WWY Have Done. . .

[NFLDERS]

I held a 50th Birthday Celebration for DH. The party was at a Boat Club. The invitations were addressed Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, incidentals Cash Bar, Buffet Supper, Dance. Time: 7pm - 2am.

While I was welcoming guests, I notice relatives with their children arriving. We are a large family, DH is one of 7, I'm one of 3. I approached them, explained that, I was sorry but, the children were not allowed to attend.

I had various reactions. Some were that the children have "always" been invited, to all family parties before. I explained, the invitations to this their uncle's 50th were addressed to the couples only.

I was then told some had called my DH Mother, (their Grandmother) to ask and she said "I'm sure the children may come, after all children are always included at our parties".

Some said, they really didn't take much notice, of the envelope. One explained, her husband threw the envelope out, she didn't even see it.

While I felt bad, the children were in party attire, some had driven more then 25 miles. I still had to say "I'm sorry, other guests are here, with children at home."

One couple neighbour's of ours had, 4 children at home. Some couples opted for one to stay home, and the other attended.

WWYou have done?

 

[KennesawNemo]

If the children were already there, I would allow them in unless there things inappropriate for the children. If people check ahead of time with me, I would say no.

 

[cluvsdisney]

At that point, I would have sucked it up and let them stay especially since it was family. I couldn't send people away to bring their kids home.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

I would have put "adults only" or "no children" on the invite so that it was completely clear.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I would have sucked it and be prepared to write out a much larger check and hope more food could be provided.
Apparently the invitation was not worded as adults only. If it is an adult only party, that needs to be clearly stated especially if children are normally included.

 

[mamamary]

At that point, I would have sucked it up and let them stay especially since it was family. I couldn't send people away to bring their kids home.

This ^

 

[J3nn78]

It should have been noted on the invitation. I would not have taken notice of the envelope. I would never have turned away people once they arrived. Yikes!

 

[Bren's Mom]

I don't fault the op for doing what she did.

But I think in the future if you KNOW the family likes to bring kids you address it up front.

I'm curious to know if these people RSVPd. And if they did, what # of people did they say were coming??

 

[Janepod]

Well, I supposed etiquette dictates you have to accomodate them but it would certainly be the last invitation those people ever received from me. Grandma would be getting a talking-to also (from her son.)

Some people are just .... what word can I use that won't get me points? Butts.

 

[NFLDERS]

I don't fault the op for doing what she did.

But I think in the future if you KNOW the family likes to bring kids you address it up front.

I'm curious to know if these people RSVPd. And if they did, what # of people did they say were coming??

No RSVP was requested.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

I would have done just what you did. Your MIL should have contacted you before she gave the OK, and the relatives shouldn't have asked her, since she wasn't paying for the party.

The only thing I may have done differently is to put Adults Only on the invitation, granted it was addressed to just the couple, but there are a lot of people who don't pay attention to that clue.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would have put "adults only" or "no children" on the invite so that it was completely clear.

At that point, I would have sucked it up and let them stay especially since it was family. I couldn't send people away to bring their kids home.

Yep!

 

[goofinoff]

I held a 50th Birthday Celebration for DH. The party was at a Boat Club. The invitations were addressed Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, incidentals Cash Bar, Buffet Supper, Dance. Time: 7pm - 2am.

While I was welcoming guests, I notice relatives with their children arriving. We are a large family, DH is one of 7, I'm one of 3. I approached them, explained that, I was sorry but, the children were not allowed to attend.

I had various reactions. Some were that the children have "always" been invited, to all family parties before. I explained, the invitations to this their uncle's 50th were addressed to the couples only.

I was then told some had called my DH Mother, (their Grandmother) to ask and she said "I'm sure the children may come, after all children are always included at our parties".

Some said, they really didn't take much notice, of the envelope. One explained, her husband threw the envelope out, she didn't even see it.

While I felt bad, the children were in party attire, some had driven more then 25 miles. I still had to say "I'm sorry, other guests are here, with children at home."

One couple neighbour's of ours had, 4 children at home. Some couples opted for one to stay home, and the other attended.

WWYou have done?

I agree....I would have sucked it up as well. It was a buffet so its not like you had to notify the kitchen to make up additional plates. I would however had a word with my MIL after the party just to say that you weren't intending on having kids there and that you would have appreciated a phone call to let you know that people were planning on bring their kids or better yet if she had told her grandchild to call you to ask.

The topic of bringing children everywhere has been discussed before. It drives me crazy. Kids don't have to go everywhere with adults! If it was an afternoon barbecue that would be one thing but an evening party at a nice place sounds like a great night out for mom and dad. And yes, some folks can't get a sitter. I understand that but have the courtesy to call the hostess herself and ask.

 

[avgeek81]

If the children were already there, I would allow them in unless there things inappropriate for the children. If people check ahead of time with me, I would say no.

This is why people don't check ahead of time

I don't know what I would've done. I am non confrontational so I would probably let them stay. I may have been more clear on the invitation to try to avoid something like this, but too late for that now.

 

[wiigirl]

I would have put "adults only" or "no children" on the invite so that it was completely clear.

 

[Tozzie]

I don't understand why the invitation must state adults only if it is only addressed to MR AND MRS not MR AND MRS and FAMILY then it is obviously only MR and MRS who are invited. Your mother in law was out of line to say it was okay without checking with you first. I would not have sucked it up and let people stay, it is not your fault that your husbands family is ignorant or oblivous.

 

[Acklander]

I agree with the others. I would have just sucked it up. I don't have it in me to turn away family all dressed up in their party outfits over a misunderstanding over who was invited.
You actually turned them away because others had understood the invite and they didn't??? If I was one of the guests who had left my kids home or left my spouse home with the kids I would have been horrified if you turned people away from the party on my account.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Whatever the original intention, I can't even imagine turning people away at the door!!!! If it had clearly stated on the invite "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED", then maybe. But if you're only way of letting them no you expected no children was by addressing the envelope to Mr. and Mrs So-and-So, that's clearly not enough. Did you talk to people at all before the party? Did you ask other relatives to spread the word? Anything? If this is breaking family tradition, it's kind of on you to make sure everyone realizes it. And if it's mostly family, they'll squeeze over, make room for the kids, and everyone will have a good time.

Kids have dressed up, been told they're going to a party, and then turned away at the door? I couldn't do it....

 

[NFLDERS]

I don't fault the op for doing what she did.

But I think in the future if you KNOW the family likes to bring kids you address it up front.

I'm curious to know if these people RSVPd. And if they did, what # of people did they say were coming??

No RSVP was requested.

In the future I will include more specifics. At the time, I was considering others in attendance, that did not have a misunderstanding. As the majority of relatives came without their children. I was more worried about their feelings, I guess.

 

[Acklander]

I don't understand why the invitation must state adults only if it is only addressed to MR AND MRS not MR AND MRS and FAMILY then it is obviously only MR and MRS who are invited. Your mother in law was out of line to say it was okay without checking with you first. I would not have sucked it up and let people stay, it is not your fault that your husbands family is ignorant or oblivous.

No, the invite doesn't have to say adults only. People are just throwing out suggestions of what they would have done (which the OP asked WWYD) and while the mother in law was mistaken (mistakes happen) this was a party in celebration of her DHs birthday. Turning away his family over a misunderstanding isn't much of a celebration. Now, there are going to probably be hard feelings amongst the family. Yeah, she didn't HAVE to suck it up, but she really should have. what she lost is more than she gained by turning them away.