Would this bother you?

[The Mystery Machine]

Glad you talked things out. Keep an eye open for the fallout, OK?

The friend may not like the new rules.

I know this is wrong to say but I am going to say it. *If* there was something going on, now would be alot of exchange of info between them. So if you wanted to check up, now would be the peak. Not to say it is right, just something to think about.

Hopefully nothing happens and things get better.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Glad you talked things out. Keep an eye open for the fallout, OK?

The friend may not like the new rules.

I know this is wrong to say but I am going to say it. *If* there was something going on, now would be alot of exchange of info between them. So if you wanted to check up, now would be the peak. Not to say it is right, just something to think about.

Hopefully nothing happens and things get better.

thanks! i hate hearing about people "snooping around" on their SO's things.....but if i feel like something is still up, i'll definatly do it.

 

[Calliaz]

There is physical infidelity and emotional infidelity. As a spouse relies more and more on someone outside the marriage for emotional companionship, you cross that boundry. I'm not saying people shouldn't have friends, but you can start sharing too much of your life with another person.

I would actually go to counseling to try and find out why he feels the need to spend so much time with this other person (woman or no).

 

[Bluestars]

I agree with all of the other posters that this in an inappropriate relationship and I would not allow it to happen. I'm glad to hear you talked to him about it and he is listening to your concerns. That woman definitely sounds like she has the hots for your husband.

Very early on in my marriage my husband had a sleazy friend from work. I just did not like this guy. Anyway, he and his wife came over one evening. She was paying a lot of attention to my husband. I noticed when he was holding our small dog on his lap, she came over to pet the dog and brushed her hand across his hand. He instinctively jerked his hand away. That's when I knew what she was all about.

I later told my husband that I didn't feel comfortable with her around and that I did not want her coming over to our house again. He was fine with it. Later on that couple got a divorce. Big surprise. And I am still married.

Just last year I started having lunch with two coworkers, a male and a female. About two or three times I had lunch alone with the male, who was young enough to be my son. When my husband found out, he told me he was not comfortable with it. Even though I knew there was no chance of anything inappropriate going on, I agreed not to have lunch alone with this guy.

 

[unique_name]

OP, I am so sorry you are going through such a stressful time. Based on a couple of your comments, it sounds like there is a lot of tension between you and your DH.

Why would you continue to hang out with this woman on the weekends as a threesome? She doesn't seem to be treating you with respect and I really don't think this "friendship" is beneficial to you as a couple.

If you don't wish to confront her, just make up excuses - "oh, we need to do stuff around the house"; "sorry we have been so busy lately we need couple time"; when she knocks, don't answer the door. If your DH objects to getting some space from her, you may need to talk to him again about his priorities.

Eventually she will get the idea, and if not, then you can be blunt. Right now she views HER relationship with your husband as the most important. If you continue to be around her, you are looking for trouble.

Hope everything works out! Hang in January is not that far off.

 

[jobhunter]

Speaking as someone who JUST got dumped by her partner of 17 years for his "just a friend" ho-worker, watch your back.

I think he should end the friendship and cut off contact. And I wouldn't trust her at all. Not at all.

It is the worst feeling in the world to see this coming and not be able to stop it no matter what you do. Cut it off before it is too late.

 

[dbarker]

Oh yes, it would and did bother me. That is part of the reason that DH#1 is now DX.

 

[Jaclynfett]

You've gotten excellent advice!

I have to say I would not even see her on the weekends,lol. She's just so toxic.

 

[OceanAnnie]

OP, I am so sorry you are going through such a stressful time. Based on a couple of your comments, it sounds like there is a lot of tension between you and your DH.

Why would you continue to hang out with this woman on the weekends as a threesome? She doesn't seem to be treating you with respect and I really don't think this "friendship" is beneficial to you as a couple.

If you don't wish to confront her, just make up excuses - "oh, we need to do stuff around the house"; "sorry we have been so busy lately we need couple time"; when she knocks, don't answer the door. If your DH objects to getting some space from her, you may need to talk to him again about his priorities.

Eventually she will get the idea, and if not, then you can be blunt. Right now she views HER relationship with your husband as the most important. If you continue to be around her, you are looking for trouble.

Hope everything works out! Hang in January is not that far off.

ITA! If your DH starts up with the "she's my friend" thing, tell him she isn't being a friend to *me* and he should respect that. Distance, distance, distance.

 

[mark&sue]

put your mind at rest and check his phone for texts and numbers. When you find nothing you can then feel guilty for looking but happy!!

Good luck and hoe you enjoy your bottle of wine together alone


susan

 

[Jynohn]

I went through a similar situation recently where a female acquaintance of DH was getting a little too familiar. She was his friend's girlfriend, and though he only met her in person twice, she somehow felt that she should be offering DH "support" when his mother was dying of cancer. At first I thought it was nice, but when I saw that she began calling, emailing, or texting him every day, I knew it was time to put a stop to it. None of the messages were inappropriate in any way, but as I pointed out to DH, I don't even call, text, and email my sisters or best friend every day.

When I asked DH to end all contact with this woman he was suprised at first, because he truly thought that she was just being nice and saw nothing wrong with it. I explained to him that while I may trust him, I do NOT trust this woman or her intentions. DH did eventually ask her to stop calling and we haven't heard from her since, but it still caused a sore spot in our marriage that never should have been there to begin with.

This woman is a threat to your marriage. In my opinion both you and your husband should end ALL contact with her once and for all.

I wish you the best of luck with this painful situation.

 

[bumbershoot]

If my DH heard some single guy say, "don't worry I'll watch your favorite show w/ you when your husband isn't home" well the next thing that guy'd be saying would be "help"!

The way you wrote that made me laugh SO hard.

i would love to....but i work late hours. this week it's been 8:30-5:30...and it takes me a half hour to drive to and from work, so i don't get home until 6, and on Fridays it's from 8:15-6 ......it's definatly a tough schedule and i still don't have my 90 days in yet, so i can't take time off yet. although i'd LOVE to be able to one morning be like "...oh i'm not going into work today, by the way" lol....

Send a friend over. You forgot something, you need it, and your friend has your key. Any bit of surprise.

i also talked to him about the wine, and i didn't ask him, i told him that it was for us only, and it's going to stay that way. he didn't argue with it.

Stop talking about the wine, and DRINK it! You're newlyweds, you didn't get insta-pregnant like I did, drink that wine! It's a Friday now, so drink it already.