While visiting the Internet, DIS or other sites, have you come across mean people?

[ripleysmom]

"Maybe it is just in there and it has got to come out...like, "that Buckalew...what a simple minded, thinks she has a direct line to God, makes me want to throw up, thinks she knows something about haircuts, brown-noses Dan Murphy, freaking peaceloving, good for nothing whodunit--she really gets on my nerves." Then, I become a vent topic and that is somehow OK?"

I guess this is where we'll have to agree to disagree Buck....

I would much rather have someone vent to my face than do it behind my back in PMs. You think that no one on the DIS says really nasty stuff in PMs? Think again.

How many posts have there been on the DIS about how someone was really hurt and that is just the people posting out loud about it.


"I disagee that that is OK. It may feel good to the venters but does it really feel good? Somehow I doubt it. In fact, as ByThe Sea has said, he/she has participated in it and in the end it wasn't doing any good in any way shape or form."

That is where we'll have to disagree again. Sometimes people do not realize that they are being annoying. Wouldn't you rather know?

 

[WendyZ]

Not necessarily mean, but gross...YES!! When we had ICQ, I always received gross messages. I have no clue how they got in. My preferences were set to block everyone unless I said. But I guess anything can be broken. So, needless to say, we got rid of that program!

 

[Kelsie]

To answer the original question, yes!

But I think it's the way you deal with it that matters the most. I have been hurt by a few people here in the DIS, so I have decided they will no longer be part of my life. People need to let go of those who anger or hurt them.

 

[Buckalew]

You know, I know there are mean things written in PMs here. I'm not that naive. But, I guess because I don't know what they may be saying about me in those PMs, it doesn't seem as hurtful.

To read where someone is being blasted, however, on another site is very heartbreaking to me. Maybe they read it and maybe they don't. I hope they don't. From personal experience, it hurts.

I'd rather someone saying I'm annoying here. THIS is to my face. Say it TO me. Either on the board or in a PM. Not a vent on another board where I will not respond. Not in a PM to someone else either. Go ahead and PM me. I remember someone thinking a post of mine was ridiculous and saying so on here in a thread. Sure it hurt. But I knew how they felt to my face (not behind my back on another board or in a PM to someone else.)

I won't even try to say that I haven't gotten frustrated with someone and haven't PMed a friend and vented. I have. And sorry to say, it will probably happen again. But, I don't think that nasty PMs or other board vents are the best way to handle it.

We'll agree to disagree. And that is OK with me. This is just how I feel about the boards and now we all know.

So, for all who I am annoying right now, I'm sorry & I'll try to hush up.

 

[Teejay32]

Originally posted by Buckalew
I'd rather someone saying I'm annoying here. THIS is to my face. Say it TO me. Either on the board or in a PM. Not a vent on another board where I will not respond. Not in a PM to someone else either. Go ahead and PM me.

mmmm...No. Don't bother venting about Buckalew...we're talking about the same Buckalew, right...being annoying or peace-loving or whatever, because it'll make you look utterly freaking ridiculous.

That is all.

 

[snoopy]

You bring up interesting points, Buck.

For me, I tend to see the good in almost everyone. Certainly every person that I *know* from this forum, I betcha I can think of at least one good thing to say about them. I can even dislike someone and think of something that I like about them, you know what I mean? I always keep my heart a tiny bit open in case the person turns out to be o.k. afterall.

DH is the opposite, with his job he tends to pick up on the shady characteristics of people. We make a good team - he cushions it for me when the person really does turn out to be a loser through and through - and I've been able to help him see the good in people he might not have otherwise paid any attention to.

 

[DisMNagain]

I still find it ridiculous that people think they can and SHOULD say ANYTHING they want at any time they want.
(yeah yeah yeah, now I'll hear your "free speech" garbage...it ain't so free when YOU CONTROL what OTHERS can say via your own words of hate and contempt...do not for ONE MINUTE think that free speech encompases bulletin boards..and I'm not saying that's good or bad, just don't let yourselves be fooled into thinking that a board you post on espouses free speech.)



Have you never heard of self control?

Have you never thought about just keeping your OPINIONS to yourself, especially if their not-so-nice opinions?

Sheesh...you'd truly think that you WANTED to hurt people...like on PURPOSE. (oh. how ignorant of ME..maybe that IS the goal)

Nobody HAS to spew every nasty thing they feel in their heart about other people. You CAN have negative OPINIONS about others and still keep that crap to yourself...you do NOT have to share it with others and try to get others to *side* with you.


Learn a little bit of self control people...this isn't elementary school, it's real LIFE and the people you rag on are REAL PEOPLE.


Oh..sorry to yell. Got a little hot there....LOL LOL

 

[Teejay32]

well, yes. Exactly.

 

[Buckalew]

Snoopy, I know exactly what you mean. I do that to. I leave a tiny part open because I honestly don't want to see someone as "all mean". I think I try to see good in people too. I have "friends" on different boards. At least I *think* they are friends. I try to be there for people when they are down or hurt. Mostly because I may be the next one hurting and I'll want a friend too.

Teejay, your post went right over my head. (Not unusal ) I'll hope that it was nice and if it wasn't, well, good then. I didn't even intentionally or unintentionally get my feelings hurt.

Oh and by the way, I haven't been hurt in a long, long time so please don't think I'm posting because of that. I'm just saying what I feel about the topic since it came up.

PS I hope that that doesn't mean my time has come.

 

[Teejay32]

Originally posted by Buckalew
Teejay, your post went right over my head. (Not unusual ) I'll hope that it was nice and if it wasn't, well, good then. I didn't even intentionally or unintentionally get my feelings hurt.

It was nice. Because you are very nice, and you're wise too. So someone venting about you would be....saying more about themselves. In my opinion.

 

[Buckalew]

Teejay,
That was so very kind. Thanks...you made my Monday. I think I'll print that part out about being wise and show it to Keith. He'll be so shocked. LOL

I think I'll leave it all alone before I mess things up. Interesting thoughts on this thread though. Thanks everyone.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Since I asked the original question, I guess I should add a reply.

Thanks for your answers, a very interesting read. When I said several nasties, I do mean a very, very small number, relative to the great number of folks who post here (and my only experience with posting on the Net is the DIS). By far, the great majority of people here are nice, and by far, the great majority of people I have met in person are also very nice, many having become good friends over the years.

Not part of a college research paper, just personally curious.

 

[ripleysmom]

"I'd rather someone saying I'm annoying here. THIS is to my face. Say it TO me. Either on the board or in a PM."

I have no problem with that Buck but there are many people on the DIS who do not subscribe to the same.


"Not a vent on another board where I will not respond."

That is your choice not to respond but certainly you have the option.


"Not in a PM to someone else either."

Like I said, that is not how a lot of people at the DIS work.


"Go ahead and PM me. I remember someone thinking a post of mine was ridiculous and saying so on here in a thread. Sure it hurt. But I knew how they felt to my face (not behind my back on another board or in a PM to someone else.)"

Well I don't consider a public board to be behind anyone's back. If someone wants to respond then they certainly have that right to rebut the vent.

Just remember though that the DIS is very well moderated. There are things that just cannot be said here since they would be considered a personal attack. Also some people just turn off their pms or ignore the poster so the option of PMing is out.


I do understand your point Buckalew but I hope that you can see why some people do pursue a course of action that you would not.

 

[JerseyJanice]

To answer the original question, YES!

 

[Buckalew]

Kim,
Responding to another board (which unless you have the link is behind your back IMO) isn't an option for me. Do you know how many times I have read where people chose that option and said something and were flogged? They were piled on, bashed and words were twisted beyond recognition. If I had a quarter for everytime I have read the phrase like this, "Why do you come here only when you have something bad to say??", I could leave for WDW tomorrow. The person who choses to post in their own defense never wins...never really even is able to make their point.

I do realize that we are to be nice on this board. It is moderated so that it will not become a free for all. I like that part of this place very much. But I do think you can say something critical and constructive or even get your point accross w/o being deleted. The poster who thought I was ridiculous wasn't deleted. I was not deleted for telling IGTD how I felt last night. It can be done. We both know that. I know we have both voiced our differing views in a respectful manner.

I simply don't like hearts aching. I'm being unreasonable, I know y'all are thinking that. Still, being respectful of other peoples views and feelings doesn't mean you have to be "mean" and cruel. I bet we could all agree about that.

 

[snoopy]

Well said, Buck. I took the opportunity a long time ago to voice my opinion on what was then known as a "free thinking, anything goes" board and was promptly banned for it. I haven't made that mistake again.

I have been able to work out my differences with those who I have had words with, via one-on-one contact, or simply by choosing to no longer be a victim to what they write about me. Because at the end of the day, when you turn off your PC and you see your kids and their smiling faces, and a husband who loves you, and friends both on the Internet and in real life who you cherish, it really means nothing.

 

[Buckalew]

Snoopy, I know you are right. I really do.

 

[snoopy]

I know you do, Buck, and I also know you have a heart that is huge. So therefore you stick your neck out for others. I'm the same way, I love that about myself and I love that about you.

I remember when I was in the 8th grade and I had this really good friend and neighbor, Larry, who was grossly overweight. And I remember we were walking down the hall at school and these mean kids commented that "he had bigger boobs than she does!". I was so horrified and upset for my friend, I felt that I would be physically ill. I screamed some obsenity at them, me standing there about 98 lbs. in my cheerleader outfit, and shut them all up. But what I took to heart was that anyone could feel that way about my friend who I loved so much and knew how wonderful he really is. I've toughened up a bit since then, but I still take it personally when someone I love is being treated unfairly.

Its just in our nature as kind hearted individuals to want to protect people who won't stand up for themselves. But when you think of the negative energy that is wasted when you put yourself out there in a situation like that, it becomes increasingly clear that the only person being hurt is you. Know what I mean? I don't always follow my own advice, but I'm always better off when I do.

 

[ILUVDXL]

A most interesting thread. I can say I've seen only one truely mean person on the boards and this was while I was lurking and hadn't yet joined. I think she was the reason it took me so long to register. I knew I didn't want to become the recepient of her venom. As I read through some of the replies, I began to wonder if sometimes we mistake someone's strong opinon on a subject as being mean rather than them just trying to get a point across.

 

[Buckalew]

Respectfully, ILUVDXL, I must say I know the difference between the 2. Most of the time what I read here isn't so mean and cruel because there are rules to follow and CC will "getcha" if you break them. Although it does happen here, people here post on other boards and that is where I'm coming from.

Snoopy, thanks for those nice words and for the story. Truly, I do love it here and really like most everyone because there is good in everyone. I hope no one thinks otherwise of me. That was not my purpose here.