What to do in Disney when your husband hates Disney....

[mjkacmom]

Sorry. I disagree. I don’t know how old the kids are, but they won’t be young forever. As a parent there is plenty I don’t love to do that I suck up & do for DS. I expect my DH to do the same & he does. If there is another vacation destination that everyone would enjoy then that’s fine. But OP has said that her DH told them to go without them, but that upsets the kids. I think that’s terrible especially if he knows that they’re upset. He’s the adult. Imo, he should suck it up for kids.

Our lives do not rotate around our kids. Some times we disappoint them, upset them, they survive and thrive. If the kids want to vacation with their dad, maybe they should ask dad what he’d like to do. We’ve suffered through activities for the sake of the kids (great wolf lodge, chucky cheese, camping), but have also said no. Dd21 has gone rough camping with my SIL, the rest of the family wants to go, I said be my guest, I’ll enjoy an empty house for a week, enjoy the lack of indoor plumbing and electricity without me.

 

[mummabear]

Maybe make a compromise..

For my DH the compromise would be us going without him.
He is getting “over it”, I think we will have 1 or 2 more trips with him.
The problem being even getting to DLR would cost $4000 just for the girls and I (in just flights) so not really something we can do as a “girls trip”

 

[Hikergirl]

I prefer my kids learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and that they are part of a family and that means we try to make everyone happy when it comes to things like "family" vacations.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Idk. There are some things like work & school that can’t be planned around DS. But, I absolutely believe that part of being a parent is to sacrifice my likes for his at least while he is young & they don’t interfere with things that have to be done. My DS has always been “precious” to me so that’s not something that’s changed. And my parents made many sacrifices for me so I don’t feel like it’s a new sentiment. Sure kids aren’t suffering if they can’t go to WDW or on vacation at all even. But, if we can’t afford something that’s one thing. But, not just b/c one of us doesn’t like something especially if it’s something like a WDW vacation that her kids really enjoy. I can understand him not liking it & expressing that. But, once I told him the kids were disappointed that he wasn’t going, I can’t imagine him just saying oh well?! Also, OP, why is it your job to delicately explain that dad is too selfish to suck up a vacation he doesn’t love just to be with them? Let him tell them.

Why should the dad have to suck it up with a guilt trip (literally and figuratively) for his hard earned vacation?

 

[LSUmiss]

How many times should he suck it up for the kids?

Until they’re adults or maybe older teenagers if they still want to go. I can’t imagine as a child my dad choosing not to be on vacation with us b/c he doesn’t like where we are going especially after expressing that it was disappointing that he wouldn’t be there. And, as a parent, I can’t imagine missing out on a family vacation b/c I don’t like the destination. I look at it like it’s about watching my DS enjoy things. That’s part of the enjoyment of the destination for me. If it was that big of a deal to DH, then I would ask what’s the issues that he hates the most & try to mitigate those things. But, if it’s b/c he would rather just play with cars & hunt instead of participate in what his family is doing, then I would have a problem with that.

 

[LSUmiss]

I prefer my kids learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and that they are part of a family and that means we try to make everyone happy when it comes to things like "family" vacations.

But everyone wants to go but dad. Seems like dad needs to learn the lesson of what it means to be part of a family.

 

[cabanafrau]

Idk. There are some things like work & school that can’t be planned around DS. But, I absolutely believe that part of being a parent is to sacrifice my likes for his at least while he is young & they don’t interfere with things that have to be done. My DS has always been “precious” to me so that’s not something that’s changed. And my parents made many sacrifices for me so I don’t feel like it’s a new sentiment. Sure kids aren’t suffering if they can’t go to WDW or on vacation at all even. But, if we can’t afford something that’s one thing. But, not just b/c one of us doesn’t like something especially if it’s something like a WDW vacation that her kids really enjoy. I can understand him not liking it & expressing that. But, once I told him the kids were disappointed that he wasn’t going, I can’t imagine him just saying oh well?! Also, OP, why is it your job to delicately explain that dad is too selfish to suck up a vacation he doesn’t love just to be with them? Let him tell them.

So the way to validate the precious value of children is to accede to their wishes and wants whenever possible? Isn't there value in parents deciding that the kids might enjoy the experience of visiting the Grand Canyon, the Outer Banks, the mighty redwoods, the beaches and wilderness of Acadia National Park, the Rocky Mountains, the German countryside, the museums of Paris, etc., etc.? Media exposure is enough for kids to have an idea they might want to go to Disney. Parental experience might be what it takes to understand their kids might like plenty of other destinations if only they were exposed to those as well.

As a bonus, maybe not a single family member might be forced to "suck up" the destination for the sake of the children alone.

 

[Hikergirl]

But everyone wants to go but dad. Seems like dad needs to learn the lesson of what it means to be part of a family.

But it also sounds like they have been before, and dad said they can go without him. Easy enough to do that and find a vacation spot for all of them to enjoy. The kids are 12 and up, not babies, old enough to discuss other things to do. Doesn't seem unreasonable.

 

[cabanafrau]

Until they’re adults or maybe older teenagers if they still want to go. I can’t imagine as a child my dad choosing not to be on vacation with us b/c he doesn’t like where we are going especially after expressing that it was disappointing that he wouldn’t be there. And, as a parent, I can’t imagine missing out on a family vacation b/c I don’t like the destination. I look at it like it’s about watching my DS enjoy things. That’s part of the enjoyment of the destination for me. If it was that big of a deal to DH, then I would ask what’s the issues that he hates the most & try to mitigate those things. But, if it’s b/c he would rather just play with cars & hunt instead of participate in what his family is doing, then I would have a problem with that.

So kids should be raised to have a mindset that their singular focus on enjoyment of Disney should override selecting a destination with appeal for the whole family?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I say go with your kids and explain to them dad would rather not go. You take them on a mom trip and maybe dad can take them on a trip with just him. Quality time with one parent is great IMO.

I don't think OP's DH is depriving his kids of anything. He's not saying that since he hates Disney no one can go. Sometimes kids can't see something being different. I think once they are there and having fun they won't even care that dad isn't there.

My SO went on our big Disney family trip. He had fun and really enjoyed himself. Fast forward to this year. DS is going on a senior trip to WDW in March. I told SO that I wanted to go separate from DS's trip in November. He told me that the next time he goes to WDW he wants to go without kids. So DD and I are going just us two and my SO and I are planning a couples only trip somewhere different. We will do an adults only Disney trip in the future.

 

[wvjules]

But everyone wants to go but dad. Seems like dad needs to learn the lesson of what it means to be part of a family.

Or the family could realize that dad HATES WDW and choose to go somewhere the they would all enjoy Disney is only one of a million vacation destinations. What about Disney makes people go so nuts about it? Heck, at the OPs kids' ages, they should see more of the world than a make believe world ruled over by a mouse.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Idk. There are some things like work & school that can’t be planned around DS. But, I absolutely believe that part of being a parent is to sacrifice my likes for his at least while he is young & they don’t interfere with things that have to be done. My DS has always been “precious” to me so that’s not something that’s changed. And my parents made many sacrifices for me so I don’t feel like it’s a new sentiment. Sure kids aren’t suffering if they can’t go to WDW or on vacation at all even. But, if we can’t afford something that’s one thing. But, not just b/c one of us doesn’t like something especially if it’s something like a WDW vacation that her kids really enjoy. I can understand him not liking it & expressing that. But, once I told him the kids were disappointed that he wasn’t going, I can’t imagine him just saying oh well?! Also, OP, why is it your job to delicately explain that dad is too selfish to suck up a vacation he doesn’t love just to be with them? Let him tell them.

He has sucked it up before. The OP said this isn't their first WDW vacation. He just doesn't like it. The kids are old enough to understand and respect that. Dad can plan his type of vacation and do something with the kids. Everything doesn't have to be all together all of the time.

 

[mjkacmom]

But everyone wants to go but dad. Seems like dad needs to learn the lesson of what it means to be part of a family.

Mom and two kids want to go, as an adult, dad’s vote trumps kids votes. He’s obviously gone before. When we decide on vacations, or even things like picking a restaurant, the kids have some say, but as parents, we make the final decision, if you don’t like it, too bad. With 5 kids, there is rarely a consensus.

 

[LSUmiss]

The OP made reference to the kids not knowing that the dh doesn't like WDW so it sounds like he's been there already.
I think some are unfairly judging the dh because of one comment about not wanting to go to recitals. We have no idea how many he has gone to in the past, if they require travel, are overnight trips etc. In a perfect world each parent would attend every single event that each one of their kids participate in. This isn't a perfect world, parents get run down, they have other things they want or need to do, they have other kids to take care of, there are financial considerations, and on and on.
Not wanting to go on a specific vacation destination, or not wanting to sit through a 2 hour long recital to see your kid perform for 10 minutes doesn't mean the guy doesn't want to spend time with his family. The OP's kids are older there is no reason a parent has to continue to do things they hate for their sake, they can actually sit down as a family and plan something they all want to do together. There is more that just Disney out there.

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

 

[soccerdad72]

How often are you going to Disney? Every year? More then once a year? Every two years?

Is it possible he just needs a different vacation. My husband enjoys Disney but would hate it if we went as often as I would like. So I try to plan other things in between Disney vacations. So if we take one vacation a year we only go every 2/3 years. If it was up to me we would go all the time till my daughter didn’t want to go.

Could you also split the Disney vacation? Maybe 3/4 days Disney 3/4 days doing something else?

Wish I had better advice but I wish you luck.

I was wondering the same thing. If Disney is the only place you vacation, I could understand someone getting sick of it.

 

[LSUmiss]

Our lives do not rotate around our kids. Some times we disappoint them, upset them, they survive and thrive. If the kids want to vacation with their dad, maybe they should ask dad what he’d like to do. We’ve suffered through activities for the sake of the kids (great wolf lodge, chucky cheese, camping), but have also said no. Dd21 has gone rough camping with my SIL, the rest of the family wants to go, I said be my guest, I’ll enjoy an empty house for a week, enjoy the lack of indoor plumbing and electricity without me.

I think it’s different if you’re talking about a grown child. I didn’t think OPs kids were that old.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

When it comes to vacation, it’s MY experience that it’s Dad who most often makes the sacrifice. True not only in my home, but the vast majority of my friends & DW’s friends as well.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

There's things I don't do with my kids because I just don't like it. They go with their dad or my SO. Or I send them just the two of them. I love that they are at an age where I can drop them off at the movie theater and come back and get them. No more wasting money on a movie I never wanted to watch! They are old enough to understand this now.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

DH takes my girls to a dance competition every July, usually somewhere nice and hot, like Orlando. He does it because I don’t want to. My parents never catered to the kids, we had zero say in vacations, some were torture (driving to Florida from NJ in a station wagon, both parents smoked, to visit the grandparents at a 55+ community for a week, every year (they were sunbirds, they lived 3 blocks away from us most of the year). Were you also an only child?

 

[soccerdad72]

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

Dads sacrifice just as much as moms. And sit-coms and other media like to portray dads as idiots, so I wouldn't use that as a basis for anything.