WWY Have Done. . .

[snapppyd]

No, those are the words on the invitation so that's what I said. Any bar at a party is a major clue to me that it is intended for adults only.

Why? It doesn't automatically mean the parents with children will drink and drive or anything like that. I guess I was raised differently, every party had alcohol involved, including our own communions, etc. It was for the adults, but kids were still part of the party.

 

[NFLDERS]

So all of the guests turned away brought their kids to your MIL's house and came back? And the aunt had to leave the party to babysit?

Yes. But she was probably fine with it, probably suggested it.

 

[msjprincess]

Why? It doesn't automatically mean the parents with children will drink and drive or anything like that. I guess I was raised differently, every party had alcohol involved, including our own communions, etc. It was for the adults, but kids were still part of the party.

Same here. It is possible to drink responsibly in front of children.

 

[turkeymama]

Why? It doesn't automatically mean the parents with children will drink and drive or anything like that. I guess I was raised differently, every party had alcohol involved, including our own communions, etc. It was for the adults, but kids were still part of the party.

Like I said in a previous post, maybe it is just social norms where I am. Bars and kids don't mix around here.

 

[msjprincess]

I have been blessed inspite of this happening. The children's parents are Neices and Nephew's of DH and I. We have a strong relationship with them from their growing up with us, their Aunt and Uncle; And the children are the next generation, it was deemed more an unfortunate misunderstanding..


As DMIL was 80 something at the time, I held no ill will toward her advice.

And yes, we were married young DH 21, and I, 20 to have a third generation already.

When did this happen? I assumed it was recent.

 

[Acklander]

I would not be comfortable at the party described with children in attendance. Maybe it's because of social norms, but around here, cash bar and children don't usually go together.

Cash bar here means I'm going to have one or two glasses of wine and I've done that plenty of times in front of kids, so not an issue. It also means one or two people are going to get drunk and make a fool of themselves in front of the kids, if that happens id just smile, roll my eyes, and make a comment about there goes uncle barry. But if you're comfortable turning away families where the kids have gotten all dressed up and told their going to a party, knock yourself out. But, yeah, I'm going to think that you're being hurtful to people. Of course I'm not going to say anything to you, and if I'm one of the ones who accidentally showed up with kids and was turned away - I'm going to apologize profusely, but inside I'm going to be terribly embarrassed and hurt. If its more important to you that someone who misunderstood is embarrassed and hurt so that you can have a drink without children present, I'm going to wonder about your priorities.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I have been blessed inspite of this happening. The children's parents are Neices and Nephew's of DH and I. We have a strong relationship with them from their growing up with us, their Aunt and Uncle; And the children are the next generation, it was deemed more an unfortunate misunderstanding..


As DMIL was 80 something at the time, I held no ill will toward her advice.

And yes, we were married young DH 21, and I, 20 to have a third generation already.

So did this happen recently or are you just dragging things out for a conversation starter??

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'd be significantly more clear next time if I were you, but I'm guessing the families you turned away won't be attending your parties in the future anyway.

Ouch! Painful, but possibly true. OP, I guess the question is, what to do from here?

I see only deliberate neutrality in your posts (and I understand why, lol), so I don't have a great feel for whether this is something you now regret, if you feel you were right and want to stick to your guns, or something else entirely. I'd also be very curious as to how your DH feels.

At any rate, if you want to do damage control, and you do have regrets, I would consider writing a mea culpa letter to all involved. People can understand a mistake and apology if it's sincere, and hopefully then any hard feelings will be softened with most.

PS I see now it was mostly grown neices and nephews, etc. I would still do it. I have people that age in my family now as well. They are buying their own homes and starting their own family traditions while older relatives are getting frail, infirm and dying off. Not too far in the future, I imagine, these are the people who will be hosting many functions in the family themselves. If you want to maintain a good relationship going forward, it makes sense to smooth things over now. You may think it was no big deal to them, but I bet it will be something remembered and talked about for years to come. What you do is up to you, but this is what I would do.

 

[turkeymama]

Cash bar here means I'm going to have one or two glasses of wine and I've done that plenty of times in front of kids, so not an issue. It also means one or two people are going to get drunk and make a fool of themselves in front of the kids, if that happens id just smile, roll my eyes, and make a comment about there goes uncle barry. But if you're comfortable turning away families where the kids have gotten all dressed up and told their going to a party, knock yourself out. But, yeah, I'm going to think that you're being hurtful to people. Of course I'm not going to say anything to you, and if I'm one of the ones who accidentally showed up with kids and was turned away - I'm going to apologize profusely, but inside I'm going to be terribly embarrassed and hurt. If its more important to you that someone who misunderstood is embarrassed and hurt so that you can have a drink without children present, I'm going to wonder about your priorities.

I can have a drink around my kids without putting them in that situation. I stated before that I'm not sure how I would have handled the situation in OP's shoes. I'm not sure why OP should only be concerned about the people who made a mistake. Why are their feelings more worthy of being spared than the one who took the time to get a sitter?

 

[NFLDERS]

What is confusing about Mr and Mrs? And where do junior and his sister fit into Mr and Mrs?

It's not confusing.

In my understanding Ms. And Master or Mister was appropriate.

 

[sam_gordon]

Like I said in a previous post, maybe it is just social norms where I am. Bars and kids don't mix around here.

I went to my cousins wedding last year. Open bar & kids. Granted, OUR wedding was 20 years ago, but we had open bar & kids.

I would assume a wedding invitation simply addressed to Mr & Mrs would mean "no kids", but I've been wrong about that. A birthday invitation? And the invitations going to family members should (IMO) been marked "adults only" or "no kids".

 

[Acklander]

I can have a drink around my kids without putting them in that situation. I stated before that I'm not sure how I would have handled the situation in OP's shoes. I'm not sure why OP should only be concerned about the people who made a mistake. Why are their feelings more worthy of being spared than the one who took the time to get a sitter?

Not at all. But if I had gotten a sitter and someone else showed up with kids it wouldn't bother me at all. But I'm one of those people who can have a drink in front of kids without feeling like I'm putting them in a situation. I would be horrified that the host was turning people away on my account.

 

[Nancyg56]

No RSVP was requested.

This was your second mistake, The first was not including that this was an adults only event.

Wow, I would not have sent people home after they drove 25 miles and were dressed for the party. You did not make it clear enough on the invite. Lesson learned for the future.

I never would have done this either. They thought that they had cleared it with the family, they came. I would have welcomed them and let it go.

DMIL feeling some regret, suggested children could be watched in her home, she lived closest to the hall. A single aunt stayed with the children.

SO another guest had to leave, and I see you said she was probably okay with it. I don't know, it would not have been worth the fuss if a few kids showed up for dinner, IMO.

In my family kids are generally included in family events, other than weddings, so if I wanted to exclude them, I would have been very specific. If anyone misunderstood, I would have welcomed them, fed them and been as gracious as I would have wanted someone to be with me if I had misunderstood the wording on an invitation.

 

[ceemys]

Well, it is all over with and you did what you did. I would not have turned anyone away. I also wouldn't have brought my kids to a party from 7 - 2, but no one in my family does parties that late. I would also have put adults only...rsvp by ...date. Then followed up with a call to those who didn't respond.

 

[snapppyd]

I can have a drink around my kids without putting them in that situation. I stated before that I'm not sure how I would have handled the situation in OP's shoes. I'm not sure why OP should only be concerned about the people who made a mistake. Why are their feelings more worthy of being spared than the one who took the time to get a sitter?

It's not that they are "more worthy". But I feel so bad for the kids, as a PP stated, who were told they were going to a party, got dressed up, and then were turned away at the door. Then an aunt had to miss the party to babysit them. Would have been so much easier and more diplomatic to let them stay and learn to be very specific in the future when inviting people to an occasion.

 

[msjprincess]

It's not that they are "more worthy". But I feel so bad for the kids, as a PP stated, who were told they were going to a party, got dressed up, and then were turned away at the door. Then an aunt had to miss the party to babysit them. Would have been so much easier and more diplomatic to let them stay and learn to be very specific in the future when inviting people to an occasion.

I agree. There is no way that I would tell kids that showed up that they weren't welcome.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

At that point, I would have sucked it up and let them stay especially since it was family. I couldn't send people away to bring their kids home.

Same.

If you want no children you have to put it directly on the invite. I would have probably made the same mistake.

 

[Pigeon]

Pretty much every family event we have includes open bars and children, weddings included. I'm not sure what "position" that puts the kids in, other than they realize sometimes adults have a few drinks, which they already know.

There have been exactly zero incidents at these events that the kids shouldn't witness. The adults have a drink or two and dance. The kids have a soda or two and dance. Everyone has fun and nothing inappropriate happens.

 

[Pigeon]

I can have a drink around my kids without putting them in that situation. I stated before that I'm not sure how I would have handled the situation in OP's shoes. I'm not sure why OP should only be concerned about the people who made a mistake. Why are their feelings more worthy of being spared than the one who took the time to get a sitter?

In the world of hurt feelings, telling people who dressed up and drove a distance to come to your party that they are not welcome and need to leave trumps explaining to some other guests who are at the party that there was some confusion about the invitation.

 

[lovemygoofy]

What is confusing about Mr and Mrs? And where do junior and his sister fit into Mr and Mrs?

It's not confusing.

People are going to do what they want to do whether something is addressed properly or not. I can spell out on an invitation in black 20 pt bold print and someone is going to ignore the words.

Recently my husband and I were invited to a black tie event. The invitation was addressed SFC & Mrs...... and each ticket was $75. I was still taken back at the number of children that were attending this event as it was a long drawn out boring affair. I couldn't help but wonder if the children's plates were also $75.