WWY Have Done. . .

[Colleen27]

No, those are the words on the invitation so that's what I said. Any bar at a party is a major clue to me that it is intended for adults only.

I think that's a matter of regional/social norms. Every party in my family involves a bar. Sometimes just wine and beer, sometimes a full bar. Heck, we celebrated my First Communion with a luncheon in the Moose Lodge event room with an open bar! So that's not much of a cue as to whether or not children are welcome in my family.

I went to my cousins wedding last year. Open bar & kids. Granted, OUR wedding was 20 years ago, but we had open bar & kids.

I would assume a wedding invitation simply addressed to Mr & Mrs would mean "no kids", but I've been wrong about that. A birthday invitation? And the invitations going to family members should (IMO) been marked "adults only" or "no kids".

Exactly. A formal event, particularly one with inner and outer envelopes on the invitations, the address would be a clear signal. But for a birthday party, when birthday parties in the family normally include kids? I probably wouldn't even look at the envelope closely enough to notice the way it was addressed much less assign any meaning to it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In the beginning of my thread. I explained that because I'd addressed the invitations to Mr. & Mrs. only that I thought that sufficed. With the advice here today, I've the understanding this is not sufficient. Now in planning the 60th surprise party, I will be clearer.

The Hall has a Max. of 200 people. Our celebration just over, Half the Max.

Yes, you are going to have to put NO CHILDREN on the invite. Be specific.

Or someone here posted something before like "While we adore children, they are not invited to this event. Please leave them at home and bring yourselves. This party is for adults only."

However my oldest is 22 and my youngest is 16 so things can still get confusing.

 

[FLCyndi]

Wait a minute...this happened TEN YEARS AGO?!?

This.

 

[NEDisneyFans]

No RSVP was requested.

That was your second mistake -- it would have allowed you to correct any misunderstandings ahead of time.

First mistake, though, in a family that "always includes children" was not to specify "Adults Only" on the invite.

If you had done both -- or either -- of these things, I think you would have been justified in turning away any children.

Personally, the hours of the party and cash bar would have clued me in that this was not a kid-friendly event!

And as far as anyone contacting your MIL with questions about the event, that was out-of-line as she was not hosting the event.

We were happy to include children in our wedding and reception, but if I planned an Adult Only event, I would make it very clear and send home anyone who showed up with children, period. It is not fair to guests who made arrangements for their children to do anything else.

The whole discussion makes me very happy that we went to WDW by ourselves to celebrate my 50th and left everyone at home!

 

[leebee]

As someone else posted, social norms vary, I guess. Here, we know that the names on an envelope are the only ones invited. If kids names are not on the envelope and they don't receive their own invitation, then they're not invited.

In my experience, invitations are sent to the people who are invited to the party. Do you automatically show up at a 12 year old's birthday party, with your other kids in tow, because your daughter "Suzy InMyClass" got an invitation in the mail? It's not the OP's fault if some of her friends/relatives don't understand how invitations work! Here we would know that the "cash bar" and the timeframe for this birthday party, in addition to having only "Mr and Mrs Relative" on the invitation, would be enough for people to understand this is a grown-up's party, but apparently this is not the case everywhere. Also, to me it speaks loudly that others called her MIL to see if the kids were included. If they really thought that the kids were invited, why didn't they call OP directly to check it out? It sounds as though MIL was sorry she'd spread misinformation and arranged for a reasonable solution, so OP wasn't having to send people home from the party. As is so often suggested on these boards in the "OMG my kids didn't get invited to the wedding" threads, MIL arranged for a babysitter for those guests who didn't have their own, or misunderstood the invitations. It just wasn't an arrangement that was planned in advance!

Next time, OP, it seems you'll have to specifically indicate "no children, please" on the invitations. What do you want to bet there's more gossip and fallout from this than there was from sending kids to MIL's?

 

[okeydokey]

In the beginning of my thread. I explained that because I'd addressed the invitations to Mr. & Mrs. only that I thought that sufficed. With the advice here today, I've the understanding this is not sufficient. Now in planning the 60th surprise party, I will be clearer.

The Hall has a Max. of 200 people. Our celebration just over, Half the Max.

You knew it wasn't sufficient ten years ago when people brought kids because in your circle kids are always included and you didn't state otherwise. I'm not sure why you were still unsure about what to do.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

You knew it wasn't sufficient ten years ago when people brought kids because in your circle kids are always included and you didn't state otherwise. I'm not sure why you were still unsure about what to do.

Plus, a lot of those kids are now adults, so how is she going to word that today? "Sorry if we were unclear and rude ten years ago when your children were children, we still don't want them today as adults..."?

This whole thing doesn't ring true to me, but whatever. To answer your question as to how I would have handled it, OP, I would have handled it differently than you at every single turn and therefore I wouldn't be posting about it a decade later on a Disney message board...