WWY Have Done. . .

[cari12]

I would have sucked it and be prepared to write out a much larger check and hope more food could be provided.
Apparently the invitation was not worded as adults only. If it is an adult only party, that needs to be clearly stated especially if children are normally included.

This. Often invitations/formal mail/Christmas cards are addressed on the envelope to "Mr. & Mrs." but inside the card is for the whole family. If children were not welcome, it should have been on the invite, not assumed.

 

[sam_gordon]

People are going to do what they want to do whether something is addressed properly or not. I can spell out on an invitation in black 20 pt bold print and someone is going to ignore the words.

You're correct, someone will ignore the wording. But I'm guessing you'll have less people ignore the wording than the OP had people who didn't understand. Also, if someone shows up with kids to an event where the invitation said "no kids" or "adults only", I think the host would be OK to turn them away.

Recently my husband and I were invited to a black tie event. The invitation was addressed SFC & Mrs...... and each ticket was $75. I was still taken back at the number of children that were attending this event as it was a long drawn out boring affair. I couldn't help but wonder if the children's plates were also $75.

Do you have kids that weren't invited? Maybe the other couples called the host/organizers and got permission for the kids.

 

[Lanshark]

I know it's been said but the invite needs to specifically state an adult only affair. Since you're dealing with family I definitely would not turn them away once they're there.

 

[cari12]

How do you plan a dinner without RSVPs?

I was thinking this as well!

 

[AC7179]

What is confusing about Mr and Mrs? And where do junior and his sister fit into Mr and Mrs?

It's not confusing.

I know enough to look at wedding invites carefully to see who is invited, but I confess that I might overlook the envelope address if its a birthday party for a family member that in the past all children have been welcomed to. I think because it's a change from what is typical in that family (children welcome at parties), the OP should have written something on the invite. Otherwise, I might see an invite like that and just scan date time, etc. I'm not going to look at it as carefully as I would a wedding invite.

 

[Pigeon]

I know enough to look at wedding invites carefully to see who is invited, but I confess that I might overlook the envelope address if its a birthday party for a family member that in the past all children have been welcomed to. I think because it's a change from what is typical in that family (children welcome at parties), the OP should have written something on the invite. Otherwise, I might see an invite like that and just scan date time, etc. I'm not going to look at it as carefully as I would a wedding invite.

Yeah, in my family, it's pretty common for invitations to family parties that actually do include the kids to just be addressed to us. There is a different level of formality for a wedding and for a family party in our case.

 

[Metsfan520]

What would I have done? I would have made it clearer on the invitation, and I would have asked people to RSVP. (I have never planned a party at a venue that didn't need a number, so I find it interesting that you didn't need one) But since those things didn't happen, I would have let the kids stay.

 

[NFLDERS]

So did this happen recently or are you just dragging things out for a conversation starter??

No, not dragging up conversation, just getting much appreciated advice, from dis.posters. Also, trying to help others from making my mistake. DH's 60th coming up. I will make certain "No Children, Please" is included in the invitations.

However, if a guest shows up with children, they will be welcomed.

Thanks Everybody. . .

 

[NFLDERS]

What would I have done? I would have made it clearer on the invitation, and I would have asked people to RSVP. (I have never planned a party at a venue that didn't need a number, so I find it interesting that you didn't need one) But since those things didn't happen, I would have let the kids stay.

This hall is in a Marina. They do not require a head count because, like a large restaurant buffet, they are constantly checking how low a particular item is getting, and replenish. Much like a Casino buffet. They have humongous freezers etc.

The only thing I have to watch for are Crashers!

 

[snapppyd]

This hall is in a Marina. They do not require a head count because, like a large restaurant buffet, they are constantly checking how low a particular item is getting, and replenish. Much like a Casino buffet. They have humongous freezers etc.

The only thing I have to watch for are Crashers!

poor kids

 

[taitai]

This hall is in a Marina. They do not require a head count because, like a large restaurant buffet, they are constantly checking how low a particular item is getting, and replenish. Much like a Casino buffet. They have humongous freezers etc.

The only thing I have to watch for are Crashers!

If they didn't need a head count, how did they know how much to charge you?

 

[msjprincess]

This hall is in a Marina. They do not require a head count because, like a large restaurant buffet, they are constantly checking how low a particular item is getting, and replenish. Much like a Casino buffet. They have humongous freezers etc.

The only thing I have to watch for are Crashers!

How do they charge? Even when I have had a party in a restaurant with a buffet they charged per person. plus I would think it would easier to know how much food to start with if they knew how many people were coming. It just seems like a really weird way to so business to me.

 

[DizBelle]

I would have sucked it and be prepared to write out a much larger check and hope more food could be provided.
Apparently the invitation was not worded as adults only. If it is an adult only party, that needs to be clearly stated especially if children are normally included.

Gee, you think that addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" and ONLY to "Mr. And Mrs. John Doe" was stating it clearly who was invited.

Some people just have NO CLUE at all.

 

[DizBelle]

Whatever the original intention, I can't even imagine turning people away at the door!!!! If it had clearly stated on the invite "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED", then maybe. But if you're only way of letting them no you expected no children was by addressing the envelope to Mr. and Mrs So-and-So, that's clearly not enough. Did you talk to people at all before the party? Did you ask other relatives to spread the word? Anything? If this is breaking family tradition, it's kind of on you to make sure everyone realizes it. And if it's mostly family, they'll squeeze over, make room for the kids, and everyone will have a good time.

Kids have dressed up, been told they're going to a party, and then turned away at the door? I couldn't do it....

If the names to who the invite is intended is not enough to indicate who is invited, what stops people from bring their neighbor Bob from across the street and Sue from next door and her husband and their 5 children?

 

[Minnesota!]

Yeah.

If it were a wedding invitation, I would have picked up immediately that kids weren't invited based on the way the envelope was addressed. If it were a birthday party, not so much. Strictly following the rules of etiquette, you were fine, but the idea of a birthday party for a family member where kids aren't invited would be entirely foreign to me and the subtleties of the envelope address would go right over my head.

Your MIL was waaaayy out of line to not have checked with you before she told people to bring their kids.

I agree - birthday parties, for a family member, are for all family members.

Even if I was oblivious to etiquette, the hours listed for the party along with the words "cash bar" would have clued me in that kids were probably not expected. I don't know what I would have done in OP's situation but I certainly don't fault her for not explicitly stating "adults only" on the invite.

I would not be comfortable at the party described with children in attendance. Maybe it's because of social norms, but around here, cash bar and children don't usually go together.

No, those are the words on the invitation so that's what I said. Any bar at a party is a major clue to me that it is intended for adults only.

Like I said in a previous post, maybe it is just social norms where I am. Bars and kids don't mix around here.

You obviously are not from around these parts! Very VERY typical for cash bar parties (hell, any bar, really) to have kids in it.

This.

Did they really think a party that went until 2am with drinking involved was supposed to be for little kids?

I know of nobody in my circle that would have an issue with the hours/drinking and kids mixing. Most weddings here are cash bars, and go to 12 - 1 am. All kid friendly.

Why? It doesn't automatically mean the parents with children will drink and drive or anything like that. I guess I was raised differently, every party had alcohol involved, including our own communions, etc. It was for the adults, but kids were still part of the party.

Ditto! We have alcohol at any party we have - kid birthdays, baptisms, weddings, Tuesdays...

It's not that they are "more worthy". But I feel so bad for the kids, as a PP stated, who were told they were going to a party, got dressed up, and then were turned away at the door. Then an aunt had to miss the party to babysit them. Would have been so much easier and more diplomatic to let them stay and learn to be very specific in the future when inviting people to an occasion.

I agree!

 

[Allison]

No, not dragging up conversation, just getting much appreciated advice, from dis.posters. Also, trying to help others from making my mistake. DH's 60th coming up. I will make certain "No Children, Please" is included in the invitations.

However, if a guest shows up with children, they will be welcomed.

Thanks Everybody. . .

Wait, so this happened almost 10 years ago?

 

[sam_gordon]

Gee, you think that addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" and ONLY to "Mr. And Mrs. John Doe" was stating it clearly who was invited.

Some people just have NO CLUE at all.

And I've had people address invitations as "Mr. & Mrs", but then it turns out they wanted the kids.

I've also gotten invitations for things where I throw out the envelope and hang the invitation up. With no RSVP and no marking on the invitation, I might forget "no kids".

Again, a wedding invitation is different than a 50th birthday party.

 

[FLCyndi]

Wait, so this happened almost 10 years ago?

Advice for something that happened 10 years ago???

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

If the names to who the invite is intended is not enough to indicate who is invited, what stops people from bring their neighbor Bob from across the street and Sue from next door and her husband and their 5 children?

I hope you're being ridiculous on purpose!

Well, if my family always invites everyone--kids included--to birthday parties and such, I would assume this party is no different. Also, when I get my stack of mail each day, I go through and open things up and toss away all the junk, including envelopes. I would have held onto the invite and ignored the envelope.

As I said in a previous post, if you're breaking your family tradition and not inviting people who are usually included, you need to be a little more specific about it. And if people don't get your subtle way of letting them know not everyone is invited, you need to be gracious at the door.

 

[nugov2]

Whatever the original intention, I can't even imagine turning people away at the door!!!! If it had clearly stated on the invite "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED", then maybe. But if you're only way of letting them no you expected no children was by addressing the envelope to Mr. and Mrs So-and-So, that's clearly not enough. Did you talk to people at all before the party? Did you ask other relatives to spread the word? Anything? If this is breaking family tradition, it's kind of on you to make sure everyone realizes it. And if it's mostly family, they'll squeeze over, make room for the kids, and everyone will have a good time.

Kids have dressed up, been told they're going to a party, and then turned away at the door? I couldn't do it....

This!!! I use a label printer program all my invites are always to Mr. and Mrs so I don't have to retype anything. I just click on the ones I need to print out and am done. I have never gotten an adults only party invite that didn't say that on the invite, for the exact reasons others have stated. What if DH opens it...what is the envelope was ripped when opened. I don't really even look at envelopes when I grab the mail, I just open the mail. I would never expect pertinent party information to be printed on the envelope. I think it was more your error for not including either an RSVP where people could call or email and say 4...so you would have known it was misinterpreted or not being more specific on the actual invite when historically parties in your family include children. I can totally see where people were confused and if I was told to leave with my kids after driving 25 minutes, that would be the last party we attended.