Wedding invitation with rules

[robinb]

Since the invitation says cocktail attire, they probably didn't feel like they needed to worry about seeing much neon orange.

It's obviously not a Wisconsin wedding.

 

[BayouQueen]

Am I the only one who in decades of life and many weddings attended, literally never realized until reading this thread that “avoiding the bridal party colors is a fairly normal thing to do”?

This is news to me as well. Other than when I was a bridesmaid or weddings of very close family, I don't think I've ever known what the bridal colors would be until I attended the wedding.

 

[robinb]

Back to the OP, I wouldn't mind a wedding with a clothing color request. In my mind, it's not a big deal. I would either find something in my closet or I would go shopping.

I once attended an Orthodox Bar Mitzvah in Beverly Hills (no, sadly it wasn't that fancy). I was told I had to wear a dress that covered my knees when sitting down and my elbows. None of my dresses fit that description. Do you know how hard it was, pre Amazon, to find such a dress in the summer? Anyway, I was given a clothing requirement and I found a dress that worked out. It was a bit of a challenge but overall not a big deal since we were able to celebrate my DH's cousin's son's special day.

 

[Lilsia]

The OP stated it was a request, no one dictated anything. You are projecting and paraphrasing. Of course a wedding is all about being a gracious host. You are using one of many of my posts as a quote without taking into consideration all I have said. To me a wedding is a wonderful occasion for family and friends to be together. Weddings in my family are celebrated occasions for the host family to see to the comfort and joy of every attendee. However, the bride and groom do get to have some fun, and they are allowed to let their personalities shine through. You have misconstrued me here, and not for the first time. Please lay off.

We all know that these "requests" are expected to be followed, otherwise what is the point of specifically listing what colors they do not want? And how is grandma wearing her favorite blue dress, probably the only one that fits her correctly, lessening the fun of the bride and groom? Why are we as a society catering to this kind of ridiculousness and selfishness? You know darn well that the only reason that they want to do this is so that it "looks good" for their instagram pictures. We are turning into a society that is addicted to social media and the high that this kind of attention gives us. You might not see the dangers in that, but some of us do.

 

[Skywalker]

I think its ridiculous. I am your guest, not a background extra to make your shots look good lol.
Bad enough people feel justified in micromanaging and torturing the wedding party, now its spreading out to the guests

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Am I the only one who in decades of life and many weddings attended, literally never realized until reading this thread that “avoiding the bridal party colors is a fairly normal thing to do”?

In our case we did our wedding invitations ourselves and in the colors of our wedding colors (blue and green).

I'm not sure it's new at all TBH. But I'm betting that in general most guests have been unaware of the wedding colors and thus never thought about it in the first place. Kinda hard to avoid what you don't know.

At least in the most practical sense solid attire would be more of what people are talking about. Like if a shade of blue is considered part of the wedding colors wearing that shade of blue in a solid dress would be part of that faux pas. TBH my sister-in-law wore a blue dress that was quite close to our wedding colors despite us telling her the color. She was not in the wedding but miffed about that. While it didn't really upset me it really did upset my maid of honor who knew exactly how that sister-in-law had treated me for several years prior to that and also had the same "you avoid if you can" thought process.


Here's from Martha Stewart's wedding website

Is it okay to ask what the bridesmaids are wearing so I can avoid looking like one of them?​

Lizzie Post, host of the podcast Awesome Etiquette from the Emily Post Institute, says that no guest should ever feel embarrassed if they happen to wear the same color as the bridesmaids, but they can ask in advance what the colors will be if they're concerned about it. Post says, "I think it's really nice when the couple chooses to post the bridal party colors on the wedding website," so guests can be aware of what colors to avoid."

That said socially speaking it's not a hard-nosed must follow rule.

One thing I do think might be more newer is couples choosing more fun colors and in some ways that may mean wedding guests have less to worry about. I've seen more purple shades and mauve colors for bridesmaids more greens that are typically softer in shade. Haven't seen a yellow or orange but I'm guessing that's more because those colors can be hard to look good on most people.

 

[china mom]

Am I the only one who in decades of life and many weddings attended, literally never realized until reading this thread that “avoiding the bridal party colors is a fairly normal thing to do”?

I was about to say the very same thing. What is the problem? You wouldn't be in their formal pictures or standing up at the front of the church so who cares? I don't think I have ever been aware of the bridal party's colors prir to showing up.

 

[Moliphino]

If the request is easy enough to accommodate I don't have a problem with it. The more restrictive the more I'd chafe at it.

Don't be like this lunatic, though:
Bride Asks Guests To Dress Based On Their Weight

 

[cayennews]

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail. Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail. Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght summer dress.

My guess is for photos, but who knows. It is just a request, so I doubt anyone will say anything to you if you ignore it. As far as cocktail attire, it is better to be overdressed than underdressed.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You wouldn't be in their formal pictures or standing up at the front of the church so who cares?

That part depends on each and every couple.

Some people do very large multi-generational photos or have photos with their friends in a formal posed way.

The last main wedding I went to the bridal party, groomsmen and several of their joint friends not in the wedding party took a party bus around to get their photos before the reception. In that case def. would have hoped the friends didn't wear the colors of the bridesmaids if that's what the bride wanted.

And I've also been to a wedding in a church where it's not anyone connected to the wedding party but a close friend or relative who would be saying a hymn. In that case you know not to wear the color but just giving the example of a wedding guest-color thing.

In many cases you're going to be so loosely connected to the bride and groom you probably don't even think twice about your color you wore

 

[Uncle Coaster]

There is no way that I would ever dictate to someone what they should wear. To me, that is incredibly rude. Would anyone do that in any other situation?

Yes, frequently. A woman I work with throws neighborhood parties several times a year. They are all themed and people are asked to dress according to the theme.

Not sure which comes across more “entitled”…a wedding party requesting people avoid certain colors or someone not attending just because they weren’t allowed to wear a certain color.

 

[Moliphino]

Yes, frequently. A woman I work with throws neighborhood parties several times a year. They are all themed and people are asked to dress according to the theme.

My uncle had a Hawaiian themed 40th birthday party where everyone was asked to wear Hawaiian shirts (and this was over 20 years ago, so it's not anything new).
Costume/Halloween parties

 

[sam_gordon]

We all know that these "requests" are expected to be followed, otherwise what is the point of specifically listing what colors they do not want? And how is grandma wearing her favorite blue dress, probably the only one that fits her correctly, lessening the fun of the bride and groom? Why are we as a society catering to this kind of ridiculousness and selfishness? You know darn well that the only reason that they want to do this is so that it "looks good" for their instagram pictures. We are turning into a society that is addicted to social media and the high that this kind of attention gives us. You might not see the dangers in that, but some of us do.

No, we don't know that. As is evidenced in this thread, maybe the bridal party isn't in matching dresses/tuxes, but matching COLORS. And they don't want guests to look like they're members of the bridal party?

I don't find it ridiculous or selfish to request that guests not wear one of four colors. And again, one of those is white, which hasn't that been a traditional "no no" to wear to weddings? Why is it ok for tradition to say "don't wear white", but not for the bride/groom to say "and avoid these three other colors"? Sorry, sounds like someone looking for something to be offended about.

It would be different if they said "ONLY wear blue, grey, and red" IMO.

 

[Lumpy1106]

When I married my now ex-husband, we had a medieval themed wedding at a local horse ranch. So we asked (NOT required) everyone to wear something that fit the theme. Out of about 150 guests, at least 130 or so complied. Some went all out in full costumes, others put together outfits from what they already owned that were reminiscent of the time period. Even my very conservative grandparents were very in theme, though not in all out costumes. All were welcome, regardless of what they were wearing, but it did make things a bit more fun to have nearly everyone sitting around the fire in medieval-style attire. And I would imagine they were a lot more comfortable traipsing through damp grass and sitting on hay bales than they would have been in traditional summer wedding attire.

I am totally regretting not having a pirate themed wedding now.

 

[Skywalker]

No, we don't know that. As is evidenced in this thread, maybe the bridal party isn't in matching dresses/tuxes, but matching COLORS. And they don't want guests to look like they're members of the bridal party?

If the bridal party is in pink and I see a random guest in pink, is the thought process going to be, "hey, she must be in the wedding party! Why is she sitting down with the rest of us? She must be lost? Someone stop the wedding and show her the way up there?"

I think people can figure out who is in the wedding and who is not

 

[sam_gordon]

If the bridal party is in pink and I see a random guest in pink, is the thought process going to be, "hey, she must be in the wedding party! Why is she sitting down with the rest of us? She must be lost? Someone stop the wedding and show her the way up there?"

I think people can figure out who is in the wedding and who is not

If they're wearing a dress? Possibly.

 

[RedHead0186]

If the request is easy enough to accommodate I don't have a problem with it. The more restrictive the more I'd chafe at it.

Don't be like this lunatic, though:
Bride Asks Guests To Dress Based On Their Weight

OMG, that is just . . . I can't even come up with a good word to describe that bride's request (and subsequent responses)!

 

[Lilsia]

Don't be like this lunatic

Words to live by! LOL

 

[Lilsia]

Yes, frequently. A woman I work with throws neighborhood parties several times a year. They are all themed and people are asked to dress according to the theme.

Not sure which comes across more “entitled”…a wedding party requesting people avoid certain colors or someone not attending just because they weren’t allowed to wear a certain color.

It has nothing to do with "not being allowed to wear a certain color". Many people are not rich and have a specific item of clothing that they wear to these rare occasions. Until you struggle with a body where you can not easily find well fitting clothing at a reasonable price, you won't understand the issues with trying to accommodate these types of requests.

 

[E&Cmom]

DD and her fiancee have an unusual request for their June 18th wedding. They’re asking guests to wear sneakers or other casual shoes.

Where are they getting married ? Outdoors? My niece is getting married this month outdoors in a forest/ wood setting so they recommended more comfy shoes…flats, san, wedged heel etc so people don’t sink into the ground. Stiletto type heels would not work. They want people to be comfortable and no twisted ankles.