Would you be offended?

[KateP85]

Whenever the question is, "would you be offended?", my answer is almost always "no."

Same with this one. I wouldn't be offended, but I do think it's rude. I probably would have called MIL out on it and ask why my slice was so much smaller, but that's just me.

 

[rajak73]

Of course somebody's going to be offended, it's 2015, the year to be offended by everything and anything! You know, just like my 9 and 7 years old grandkids, theirs have more frosting than mine, his has more whipped cream than I got, etc. Maybe 2016 will be the year we are not offended by everything, I can only hope!

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Does her MIL know she has a problem controlling her sugar intake? Six years ago I lost 70lbs counting calories. I still count calories to maintain and my whole family knows I do. When cutting cake or something similar they will ask how much I want or if I want to do it myself. That's the key though, they ask. MIL could have been being passively aggressive or awkwardly trying to be helpful. Your SIL could have easily been just as offended because she was served up a huge piece. "She KNOWS I'm trying to lose weight and trying to control my blood sugar, she's sabotaging me on purpose!" I can see either scenario playing out with some members of my family. In any case, yes, rude. Let people take responsibility for themselves.

Here's the difference if it's too much who is to say she had to eat the whole thing I don't always finish everything in front of me

 

[mefordis]

Of course somebody's going to be offended, it's 2015, the year to be offended by everything and anything! You know, just like my 9 and 7 years old grandkids, theirs have more frosting than mine, his has more whipped cream than I got, etc. Maybe 2016 will be the year we are not offended by everything, I can only hope!

So I guess your opinion is no, she should not have been offended?

 

[ronandannette]

No, I wouldn't get offended - life's too short to waste analyzing what ulterior motive everybody might have. Since the MIL (presumably) didn't say anything about the size of the slice in relation to the size of your sister, maybe a piece of cake is just a piece of cake. Oh, and if I wanted more cake, I'd just ask for it.

 

[dotfurio]

I think MIL was rude and I would be embarrassed and offended if it happened to me. I also think your response makes it sounds as if you are siding with MIL, despite how open she is with you about her desire to lose weight. Picking on someone about their appearance is not justified by someone being sensitive about their appearance.

 

[ronandannette]

I think MIL was rude and I would be embarrassed and offended if it happened to me. I also think your response makes it sounds as if you are siding with MIL, despite how open she is with you about her desire to lose weight. Picking on someone about their appearance is not justified by someone being sensitive about their appearance.

Let's remember that the OP posed this as somewhat of a hypothetical. The OP didn't mention being present, hearing any comments or seeing the size of the cake slices. She's hardly "siding" with anybody given that the entire thing may or may not have even actually happened.

 

[MickeySP]

Would I be offended, no I would be pissed off. I would be tempted to point out any flaw MIL had but because I actually have tact & manners would not. HMM maybe your sister could send her a book from Emily Post on how to be a good host. She would get subtle hostility for awhile.

Thanks for the reply . I told her to just use this as motivation to lose weight since she's always telling me she wants to lose weight is having a very hard time controlling her sugar intake anyway.

I'm the only one she shares her weight insecurities with, so her mil has no idea she even wants to lose weight.

So the only person who she feels good enough to confide in just reinforced the slap in the face her MIL gave her? Kinda betting she won't share as readily anymore

 

[Art 1]

But something like this could backfire - the same thing could drive someone to pig out after the party, because it made them feel badly. I think the individual needs to decide themselves if losing weight is important enough to them - others cannot really help with this unless the person asks them to help. And my sister did not ask for any help from her mil.

Also, I don't see any humor in fat shaming people.

I found your story funny. I guess if I were fat, and that happened to me, I would take it as a wake up call. Lots of people don't ask for help, but many need help.

 

[robinb]

I would be ocfended by the tiny slice of cake and then I would be offended if you told me to use someone's rudeness as motivation to lose weight.

 

[mefordis]

Would I be offended, no I would be pissed off. I would be tempted to point out any flaw MIL had but because I actually have tact & manners would not. HMM maybe your sister could send her a book from Emily Post on how to be a good host. She would get subtle hostility for awhile.





So the only person who she feels good enough to confide in just reinforced the slap in the face her MIL gave her? Kinda betting she won't share as readily anymore

Now I wish I could take it back! I didn't know what to say. I just tried to spin it in a positive way for her so she wouldn't spend the day stewing about it. Oh, well. I'll know better next time!

 

[MickeySP]

I found your story funny. I guess if I were fat, and that happened to me, I would take it as a wake up call. Lots of people don't ask for help, but many need help.

Yes insulting people is HILARIUOS!!

 

[Bluestars]

I think it was rude of the MIL to embarrass another person that way. Making somebody feel bad about themselves by publicly embarrassing them is not the way to motivate someone to do something positive. Everybody has something they could work on about themselves that could use improvement. I wonder if the MIL would be happy if somebody publicly shamed her for one of her weaknesses. I find no humor in humiliating another person.

 

[MickeySP]

Now I wish I could take it back! I didn't know what to say. I just tried to spin it in a positive way for her so she wouldn't spend the day stewing about it. Oh, well. I'll know better next time!

Honestly if it were me, I would call her and apologize, tell her support her & didn't realize how insensitive & hurtful your comment was. I mean this sincerely, she needs to know you still support her & are there when she decides she has had enough & is ready to do something. BTDT

I am betting you mean way more to her than MIL anyway.

 

[meowser]

Honestly, offended and offensive are words that have largely lost their meaning for me. However, what MIL did was extremely rude and I would have felt very small and ashamed if someone had done that to me. And your response wasn't any better. I agree with MickeySP; call her and apologize!

And for everyone reading this... Not only does fat shaming NOT work and doesn't motivate someone to lose weight, it can actually cause more weight gain. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news.../11/fat-shaming-doesnt-work-a-new-study-says/

 

[E&Cmom]

I agree that you should apologize. What MIL did to her was rude. She had no right to single your sister out. It is up to your sister to decide if she wanted a smaller piece not MIL. Unfortunately, your response probably didn't help as well. You kind of just brushed offed her feelings.

 

[dclpluto]

Yes I would be .

 

[MickeySP]

I don't know how big your sister is but I do know how she feels. You can't do anything but be supportive, sorry for the comparison but just like an alcoholic she will find a bottom. I did.

I had some trauma and self medicated with food. I couldn't drink or drug because my job tests for those so I ate. I got myself all the way to 347lbs before I hit my wall. 18 months later I ran a marathon in WDW, it could not have been done without the support of my family & friends who never insulted or criticized me. When I was ready they just said OK.

So just be there & when she is ready just say OK, I'm with you.

 

[Wendy31]

My MIL has a friend who was always very large & obese, & she would tell stories of her friend's MIL doing this same kind of thing for years.

For example, if the MIL were baking potatoes, she would always bake one less than she needed so she could tell her DIL, "I'm sorry; there's not enough for you." At Christmas time, the MIL would give her clothes that she knew would be way too small.

My MIL's friend flelt very hurt & ashamed, & those kinds of things did nothing to help motivate her to lose weight. Her friend has lost probably over 100 pounds now, but it was due to her own motivation & not because of her MIL.

 

[Dawnlight]

I would be hurt if someone did that to me.

As one who struggles with weight and eating issues and has been on the up and down of weight loss, it's almost like one can't win. If you do eat the cake, people make comments that you fell off the wagon and are destined to regain; if you don't eat the cake, people make comments about you being too extreme and almost forcing you to eat the dessert.

Best bet- everyone mind your own plates and business when it comes to what others eat or don't eat.

MIL was a witch to pull that stunt.