Would you buy something even though your S.O. Is completely against it?

[easyas123]

EDIT TO ADD: But from your write up, I'm not sure this is the only issue right now...and if it's not, I wouldn't add to them - I'd try to solve the current ones 1st...

This.

 

[nkereina]

If this was a guinea pig, I'd say go for it. But a cat? No. Like your DH, I am not a cat person (though I am a dog person), and if DH brought home a cat without my approval, I'd be mad. Its not just about tolerating the animal, but its the additional expenses, added fur and dander around the house which can trigger allergies and would require additional time cleaning, added responsibility with emptying and changing the litter frequently, potential for smells from accidents involving cat urine which is near impossible to get rid of, potential damage to furniture, potential that one or both dogs will not get along with the cat (or vice versa). There's too many ancillary factors that I would not want to impose on my spouse who is already against it.

When I was your DD's age, I wanted a puppy. My parents did not. The first thing I did when I got my own apartment at age 19 was buy a puppy. I still have him today (he's 14 now), but there were times when I was regretting the decision. Point being, I would have DD wait until she's on her own and can take on the responsibility herself. The other benefit of that is that it will be her cat, rather than the family cat that would likely stay home once she moves out.

 

[NAB]

I understand what you’re saying but if it was up to my husband we would NEVER have had any pets
He’s miserable with the 2 we have now

You answered your own question. Why would you want him miserable in his own home? Then rub it in more by bringing in another pet like he doesn’t matter.

We have a cat that was my daughters too. She has been University now for 3 years . Guess who gets to take care of the cat. Had him since she was 7. He’s got another good 7-9 years left. My husband wants is retiring soon and wants to just be able to go places with out worrying about what to do with the cat.

 

[DLgal]

I understand what you’re saying but if it was up to my husband we would NEVER have had any pets
He’s miserable with the 2 we have now

Maybe this is why he's such a butthead.

Can you imagine if animals made YOU miserable and your husband wanted to get more?

You guys have some issues to work on or you need to go your separate ways.

 

[goofyernmost]

As a person that likes animals, but no longer want to be obligated to take care of another living thing, (including plants), I say that you are playing with fire. Do you really want to die on that hill? Except for the litter situation cats are a lot less needy than a dog, but still require attention. As someone said, if you daughter were 4, 5 or 6 then I would say to try and push for it, or at least admit that it is YOU that really wants the cat. Because in just a few years, he/she will be 100% yours.

 

[tzolkin]

I understand what you’re saying but if it was up to my husband we would NEVER have had any pets
He’s miserable with the 2 we have now

If it was a long term thing that you had never had ANY pets and you had always really wanted one, I could maybe see it as being fair to compromise for your needs and get a pet. But you already have had pets (even when he didn't want them).

I guess I just don't understand bringing an additional animal into your home for possibly 20+ years that he has to live with if you know it will make him miserable just because your daughter wants it at this moment. Kids (and adults) want lots of things that are just not practical or in their best interest. I would assume your daughter will be moving out in a few years. She can get a kitten then.

If he doesn't have a good reason, except that he doesn't like cats, and the rest of the family wanted it, I'd totally be getting it. As long as he is not expected to take care of it at all...

This is a thing I never understand when people talk about pets. "Taking care of it" (feeding, litter box) is not the full extent of living with a pet in the house. I don't think he doesn't want the cat just because he's too lazy to feed it. There's whining, scratching furniture, hair, dander, contamination of the kitchen counters, the smell of the litter, possible spraying or health problems, etc. Even if he's not expected to take care of it, it may still affect his enjoyment of his daily life and his comfort in his own home.

 

[Hikergirl]

Nope, pets are a joint decision.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would never do this. I was the last one to be onboard with our current dog, our youngest were 8 at the time we rescued her. An animal is not an object, it is a long term commitment.

 

[mom2rb]

I am just going to say that no matter what DH says, he has never “Left if I bring one more animal home.”

When I met him, I had 2 cats. Within 2 years we had 3 cats and a dog. Now we have 3 dogs. The best part is that everyone of them has loved him the most, even the 2 that I had before I met him.

 

[Karin1984]

Anything that doesnt impact the other person's life: yes.
Anything that does impact the other person's life: no.

You talked to him about it, he said no. By getting the cat you are saying 'I do not care and do not respect your opinion'. If that is what you want in your marriage you shouldn't ask his opinion and just do whatever you please.

 

[MamaLema]

No

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

No and I agree with someone else this doesn't sound so much like a kitten for your daughter but rather a roundabout way of getting another cat. If your daughter really wants a kitten wait a few years til she's out of the house and she gets the kitten, take care of the kitten, do all the financial parts for owning a pet and bonus if she lives close enough you'll get to visit. If a few years down the road your daughter still doesn't get a kitten maybe that was your ultimate answer.

Right now you have some pets with a spouse who doesn't really like pets, I wouldn't push it any further. This isn't some home decor item or an outfit this is a pet that is a commitment. I've for sure bought a decor item my husband didn't really like, but I would never bring home a pet if he said absolutely no way. Sorry OP just can't get behind this one

 

[Kitty 34]

I would never buy anything my DH "talked" about and I heard his vivid opinion against something.......I just feel like that's respecting his wishes as he would undoubtedly do the same for me.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

That's a pretty loaded question. The short answer is yes, I would. But your exact scenario, absolutely not. I would never get a pet without my spouse's agreement. I especially wouldn't do it if he were against it.

 

[tvguy]

Nope on two fronts.
1) That is something that should be a joint decision.
2) I don't buy pets, I adopt them from animal shelter

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Short answer. No. I would not buy a pet my spouse is completely against. Nor would I call her a butt head on a national message board. I respect her more than that.

 

[QuakerOatmeal]

A material non living item? Absolutely. I'm financially independent, and expect the same (within reason) from my SO.

A living creature with long term ramifications? No.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Nope on two fronts.
1) That is something that should be a joint decision.
2) I don't buy pets, I adopt them from animal shelter

Well yeah but it still costs money unless you get them on a free weekend

Our kitty was from a cat rescue/shelter (they only have cats) and the adoption fee was $130. That included neuter, his initial shots, as well as a voucher for a follow up visit at a vet for a booster shot (which would have cost us $55 for that).

In this case the OP wasn't saying they were going to a breeder and 'buying' that way so it could just as easily be a shelter or rescue

 

[bjscheel]

Sometimes my kids go to the animal shelter and play with the cats and dogs- would your DD like to do that? (And could she resist falling in love with one too much?)

We have three cats and DH has brought all of them home without asking...but we have a history of always having some cats so I didn't complain too much. We recently got a new dog and she is so much more high energy than the last one- and the cats are somewhat scared- so I have tons more work on my plate but I agreed to getting her. Sometimes I regret it, but it's getting better as the days go by and they all get slightly more used to each other. If I had been against it and he still brought her home I would be very upset with the amount of craziness she has brought to our home. (But dang she's cute.)

I would not get a pet that DH was strongly against.

 

[tvguy]

Well yeah but it still costs money unless you get them on a free weekend

Our kitty was from a cat rescue/shelter (they only have cats) and the adoption fee was $130. That included neuter, his initial shots, as well as a voucher for a follow up visit at a vet for a booster shot (which would have cost us $55 for that).

In this case the OP wasn't saying they were going to a breeder and 'buying' that way so it could just as easily be a shelter or rescue

They have been overrun here since the pandemic started. A lot of their adoptable cats have been in foster care since they had no room. My daughter fostered a cat for 3 months until they had room for him. The shelter provided all the food and litter and medical care. He had a wound on his tail. They have been doing a lot of "Clear the Shelter Events" too and all cats over a certain age are free all the time.