Would you be offended?

[Art 1]

Why because one is physical & the other is just obnoxious & offensive? Sorry would rather be with a fat person than one who espouses diminishing others & thinking they know it all.

Hard to know why the cake server did as she did. It could be she figures anyone who is fat would be working in their weight and that she did her a favor with out embarrassing her by asking.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The MIL was very, very, VERY offensive and over the line.
(Just a disclaimer, I have strong opinions about anyone who thinks that they not only can, but are obligated to, control what goes into another person's body. I consider that to be, like, one of THE WORST personal offenses.)

And, while the OP was well meaning, and might have had good intentions, her comments, which basically say "Hey, maybe this will motivate you that you shouldn't be eating cake" were not aggressive and offensive like the MILS.. but were very uncalled for.

Seriously.. saying it is okay to bully fat people, because maybe it will motivate them to 'not be fat'.
Not the right angle... Just not the right angle.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hard to know why the cake server did as she did. It could be she figures anyone who is fat would be working in their weight and that she did her a favor with out embarrassing her by asking.

Seriously????

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I would have been hurt and really embarrassed. I struggle with my weight (and not just now when I'm nearly 9 months pregnant...). If someone were to give everyone a big/normal cake slice, and me a sliver...yes, it would have been embarrassing. As a party host, I cut uniform slices for all people and take requests as they come in (i.e. someone wanting an end piece, a half piece, etc.)

And yes, I agree the OP's response to the one served the cake sliver was nearly as bad.

 

[ronandannette]

I think the OP is just confused about what the word "hypothetical" means. I'm pretty sure the situation actually happened.

I assumed she was alluding to the fact that without actually having seen the relative size of the cake slices and that since nothing hurtful was actually said to her sister, the sister may have perceived a slight where none was truly intended because she is sensitive about her weight.

 

[Art 1]

Seriously????

Yes, I am. I think it would be embarrassing to serve a fat person a large portion, for them as well. I would feel funny about it personally, almost like making fun of them.

 

[sk!mom]

Do you really think my response was rude? She is very open to me about wanting to lose weight so I was trying to spin the whole thing into something that could work FOR her rather than defeat her.

Also she definitely didn't ask for a small size piece and it sound like it was about as thin a piece as her mil could cut without it falling apart (the piece). How passive aggressive and out of left field since she has never commented about her weight before.

Not the person you asked but yes, you were rude/mean. You pointed out that you think she's fat and she should take the insult as motivation to diet. This whole thread makes me want to give her a hug.

In your position. I would have said, "I'm so sorry! Mother in laws...geez...!"

 

[msjprincess]

Yes, I am. I think it would be embarrassing to serve a fat person a large portion, for them as well. I would feel funny about it personally, almost like making fun of them.

It would be embarrassing if the server served a larger portion than she gave everyone else everyone else. It's not embarrassing if she serves the same size that she cut for everyone else.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

Normally I'd say no, but things like this rub me the wrong way. Like my il's are overweight we don't cut smaller slices of cake for them or anyone else in our families. Eat what you want. If you ask for a smaller slice we will give you one but I don't purposely cut a smaller slice for anyone. Her mil was out of line

 

[EMom]

I found your story funny. I guess if I were fat, and that happened to me, I would take it as a wake up call. Lots of people don't ask for help, but many need help.

Do you honestly think the woman is clueless about having a weight problem? Do you think she is laboring under the delusion she is a size 2? Believe me, she knows she is overweight. No wake up call is needed. And what her MIL did was not a wake up call anyway. It was a rude and very hostile way to treat a guest, even if the guest is a relative. MIL is the one needing a wake up call. The only motivation this incident would provide would be to make a person avoid that witch of a MIL like the plague.

 

[declansdad]

Yes, I am. I think it would be embarrassing to serve a fat person a large portion, for them as well. I would feel funny about it personally, almost like making fun of them.

It would make more sense to serve everyone the same size portion unless they said otherwise.

 

[EMom]

So you are judging her as a witch for this one action?

Yes, I am. To single out the overweight relative and give them a small cake slice while everyone else got a normal size slice is rude, mean spirited and witchy. The only thing lacking was, "I cut a smaller piece for you, lard butt."

 

[MickeySP]

Yes, I am. I think it would be embarrassing to serve a fat person a large portion, for them as well. I would feel funny about it personally, almost like making fun of them.

Again who was she to make that judgement. And why is fat person the only one singled out? So she doesn't conform to someone idea of a person? It is ok to humiliate her at a party? Anyone who thinks they can judge someone's flaws needs help with A God complex.

She was not serving her a "huge" portion she she should have served the same as everyone. Again she is an ADULT, people want everyone to take personal responsibility until they don't do what you like.

 

[mefordis]

This is a hypothetical question because I am asking IF this happened to YOU, would YOU be offended. It is truly a hypothetical question even though it happened to my sister. It did not happen to you (general you) but I am asking you if you would be offended. Hence, a hypothetical question. Because it happened to my sister and how would YOU feel if it happened to YOU - which it did not.

"If you were overweight and at a family gathering for a birthday, and your mil cut a huge piece of cake for everyone (about 5 other people), but a very noticeably thin, tiny sliver for you, would you be offended?"

Now, if I asked my sister this it would not be a hypothetical question because it really happened to her.

 

[Allison]

I'm surprised people still feed into Art's deliberate efforts to be offensive and cause arguments.

 

[mefordis]

Yes, I am. I think it would be embarrassing to serve a fat person a large portion, for them as well. I would feel funny about it personally, almost like making fun of them.

Can they be slightly overweight and still get a large portion or do they have to be underweight, or normal weight? If you are a cake server, do you base the size on what their perceived weight? For example, the skinnier you are the larger piece you receive, and most likely anyone 100 lbs overweight shouldn't get a piece at all, correct?

How many people do you tick off in one year irl? Serious question.

 

[Wishing on a star]

So you are judging her as a witch for this one action?

YES.....

(serving guests un-equally is completely unacceptable, under any circumstances)

 

[MickeySP]

Can they be slightly overweight and still get a large portion or do they have to be underweight, or normal weight? If you are a cake server, do you base the size on what their perceived weight? For example, the skinnier you are the larger piece you receive, and most likely anyone 100 lbs overweight shouldn't get a piece at all, correct?

How many people do you tick off in one year irl? Serious question.

Sounds good. "Here step on the scale so I can decide what you are to be served". Typical narcissistic thinking.

 

[denisem]

It's not rocket science. Equal servings for all unless someone says "no thank you" or "just a small piece". Heck, if you're my older brother, he'd ask for a piece of each kind of pie at Thanksgiving (and no he's never been overweight).

Easy peasy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think one would have to be fat to really be able to answer this question. Or have been in the past.

NO... Not at all.
This isn't about 'being fat'.
This is about how it feels to deal with a person with very, VERY, inappropriate and judgmental and controlling personality and behaviors.

Has nothing, whatsoever, to do with weight.