is, in fact, being respected.

It seems a bit unfortunate that his mother let him walk into the park with his arms full of toys, placing him in the position of having to tell all the other children, "No! These aren't for you! Go away!" The poor kid can't even climb or slide, with his arms full of toys that other people aren't allowed to touch. And then, to make a big production (staged for the camera) of him "sharing" his toys with that one very special little girl (less favoured children looking on). If the little girl accepts his toys, is she obligated to play with him now?

And since they're his toys, does that mean he can dictate how she plays with them? Honestly, it sounds terribly uncomfortable all around.

With regards to your "bodily integrity" comparison... it feels a bit like a woman walking into a singles bar and when men approach her and try to hit on her, she gets offended and says, "I'm waiting for my BOYFRIEND! Don't I have a right to be left alone? You're all so greedy and presumptuous!" They thought (reasonably) that she was looking to make new friends. She has every right to tell them to take a hike, of course. And of course her bodily autonomy should be respected. But, that doesn't change the fact that it's still a bit odd to go to a social venue, with no intention of being social with the people who are there.

 

[Magpie]

In general, I absolutely agree with the spirit of what you're saying -- making it clear to kids that yes, THEY have a choice, but so do others, and their actions today might affect their potential interactions with someone in the future. Good to teach/learn.

But... I wouldn't want to give my child the impression that they should automatically surrender their stuff to anyone who wants it just to stay in that person's good graces. I could imagine this setting them up to be used by anybody and everybody, and being reluctant to draw reasonable boundaries for themselves.

The trick is to teach kids how to assess for themselves whether they actually want to be in that person's "good graces" or not.

For example... I remember being terribly proud of my daughter one summer, when she was six. She was a nice, polite, easygoing child who was generally agreeable to almost anything - exactly the kind of kid we worried would walk off hand-in-hand with anyone. A slightly older girl had been following her around and whispering at her, all the while casting sideways glances at me. It was pretty obvious she was planning something naughty, but I let it play out, curious to see what would happen. All of a sudden, my daughter jumped up onto a nearby picnic table and pointed dramatically at the other girl, saying, "No! I don't trust you, and I'm not going ANYWHERE with you!"

Then she jumped down and came over to the bench to sit next to me with her arms crossed, scowling. "What's up?" I asked. My daughter said, "She said she had something to show me in the girl's bathroom, and I said tell me what it is, and she said I had to go with her and see. And I thought, that doesn't sound like a good idea!"

I agreed with her, and told her I was very proud of her display of good sense and prudence.

 

[ahutton]

In general, I absolutely agree with the spirit of what you're saying -- making it clear to kids that yes, THEY have a choice, but so do others, and their actions today might affect their potential interactions with someone in the future. Good to teach/learn.

But... I wouldn't want to give my child the impression that they should automatically surrender their stuff to anyone who wants it just to stay in that person's good graces. I could imagine this setting them up to be used by anybody and everybody, and being reluctant to draw reasonable boundaries for themselves.

I totally agree, and would not want my kids to surrender their things to whoever requests to play with it. I agree that some items in childhood hold a special role and would never be shared. In additional to teaching the potential consequences, I also worked to teach them to be able to say they won't share a specific item, but also say what they are willing to do. Kids need to know their boundaries at any age and be able to confidently communicate them. It sets them up for success as they deal with more complex issues. I've done a far from perfect job, but we learn as parents just as they learn!

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

The trick is to teach kids how to assess for themselves whether they actually want to be in that person's "good graces" or not.

For example... I remember being terribly proud of my daughter one summer, when she was six. She was a nice, polite, easygoing child who was generally agreeable to almost anything - exactly the kind of kid we worried would walk off hand-in-hand with anyone. A slightly older girl had been following her around and whispering at her, all the while casting sideways glances at me. It was pretty obvious she was planning something naughty, but I let it play out, curious to see what would happen. All of a sudden, my daughter jumped up onto a nearby picnic table and pointed dramatically at the other girl, saying, "No! I don't trust you, and I'm not going ANYWHERE with you!"

Then she jumped down and came over to the bench to sit next to me with her arms crossed, scowling. "What's up?" I asked. My daughter said, "She said she had something to show me in the girl's bathroom, and I said tell me what it is, and she said I had to go with her and see. And I thought, that doesn't sound like a good idea!"

I agreed with her, and told her I was very proud of her display of good sense and prudence.

I totally agree, and would not want my kids to surrender their things to whoever requests to play with it. I agree that some items in childhood hold a special role and would never be shared. In additional to teaching the potential consequences, I also worked to teach them to be able to say they won't share a specific item, but also say what they are willing to do. Kids need to know their boundaries at any age and be able to confidently communicate them. It sets them up for success as they deal with more complex issues. I've done a far from perfect job, but we learn as parents just as they learn!

Agree 100% with both of you!!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Here's the thing, though...

A child walks into a playground with his arms full of toys (a Transformer, a Minecraft figure, and a truck). Is it reasonable for the child to expect the other children to "politely" ignore him and his toys? Or is it reasonable for the other kids to think that he brought the toys to the park expecting to use them to play in a social way with other people? Possibly even them?

If the other children see him and come running up to find out what he's clutching in his arms, are they really intending to greedily steal his toys and leave him with nothing? Or are they just interested in the newcomer (and his toys)? When they ask his mother why he won't play with them, is that really "tattling"? Despite the name calling in the post, these don't actually seem like bad children. They didn't lay hands on the little boy, push him, or try to yank the toys out of his hands. In fact, it appears everyone agrees that it'd be wrong to touch his toys without permission (whether from the child himself, or from his parent). His toy autonomy is, in fact, being respected.

It seems a bit unfortunate that his mother let him walk into the park with his arms full of toys, placing him in the position of having to tell all the other children, "No! These aren't for you! Go away!" The poor kid can't even climb or slide, with his arms full of toys that other people aren't allowed to touch. And then, to make a big production (staged for the camera) of him "sharing" his toys with that one very special little girl (less favoured children looking on). If the little girl accepts his toys, is she obligated to play with him now?

And since they're his toys, does that mean he can dictate how she plays with them? Honestly, it sounds terribly uncomfortable all around.

I do see where you are coming from but on the flip side I've seen plenty of children playing right next to each other with their own toys perfectly content that way. In fact they may engage in make believe play with their own toys and yet with each other as well. Sure there is a natural curiosity towards what another child has but it's different to be like "ohhh what's that, that looks neat, I love those colors" and "ohhh I want to play with that toy let me play with that toy mom he won't let me play with his toy".

I don't think it's an automatic that a child who brought toys to the playground means they will just give their toys to other children playing there and quite frankly there are parents out there that do not want their kids to play with others toys because they like to have control over that stuff. Just as an example my step-sister-in-law has no problem with letting her boys play with things that are pink in color or are dolls and whatnot but my step-brother-in-law doesn't in any way want his son to play with things that are girly in nature (totally don't agree with that but that's another topic entirely). Sometimes parents have concerns over material the toys are made of or what the toy actually is. Just putting that out there.

I think I agree with another poster who mentioned if this was the norm at that certain playground and the mother frequented that particular playground then that becomes a bit different. I still agree with her crux of the matter but then it becomes more of a "I'll show them" atmosphere. I'm not really thinking that line of thinking but I can see that as a possibility.

 

[Magpie]

I do see where you are coming from but on the flip side I've seen plenty of children playing right next to each other with their own toys perfectly content that way. In fact they may engage in make believe play with their own toys and yet with each other as well. Sure there is a natural curiosity towards what another child has but it's different to be like "ohhh what's that, that looks neat, I love those colors" and "ohhh I want to play with that toy let me play with that toy mom he won't let me play with his toy".

I don't think it's an automatic that a child who brought toys to the playground means they will just give their toys to other children playing there and quite frankly there are parents out there that do not want their kids to play with others toys because they like to have control over that stuff. Just as an example my step-sister-in-law has no problem with letting her boys play with things that are pink in color or are dolls and whatnot but my step-brother-in-law doesn't in any way want his son to play with things that are girly in nature (totally don't agree with that but that's another topic entirely). Sometimes parents have concerns over material the toys are made of or what the toy actually is. Just putting that out there.

I think I agree with another poster who mentioned if this was the norm at that certain playground and the mother frequented that particular playground then that becomes a bit different. I still agree with her crux of the matter but then it becomes more of a "I'll show them" atmosphere. I'm not really thinking that line of thinking but I can see that as a possibility.

I don't think it's automatic to just hand over the toys, either. I think it's more the fact that he walked into the playground with his arms full of toys, that he didn't want anyone else to touch.

SO much aggravation could have been prevented here, if mum had just stuffed the toys into a backpack and let him carry that instead. He could have run and played with the other boys and then when his little girl friend showed up, the two of them could have opened the backpack together.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't think it's automatic to just hand over the toys, either. I think it's more the fact that he walked into the playground with his arms full of toys, that he didn't want anyone else to touch.

SO much aggravation could have been prevented here, if mum had just stuffed the toys into a backpack and let him carry that instead. He could have run and played with the other boys and then when his little girl friend showed up, the two of them could have opened the backpack together.

Well I can see that what you're talking about with the packpack for sure. I do think it could have also backfired too in that if he is taking toys out of the backpack kids come over and want to see what they are and it still could be the assumption that he should share his toys. I suppose at the very least he could have given his backpack to his mom and he run off and play if he was done with them or if he was feeling uncomfortable..maybe the out of sight would become out of mind over the issue with seeing the toys and wanting to play with them.

I do get what you are saying with the number of toys but I will say when I was growing up it was common for me to be playing with more than just one or two things in my hand. I could have had two barbies in one hand another barbie in another. Or I could have three barbies on the floor next to me with one or two in my hand and I would be playing with them on and off. Just because I had multiple on the floor didn't mean I wasn't actively playing with them..YKWIM? I'm fairly certain that playing with multiple toys isn't all that unrealistic for children and sometimes the toys they play with don't match together. Like it wouldn't be odd to me to see a child with a Transformer, a Minecraft figure, and a truck and somehow in their mind it all works with regards to make believe play.

 

[Magpie]

Well I can see that what you're talking about with the packpack for sure. I do think it could have also backfired too in that if he is taking toys out of the backpack kids come over and want to see what they are and it still could be the assumption that he should share his toys. I suppose at the very least he could have given his backpack to his mom and he run off and play if he was done with them or if he was feeling uncomfortable..maybe the out of sight would become out of mind over the issue with seeing the toys and wanting to play with them.

I do get what you are saying with the number of toys but I will say when I was growing up it was common for me to be playing with more than just one or two things in my hand. I could have had two barbies in one hand another barbie in another. Or I could have three barbies on the floor next to me with one or two in my hand and I would be playing with them on and off. Just because I had multiple on the floor didn't mean I wasn't actively playing with them..YKWIM? I'm fairly certain that playing with multiple toys isn't all that unrealistic for children and sometimes the toys they play with don't match together. Like it wouldn't be odd to me to see a child with a Transformer, a Minecraft figure, and a truck and somehow in their mind it all works with regards to make believe play.

I guess the question is, did you ever take all your Barbies to the park? And would you have let anyone else have one, while you were playing with the others?

I was trying to figure out why we never had any drama like the mum described in the original post, and I think it's because we had "park toys" (ie sand buckets, diggers, etc) that everyone could play with. As owner, you got dibs on the toys, of course. But sharing the rest was never an issue.

Sometimes a child might bring a single very special toy, such as a stuffed animal or action figure, that they were obsessed with, but everyone always seemed to understand that if they didn't put it down, they weren't going to share it. (Of course, if it DID get placed down in the sand - versus being given to an adult to guard - then it was fair game.) I generally discouraged the special toys, as the risk of misplacing them was always high and they'd get dirty. I often suggested that teddy might be happier to sit by the front door and wait for our return. But I didn't forbid them.

The kind of play you're describing tended to happen at home, rather than the park.