"You can tell them no..."

[nd5056]

Absolutely agree with her on this one:

Just watch me get flamed for this one...

 

[cabanafrau]

It's the delivery that's lacking IMO -- mom's, to her child and to her "audience".

 

[Hikergirl]

No flames from me, I totally agree with her in that situation too. I do think there are times where one does need to share, like when you invite a friend over to play, or you are in a place with "community" toys and things.
When you bring your personal stuff to a park, no you do not have to share with complete strangers.

 

[Branflakes]

He doesn't have to share. It's not something that was organized at school, or an environment where sharing would be more acceptable.

The kids with the problem are the ones who can't fathom the idea they didn't get their way. Also known as their parents parenting issue not teaching them to be kind and respectful.

So. Looks good to me, a Mom of two grown boys.

 

[superme80]

We are working on this. My friend came over with her daughter. She is 3 and my son is 3 1/2. She wants to play with everything, and my son didn't want her to. We discussed what he could share, or helping her find a different toy. We always discuss that a toy might be special to another child, so no they do not have to share. I am not going to force another child to give you their toy. If there are not any toys you want, find something else to do.

 

[smokeyblue]

I have a very traumatic memory as a child where another parent forced me to "share" with their daughter. The item in question was a a scarf that belonged to my grandmother (fathers mom) who had just passed away in the prior year. I was 7 years old and my grandmas costume jewelry and accessories were things I liked to take out and look at and play with and they were just very special to me. It was Halloween and I had the scarf as part of my costume but decided not to wear it. My aunt, who was a in-law on my mother's side ripped the scarf out of my hands and put it on my cousin. I told her that I wanted it back, but she yelled at me and told me I needed to "share". I was so furious. It was just so violating, it felt to me like the item had been tainted by the whole interaction.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I don't discourage my kids from sharing their toys at the park, but I don't encourage it either. They know it's up to them to decide if they want to share or not.

 

[sunshinehighway]

She sounds like a real self righteous undisboards approved word. Yeah he doesn't have to share but you don't have to be such a jerk about it. I hope she remembers her attitude when other kids don't want to play with him.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I also don't expect anyone to share with my children and I don't speak for them nor would I stare down a kid who refused. They might ask to play with another kid's toy (generally not, they're pretty shy) but if that kid says no they're fine with it and they go their way.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

She sounds like a real self righteous undisboards approved word. Yeah he doesn't have to share but you don't have to be such a jerk about it. I hope she remembers her attitude when other kids don't want to play with him.

I kind of agree but I think all of the adults described were wrong. This mother, the others giving the dirty looks...

 

[sunshinehighway]

I kind of agree but I think all of the adults described were wrong. This mother, the others giving the dirty looks...

I really don't believe her story. It sounds like a total exaggeration from someone who is self-righteous and dramatic.
I can't imagine a bunch of random kids surrounding her son over a transformer and grabbing at it. . It just doesn't sound like anything I've ever seen on a playground.
She says she told her son he could tell the other kids no so it sounds like she was with him but then she says the other kids ran over to her to *******
If the other mothers gave her dirty looks my guess would be it was her attitude in responding to the kids and maybe she made some snippy comments. I doubt it was only because she said her son didn't have to share.
Maybe I'm just nitpicking because she sounds like a *******. The all caps title turned me off from the start. It's very aggressive so it makes me question her behavior

 

[mjkacmom]

I really don't believe her story. It sounds like a total exaggeration from someone who is self-righteous and dramatic.
I can't imagine a bunch of random kids surrounding her son over a transformer and grabbing at it. . It just doesn't sound like anything I've ever seen on a playground.
She says she told her son he could tell the other kids no so it sounds like she was with him but then she says the other kids ran over to her to *******
If the other mothers gave her dirty looks my guess would be it was her attitude in responding to the kids and maybe she made some snippy comments. I doubt it was only because she said her son didn't have to share.
Maybe I'm just nitpicking because she sounds like a *******. The all caps title turned me off from the start. It's very aggressive so it makes me question her behavior

I don't like how she called the boys greedy. They are kids, kids ask to play with other kids' toys. It's not like he had something super cool like a hover board, where I can see kids anxious to try it. The mothers were probably giving her the eye do to tone of voice. We used to go to a playground with a huge sandbox. Sometimes kids shared, so di they didn't, no big deal. Being that this boy seems to be an only child, I'd probably encourage sharing.

When my kids had friends over (starting very young, I had several playgroups that started with infants), if they didn't want to share something, those items were to be put away. With my own kids, if their inability to share caused me to have to get involved, I took the item away - problem solved.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don't like how she called the boys greedy. They are kids, kids ask to play with other kids' toys. It's not like he had something super cool like a hover board, where I can see kids anxious to try it. The mothers were probably giving her the eye do to tone of voice. We used to go to a playground with a huge sandbox. Sometimes kids shared, so di they didn't, no big deal. Being that this boy seems to be an only child, I'd probably encourage sharing.

When my kids had friends over (starting very young, I had several playgroups that started with infants), if they didn't want to share something, those items were to be put away. With my own kids, if their inability to share caused me to have to get involved, I took the item away - problem solved.

The mom said they were at the park and he brought his toys to share with the girl they were meeting.
Should an only child have to share with everyone? If he has a sibling at home does that really make a difference?

I think she sounds frustrated at parents who think that everyone has to share their things with their kids. I don't blame her, moms like that are the *****es.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The mom said they were at the park and he brought his toys to share with the girl they were meeting.
Should an only child have to share with everyone? If he has a sibling at home does that really make a difference?

I think she sounds frustrated at parents who think that everyone has to share their things with their kids. I don't blame her, moms like that are the *****es.

I really see both sides.

I just wish that kids could be kids without parents getting all up in their business.
Ex:
"Can I play with that?"
"No."
"Okay."

Or

"Mommy that boy won't share."
"Sorry kiddo. Go do something else."

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

She sounds like a real self righteous undisboards approved word. Yeah he doesn't have to share but you don't have to be such a jerk about it. I hope she remembers her attitude when other kids don't want to play with him.

.....but why would the kids not want to play with her son?...you mean because he doesn't want to share?

I don't think she was being a jerk about it but I do understand where you could see that. The thing is you say in one breath that no he doesn't have to share but in the next you say you hope the author remembers her attitude when other kids don't want to play with her son.

I really don't believe her story. It sounds like a total exaggeration from someone who is self-righteous and dramatic.
I can't imagine a bunch of random kids surrounding her son over a transformer and grabbing at it. . It just doesn't sound like anything I've ever seen on a playground.
She says she told her son he could tell the other kids no so it sounds like she was with him but then she says the other kids ran over to her to *******
If the other mothers gave her dirty looks my guess would be it was her attitude in responding to the kids and maybe she made some snippy comments. I doubt it was only because she said her son didn't have to share.
Maybe I'm just nitpicking because she sounds like a *******. The all caps title turned me off from the start. It's very aggressive so it makes me question her behavior

Well to be fair the internet especially FB is full of people elaborating or making stuff up to make a point. Whether or not I actually believe in her story to me isn't the actual point IMO. It's what she's talking about (not having to share) that is the actual point. I mean for reals don't we use all sorts of situations, stories, situations, exaggerations, etc to get our points across on the DIS?

I can however imagine going to the playground and a kid has a toy that is theirs that they are playing with. Another kid walks up and wants to play with it too. In general in our society we are taught as a norm the polite thing to do is to share your toy--hello the saying "sharing is caring". That is what she is getting at (or at least what I believe she is getting at). That just because you are in a social setting with your toy doesn't mean you automatically have to share it; you can if you want but you don't have to.

 

[Hikergirl]

I really see both sides.

I just wish that kids could be kids without parents getting all up in their business.
Ex:
"Can I play with that?"
"No."
"Okay."

Or

"Mommy that boy won't share."
"Sorry kiddo. Go do something else."

Agreed

 

[anniemae]

I try not to take stuff from home to the park. If my kids insist, I try to make it something multiple kids can use, like sidewalk chalk or bubbles.

If they bring a toy, I don't make them share, I leave it up to them. I just let them know that if they bring a particular toy, it will attract attention from other kids, could get broken or left behind etc. They usually decide to leave it behind.

If they are trying to play with a toy that another kid brought and that kid says, "no" I won't say anything unless my kid gives me the wide-eye look of shock. I tell them that child does not have to share since it is a "home" toy and not a park toy (our park has a sand box with multiple shovels, buckets, trucks etc. but some kids bring stuff from home.)

 

[sunshinehighway]

.....but why would the kids not want to play with her son?...you mean because he doesn't want to share?

I don't think she was being a jerk about it but I do understand where you could see that. The thing is you say in one breath that no he doesn't have to share but in the next you say you hope the author remembers her attitude when other kids don't want to play with her son.

Well to be fair the internet especially FB is full of people elaborating or making stuff up to make a point. Whether or not I actually believe in her story to me isn't the actual point IMO. It's what she's talking about (not having to share) that is the actual point. I mean for reals don't we use all sorts of situations, stories, situations, exaggerations, etc to get our points across on the DIS?

I can however imagine going to the playground and a kid has a toy that is theirs that they are playing with. Another kid walks up and wants to play with it too. In general in our society we are taught as a norm the polite thing to do is to share your toy--hello the saying "sharing is caring". That is what she is getting at (or at least what I believe she is getting at). That just because you are in a social setting with your toy doesn't mean you automatically have to share it; you can if you want but you don't have to.

There could be any number of reasons the other kids decide they don't want to play with him. Yeah if he gets known as the kid who doesn't share, that could lead to him not being liked. It's just the way it is.
The problem with exaggerating a story to make a point is it's a lie. If you need to make something up then maybe you don't have as much of a point as you think. If that story she told didn't happen, there's really no reason for the aggressiveness of her rant. If it did happen then I could understand her frustration but think she sounds like a jerk and would have been better off waiting before hitting "post".
I really don't know anyone who would say a kid must share in all situations. I think most people use common sense when teaching kids about sharing.

 

[Magpie]

Well...

I found the tone of the post rather strident.

If her child wanted to play with these boys, then he'd likely have to share his toys with them. Since he didn't want to play with them, he didn't have to share.

However, a big part of "playing nicely with others", as both a child and an adult, is explaining yourself in a way that isn't offensive to others. The author was technically correct, but her approach (loudly - and passive-aggressively - announcing to her child that he doesn't have to share) carries implications of "Nasty, greedy boys! We don't want anything to do with them!" I'm not surprised their mums' were offended, and I suspect it had very little to do with whether or not the child chose to share.

Perhaps she could have explained that the toys were a surprise for another child who had not yet arrived.

An even better approach might have been to keep the toys tucked away out of sight until the little girl showed up, then to bring them out as a proper surprise. After all, it's not as if the author's son was planning to play with them by himself.

To be honest, I've never encountered this issue with my children. They played extensively at our local park, with many children some of whom they knew and some they didn't, and for some reason sharing was never an issue for us. At least, not that ever made enough of an impression on me to remember.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There could be any number of reasons the other kids decide they don't want to play with him. Yeah if he gets known as the kid who doesn't share, that could lead to him not being liked. It's just the way it is.

Well you certaintly seemed to be implying that by her telling her son he doesn't have to share that she shouldn't be surprised if kids don't want to play with him....unless you needed to wait before hitting post because you were reacting to her as a person rather than the point of the story.

The problem with exaggerating a story to make a point is it's a lie. If you need to make something up then maybe you don't have as much of a point as you think. If that story she told didn't happen, there's really no reason for the aggressiveness of her rant. If it did happen then I could understand her frustration but think she sounds like a jerk and would have been better off waiting before hitting "post".

Well all be darned guess the DIS is full of liars given how often people go to the extremes to make a point. You seem hung up on analyzing her post. Do you care about what she has to say or just don't like her as a person and that's what you took away from her story?

I really don't know anyone who would say a kid must share in all situations. I think most people use common sense when teaching kids about sharing.

I don't believe I said all situations. Now you're exaggerating my post