"You can tell them no..."

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Anyone want to take bets regarding how long until the thread gets locked? I have a strong opinion about the original topic but I don't think it matters at this point.

Eh..we're all just sharing our strong opinions are we not?

Besides the thread probably needs steering back to the original issue at hand anyways....well I say that but as long as what your strong opinion isn't something that would be another reason for the thread to get locked

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, there is 'sharing', and then there is entitlement.
Two different things... And in most cases, the line is not really all that 'fine'.

That is why I am with this mother on the general concept of being able to say 'no'.

There are 'givers' and 'takers' (nice people and entitled people) in this world. And the takers know just how to find the nice people and take advantage.
They can zero in like heat seeking missiles.

Also, there are people who just do not understand respect for other peoples property.
I've encountered many.

On a very very grand scale, this appears as a kind of global entitlement.
It is very real.

I would want my child to have some confidence and self esteem when it comes to personal boundaries and personal property.
I think that this is a huge, HUGE, lesson.

Of course, a kid will not have any friends if they always want to 'take my ball and go home'.
But, I don't think that is what we are talking about here.

 

[Sabeking]

I think I just entered the DIS playground.

 

[Magpie]

She wasn't being passive aggressive, she was speaking to her son who was looking at her. She reassured him that it was ok for him to stand up and speak up for himself.

And to the bolded, no, just no. A better approach? Come on, you are saying its better to hide your toys away at the park so that he didn't have to tell those other boys "no"? Please tell me that isn't what you are saying.

I got the impression she was deliberately saying it loud enough for the other parents to hear. Maybe not.

And if her son isn't intending to play with the toys until the little girl gets there, then why is he bringing them all out? Just so he can stand there and say, "No! Don't touch!"? It seems to me that this is just setting the child up for unnecessary stress and aggravation, as he has to spend his time guarding the toys, instead of playing on the swings or in the sandbox.

I just think it'd be nicer for everyone if the toys were put away until they were needed and/or wanted.

 

[disykat]

It would never have occurred to me that toys brought by strangers to a public park were available for sharing. I would tell my kids "that doesn't belong to you."

If kids make friends at a park and then want to share their stuff, great, but otherwise they are strangers. Why would they give their toys to strangers? This wasn't a play date. It was strangers wanting to take his things.

 

[superme80]

It would never have occurred to me that toys brought by strangers to a public park were available for sharing. I would tell my kids "that doesn't belong to you."

If kids make friends at a park and then want to share their stuff, great, but otherwise they are strangers. Why would they give their toys to strangers? This wasn't a play date. It was strangers wanting to take his things.

I think there is usually a bunch of the same kids who play at the park, so they think they should share. This is the reason I won't let my kids bring toys to the park. Most of the parents are pretty chill, but I don't want any mix up over toys and tears. Just play on the playground.

 

[javeyloveschelsi]

I've read this the other day and can't stand the tone of it...and feel that her story is a exaggerated to her perception of what happened, not the actual reality as to what happened. As for me, I don't allow toys from home to go to the park. We aren't there to play with toys we can play with anytime, but rather to get fresh air, play with friends, use our imaginations, and play on the equipment there. We have friends who will bring bubbles and chalk for all the kids to share and sometimes a snack, but other than that, everyone leaves their junk at home, where it belongs. There are a few toys my kids LOVE so they can take it in the car with us, but it must stay there because I'm not going to mess with kids possibly taking it, fights occurring, or possibly leaving/losing it there, so it doesn't come out to the park. If they really want to play with something outside, we do it at home.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

I really see both sides.

I just wish that kids could be kids without parents getting all up in their business.
Ex:
"Can I play with that?"
"No."
"Okay."

Or

"Mommy that boy won't share."
"Sorry kiddo. Go do something else."

Well it sounds like she was going to let kids be kids but her son was overwhelmed and clutching the toys, and the other boys kept grabbing. So the little boy looked to his mom for help. Is that bad?

 

[tcufrog]

I am a big believer in teaching kids the realities of life to the level they can understand them even if they aren't fair. In this instance I teach them that if you take something out in public you have to careful with it because it could get lost, broken or stolen. If any of those happen because you're not being careful or took it out when we told you not to, we won't pay to replace it if it's missing or can't be fixed.

You don't have to share it with other kids but you have to understand that they may get upset if you don't share and be willing to handle that. For that reason I try to encourage them not to take to public places where they might play with others beloved items they wouldn't want to lose or share. I also offer to put such items in a safe spot before friends visit.

I try to never use the dreaded words "Life's not fair." but I don't want them to have problems in life because I overly sheltered them from reality either.

 

[disykat]

I think there is usually a bunch of the same kids who play at the park, so they think they should share. This is the reason I won't let my kids bring toys to the park. Most of the parents are pretty chill, but I don't want any mix up over toys and tears. Just play on the playground.

??? Do you know this? She compared the children coming up to her son to strangers coming up to her several times. I've been to lots of parks and I never run into the same people. I don't get why there would be a mix up over toys. If they don't belong to you, they're not yours to play with. That seems to me to be something all kids should be taught.

 

[superme80]

??? Do you know this? She compared the children coming up to her son to strangers coming up to her several times. I've been to lots of parks and I never run into the same people. I don't get why there would be a mix up over toys. If they don't belong to you, they're not yours to play with. That seems to me to be something all kids should be taught.

No I don't know this. This is usually my experience. A lot of kids frequent a park, and they share, snatch, or play with toys that are brought. I don't think the mom did anything wrong. I think she handled it quite fine. I was just saying from my experience with kids at parks.

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

I think this story is highly exaggerated.

While I don't think you should have to share your toys all the time with people, I also feel like those people who refuse to share their toys get offended when the other kids decide they don't want to share with that one kid or play with that one kid. If there are toys that you absolutely don't want to share don't bring them to public places where the toy can be at risk for a lot of tears.

You can stand up for yourself and say no, and still not be a selfish person.

 

[mummabear]

Nobody has to play with anyone and if he won't share well nobody is going to want to play with him.

To be honest I wouldn't want my kids to be friends with kids who just want their stuff....

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Well it sounds like she was going to let kids be kids but her son was overwhelmed and clutching the toys, and the other boys kept grabbing. So the little boy looked to his mom for help. Is that bad?

I didn't say ut was "so bad". I believe I've said I can see both sides but I don't see any evidence from the FB post that leads me to believe she allowed her son to solve the issue himself. The kids came up to him and he looked to her for help... That's how I read it. She makes it sound like they were a gang approaching him in a dark ally as he "clutched" his toys.

 

[kamik86]

The whole article seemed like a big exaggeration to me. Most of the times I have heard of kids being told to share the toys weren't exactly theirs or they were at a more planned event.

Examples:
The big box of crayons provided by the school (or anything else provided by the school for all the kids)
If you didn't want to share you X toy with your cousin you shouldn't have brought it to your cousins house so yeah you are expected to share if your are going to play with it.
The toys at grandmas house that are meant to be played with by all the grandkids.

Personnal toys even at school I was never expected to share with anyone I didn't choose to.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I call shenanigans. Reason?

"Perceiving dirty looks" is not a scientific conclusion.

IF she really wants to engage, go over to the "dirty look parents" and she may find out that the parent is telling her child that he is not obligated to play with his toys with you.

I would say she made assumptions and she may be wrong about the dirty looks. Without her actually TALKING to the parents it is pure speculation and opinion.

 

[Magpie]

I call shenanigans. Reason?

"Perceiving dirty looks" is not a scientific conclusion.

IF she really wants to engage, go over to the "dirty look parents" and she may find out that the parent is telling her child that he is not obligated to play with his toys with you.

I would say she made assumptions and she may be wrong about the dirty looks. Without her actually TALKING to the parents it is pure speculation and opinion.

Yes, actually talking to people is often the best approach.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, actually talking to people is often the best approach.

You think, lol. What will we think of next...

 

[sunshinehighway]

I didn't say ut was "so bad". I believe I've said I can see both sides but I don't see any evidence from the FB post that leads me to believe she allowed her son to solve the issue himself. The kids came up to him and he looked to her for help... That's how I read it. She makes it sound like they were a gang approaching him in a dark ally as he "clutched" his toys.

Yeah she does. It's hard for me to imagine that actually happening, especially over a transformer. Yeah there's always that one kid who tends to be pushy and lacks boundaries but 6? I doubt the kids ran to her to tattle also. It just doesn't seem like something most kids would do. Kids don't go to a stranger when they have a problem, they go to the adult they are with.

 

[rigs32]

Slightly off topic, but most kids toys are only usable by one person at a time. So one child asking another to "share" is really saying "hey, give me that thing you're playing with now cause I want it" rather than "mind if I took a turn once you're done"?

I mean, if I go to the park with a tablet, none of you would think I should hand it over to another adult who asked me to share, right? Especially a stranger. I shouldn't have to avoid public places with my personal items because that opens me up to "sharing" and possible breakage. Why is it different for a child's toy?

I also really don't like the message being taught to some kids that you must do what someone else asks - in this case, give up a toy to another. Isn't that a slippery slope into being a pushover to bullies? Or in a true extreme, going along with something inappropriate because someone else asks.