WWY Have Done. . .

[snapppyd]

Even if I was oblivious to etiquette, the hours listed for the party along with the words "cash bar" would have clued me in that kids were probably not expected. I don't know what I would have done in OP's situation but I certainly don't fault her for not explicitly stating "adults only" on the invite.

I have a relative who thinks his children should be included in everything. You have to be VERY specific with certain people.

 

[jrmasm]

If you failed to make a very clear statement couples/adults only, then you really should have accepted whomever came your way.

And, did you not have an RSVP for this type of thing, with dinner, drinks, etc???

Sorry, but I could not have turned people away at that point. No way. Just wouldn't have.
Especially since I were not very clear about who was invited, RSVP, etc...

I wonder if that was worth the fallout that you might see in your friendships/relationships with these family and friends.

An invitation addressed to Mr and Mrs is a very clear statement. No kids.

 

[aprilchem]

My opinion is that you didn't send invitations that made it clear that children weren't invited. Formal wedding invites have an interior envelope which includes the names of only those who are invited; they also include an RSVP card. A party invite without an RSVP card or an interior envelope would indicate to me an informal party, and unless it stated "adults only" I would assume the family was included.

I'd be significantly more clear next time if I were you, but I'm guessing the families you turned away won't be attending your parties in the future anyway.

 

[Wishing on a star]

An invitation addressed to Mr and Mrs is a very clear statement. No kids.

I disagree.... I very strongly but respectfully disagree.

This is a very controversial and heated topic that has been covered MANY times here on the DIS.

For too many people, that is just NOT the case anymore....

If one wants to be specific, they do need to be specific.
A number of guest... An RSVP... 'adults only please', etc....

I could never imagine organizing this type of a party/function/event any other way.

 

[NFLDERS]

Yes, this.
Did those that attended with children leave? Did they return after w/o their kids?

I also think it needed to be stated on the invitation, adults only. Some people think their children should attend all functions especially if that's the way its usually done in the family.

DMIL feeling some regret, suggested children could be watched in her home, she lived closest to the hall. A single aunt stayed with the children.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'd be significantly more clear next time if I were you, but I'm guessing the families you turned away won't be attending your parties in the future anyway.

Well said.

 

[jrmasm]

I disagree....

This is a very controversial and heated topic that has been covered MANY times here on the DIS.

To many people, that is just NOT the case anymore....

If one wants to be specific, they do need to be specific.
A number of guest... An RSVP... etc....

I could never imagine organizing this type of a party/function/event any other way.

What is confusing about Mr and Mrs? And where do junior and his sister fit into Mr and Mrs?

It's not confusing.

 

[Jessica14]

I have to say that I wouldn't have turned people away just because they either didn't understand the invite or chose to ignore it. When I'm a guest, I always ask about kids coming if it is unclear from the invite. It's usually a question stated "I'm fine either way, just wondering."

If I was a guest who was turned away, especially by my relatives spouse, my feelings would have been very hurt. The MIL said it was OK, so people did check. I think I would be taking it as rude if I was turned away after being told it was OK. I think I would be avoiding OP for awhile and would have something to say to MIL.

 

[navywifetill2002]

I would not have thought anything about the envelope being addressed to Mr & Mrs and taking DD along. DD was in a wedding and the invitation came addressed only to us. Didn't make me think she wasn't invited.

If the invitation had said "Adults Only" I would have understood and we would have refrained from the party as a family. I would not think of taking DD somewhere she wasn't invited but I also wouldn't have left her with a sitter as she's never been left with anyone but a grandma and with her at the party that would have been out of the question. Yes, we are one of "those" families that go everywhere together

 

[turkeymama]

I have to say that I wouldn't have turned people away just because they either didn't understand the invite or chose to ignore it. When I'm a guest, I always ask about kids coming if it is unclear from the invite. It's usually a question stated "I'm fine either way, just wondering."

If I was a guest who was turned away, especially by my relatives spouse, my feelings would have been very hurt. The MIL said it was OK, so people did check. I think I would be taking it as rude if I was turned away after being told it was OK. I think I would be avoiding OP for awhile and would have something to say to MIL.

But MIL was not hostess so they did not check.

 

[Acklander]

An invitation addressed to Mr and Mrs is a very clear statement. No kids.

It may be clear to you and me. But it wasn't clear to everybody. Such is life, the point is, if there was a misunderstanding and I showed up to a party with my kids, that would be my social faux pas. Once the guests showed up with the kids and if The hosts turn them away, it has now become the hosts faux pas, and a much bigger error on the hosts part vs. the guests part. The first mistake was unintentional. The 2nd mistake was intentional.
If you want to look at the big picture of etiquette, the point of good manners isnt just a list of rules that you follow and everything is in black and white - it is to always make your guests fell welcome and comfortable.

 

[crashbb]

If you want to look at the big picture of etiquette, the point of good manners isnt just a list of rules that you follow and everything is in black and white - it is to always make your guests fell welcome and comfortable.

While I fully agree with you (and, most likely, would have let them stay), the OP did try to make her guest feel welcome and comfortable - she just choose to do it for the guest who didn't bring their kids (thinking that allowing other people's children to attend the party would make those who "followed the rules" feel uncomfortable).

 

[msjprincess]

DMIL feeling some regret, suggested children could be watched in her home, she lived closest to the hall. A single aunt stayed with the children.

So all of the guests turned away brought their kids to your MIL's house and came back? And the aunt had to leave the party to babysit?

 

[turkeymama]

It may be clear to you and me. But it wasn't clear to everybody. Such is life, the point is, if there was a misunderstanding and I showed up to a party with my kids, that would be my social faux pas. Once the guests showed up with the kids and if The hosts turn them away, it has now become the hosts faux pas, and a much bigger error on the hosts part vs. the guests part. The first mistake was unintentional. The 2nd mistake was intentional.
If you want to look at the big picture of etiquette, the point of good manners isnt just a list of rules that you follow and everything is in black and white - it is to always make your guests fell welcome and comfortable.

I would not be comfortable at the party described with children in attendance. Maybe it's because of social norms, but around here, cash bar and children don't usually go together.

 

[SmallWorld71]

Even if I was oblivious to etiquette, the hours listed for the party along with the words "cash bar" would have clued me in that kids were probably not expected. I don't know what I would have done in OP's situation but I certainly don't fault her for not explicitly stating "adults only" on the invite.

This.

Did they really think a party that went until 2am with drinking involved was supposed to be for little kids?

 

[msjprincess]

I would not be comfortable at the party described with children in attendance. Maybe it's because of social norms, but around here, cash bar and children don't usually go together.

Would an open bar be better?

 

[Jessica14]

But MIL was not hostess so they did not check.

In their mind they did check. I would always ask a host and always have for less formal occasions. I think most everyone was a bit out of line in this case.

 

[NFLDERS]

I have been blessed inspite of this happening. The children's parents are Neices and Nephew's of DH and I. We have a strong relationship with them from their growing up with us, their Aunt and Uncle; And the children are the next generation, it was deemed more an unfortunate misunderstanding..


As DMIL was 80 something at the time, I held no ill will toward her advice.

And yes, we were married young DH 21, and I, 20 to have a third generation already.

 

[turkeymama]

Would an open bar be better?

No, those are the words on the invitation so that's what I said. Any bar at a party is a major clue to me that it is intended for adults only.

 

[jrmasm]

It may be clear to you and me. But it wasn't clear to everybody. Such is life, the point is, if there was a misunderstanding and I showed up to a party with my kids, that would be my social faux pas. Once the guests showed up with the kids and if The hosts turn them away, it has now become the hosts faux pas, and a much bigger error on the hosts part vs. the guests part. The first mistake was unintentional. The 2nd mistake was intentional.
If you want to look at the big picture of etiquette, the point of good manners isnt just a list of rules that you follow and everything is in black and white - it is to always make your guests fell welcome and comfortable.

Actually the first mistake could very well be intentional. You forget, people don't think rules apply to them.

I wouldn't turn the families with children away but I would annoyed by their lack of reading comprehension skills (at best) and horribly embarrassed by the confusion caused by their presence. I would probably apologize to my guests that didn't bring their children.