Why do some divorced women never date again?

[lyzziesmom]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I can tell you my reasons:

1. I was in a very deceitful relationship which has ruined my trust, and I don't feel it's fair to project that mistrust onto someone new
2. I find it hard to meet people, and even when I do, see #1
3. As a single parent who works fulltime, I don't have a lot of free time, and most of it is spent taking care of my children, my house or myself
4. I have learned that I very much enjoy my own company and the company of my children, and I'm not sure I want to share that with another person just now
5. I do not want my children who are still very young to see the emotional ups and downs that go with dating, and to see men come and go. To get attached to someone and then it doesn't work out is very difficult, moreso for a child than for an adult. They have had enough instability in their short lives, I don't want to add to that to satisfy my own selfish "needs".
6. I just don't feel the desire or need to date at this point in my life. That may change, but for now it feels like the right, healthy choice.

There are many more reasons that run much deeper, but are difficult to explain on a forum like this. But it peeves me when I hear well-meaning people ask me why I don't date, or as I was asked by a co-worker yesterday, "Why don't you go find a husband? You're still young." I replied that I had one and that didn't go so well. Until you walk in someone's shoes, you will never why they do or don't do something. It may seem odd to you that these women are not interested in dating, but it may seem odd to them to date.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Well I don't want to get flamed for this, but my mother (and my dad) never dated for religious reasons. It has been 14 years, and neither one ever dated or got remarried.

 

[Serena]

No one should flame you or them for that. It is a personal choice, whatever choice that is.

 

[Feralpeg]

My problems are:

1. I really like being alone and not reporting to anyone.
2. I have a really LOW tolerance for BS and games.
3. Everyone my age looks SO OLD....

Sure, I'd like someone to hang out with and go places with, but I'm not sure it's worth the hassle that goes along with finding that person.

You read my mind. I've not dated for a long time. If someone were to come along and we hit it off, that would be nice. But, I'm not going looking for a man. For me personally, it just isn't worth the effort. I've played way too many games in my life. I like spending the time with DD or being by myself. I've never felt I needed a man to be complete. I'm very happy with things the way they are.

 

[MushyMushy]

DH and I separated a few years ago and we were, I thought, going to get a divorce. I wanted some no-strings dating, but both guys I hooked up with were just interested in finding another wife.

NO THANKS!

It was just the weirdest thing. When I was younger, all the men avoided commitment like the plague, but once they were older, they were clamoring for it!

If DH and I ever do get divorced, I probably won't date.

 

[Brendita]

Okay, here's me checking in on this:

I'm just out of a longterm relationship. I'd like to get out there and date -- actually have gone on one date. My problems are:

1. I really like being alone and not reporting to anyone.
2. I have a really LOW tolerance for BS and games.
3. Everyone my age looks SO OLD....

Sure, I'd like someone to hang out with and go places with, but I'm not sure it's worth the hassle that goes along with finding that person.

OMG you hit the nail on the head here.
After 2 bad marriages.
I'm very happly single.

 

[goofygirl]

Fed up with men, and tired of the dating scene, and just plain turned off.

Don't want to deal with heartbreak again.

Too caught up in other things in life like kids, career, hobbies, friends, pets, etc to date. (I'm not saying that's a bad thing)

Also my opinion is that women can deal better with being alone than men can.

I can relate to all of this and I'm not even divorced.

 

[Buckalew11]

My first thought was "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I think there are many reasons. IF it were me, I think I'd be very careful because of DD and because of the fact that some men NEED a woman to take care of them and I wouldn't want that kind of relationship.

My SIL was divorced for like 20 years with one child. DN was 3 when they divorced. She didn't date while her son was growing up. But almost 2 years ago (DN is almost 25), she met a wonderful man and they married. He had been divorced for 20 years also. I think everyone thought since she had not persued a relationship when she was younger that she'd be alone forever. As for now, hers is a happy ending.

 

[hlbtimes2]

My mom and dad divorced over 25 years ago, closer to 30 years. My mom was never in another relationship. It started out because she was heartbroke over dad leaving. Which was quickly followed by working her backside off to support 3 kids since dad was a deadbeat. Then she just became so independant. She didnt want to answer to anyone.

If something were to happen between my husband and I, I don't know that I would really work on dating. I think I would enjoy the freedom. Dont get me wrong, my husband isnt controling, abusive or anything like that. But he is one more person I have to consider when I want to do something. He's one person to make happy at dinner time. One more person worth of laundry. One more person spending the money. I love him, but he is work! :lol

 

[DisnyMama]

It's been 10 years since my ex-hubby and I split and I got back into the dating scene right away after. Nothing but jerks and then a good one came along,or so I thought and then I got hurt and that was it for a very long time. The next one came along as we were leaving for our 1st trip for WDW and he was doing the same with his kids. We met at LAX while waiting for our plane to board during a lengthy delay. Bottom line he had a lady friend with him and he was pursuing me while trying to decide if he wanted to commit to her. Sick!! I did not go looking for date or relationship after that because I was sick of the crap and the jerks. Also, I had a young son that I had to raise and didn't need to throw confusion in his life as he already had enough. Then a couple years later the guy in my building who was a single dad with 2 boys of his own had been talking to me for couple years but I was just friendly with Hello and goodbye till I finally gave in and we started to get to know each other. Big mistake. This guy, after 2 dates wanted us to join families and incomes and buy a house and I would take care of his kids and he would continue his ministry lessons every week - Yada.. Yada.. Yada..!!! Bottom line he wanted a wife to help support him and take care of his kids and we would be stuck in a house andnever able to go to Disneyland or WDW again!!!! NO WAY THAT WAS HAPPENING! I ended that the next day and decided that I would rather be alone and able to do what I want when I want. My wish is that I meet a great guy who likes Disney and who will love my son. I don't think that's asking too much and if it is then oh well. My sister who is happily married most of the time tells me all the time that I don't ever want to get re-married. She never gets to do what whe wants to do and I know she is envious that I am able to.

 

[kellyg403]

I have to agree with the hassles of dating and children and life in general when you are single. I was single for about 5 years after my divorce. First probably because I was hurt and and untrusting but for the most part I enjoyed my time with the kids and our life. I met my dh and we lived together for about 4 years before getting married because of me. I just did not WANT to get married. I liked things as they were. Alot of people were sure it was because I was afraid of divorce. I said no, I am afraid I won't. I have always been the kind of person that once I made a committment, I stick it through bad or good. I should have divorced ex years before it actually happened but couldn't because of committment on my part. I did not want to place myself or my children in the situation where we were stuck having to deal with my inability to leave a loser. And I agree with the men are work. I have to be a mommy to the kids but I just did not want to take care of a grown man for awhile. If I hadn't met dh I would still definitely be single. I wasn't even dating when I met him. Just met him through work and 6 months later went out on a date.

Some of the best times with my children were the years I was single and we had little to no money. I just didn't have the energy or want to deal with the whole dating scene.

Kelly

 

[aprilgail2]

Some people are actually happy single I know others can't imagine that but its true! I have no time or energy for guys and their games. I am a single parent and I won't have guys coming in and out of her life, not fiar to her. I like being able to do what Iwant, when I want without reporting to anyone else. I don't have anyone to consult when making vacation plans or major purchases. I have heard people say "'my husband won't let us go there on vacation" or "my husband wont let me get a new car" and it makes my skin crawl..he won't LET them? Is he their parent and makes all the decisions....uggg...I couldn't livethat way, I am to independant and need to make decisions and work and have my own money. My mom was a SAHM and I always remember her having to ask my father for money for this or that and it disgusted me-I said from the time I was little I would not let myself be in that position.
Plus it doesn't help that I work with all guys and see that well over 50 percent of them cheat on their wives. I don't want to have to deal with the hurt, the disease etc. I like guys, I have a lot as just friends, but I don't want to date/marry them!

 

[SillyMe]

My first thought was "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I think there are many reasons. IF it were me, I think I'd be very careful because of DD and because of the fact that some men NEED a woman to take care of them and I wouldn't want that kind of relationship.

My SIL was divorced for like 20 years with one child. DN was 3 when they divorced. She didn't date while her son was growing up. But almost 2 years ago (DN is almost 25), she met a wonderful man and they married. He had been divorced for 20 years also. I think everyone thought since she had not persued a relationship when she was younger that she'd be alone forever. As for now, hers is a happy ending.

That's a big one for me. I have children to take care of. I do not want to take care of a grown man. Nor do I want a man taking care of me.

 

[Jeanny]

it peeves me when I hear well-meaning people ask me why I don't date, or as I was asked by a co-worker yesterday, "Why don't you go find a husband? You're still young."

elevator voice: "Ding, clothing floor 1. Ding, Housewares floor 2. Ding, husbands Floor 3".

Gee I never thought it would be that easy!!!

 

[Kahana-ri]

I don't know, but I wish my mother would. She hasn't dated anyone for over 12 years and been divorced for over 17 years. Sometimes I feel for her being all alone in her big house that we all use to live in. I've asked her why she hasn't dated and Mom simply says she hasn't found anyone she is interested in. She works, keeps busy, and travels a lot. My mom says she is very happy with her just her animals. (Dogs, cats and small farm animals) She says they listen and don't talk back

 

[Froggyswife]

After my divorce I dated. I went through so much BS, head games and just plain jerks. I was about to give up. I met frog in a traffic jam. I loved being single no hassles, no one to answer to but dd and myself. Besides who needs a man when there are batteries

 

[snowwite]

Oooh, that always ticks me off.

For me, it's hard to meet single men. Where do you meet them? Certainly not a bar. I live in a small town, so there aren't many options to begin with.

Well, I spent 4 years on my own letting my wounds heal,growing stronger and caring for my children before I was ready to date anyone. I tried blind dates,meeting people at church,the bookstore,the pub and an evening class at local college. Finally, I tried match.com. I met a few creeps but mainly I met nice men. Sure, some of them were not for me but they were nice. Then I met the man who would become my husband. He lived in another state over an hour's drive away. But, we would meet for dates,the spent weekends visitng each other. I finally introduced him to my children,then we met the families and so on. When me and the kids went to Disney in 2001 he came for a few days and got his own room off site and met up with us during the day.Now he comes with us, since we got married 8/21/04! I was very sceptical about online dating but it gave us time to write and get to know each other. Before I had ever seen a picture we knew so much about each other.Before we met we IM'd,emailed,spent hours on the phone like teenagers then finally met feeling a bit like old friends. I would recommend it to anyone.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Dating isn't as easy the "second time around." Too many responsibilities with work and kids. And the pickings are few and far between. You learn things in your first relationship that you would never put up with in another. If you get an inkling of that again, you kind of head in the other direction.

I have a couple male friends that are married. One has already decided that if this marriage ends, he's not going to be entering a second. Hmmmmm.

Besides, it's a LOT of work!!!!!!!

 

[christineann]

I was married for 15 years (2 children) and got engaged about 4 years after my divorce. I thought he was perfect, and when we got engaged his true personality was revealed - a real control freak who was verbally abusive, which was as bad as my ex-husband, who was verbally and physically abusive. After 2 years of that roller coaster, I told him to stay away from my children and me. I have never been happier!

When people ask if I am lonely, I say "no, I am BLISSFULLY SINGLE!" One of my cousins now calls me "bliss".

FWIW, my siblings are happily married, and my parents have been married for 56 years!

 

[TammyAlphabet]

WOW! I sure am getting alot of responses on this thread. They are not what I expected. I have always imagined that if I got a divorce, I would naturally end up with someone else within a few years, but maybe not. I think remaining husbandless is sorta like the choice to remain childfree. It's a lifestyle choice.