Weddings: In Lieu of Favors; a donation. What do you think?

[Starbrite]

If you feel so strongly about donating to charity in a public way, then I would skip the floral arrangements at the table. I would instead, put a single candle with a card that read "Since our loved ones (you can name them) could not be here to celebrate with us, a donation to X in their name has been made in lieu of a table arrangement."

I don't think anyone would begrudge you giving up your flowers and they could still have some chocolate!

I love this idea!!! It's a Win-Win

 

[Cooky]

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[castmemberb4]

Do it!
I admit I have not read the other posts.
In 2009 When my niece was getting married I worked hard to convince her not to do favors. We tried to do cake boxes so we could get rid of the extra. However the caterer baulked at that thought, they didn't want to cut it all up. In the end she decided on a donation to the Pet Rescue that she works for, they did donate the amount they would have spent on favors.
They also posted a sign at the reception to say where the donation was going.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Considering the judgemental types here on the DIS its not really all that possible to not offend someone some of the time, so if you are going to find someting to be offended by, whether its the charity of choice that a donation was made (again, not even in your name so why would you care ) or the bridesmaids wearing the wrong color for the season, decline the invite and stay home.
If you are the kind of guest who doesn't see the invite, the nice dinner, the dessert or the night of entertainment you get as the bride and groom as being a good host and hostess for letting you share their day with them, I imagine you arent the type they invited by choice

ETA I'm not saying that the bride and groom shouldn't take their guests into account with what they do, however they shouldn't put whats important to their wedding day aside for their guests. If donating to a charity is important to the bride because it has touched her family (like the OP) then I don't see a problem with possibly offending someone by it. YOu can't please everyone and for goodness sakes I think people have the right to not worry about pleasing everyone on their wedding day.

So someone asks for an opinion, you give it then it's not something you like, then we are judgmental?

If the OP was asking to see if others think it's a good idea, she got a lot of "NOs." Doesn't mean she has to change her plans, but now she knows not everyone loves the idea.

 

[luvmy3]

So someone asks for an opinion, you give it then it's not something you like, then we are judgmental?

If the OP was asking to see if others think it's a good idea, she got a lot of "NOs." Doesn't mean she has to change her plans, but now she knows not everyone loves the idea.

You've been a DISer since 2004, with your low post count I assume you don't visit the community board all that often if you think I was talking about this thread specifically.

 

[MrsPete]

Favors are entirely unnecessary.
Likewise, I can't see informing your guests that you've made a donation to this or that charity. No need to tangle that up with the wedding.

Just skip the favors, and make a donation -- when it suits you, privately -- to the charity of your choice.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Donations instead of favors is very common nowadays. Contact the group you're donating to and they will give you cards for the tables.

 

[luvsJack]

Good grief! Do some people just go around LOOKING for something to be insulted by? Seriously?

OP, I think that its a great thing that you want to take some of the money that would be spent at your wedding and give it to charity.

Favors are pointless and a waste of money. (I mean, really, if anything is tacky it really is those beer huggers with the couples name that don't keep a darn thing cold! or that matchbooks or even the little packs of stale almonds.) Why buy something that is just going in the garbage when you can give to some organization that will do some good?

I think you should give the money to the charity, do the cards you mentioned or something similar and place candles in honor of the loved ones you have lost and are remembering by making the donations. It IS your wedding and it IS your decision and I think its wonderful that you are thinking of doing this.

 

[JaneBanks]

Honestly, if a donation, no matter how it is written, comes off poorly and insulting to someone, the problem is with the "someone' and not the one doing the donating.

Let's get some perspective people.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly, if a donation, no matter how it is written, comes off poorly and insulting to someone, the problem is with the "someone' and not the one doing the donating.

Let's get some perspective people.

Good to know. I will make sure to donate to Planned Parenthood in your honor. Or how about NORML...

I can see the note now....A donation has been made for the fight for the legalization of marijuana in your honor.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Honestly, if a donation, no matter how it is written, comes off poorly and insulting to someone, the problem is with the "someone' and not the one doing the donating.

Let's get some perspective people.

Honestly, if a donation has to be announced, it's a purchase - not a donation.

 

[JaneBanks]

Good to know. I will make sure to donate to Planned Parenthood in your honor.

Please do. I would have no problem with that.

Is that supposed to be some kind of moral insult?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Please do. I would have no problem with that.

Is that supposed to be some kind of moral insult?

More tongue in cheek to be obvious.

I am just saying that not everyone agrees with everyone's direction and to inject that nonsense into your wedding is like the people that give out religious cards at Halloween.

It is in poor taste to announce things like that.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Personally, I think it's a nice thing that you'd be giving donations instead of some trinket that I'll either accidentally leave in the car, on the table, or will collect dust on a shelf. I'm not a big "favor" gal, I never really got the concept. So if the money is going to be spent anyway, I'd rather see it go to an organization that will help people in their time of need.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

The "I want a favor, dangit" folks aren't going to be appeased by a "we thought of buying you a favor but decided against it" card. They might be guilted into shutting up about their selfishness in thinking they were entitled to a favor, but it's unlikely to solve the problem of them being offended.

Some people are just like that, and no matter what you do it won't appease them.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm not a fan of favors in general - I really think they are unnecessary. That said, I have been surprised by what a polarizing topic this can be, even on etiquette forums. I can definitely understand part of the problem some people have with it - unless your donation is going to a cause that you know your guest supports, it really isn't a gift for them. It's a gift for the charity that you care choosing to support, and sticking someone else's name on a card doesn't somehow make it a gift for them as well. I don't really understand telling people that the donation is in lieu of a favor. You are choosing to spend your money on a donation to an organization that you want to support instead of on favors and I actually think that's a great idea, but I don't see the point in publicizing that.

Still, most people wouldn't be offended by that. But I hadn't realized just how controversial some charities really are. Some animal and cancer related charities, in particular, are considered extremely objectionable by some people. I must admit that there's one cancer related charity that I have a huge problem with and I'd be annoyed to have my name associated with them. I don't care what charities other people choose to support, but I don't ever want anything given to that charity in my name. It wouldn't offend me if someone gave a donation to that charity in my name, but it would irritate me and I'd have a hard time not telling them why exactly I object to that organization. Some people feel strongly enough about certain charities that they would actually be offended by a donation in their name, which is why I think that sort of thing should be avoided unless you know for certain that the person the gift is supposed to be for actually supports the specific organization you've chosen.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Thanks everyone! I am going to stick with my idea on this one. The reason why I asked was b/c I never heard of anyone being offended by something like this. I am just going to do the donation to one of the charity's w/ the cards, how I'll word it, that I'm not sure yet.
I've never been to a wedding that didn't have favors of some sort. I think its just silly to put money into favors that people usually just leave behind or throw away once they get home. The money would be put to better use at a charity.
Thanks! If its tacky then it is what it is I guess.

 

[luvmy3]

More tongue in cheek to be obvious.

I am just saying that not everyone agrees with everyone's direction and to inject that nonsense into your wedding is like the people that give out religious cards at Halloween.

It is in poor taste to announce things like that.

Thats your opinion, and there are many on this thread who think its not. You also keep saying making a donation in your honor to XYZ charity but thats not whats being talked about here, the OP is making a donation, not in honor of each of her guests.

Carly, I've read your posts, you seem intelligent enough to know what a purchase is, surely you know that announcing a donation has nothing to do with making a purchase .

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thats your opinion, and there are many on this thread who think its not. You also keep saying making a donation in your honor to XYZ charity but thats not whats being talked about here, the OP is making a donation, not in honor of each of her guests.

Carly, I've read your posts, you seem intelligent enough to know what a purchase is, surely you know that announcing a donation has nothing to do with making a purchase .

Eh, whateves....Some people will think it is stupid and some people with think it is great.

I think it is ignorant to announce how you would rather give money to charity than give your guests something for their table. It is, what it is.

I am in the skip the favor camp, if you don't want them.

It reminds me of a movie...I will have to think of it.

 

[JaneBanks]

Well, I gave a donation AND a favor! (I'm not lying for the heck of it. I posted in the other wedding favor thread before I posted in this one.)

What does that make me? An attention seeking giver? Did I insult my guests by confusing them? Giving a favor didn't give my horn a loud enough toot so I added that donation on for that extra special "look at me!" factor? My wedding wasn't tacky enough with the donation so I "tacked" on an extra?

 

[monorailsilver]

I am not a favor fan either. But I did favors as did my sisters. I forget what one of my sisters did my my other sister & I did Hershey bars & we made, OK I made both wrappers. I have also been to a wedding with dipped chocolate covered spoons to use for dessert-simple, cheap & enjoyed & I didn't have to take anything home.

So if you wanted to donate you can do that & candy or a spoon with chocolate with a little note that says a donation was made, etc.... Those are cheap, well the spoon is really cheap & easy to do.