Would you be offended?

[mefordis]

I can't resist posting this hypothetical.

If you were overweight and at a family gathering for a birthday, and your mil cut a huge piece of cake for everyone (about 5 other people), but a very noticeably thin, tiny sliver for you, would you be offended?

My sister is a bit bummed out because this happened to her. Not sure what to say about this one!

 

[mamacatnv]

MIL was in the wrong, out of line and rude to say nothing of her actions were also hurtful and embarrassing to your sister. All that said, while yes I would be offended, I would just let it go, there is no real way to handle this gracefully since MIL went over the line.

 

[mefordis]

Thanks for the reply . I told her to just use this as motivation to lose weight since she's always telling me she wants to lose weight is having a very hard time controlling her sugar intake anyway.

 

[Bec3b1g]

That is very offensive and rude.

 

[arminnie]

I made a birthday cake for a friend many, many years ago. She was so obsessed about her daughter's weight (and maybe mine too) that she served it up herself and gave everyone a tiny little square of a sheet cake. I mean it was about 1 1/2 inches square - 2 bites max. And it barely had any frosting - just a glaze. I thought it was weird - but I had a lot of leftover cake that I took to the office.

 

[mamacatnv]

I made a birthday cake for a friend many, many years ago. She was so obsessed about her daughter's weight (and maybe mine too) that she served it up herself and gave everyone a tiny little square of a sheet cake. I mean it was about 1 1/2 inches square - 2 bites max. And it barely had any frosting - just a glaze. I thought it was weird - but I had a lot of leftover cake that I took to the office.

The difference I see is that she gave everyone a small piece and didn't single anyone out. I would never ever adjust someone's portion unless they said "smaller than that" type of request, otherwise, everyone gets the same size piece of cake, pie, lasagna etc. it doesn't matter what it is, its not my place to decide what someone gets to eat

 

[msjprincess]

Yes I would be offended, unless your sister asked for a small piece or said she was dieting. And your response to her is just as bad.

 

[bdcp]

I would be. When I serve cake I always ask each person how large a piece they want.

 

[mefordis]

Yes I would be offended, unless your sister asked for a small piece or said she was dieting. And your response to her is just as bad.

Do you really think my response was rude? She is very open to me about wanting to lose weight so I was trying to spin the whole thing into something that could work FOR her rather than defeat her.

Also she definitely didn't ask for a small size piece and it sound like it was about as thin a piece as her mil could cut without it falling apart (the piece). How passive aggressive and out of left field since she has never commented about her weight before.

 

[Art 1]

I can't resist posting this hypothetical.

If you were overweight and at a family gathering for a birthday, and your mil cut a huge piece of cake for everyone (about 5 other people), but a very noticeably thin, tiny sliver for you, would you be offended?

My sister is a bit bummed out because this happened to her. Not sure what to say about this one!

I think it's funny. MIL did her a favor.

 

[wenrob]

Thanks for the reply . I told her to just use this as motivation to lose weight since she's always telling me she wants to lose weight is having a very hard time controlling her sugar intake anyway.

Does her MIL know she has a problem controlling her sugar intake? Six years ago I lost 70lbs counting calories. I still count calories to maintain and my whole family knows I do. When cutting cake or something similar they will ask how much I want or if I want to do it myself. That's the key though, they ask. MIL could have been being passively aggressive or awkwardly trying to be helpful. Your SIL could have easily been just as offended because she was served up a huge piece. "She KNOWS I'm trying to lose weight and trying to control my blood sugar, she's sabotaging me on purpose!" I can see either scenario playing out with some members of my family. In any case, yes, rude. Let people take responsibility for themselves.

 

[mefordis]

I think it's funny. MIL did her a favor.

But something like this could backfire - the same thing could drive someone to pig out after the party, because it made them feel badly. I think the individual needs to decide themselves if losing weight is important enough to them - others cannot really help with this unless the person asks them to help. And my sister did not ask for any help from her mil.

Also, I don't see any humor in fat shaming people.

 

[mefordis]

Does her MIL know she has a problem controlling her sugar intake? Six years ago I lost 70lbs counting calories. I still count calories to maintain and my whole family knows I do. When cutting cake or something similar they will ask how much I want or if I want to do it myself. That's the key though, they ask. MIL could have been being passively aggressive or awkwardly trying to be helpful. Your SIL could have easily been just as offended because she was served up a huge piece. "She KNOWS I'm trying to lose weight and trying to control my blood sugar, she's sabotaging me on purpose!" I can see either scenario playing out with some members of my family. In any case, yes, rude. Let people take responsibility for themselves.

I'm the only one she shares her weight insecurities with, so her mil has no idea she even wants to lose weight.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Yes, it is offensive.

 

[anniemae]

Meh, wouldn't bother me. I don't get all lathered up over other peoples quirks, you simply can't control or change people (something that took me years to learn). I would have taken the cake and if I wanted another piece, I would go up later and cut myself another piece.

Now if I were cutting the cake? I would just ask if people wanted a big or small piece, or I would cut up a bunch of different sizes and let folks help themselves.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[diz8297]

As someone who struggles with extremes in her weight, everyone needs to keep their mouth shut with her. Yes, OP, she voices her desire to lose but trust me, she doesn't need advice, reminders or prompts. Her MIL is nasty to do such an obvious thing. Your sister is well aware of what she needs to do. She will do it when she is ready.

 

[maxiesmom]

But something like this could backfire - the same thing could drive someone to pig out after the party, because it made them feel badly. I think the individual needs to decide themselves if losing weight is important enough to them - others cannot really help with this unless the person asks them to help. And my sister did not ask for any help from her mil.

Not only that, but maybe she watched what she ate all day just so she could have a normal sized piece of cake.

 

[diz8297]

Not only that, but maybe she watched what she ate all day just so she could have a normal sized piece of cake.

And thank you for that judgemental pearl of wisdom.

 

[diz8297]

Oops I read that wrong. I thought you said if. My apologies. This is a sensitive topic for me.