Wedding invitation with rules

[mrsstats79]

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail. Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght summer dress.

 

[wegotodisney]

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail. Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght summer dress.

The thing with asking guests to wear a certain color, or avoid certain colors, has become a thing lately. It's for the purpose of having a color scheme that works with the wedding color theme, to make the group photos look coordinated. Thank social media!

As for cocktail attire in the back yard, I guess it's appropriate if it's a really nice backyard. Hopefully there's a large patio, or pool deck, or some kind of paved surface. High heals don't work well in the grass.

 

[tvguy]

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail. Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght summer dress.

So neon orange is okay?

 

[wegotodisney]

So neon orange is okay?

Since the invitation says cocktail attire, they probably didn't feel like they needed to worry about seeing much neon orange.

 

[_19disnA]

If the wedding invite specifies unreasonable demands/expectations, you can simply decline and not attend. Telling people what color to wear/not wear seems a bit excessive to me. I honestly have no idea what 'cocktail wear' looks like and any summer wedding in someone's backyard seems like you can really wear whatever you want to a dressy outdoor event. I doubt someone will be standing guard at the front door passing judgement on whether your attire is suitable for their party.

I have never attended any wedding where all of the guests were in the wedding group photos so I don't see that as a reason for telling people what colors to not wear. Those were always for the bridal party, immediate family and perhaps grandparents. A woman's summer floral dress might have a wide variety of colors.

 

[wegotodisney]

The thing with asking guests to wear a certain color, or avoid certain colors, has become a thing lately. It's for the purpose of having a color scheme that works with the wedding color theme, to make the group photos look coordinated. Thank social media!

As for cocktail attire in the back yard, I guess it's appropriate if it's a really nice backyard. Hopefully there's a large patio, or pool deck, or some kind of paved surface. High heals don't work well in the grass.

In my post above, when I refer to the group photos having a coordinated look, I'm referring to the candid photos that the photographer takes while milling about the reception, not the staged formal photos involving only the wedding party and close family. Traditionally the wedding party would all dress alike or similar, with the bridesmaids' dresses using the main color of the wedding theme. The groomsmen's ties, pocket squares, and cummerbunds would also be the wedding color or colors. That idea has evolved to now having all guests match to some degree. Of course, not all couples insist on this, but it has become quite common for the wedding invitation to request that guests refrain from certain colors, chose from certain colors, or even specifically wear one requested color.

 

[kymom99]

My nephew is getting married in July at a nice event center. The only thing regarding dress they mentioned is “cocktail” on the couple’s webpage. I would imagine a number of people would never look at the webpage. I hate going to weddings anymore because I can’t find dresses that look good these days. I may wear a pants suit.

 

[disykat]

I would think that would lead to a lot of people turning down invitations if they don't have the right colors to wear. Most of my summer dresses are variations of blue or green. I don't normally wear black to weddings, but that would be my only option. If it was immediate family or best friend I would buy a new dress, but otherwise I guess I'd decline.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

Any wedding where I’m asked to dress a certain way, especially certain colors, It’s a big NO for me. If I don’t have anything in my closet suitable to wear I’m certainly not going to spend money on an outfit just for somebody’s snobby wedding.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail. Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght summer dress.

Wear a wedding dress - it’s white so you pass the dress code!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I guess I'm the only one that wouldn't have a problem with this. If I wanted to go to the wedding, I'd find a cocktail dress in one of the many colors/pattern that weren't listed. If not, I wouldn't have gone anyway.

 

[Disneylover99]

If they asked me not to wear black, I’d need to decline. It’s all I’ve got. Lol.

 

[leebee]

DD is a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer. This weekend is the bachelorette party- which is a weekend, of course- and the bride has dictated what colors the bridesmaids are to wear to each event of the weekend! Bride is quickly getting -zilla tagged onto her name!

 

[wegotodisney]

I guess I'm the only one that wouldn't have a problem with this. If I wanted to go to the wedding, I'd find a cocktail dress in one of the many colors/pattern that weren't listed. If not, I wouldn't have gone anyway.

No, you're not the only one who wouldn't have a problem with it. It's the bride and grooms day. They can have whatever they want. If they are important to me, I'll do whatever they need to make the day special. That said, I don't have any unreasonable or "snobby" (as someone above called them) people in my life, so I'm sure any requests I would receive are all in good fun. I don't need much of an excuse to buy a new dress, and my family's weddings are always a big hoot.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I live in the land of all those formal weddings hated by the DIS (pay for your plate, pretty formal dress expected) and if someone told me a color code I would just decline. That's insane. I usually try to figure out the bridesmaids' dress color if I can so I can do something different. But that's just me.

I've told this story before but I had my wedding in my parents' backyard especially because they were moving out of the house they lived in for 40 years so I wanted a party and a pictures in the yard and the house. A grand finale! Originally we told people to wear resort wear. Which can literally be looked up on google if anyone was confused. When temps went crazy and it was the hottest day on record then we reached out to everyone and said wear whatever you can. We don't care, we just care to see you there if you feel comfortable in whatever you feel comfortable. Out of 104 yes-es 100 showed up so I think we did okay. And the 4 that didn't were older aunts and uncles on both sides that had no business being out in the heat so we were glad they made that decision. My genius wedding planner took every wash cloth, dish towel, and hand towel in the house and froze them and then served them on platters. It was a great idea!

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

My nephew is getting married in July at a nice event center. The only thing regarding dress they mentioned is “cocktail” on the couple’s webpage. I would imagine a number of people would never look at the webpage. I hate going to weddings anymore because I can’t find dresses that look good these days. I may wear a pants suit.

Pant suits are great! I wouldn’t feel bad about that at all!

 

[ronandannette]

I don't love it, and would be mortified if my own kids tried it, but yes, I'd probably comply if the couple was important to me. @mrsstats79 - FWIW, depending on the time of day, whatever you had in mind for a summer dress will probably pass just fine as long as it's not on the prohibited colour list. Throw on a little bling, some strappy sandals, carry a clutch-purse and you're there!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Me? I'd wear what I want. If that was not good enough, I'd skip it.

 

[JLTraveling]

When I married my now ex-husband, we had a medieval themed wedding at a local horse ranch. So we asked (NOT required) everyone to wear something that fit the theme. Out of about 150 guests, at least 130 or so complied. Some went all out in full costumes, others put together outfits from what they already owned that were reminiscent of the time period. Even my very conservative grandparents were very in theme, though not in all out costumes. All were welcome, regardless of what they were wearing, but it did make things a bit more fun to have nearly everyone sitting around the fire in medieval-style attire. And I would imagine they were a lot more comfortable traipsing through damp grass and sitting on hay bales than they would have been in traditional summer wedding attire.

 

[kymom99]

When I married my now ex-husband, we had a medieval themed wedding at a local horse ranch. So we asked (NOT required) everyone to wear something that fit the theme. Out of about 150 guests, at least 130 or so complied. Some went all out in full costumes, others put together outfits from what they already owned that were reminiscent of the time period. Even my very conservative grandparents were very in theme, though not in all out costumes. All were welcome, regardless of what they were wearing, but it did make things a bit more fun to have nearly everyone sitting around the fire in medieval-style attire. And I would imagine they were a lot more comfortable traipsing through damp grass and sitting on hay bales than they would have been in traditional summer wedding attire.

This to me makes sense because some people have beach theme, western theme, etc. and it’s suggested but not required. To me it’s much different from being told what color to wear.

There was a recent thread where the poster said formal gowns were required and the bride went to great lengths to explain what was and was not acceptable.

I can see young people going along with these expectations and thinking it’s fun. That’s really who it’s aimed at. But let’s be honest, If aunt sally wears a cotton dress with a cardigan, no one is really going to say anything. (I used the cotton dress/cardigan example because my niece was married 2 years ago. The reception was at a country club. My 76 year old cousin wore a cotton casual dress and a cardigan. She’s short and heavy and has bad feet so her shoes were orthopedic.) after a certain age, people earn the right to wear what they are comfortable in. It’s one thing to be respectful in what you choose to wear and another to feel welcomed wearing what you have that’s comfortable for you.