Wise words someone once told me!

[Boots]

Since we are dealing with a lot of deaths with relatives among our DIS family I have been remembering something someone once told me. I used to not be able to say much of anything to anyone after they had lost someone close to them. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't know what to say. I didn't want to upset them more. I was told not to be afraid of anything you might say. The person you are talking to is fully aware of the death. They WANT you to talk to them and they want to you to listen to them talk back. I try now about 4 to 7 days later to call the wife, daughter, son, mother, what ever and just listen. This is when they are usully alone, the family has gone back to work, school, etc. I love working with older people in my church. Usually it is a widow or widower that I call or go see and then I will just listen for an hour or longer. I have heard so many, many interesting stories. One lady who was 94 showed me a very old beaded fancy purse. She had a letter in it dated something like 1917 from her future husband. He had given her the purse with the letter and had written a poem comparing her to the shinyness of the purse and how when she held the purse close to her to pretend it was him. It was beautiful. She passed away last week and I keep wondering if someone will get the purse and remember to keep the purse and letter together. I also try to call, send a card, or visit these same people on their loved ones birthdays, their anniversaries, etc. I guess everyone knows all this already but I just felt I needed to say this, so overlook me if I am rambling. But for anyone who needs to talk about anything, I am just a PM or email away. {{{{HUGS}}}} to all of my DIS family.

 

[s&k'smom]

Boots what wonderful words you just shared. I happened to pop on the boards and there you were. Thank you and I'll try to remember your idea about calling 4-7 days after.

 

[glo]

Boots...I have always thought you were a sweetheart. One of those people that make the DIS what it is, but you are truely incredible!! I am so glad you are here, and os glad that I have been the recipient of some of your special pms and notes!

Just wanted to say you are top!!
{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Ricola]

Boots, those are wise words indeed.

And please don't stop with a call at 5-7 days. Many times someone who has lost a loved one, especially a spouse, finds themselves left out of the social situations they once enjoyed; they are either not invited, or feel awkward going solo to things they once enjoyed as a "couple".

Bless you for making that special effort, and I applaud all those who do.

 

[browneyes]

Good advice Ellen. Good story about the lady. I'm sorry she's passed on.

{{hugs}}

 

[Poohstyx]

Boots, you could not be more right.
DH & I HAVE (not had) a son who died in an auto accident at age 19.5 ( he was a Navy Corpsman). I had people tell me they did not know what to say, they did not have to say anything. The toughest part as you said is when everyone is gone. The day DD went back to school (she was a HS senior) and DH went back to work was the worst for me. This was the 1st time that I was alone with my thoughts and memories. I have a very dear friend who came over later that day and it was such a comfort. I was literally loosing it by the time she got there. She just sat with me & let me talk & cry - that's what I needed more than anything at that time.
You sound like the perfect person to have around in a time of grief. I love the story about the lady and the purse. How touching.

Poohstyx

 

[nativetxn]

What wonderful wisdom you have shared with us Ellen. Thank you so much. You are a special person