Would this bother you?

[LiLIrishChick63]

would it bother you if your DH did things like going to the movies with another woman, grocery shopping with another woman, and going to her house during the day while you're at work to watch television shows or movies? because i keep trying to explain to him that i understand that this woman is a friend of ours, but i think this friend thinks she's something more to DH.....and he doesn't agree. and i really don't think anything "strange" is going on, i really do think he thinks it's harmless.....but i'm trying to think of a nice way to tell her to ease off a little bit. we're just newlyweds, i think we still need some time to ourselves.

*yes i know i haven't posted in forever, my computer crashed about 3 times since May, so i gave up for a while there lol*

 

[Stacerita]

Yeah, it would bother me. Not that I wouldn't trust DBF or my friend to be alone, but its just odd.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Yeah, it would bother me. Not that I wouldn't trust DBF or my friend to be alone, but its just odd.

see....i thought so too. at first i just brushed it off as "i'm just being paranoid" because i'm usually not a "jealous" type of person, but lately this "friend" has even been doing things like....if i don't want to watch a certain show, she'll say to my DH "well I'LL watch it with you then! come over when DW's at work and we can watch it" and when i try to say "you don't have to wait until i'm at work. he can come over later too you know" she'll say something like "no that's ok. we don't want to leave you by yourself".....DH used to be on afternoons while i was on days, i think i'd be ok with being by myself for an hour.

and now apparently they're planning on going to see a movie.....with her mother. i'm beginning to think she has a crush on DH and doesn't really know how to act since he's married.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Um, yes it would bother me - sounds like more than "just" a friend to me. You need to tell your DH that this makes you uncomfortable since it obviously does. Communication, communication, communication!

I have to say that from experience - men are usually completely clueless about what is appropriate and inappropriate with things like this. Be blunt and to the point with your DH and your friend. If you don't say something and make him listen to you then this will just end up making you paranoid and cause bigger issues later on.

Been there, done that. Hard lesson learned.

That being said, some of my best friends are guys but the only ones I would take shopping are more interested in the clothes than in me.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Um, yes it would bother me - sounds like more than "just" a friend to me. You need to tell your DH that this makes you uncomfortable since it obviously does. Communication, communication, communication!

I have to say that from experience - men are usually completely clueless about what is appropriate and inappropriate with things like this. Be blunt and to the point with your DH and your friend. If you don't say something and make him listen to you then this will just end up making you paranoid and cause bigger issues later on.

Been there, done that. Hard lesson learned.

That being said, some of my best friends are guys but the only ones I would take shopping are more interested in the clothes than in me.

i'm glad i'm not being paranoid about this, here. because at first i thought i was. but then more things started happening and i was beginning to get a little frustrated by it.

i completely agree, DH has no clue......as most men don't.....so i'm not worried about him. but i've tried to confront him about it, and he tells me "nothing's going on, you shouldn't worry" and there's not anything i can really do while i'm at work(they're both unemployed at the moment). i've tried giving him a list of "busy work" to do while i'm away, but i'm running out of ideas lol.

but yeah it's beginning to really get me kind of frustrated. like i said, we've only been married for a few months, and i don't think this is helping anything.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

His wife should be more important than his friend. Period.

The situation makes you uncomfortable so he should do whatever it takes to make you feel secure in your relationship.

You can tell him that you trust HIM but you don't trust HER. Why should he put himself in a position that brings you so much unease?

I'm sure he is totally clueless but he does need to understand how you feel and do what he can to make you feel better.

Sounds like you need a good heart to heart with DH.

 

[Stacerita]

Agree you need to talk to you DH and let him know how it makes you feel. You could trust him, and you can even trust her, but it only takes one weak moment. Just be honest with him how you feel.

No one goes looking for trouble, sometimes it just finds you.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

His wife should be more important than his friend. Period.

The situation makes you uncomfortable so he should do whatever it takes to make you feel secure in your relationship.

You can tell him that you trust HIM but you don't trust HER. Why should he put himself in a position that brings you so much unease?

I'm sure he is totally clueless but he does need to understand how you feel and do what he can to make you feel better.

Sounds like you need a good heart to heart with DH.

*sigh* thanks for giving me advice. i'll keep trying to talk to him about it, see how it goes.

i got pretty upset the other night when we had a stupid conversation about wine.

we had bought this special wine for when we moved into our house earlier this year and we were going to drink it together. well she came over and apparently invited herself to drink it as well, and keeps going on about how she's going to drink it as well once we "crack it open" and i told DH "i'm kind of upset because i thought it was just going to be us, you know?" and he said "i don't really care tho. whoever wants to drink it can drink it" and i thought maybe i was getting upset for a stupid reason, but i think that with everything that's been going on, it added to it.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Agree you need to talk to you DH and let him know how it makes you feel. You could trust him, and you can even trust her, but it only takes one weak moment. Just be honest with him how you feel.

No one goes looking for trouble, sometimes it just finds you.

good words to live by!

 

[Dax]

Ok, I have been in this situation before..

DH met someone through work, and they became friends. She eventually came over to the house, and I met her, and we would hang out. We soon after met her husband, and the 4 of us hit it off. We went out together all the time.

When we did go out, DH would act "different" around her. All four us would go to the movies, and suddenly he is talking loudly to her, and making a scene, things like that.

I told him how I felt, and asked him straight out if he was having an affair. He said no, she was like a sister to him. She would come over to the house once a month and hang out with DH on the Saturday nights I had to work, and they would watch movies together. I was aware of this, and OK with it. One night I came home for dinner, earlier than expected, to walk into a dark living room, them on the couch together. Now nothing was going on, they were surrounded by dogs and cats, but it weirded me out. Once I told DH this, that stopped.

We are no longer friends with them due to an arguement over money, but DH brushed off my feelings on somethings, but others he understood. I think you need to have a heart to heart.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

No one goes looking for trouble, sometimes it just finds you.

Exactly. Opportunity is there for something to go wrong.

*sigh* thanks for giving me advice. i'll keep trying to talk to him about it, see how it goes.

i got pretty upset the other night when we had a stupid conversation about wine.

we had bought this special wine for when we moved into our house earlier this year and we were going to drink it together. well she came over and apparently invited herself to drink it as well, and keeps going on about how she's going to drink it as well once we "crack it open" and i told DH "i'm kind of upset because i thought it was just going to be us, you know?" and he said "i don't really care tho. whoever wants to drink it can drink it" and i thought maybe i was getting upset for a stupid reason, but i think that with everything that's been going on, it added to it.

Your feelings are VERY valid. Trust your instincts. This girl is trying to get into your relationship with DH. She needs to back off and find her own guy and other friends.

If you need to vent and don't want to post, feel free to PM me.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Ok, I have been in this situation before..

DH met someone through work, and they became friends. She eventually came over to the house, and I met her, and we would hang out. We soon after met her husband, and the 4 of us hit it off. We went out together all the time.

When we did go out, DH would act "different" around her. All four us would go to the movies, and suddenly he is talking loudly to her, and making a scene, things like that.

I told him how I felt, and asked him straight out if he was having an affair. He said no, she was like a sister to him. She would come over to the house once a month and hang out with DH on the Saturday nights I had to work, and they would watch movies together. I was aware of this, and OK with it. One night I came home for dinner, earlier than expected, to walk into a dark living room, them on the couch together. Now nothing was going on, they were surrounded by dogs and cats, but it weirded me out. Once I told DH this, that stopped.

We are no longer friends with them due to an arguement over money, but DH brushed off my feelings on somethings, but others he understood. I think you need to have a heart to heart.

yikes! that would freak me out, too! it just doesn't seem.....right....you know??

this friend of ours doesn't have a husband.....or a boyfriend....and i found out from her sister(she just came out and told me, i didn't even ask) that our friend has only had one solid relationship and it didn't last very long, she never really dated. so i'm thinking that it's because she thinks "he's nice to me" that she takes it as something "more" when it really isn't.

Exactly. Opportunity is there for something to go wrong.



Your feelings are VERY valid. Trust your instincts. This girl is trying to get into your relationship with DH. She needs to back off and find her own guy and other friends.

If you need to vent and don't want to post, feel free to PM me.

that's really sweet of you. i think i will have a talk with him and let him know how i feel. and if things still don't go right, i might just have to PM you to talk. it's really been getting me down lately, aside from him losing his job and me having to work extra to pay the bills, so i've been kind of depressed and this situation isn't helping at all, you know?

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

yikes! that would freak me out, too! it just doesn't seem.....right....you know??

this friend of ours doesn't have a husband.....or a boyfriend....and i found out from her sister(she just came out and told me, i didn't even ask) that our friend has only had one solid relationship and it didn't last very long, she never really dated. so i'm thinking that it's because she thinks "he's nice to me" that she takes it as something "more" when it really isn't.




that's really sweet of you. i think i will have a talk with him and let him know how i feel. and if things still don't go right, i might just have to PM you to talk. it's really been getting me down lately, aside from him losing his job and me having to work extra to pay the bills, so i've been kind of depressed and this situation isn't helping at all, you know?

I think you have hit the nail on the head with the bolded statement above. I have no doubt that your DH is clueless that this woman is thinking his friendliness is more than it is. He is probably eating up the attention this woman lavishes on him too.

Have that talk. This will eat you up inside until you do.

Good luck and keep us posted! Hope he finds a job soon to take some of that financial burden off of you.

 

[cjb71870]

Your his wife!! You need to let him know how it makes you feel! If he turns it back on you for being "paranoid", he isn't putting your feelings first!! If he is that close to her, is she close to you?

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I think you have hit the nail on the head with the bolded statement above. I have no doubt that your DH is clueless that this woman is thinking his friendliness is more than it is. He is probably eating up the attention this woman lavishes on him too.

Have that talk. This will eat you up inside until you do.

Good luck and keep us posted! Hope he finds a job soon to take some of that financial burden off of you.

thanks. i'm gonna have that chat with him very soon. i just hope he doesn't think i'm being silly or anything.

yeah i hope he does too, it's driving me a little nuts! lol.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Your his wife!! You need to let him know how it makes you feel! If he turns it back on you for being "paranoid", he isn't putting your feelings first!! If he is that close to her, is she close to you?

yeah her and i are friends as well. but we've barely hung out "together" like they have.

 

[Dax]

I think you need to talk to him. You also need to make sure he FULLY understands the impact this is having on you. Also try to bring it up in a non threatning, whiny way. I made that mistake once, and I was just called jealous and overly paranoid. When I brought up the affair concerns, I took a differnt approach and got somewhat better results.

While on one hand I am glad the friendship ended, as I no longer had to feel like a 5th wheel when we went out, I also miss having someone else to talk to, because I was friends with her also, and I even brought up the whole issue with her once, and she could not believe I felt that way, and she set my mind at ease to, at least for a while.

 

[Bonnie151]

Been there, done that and it wasn't good. My situation started out exactly the same way as yours and yes the girl had a massive crush on DH and by the time a couple of years passed it was mutual and acted upon. In hindsight I wish I'd tackled it better way at the start when my instincts told me something wasn't right. Feel free to PM me if you need to bounce things off someone.

 

[cjb71870]

No matter how you bring it up, if they come back at you, calling you jealous and paranoid, that isn't right!!! That's them turning it back on you, to make you feel you are doing something wrong!!! Come on girls, don't fall for it!!!

 

[Mysteria]

I'd give him a couple of choices. Knock it off, or don't, and sleep with your eyes open.