Wedding invitation with rules

[hrhdhd]

I find it humourous that so many are calling the bride and groom entitled, while complaining about not being able to wear one of four colors out of the numerous colors available. I agree that some requests are over the top, but I don't think this is one of them. It's four colors. Most people agree it's really only three.

For me, it's not the colors or how many. It's the chutzpah of making the request. Am I being invited to a photoshoot or a wedding?

 

[sam_gordon]

For me, it's not the colors or how many. It's the chutzpah of making the request. Am I being invited to a photoshoot or a wedding?

But there's all kinds of requests regarding weddings. We've discussed different dress code, but what about "no kids" weddings? Is it ok for a bride and groom to put "no kids" on the invitation? I mean, are they not thinking about those who can't get child care? How dare they!

And we still don't know WHY they've asked others to avoid the colors. In my opinion, as a request, this one really isn't bad.

 

[Babs Johnson]

I wonder how many people would deduct the cost of a new outfit from the gift amount.

My father-in-law might. He always gave cash for wedding gifts. I suppose he had a standard starting amount then added or deducted based on 101 different factors.

Was the food good? Did he have a good table? Music too loud? Guests had to pay for alcohol? Did the bride and groom personally come to the table and profusely thank him for attending?

Once I saw him add cash to the gift envelope and twice remove money from it.

 

[hrhdhd]

But there's all kinds of requests regarding weddings. We've discussed different dress code, but what about "no kids" weddings? Is it ok for a bride and groom to put "no kids" on the invitation? I mean, are they not thinking about those who can't get child care? How dare they!

And we still don't know WHY they've asked others to avoid the colors. In my opinion, as a request, this one really isn't bad.

Technically, one shouldn't have to put "no kids" on an invitation. The invitation is addressed only to the people who are invited. Kids' names not there? They're not invited.

 

[kymom99]

Technically, one shouldn't have to put "no kids" on an invitation. The invitation is addressed only to the people who are invited. Kids' names not there? They're not invited.

That’s right.

When I was a kid I went to countless weddings. We are Catholic and my mom comes from a huge family. Things are different now for a number of reasons. Weddings are structured differently in general. My first wedding we had catering and estimated how much food to order. No rsvps or seating charts. We also would never invite someone and not include their spouse but I’ve been to a couple weddings of coworkers where my husband was not included. We also invited the parents of our wedding party. Things are just different today. The weddings I go to now are more formal and people don’t have space for kids. I can remember when the no kids thing became the norm. A cousin got married and did not invite kids. One of his close cousins on the other side of the family chose not to come because his kids weren’t invited. They were pretty mad about it. Now it’s more common and people take it in stride.

 

[mjkacmom]

That’s right.

When I was a kid I went to countless weddings. We are Catholic and my mom comes from a huge family. Things are different now for a number of reasons. Weddings are structured differently in general. My first wedding we had catering and estimated how much food to order. No rsvps or seating charts. We also would never invite someone and not include their spouse but I’ve been to a couple weddings of coworkers where my husband was not included. We also invited the parents of our wedding party. Things are just different today. The weddings I go to now are more formal and people don’t have space for kids. I can remember when the no kids thing became the norm. A cousin got married and did not invite kids. One of his close cousins on the other side of the family chose not to come because his kids weren’t invited. They were pretty mad about it. Now it’s more common and people take it in stride.

I live in an area where it’s always been no kids at weddings (Catholic). I attended my first wedding after college (sorority sister). Most of my young adult kids have never been to a wedding.

 

[mom2rtk]

I live in an area where it’s always been no kids at weddings (Catholic). I attended my first wedding after college (sorority sister). Most of my young adult kids have never been to a wedding.

What does being Catholic have to do with it? I was a tons of big Catholic weddings as a child. Tons of kids at each one of them.

 

[leebee]

I would have trouble with this because my only "dressier" dress for summer is blue. I don't really have dresses in my wardrobe, due to my job. I mostly wear jeans at work because my work (research/teaching labs) is tough on clothing. We don't have a mall (well, we do but it's dead) so my choices for shopping are Target, Walmart, or Kohl's. We have a Marshall's that carries "normal" sizes (so no women's, no petites, etc) and Mardens- which I can't even begin to describe but they buy out lots and the stores are icky/musty smelling. I am hard to fit, and can only wear crocs due to foot issues. If it was an important wedding, I'd find something to fit the dress code, but it's not just as simple as running to the mall to find something decent that fits, because going shopping at a semi-decent store that carries clothes in my size/age group pretty much isn't an option here.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My father-in-law might. He always gave cash for wedding gifts. I suppose he had a standard starting amount then added or deducted based on 101 different factors.

Was the food good? Did he have a good table? Music too loud? Guests had to pay for alcohol? Did the bride and groom personally come to the table and profusely thank him for attending?

Once I saw him add cash to the gift envelope and twice remove money from it.

That's a bit much I would think makes me think there's a way he interacts with the public too. Kinda reminds me of my father although I don't think even his stingy self would actually in the moment deduct money from a gift like you describe. Although at a wedding aren't the envelopes and gifts away from the guests? Like at a table?

We had envelopes put inside a bird cage type thing (that is now a decor item on our mantle). It would have looked very weird if someone was reaching in to remove an envelope.

 

[OKW8297]

For me, it's not the colors or how many. It's the chutzpah of making the request. Am I being invited to a photoshoot or a wedding?

Exactly. It’s the emphasis on the superficial. You are just as married if you have a reception that is modest , inclusive, and welcoming. Frankly, 29years later, I rarely look at my wedding pictures, but when i do it is with fond especially at the pictures of those we have lost. They could be wearing potato sacks for all I care.

 

[GoingSince1990]

Reading through this thread, with reactions from what I would assume is a reasonably broad cross-section of society, my conclusion is that if a bride decides to make this nitpicky type of request, while some guests will be OK with it, quite a few will not. Is it really worth being remembered by family and friends as “you know, the Bridezilla who made me buy a differently-colored dress” in order to get what you think are slightly more aesthetically pleasing photos on Instagram, or to avoid the utterly horrifying situation of someone momentarily thinking that a guest who is not part of the bridal party is actually part of the bridal party? Be that Bridezilla if you want, but just bear in mind that lots of people will resent it and will be talking about you for years afterward.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Reading through this thread, with reactions from what I would assume is a reasonably broad cross-section of society, my conclusion is that if a bride decides to make this nitpicky type of request, while some guests will be OK with it, quite a few will not. Is it really worth being remembered by family and friends as “you know, the Bridezilla who made me buy a differently-colored dress” in order to get what you think are slightly more aesthetically pleasing photos on Instagram, or to avoid the utterly horrifying situation of someone momentarily thinking that a guest who is not part of the bridal party is actually part of the bridal party? Be that Bridezilla if you want, but just bear in mind that lots of people will resent it and will be talking about you for years afterward.

If everyone is a bridezilla no one is right? If every wedding invite you get (or nearly every one) you get you find fault in it who is truly the inconsiderate, selfish, whiny bunch (using some descriptors people have used).

Some people here complaining may very well be known as a bridezilla to their guests even many years later. Who knows. But I'm in the opinion in general we should be careful to not label things in general too quickly, labels have meaning and when you use it too often it loses its effect.

FWIW the OP last summer had a thread asking about must her husband wear a suit to a wedding.

 

[GoingSince1990]

If everyone is a bridezilla no one is right? If every wedding invite you get (or nearly every one) you get you find fault in it who is truly the inconsiderate, selfish, whiny bunch (using some descriptors people have used).

Some people here complaining may very well be known as a bridezilla to their guests even many years later. Who knows. But I'm in the opinion in general we should be careful to not label things in general too quickly, labels have meaning and when you use it too often it loses its effect.

FWIW the OP last summer had a thread asking about must her husband wear a suit to a wedding.

I’ve been to many weddings in my life, but only one where I had to wear black tie to a destination beach wedding in 85 degree heat. So maybe I’ve just been lucky, but “everyone is a Bridezilla” is the opposite of my experience.

 

[mom2rtk]

Reading through this thread, with reactions from what I would assume is a reasonably broad cross-section of society, my conclusion is that if a bride decides to make this nitpicky type of request, while some guests will be OK with it, quite a few will not. Is it really worth being remembered by family and friends as “you know, the Bridezilla who made me buy a differently-colored dress” in order to get what you think are slightly more aesthetically pleasing photos on Instagram, or to avoid the utterly horrifying situation of someone momentarily thinking that a guest who is not part of the bridal party is actually part of the bridal party? Be that Bridezilla if you want, but just bear in mind that lots of people will resent it and will be talking about you for years afterward.

You're not wrong.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’ve been to many weddings in my life, but only one where I had to wear black tie to a destination beach wedding in 85 degree heat. So maybe I’ve just been lucky, but “everyone is a Bridezilla” is the opposite of my experience.

I think you missed what I said. I was saying if everyone is a bridezilla then no one is, basically if every time you get a wedding invite and something on there is not to your liking it's growing in occurrence for people to just label it a bridezilla situation. There absolutely are times where the wedding couple or the parents of the wedding couple are awful or very demanding but not merely because of something you as a guest don't like does it make it that way.

The wedding where I wore my heavy flapper beaded dress I mentioned earlier was in June outside, it was a no kids wedding, one where they swapped the fish and chicken orders leaving a decent amount of guests with no food. That does not make the bride, who is one of the sweetest people I've ever met in my life, a bridezilla because she had a wedding in June outside, where I was left without food (other than veggies and cupcakes and each table got champagne to make up for the food mixup). But those details alone especially the no kids and wedding outside in the summer are ones where people have immediately labeled the couple getting married as awful, where they are complaining about this or that. That girl that got married came from a physically abusive prior marriage who was so worried about getting married again and would it work out, and no way would I think she was an entitled selfish person just scheming to inconvenience me by her wedding choices.

 

[GoingSince1990]

I think you missed what I said. I was saying if everyone is a bridezilla then no one is, basically if every time you get a wedding invite and something on there is not to your liking it's growing in occurrence for people to just label it a bridezilla situation. There absolutely are times where the wedding couple or the parents of the wedding couple are awful or very demanding but not merely because of something you as a guest don't like does it make it that way.

The wedding where I wore my heavy flapper beaded dress I mentioned earlier was in June outside, it was a no kids wedding, one where they swapped the fish and chicken orders leaving a decent amount of guests with no food. That does not make the bride, who is one of the sweetest people I've ever met in my life, a bridezilla because she had a wedding in June outside, where I was left without food (other than veggies and cupcakes and each table got champagne to make up for the food mixup). But those details alone especially the no kids and wedding outside in the summer are ones where people have immediately labeled the couple getting married as awful, where they are complaining about this or that. That girl that got married came from a physically abusive prior marriage who was so worried about getting married again and would it work out, and no way would I think she was an entitled selfish person just scheming to inconvenience me by her wedding choices.

Almost nobody would label someone a Bridezilla for choosing to have a wedding outside in June.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Almost nobody would label someone a Bridezilla for choosing to have a wedding outside in June.

No? You may need to re-read this thread then

 

[GoingSince1990]

No? You may need to re-read this thread then

I just checked for all mentions of “June” in the thread and could not find anyone accusing someone of being a Bridezilla for having an outdoor wedding in June. The only complaints I saw along those lines were about a bride instructing the guests to wear specific footwear. Maybe the post you were thinking of has been deleted.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I just checked for all mentions of “June” in the thread and could not find anyone accusing someone of being a Bridezilla for having an outdoor wedding in June. The only complaints I saw along those lines were about a bride instructing the guests to wear specific footwear. Maybe the post you were thinking of has been deleted.

"COCKTAIL OUTSIDE IN SUMMER?! I would have to know what is being provided for comfort or cocktail would be right out the window. I'm not a cute twenty something that can pull off a itty bitty cocktail dress that leaves me breezy and cool. Before I agreed to go I would have to know what their plans are for "comfort" in a SUMMER backyard wedding. Yes I've seen the air conditioned tents or it's located so far up north it would be comfortable. As PP stated is the land paved? Is this a buggy area? All those would factor. I live in the south, a summer wedding outside would be my personal misery. I've been to a couple in the heat of summer where we were outside, too long, and I find it sad when that is not factored in for one's guests."

"No way am I wearing a dress and heels outside in the summer time, not even for my kids. "

Your own comment: "So selfish and annoying when the bride’s main priority is how good the photos look on Instagram. I had to go to a destination beach wedding where the bride insisted on black tie (so hot and uncomfortable tux and cummerbund, blister-producing shoes, etc.) because she clearly prioritized visually appealing photos over the comfort of her guests. For the rest of my life, to me, she will always be “the one who made me wear a tux on the beach in 85 degree heat”. Sure you didn't use Bridezilla, you used selfish, annoying and that you'll forever remember the bride in that way.

Then a response to your comment above: "A ceremony of uniting 2 people and the celebration/embracing of that union by family and friends is turning into - ironically - something more self-absorbed and narcissistic. Who cares if the guests look uniform on social media? Or if the bachelorette weekend resembles a military operation of 'fun'? Or if the seat cushions match the door knobs?! I firmly believe that the best kind of wedding supports everyone in having a comfortable, hopefully fun and, definitely, reasonably-priced time. ...IOW, that everyone matters." Thing is people can and do find fault with any sort of thing mentioned on an invite (even such as asking for casual shoes got someone tsking the bride and groom) and you have enough people commenting about their comfort level and only their comfort level and if it's beyond their personal comfort level the bride and groom are at fault and usually negative labels are used. You can never please everyone.

Slightly general comment though not quite calling out the bride and groom: "For the OP - for any wedding, with any requests that are beyond what I am comfortable with, I just send a card and wish them well. I don't break my own comfort for the esthetics of someone else."


And that's just this thread. Any wedding thread gets people talking about an experience they had about a summer wedding and sometimes the OP's OP is about a summer wedding. It's rarely if ever talked about without condemning the couple for making this decision. Even destination weddings on a beach there's usually some comment made about something towards the guest's comfort being compromised. Summer-outdoor=immediate complaints and pointing fingers for the bulk of posters over time.

 

[mjkacmom]

What does being Catholic have to do with it? I was a tons of big Catholic weddings as a child. Tons of kids at each one of them.

I was replying to someone who stated they were Catholic and that there were always kids at the weddings they attended. My point was that being Catholic really has no bearing on if kids tend weddings or not. I live in a very Irish/Italian Catholic area, it is not the norm for kids to attend weddings (and most of my grandparents had a lot of siblings).