Would you be offended?

[Chocolate Cake]

It would make more sense to serve everyone the same size portion unless they said otherwise.

That would be the polite and normal thing to do.

You would have to be a complete jerk to think you can decide who gets what based on their appearance.

 

[Art 1]

NO... Not at all.
This isn't about 'being fat'.
This is about how it feels to deal with a person with very, VERY, inappropriate and judgmental and controlling personality and behaviors.

Has nothing, whatsoever, to do with weight.

Then for me I would not be offended by any size cake that was given to me. I would accept the piece and sit it down later as I usually don't eat cake. Probably would not even notice the size difference.

 

[mefordis]

I don't think anyone should even ask "big or small". Just serve the same size pieces. If someone wants a big piece they are probably too embarrassed to say so. I always want a big piece but would never ask for one, just out of embarrassment. I'd always say little if given the choice "big or little".

 

[Art 1]

NO... Not at all.
This isn't about 'being fat'.
This is about how it feels to deal with a person with very, VERY, inappropriate and judgmental and controlling personality and behaviors.

Has nothing, whatsoever, to do with weight.

How do you know so much about the lady who served the cake? Couldn't be by the small amount of info that we are given here. Have you spent time with her?

 

[EMom]

NO... Not at all.
This isn't about 'being fat'.
This is about how it feels to deal with a person with very, VERY, inappropriate and judgmental and controlling personality and behaviors.

Has nothing, whatsoever, to do with weight.

Or the server could just be devoid of any social skills or brains whatsoever.

 

[denisem]

I think one would have to be fat to really be able to answer this question. Or have been in the past.

OK, I'll play. You're wrong. I was slender 3/4 of my life and saw how overweight relatives/friends were treated in my early years and learned a little word called "empathy".

Now that I'm old, fat and mouthy, I probably would have confronted MIL with "Am I getting a small piece because I'm fat or you don't like me?" LOL

 

[mefordis]

OK, I'll play. You're wrong. I was slender 3/4 of my life and saw how overweight relatives/friends were treated in my early years and learned a little word called "empathy".

Now that I'm old, fat and mouthy, I probably would have confronted MIL with "Am I getting a small piece because I'm fat or you don't like me?" LOL

That is the best response ever!!

 

[Kitty 34]

In my house....equal pieces all the way around unless someone requests different be it a larger or smaller piece.

 

[ronandannette]

I don't think anyone should even ask "big or small". Just serve the same size pieces. If someone wants a big piece they are probably too embarrassed to say so. I always want a big piece but would never ask for one, just out of embarrassment. I'd always say little if given the choice "big or little".

That is the best response ever!!

Maybe just practise speaking your mind by honestly answering the question about how much cake you want, when asked. From there you might be able to branch out into all kinds of snappy comebacks of your own!

 

[AliceAnn]

Could it be that mil was cutting the cake and realized she wouldn't have enough to go around unless she started cutting smaller pieces? I've done that before. Now I'm worried I may have offended someone. Oh well.

 

[mefordis]

Could it be that mil was cutting the cake and realized she wouldn't have enough to go around unless she started cutting smaller pieces? I've done that before. Now I'm worried I may have offended someone. Oh well.

My sister said she was the second to last one served and 1/2 a cake was left. She said a huge hunk was then given to her husband which made it really awkward. Also interesting to note that her and her husband were the ones who provided the cake, as well as dinner in their home, for mil! She was insulted in her own home.

 

[jt'smom]

I would have totally called out my MIL in the moment, but in a joking way. I tend to use self effacing humor, so my family would probably have started laughing and making jokes all around. Plus, I find great pleasure in torquing my MIL, lol.

 

[Wishing on a star]

How do you know so much about the lady who served the cake? Couldn't be by the small amount of info that we are given here. Have you spent time with her?

I know all that I need to know.
If I take the info from the original post at face value, one guest was singled out and served unequally.

PS: to the OP, I wonder if she got to eat some of the 'huge hunk' of cake that the server decided the husband merited!!!
I know that this would have been the case for my DH. We have no problem sharing!

 

[rajak73]

So I guess your opinion is no, she should not have been offended?

I really didn't say I had a opinion one way or the other did I? I said of course someone is going to be offended, it's 2015, the year to be offended. Simple solution....decline the invite the next time. The DW and I got complained at one time when we showed up for a birthday party earlier than time stated, know what we do now, If the invite says 5, we show up at 5, not 4:55 or 4:58 but 5. We will keep driving around the block until the correct time! Problem solved!

 

[mefordis]

I really didn't say I had a opinion one way or the other did I? I said of course someone is going to be offended, it's 2015, the year to be offended. Simple solution....decline the invite the next time. The DW and I got complained at one time when we showed up for a birthday party earlier than time stated, know what we do now, If the invite says 5, we show up at 5, not 4:55 or 4:58 but 5. We will keep driving around the block until the correct time! Problem solved!

It took place at my sister's house, so the mil was the one invited.

More than likely my sister will begin to tread lightly around her mil - this definitely seems to change the way she views her. Perhaps old age has caused her mil to begin doing whatever the heck she wants, with no regard to other's feelings. Maybe she's always had a hard edge to her and now it's coming out.

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

If i was given a tiny piece I would eat that then go back and grab another piece just to spite the person.

 

[cabanafrau]

What might be a helpful thing to your sister is a reminder that weight comes and goes, but her MIL is left with the ugliness in her heart and will have difficulty losing that.

 

[kamik86]

Yes, I would find the offensive. Then again in my family everyone gets the same size piece (and just the next one in line) unless they make a request. Oh also those under the age of 5 may get a smaller piece because no one wants to have the toddler hopped up on that much sugar.

 

[cabanafrau]

2015 is nearly over. Despite reports to the contrary, there still are legitimate reasons both for feeling offense and causing offense. Here's hoping that 2016 reins in the knee jerk comments about what year it is and the eye rolls about everything causing offense to someone as opposed to applying a bit of common sense to the discussion and recognizing someone is likely to feel offended when openly treated with much less than common courtesy.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Thanks for the reply . I told her to just use this as motivation to lose weight since she's always telling me she wants to lose weight is having a very hard time controlling her sugar intake anyway.

I think your response to her was just as rude as her being given a smaller piece of cake.