Wedding invitation with rules

[mrsstats79]

If the wedding invite specifies unreasonable demands/expectations, you can simply decline and not attend. Telling people what color to wear/not wear seems a bit excessive to me. I honestly have no idea what 'cocktail wear' looks like and any summer wedding in someone's backyard seems like you can really wear whatever you want to a dressy outdoor event. I doubt someone will be standing guard at the front door passing judgement on whether your attire is suitable for their party.

I have never attended any wedding where all of the guests were in the wedding group photos so I don't see that as a reason for telling people what colors to not wear. Those were always for the bridal party, immediate family and perhaps grandparents. A woman's summer floral dress might have a wide variety of colors.

I really can't not attend since it is my nephew.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I really can't not attend since it is my nephew.

Yep, you are stuck. Hope blue, green and gold aren't your favorite colors. In this case, since you have to attend, just go with a good attitude so you can have a fun time. It's a good discussion topic, but not worth being annoyed about and stressing over (though I probably would still be irritated a bit ). I hope you end up having a fun time!

 

[sam_gordon]

I think that you are missing my point. It has long been standard for people to not wear white to a wedding other than the bride. No one ONLY owns white clothing. Honestly, you are never going to understand my point so I am no longer responding to you.

Here's what I understand about your point... you look at the "big picture" and are worried about the thoughts of the guests. No host should make any clothing request of guests because a guest might feel bad if they can't honor such a request. If the guest doesn't have an outfit to fill the request, they may have to purchase one and that could be financially difficult for them or they may not find one that's comfortable.

BUT, it's also improper to wear a white outfit to a wedding, and no one only has a white outfit.

ETA: I'm not saying requests can't be unreasonable (see the article posted earlier). IN THIS CASE however, I don't think the request is "ridiculous" or "selfish". The request was asking guests to avoid four colors, one of which is a traditional wedding no no.

 

[Southernmiss]

I really can't not attend since it is my nephew.

Since it's a close relative, have you heard why the request for no blue, green, gold or white clothing for guests?

Just curious.

 

[JLTraveling]

So the divorce was something like this?
View attachment 766136

 

[TLSnell1981]

And you don't think that there will be people, especially the younger ones, who won't look at the odd person out and snicker about them about how they couldn't follow the "request"? In a perfect world, where everyone is nice, this wouldn't be an issue. But also in a perfect world, the couple would not put "requests" like this out to their friends and family. The thought would never even pop into my head to ask my guests to wear a certain outfit or color. And your comment about the black tie, if you know that your family and friends are not wealthy and would not be able to afford to buy that kind of clothing just for your wedding, then don't have a wedding where you alienate your family. Why are you having a wedding celebration to begin with if you want to alienate and make your friends and family uncomfortable. I wouldn't go to those types of wedding that only want the "rich" friends and family. I guess then you would know the type of people they are.

The wedding celebration IS all about the bride and groom. Why would any feel it should revolve around their preferences?

One must be wealthy to afford certain colors or dress casual clothing? Just changing a top for a skirt or pants can “dress up” an outfit. Shoes can also elevate one’s attire too. You can find nice clothing in thrift stores or resale sites. They don’t need to be expensive.

 

[Lumpy1106]

I really can't not attend since it is my nephew.

I am close with my Aunt and grew up with her kids. Her son held his wedding 2 hours away, on a Sunday night during the school year, and specifically stated, "no kids". We had 2 kids in grammar school. We declined - there was really no way that was going to work. Agree that the wedding is about the couple, but sometimes the requests of the couple get too onerous. You draw your own line.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Since it's a close relative, have you heard why the request for no blue, green, gold or white clothing for guests?

Just curious.

Not the OP, but my guess is:

The wedding party are in a "blue-green" color. To avoid confusion, they just said both.
The mom's are wearing gold.
White is a no-no anyway, but just in case...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am close with my Aunt and grew up with her kids. Her son held his wedding 2 hours away, on a Sunday night during the school year, and specifically stated, "no kids". We had 2 kids in grammar school. We declined - there was really no way that was going to work. Agree that the wedding is about the couple, but sometimes the requests of the couple get too onerous. You draw your own line.

Childcare is a really good reason to not be able to attend a wedding (irrespective of request for no kid). Majority of people who even say no kids do understand when people decline for that (only a very small minority hardly worth gossiping about would have an issue with it). I went to a wedding where there was no kids requested and not a darn person thought it was onerous, although that was the wedding where the chicken and fish orders were reversed so the wedding was talked about for that reason of running out of chicken but that's not about the invite request.

But making your line in the sand about a wedding invite saying avoid 4 colors (one of which you should anyways) doesn't seem like a good reason for an aunt to not attend their nephew's wedding unless said aunt really had no relationship with nephew. But if someone is going to forever tell the great story of the audacity of their nephew they may want to decline the invite so as not to be that person (not directed to the OP on a personal level whatsoever) at the wedding.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The wedding celebration IS all about the bride and groom. Why would any feel it should revolve around their preferences?

One must be wealthy to afford certain colors or dress casual clothing? Just changing a top for a skirt or pants can “dress up” an outfit. Shoes can also elevate one’s attire too. You can find nice clothing in thrift stores or resale sites. They don’t need to be expensive.

As a clearance queen I certainly object to this concept that clothing is for the wealthy. Vast majority of my clothing has been bought on clearance or really good sales as full price makes me uncomfortable lol.

I'm on the hunt for dressy/casual sandals right now and while I haven't found what I'm looking for (or they are out of stock of my size) many of the stores are running sales.

I must have missed that earlier comment but am not certain how we got to rich and wealthy with respects to the colors being discussed. I've been bargain shopping (not even at thrift or resale sites just normal shopping) basically my entire life and have found fantastic outfits even when I was dirt poor

 

[Lumpy1106]

It's a tough thing planning a wedding. I know for us the location was the tough call. There literally was not a location that would not be inconvenient for a good percentage of the people we invited - so we made it convenient for us. That said, if you got an invite, it was not sent lightly and we 100% wanted you there - we were not just fishing for gifts off the registry. If that meant you came in jeans and flip-flops so be it. The fact that you made the effort meant everything to us.
Not really understanding why anyone would purposely make it more complicated for their guests, but to each their own.

FWIW - yes, we did get a big guest shot for our album and we cherish it like no other. So yes, that is a thing.

 

[mefordis]

I have a great idea for this type of bride. Why doesn't she just hire her guests? She can assign them costumes, have them pose correctly for the photos, and behave the way she wants them to. Gifts can come from the bridal shower. Think of the great pictures and video she'll have.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not really understanding why anyone would purposely make it more complicated for their guests, but to each their own.

I 100% think all my friend's weddings and relative's weddings were the same way, same as ours, but when someone thinks that any thing mentioned on an invite is purposefully making it more complicated for them personally you need to rethink some things, or in other words check yourself because you do need to remember just as you said weddings are hard. Not everything is about some slight against a guest.

 

[Lilsia]

As a clearance queen I certainly object to this concept that clothing is for the wealthy. Vast majority of my clothing has been bought on clearance or really good sales as full price makes me uncomfortable lol.

I'm on the hunt for dressy/casual sandals right now and while I haven't found what I'm looking for (or they are out of stock of my size) many of the stores are running sales.

I must have missed that earlier comment but am not certain how we got to rich and wealthy with respects to the colors being discussed. I've been bargain shopping (not even at thrift or resale sites just normal shopping) basically my entire life and have found fantastic outfits even when I was dirt poor

He is taking one point, the money, and making my post all about that. A lot of people with different body types actually struggle to find clothing that fit properly. It is easy for an average shaped person to say, "just go get something to wear", when that is not a reality for some people. Of course that is not the bridal couple's problem, but this comes down to, is it really that important what color someone is wearing to your wedding reception(of course I am not talking about wearing a white dress so lets drop that already)? When a couple is more concerned with what their pictures look like than they are about celebrating their wedding with friends and family, you wonder what the point of the wedding is.

 

[kymom99]

He is taking one point, the money, and making my post all about that. A lot of people with different body types actually struggle to find clothing that fit properly. It is easy for an average shaped person to say, "just go get something to wear", when that is not a reality for some people. Of course that is not the bridal couple's problem, but this comes down to, is it really that important what color someone is wearing to your wedding reception(of course I am not talking about wearing a white dress so lets drop that already)? When a couple is more concerned with what their pictures look like than they are about celebrating their wedding with friends and family, you wonder what the point of the wedding is.

Thank you for saying that! Exactly my issue. I do not like to shop and when I have to, it’s hard to find something that fits and looks decent. Blue happens to be my color. I have 2 dressy dresses and both are blue. But they are navy. What kind of blue are we talking about? When you are over weight, this automatically becomes stressful.

I got married the first time in 1989. Church wedding and reception in church undercroft. My ex said that people in his family would wear jeans. I didn’t really believe that, but if they did, I wasn’t going to fret over it. Turns out they didn’t, but I wouldn’t have noticed if they did. My second wedding, if I had tried to tell my guests what colors to avoid or whatever, my mother in law, and probably husbands siblings, would have eaten me alive. I’ve never had anyone tell me what to wear to a wedding other than mentioning cocktail attire.

My friends daughter got married maybe 6-7 years ago. My friend told us her daughter wanted us to be comfortable and she was fine with casual clothes. Jeans included. I wore jeans, a sweater, and boots. I could have gone a little dressier and felt fine too. The difference is, the bride wanted people to come and be comfortable.

Not to mention, this is much easier for men. Pick a different tie to wear with your white shirt. Or do you wear a white shirt? What if a man wears a suit that looks like the wedding party. Gasp! Someone might mistake him for the best man!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

He is taking one point, the money, and making my post all about that. A lot of people with different body types actually struggle to find clothing that fit properly. It is easy for an average shaped person to say, "just go get something to wear", when that is not a reality for some people. Of course that is not the bridal couple's problem, but this comes down to, is it really that important what color someone is wearing to your wedding reception(of course I am not talking about wearing a white dress so lets drop that already)? When a couple is more concerned with what their pictures look like than they are about celebrating their wedding with friends and family, you wonder what the point of the wedding is.

Yeah but that's not really what that particular post of yours was about although I can understand your frustration.

For financials it's less of a problem when you're talking about most commonly thought of guest wedding attire and even less when you're talking about casual. All of my more nice dresses have been bought on the cheap just getting deals. I have a formal length ball gown style I bought for one of my husband's holiday parties (that I wore once I might add) that was $35 at Macy's. I have a great flapper style beaded dress (though it's heavy) that I bought inexpensive as well, originally bought for my husband's work party but I did wear it to a wedding as well. I wasn't wealthy nor rich here.

I haven't spent much at all on any one item of clothing except back in high school for my two proms and 1 homecoming dress (I remember the prom being $100 or so although I had a JCP employee discount that helped). I've been to the stores over the last few months and all have been having sales on formal dresses be it prom, cocktail, or wedding attire.

People have been going to weddings for forever, I don't think we can talk about body types and such as far as that being the limiting factor as a norm. I'm a short person with no waist with a large chest....I know how it can be (maxi dresses are never ever going to work for me as much as I'd love to and I have to be careful about wear a waist seam is, empire waists if there's a seam work the best) and I still could manage to find something to wear that wasn't green, white, gold or blue. Blue is my fav color and so I have a lot of that, green looks great on me as it pulls the green out of my eyes even more. I stay away from white a lot because it can get dirty (and it's a wedding so you know) and gold ehh I don't have much of that at all. But two of my best colors are in the no go list and I could still find something to work. I bought a lovely under $20 more wintery fabric dress two falls ago (it was an online return admittedly that the store reduced even more due to that but it was bought at Khol's) that I wore to a December wedding.

My husband is 6 ft 5 1/2 inches and needs tall but not big for shirts, late last year he bought three Charles Tyrwhitt dress shirts for under $100 total for all 3 those were tall and slender.

If someone really really really can't abide wear the clothing even if it's been requested not but you'll probably see majority of couples shrug it off in the end especially the farther away from the wedding couple you are in relationship.

I'm with you on the understanding that some requests are a burden but not all requests are of the same gravity and for the majority of the people it's not going to be a big deal in the end to try and avoid certain colors, it's just chafing people to have a direct request in there.

Back to the money part I think talking about some of the extra wedding events (even traditional ones like bachelorette) that require a lot of heavy financial investment and time and done frequently (due to number of people someone knows that is getting married) are better served for your wealthy, rich, conversation IMO.

 

[BayouQueen]

He is taking one point, the money, and making my post all about that. A lot of people with different body types actually struggle to find clothing that fit properly. It is easy for an average shaped person to say, "just go get something to wear", when that is not a reality for some people. Of course that is not the bridal couple's problem, but this comes down to, is it really that important what color someone is wearing to your wedding reception(of course I am not talking about wearing a white dress so lets drop that already)? When a couple is more concerned with what their pictures look like than they are about celebrating their wedding with friends and family, you wonder what the point of the wedding is.

You earlier mentioned grandma. If someone told my MIL she couldn’t wear purple….she would still have to wear purple. She’s 85, she doesn’t shop, she only owns purple.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You earlier mentioned grandma. If someone told my MIL she couldn’t wear purple….she would still have to wear purple. She’s 85, she doesn’t shop, she only owns purple.

I think when people make any such notations on their wedding they fully understand how 85 year old grandma is and aren't putting an expectation on her..

I'm pretty sure no one in either side of our family thought any sort of comment regarding attire (and I can't remember if we made one) was applying to any of our autistic family members...because well it's understood why such and such wouldn't apply to so and so (insert whatever you want other than autistic and it would still be the same).

 

[sk!mom]

I wonder how many people would deduct the cost of a new outfit from the gift amount.

I’ve never done that but back in my stricter budget days, I think I gave a smaller cash gift a time or two due to the travel, hotel, expenses involved in attending a wedding. I could decline and give a larger gift or attend and give a smaller gift because of the expenses of attendance.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I find it humourous that so many are calling the bride and groom entitled, while complaining about not being able to wear one of four colors out of the numerous colors available. I agree that some requests are over the top, but I don't think this is one of them. It's four colors. Most people agree it's really only three.